Toxic people can enter our lives through all kinds of avenues: friends, family, significant others. We may not always notice when toxic people enter our lives – or, when we do, it’s already too late for us to turn around and walk away. Letting go of a toxic person can be difficult, especially because it is within a toxic person’s nature to make it as hard as possible.
Author Shahida Arabi said, “When you notice someone does something toxic the first time, don’t wait for the second time before you address it or cut them off. Many survivors are used to the “wait and see” tactic which only leaves them vulnerable to a second attack. As your boundaries get stronger, the wait time gets shorter. You never have justify your intuition.”
Fortunately, there are ways to slowly release your attachment to someone in your life who is way too toxic to be there, whether they’re a family member, a close friend, or someone that you once thought you were in love with. Getting rid of toxic people in our lives means that we are able to experience life more fully and with more joy than if we were to let them continue sucking the positivity out of our lives. If you’re struggling to release your attachment to a toxic person, here are some good tips to follow.
4 Ways To Release Yourself From The Clutches Of Toxic People
“Save your skin from the corrosive acids from the mouths of toxic people. Someone who just helped you to speak evil about another person can later help another person to speak evil about you.” – Israelmore Ayivor
1. Don’t give in to their demands
The first step is to make sure that you’re no longer giving them everything they ask for. Toxic people almost always want what they want, and they want it now. They demand that everyone around them cater to their every wish and demand without bothering to give anything back.
“No one can please everyone all the time, so please don’t even try. People who receive your thankless and unreciprocated giving on a regular basis are also more likely to take it for granted. There’s power that comes with exercising your right to set boundaries and say “no”,” says author and private coach Preston Ni, M.S.B.A.
When you stop giving in, they realize that you won’t be pushed around anymore. They may try to reinforce their control over you, but standing your ground and refusing to give them what they want means they’ll have to go elsewhere to get it. That means that you’ll be more easily able to let go of your attachment once they’re no longer dependent on you to give them what they desire.
2. Put your needs first
You’re the only person that you can rely on one-hundred-percent. You may be able to lean on friends, family members and significant others to help you in times of need or stress, but you’re always going to be the first and only person to have your own back. So, put yourself first.
“What often happens to those who simply give in and put themselves last is that eventually – sooner rather than later, one hopes—that person will realize that she or he is unhappy and resentful, more so when they realize it’s their own responsibility in this,” says Isadora Alman, M.F.T, a licensed therapist, author and lecturer.
Therefore, put your needs above the needs of the toxic individual in your life. Learn to replace your attachment of the toxic person with an attachment for yourself. Love yourself, and release any feelings that you have for the toxic person. Learning to rely and trust yourself and put your own needs first is the best way to make sure that you’re no longer relying on your attachments towards a toxic person.
3. Question them
Toxic people are often used to never being questioned about their behavior. Learning to question what they’re doing, why they’re doing it, what they say and why they say it will help you pull yourself out of the toxic mindset that you might have adopted while hanging around with them. Once you start questioning things, you’ll find that their answers just don’t add up. They may be saying and doing things for their own personal gain – which means they probably don’t care about you as much as you thought. Once you’re able to realize that they don’t really care about you, breaking that attachment to them will be easier.
4. Find a support system
Whether you reach out to other friends, your family members, your significant other or even a counselor, finding a support system is one of the best ways to release yourself of attachments that you feel towards a toxic person in your life. Being able to talk to someone about the toxic things that are being done to you or around you will make it easier to realize how bad things really are.
“Something as simple as explaining the situation can lead to a new perspective. Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you can’t because they are not as emotionally invested in the situation,” says author Dr. Travis Bradberry, Ph.D.
Without an outside perspective, you may think that the toxic behavior exhibited by the person that you’re still attached to is normal. Once you’re free from that toxic echo chamber, releasing that attachment you still have to them will be easier.
Final thoughts
Toxic people come in all types of relationships, and their toxicity may be hard to see at times. The most important thing is to realize what a toxic person does, and how a toxic person behaves. Once you know, you’ll be able to work on releasing the attachments that have formed – both by yourself and by the toxic person. After all, if you’re attached to them, they may also be attached to you as a victim. Once you’re no longer a perfect victim, they’ll easily become bored and move on to someone that they can control. Warning the people close to you of what they have done will make it harder for them to pick up a new victim.
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References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201309/are-you-too-nice-7-ways-gain-appreciation-respect
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-sociability/201203/relationships-putting-yourself-first
http://www.talentsmart.com/articles/How-Emotionally-Intelligent-People-Handle-Toxic-People-1028629190-p-1.html
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