“The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” – Julia Child
Getting married is the ultimate commitment. Most people suggest that you marry someone who is not only your significant other, but also your best friend. Sometimes, however, we marry people that turn out to be complete strangers. Most people tend to show their hands before marriage occurs. People who aren’t marriage material tend to exhibit several signs and habits. Keep an eye out for these habits, and maybe rethink happily ever after.
Here Are 12 Habits of Someone You Never Want to Marry
1. Lying
When it comes to relationships, honesty is key. “There’s the idea that “what they don’t know won’t hurt them.” This is absolutely not true. Nothing will kill your relationship faster than secrecy and lies. Deception in any form is deadly to trust,” says couples’ expert, Stuart Fensterheim, LCSW.
Both partners in a relationship should be honest with one another. If one partner has a habit of lying, this is a red flag. You don’t want to spend forever with someone who has consistently lied to you throughout your relationship. Even if the lies didn’t seem all that bad to begin with, lies can pile up and ruin a relationship.
2. Judgmental
Your relationship should be a safe space. Having a partner who is judgmental, of either you or other people, is a recipe for disaster. If your partner tends to put you down, or judge the things that you like, you should reconsider just how happy they really make you. Marriages should be a place where both partners feel safe from judgement – especially from one another.
3. Infidelity
Dr. Phil McGraw once said, “The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.” Maybe there was a time where your partner was unfaithful to you, and you decided to forgive them and try to move forward. Unfortunately, infidelity is a habit that you don’t want in a spouse.
“If someone has spent past relationships cheating on a partner, chances are they will do so in future relationships, also,” says Cathy Meyer, a divorce coach, marriage educator and legal investigator. If your partner doesn’t respect your relationship enough to stay faithful, then you don’t want to make a long-term commitment to them by marrying them.
4. No outside relationships
What do your partner’s relationships look like outside of your own? Do they have friends? Do they have a good connection with their family? If your partner’s only relationship is you, then you might want to take a step back and look at the reasons why. Chances are, there are some skeletons in their closet that they don’t want you to know about. Someone who has no other positive relationships in their life except for their partner isn’t marriage material.
5. Hot head
Emotional intelligence and emotional maturity are all skills that have to be learned throughout life. Someone who gets angry at the drop of a hat is probably someone you want to avoid when it comes to marriage. Letting anger get the best of us is a bad habit, and one that many people pay therapists to help them break. You never want to marry someone who is a hot head. They can go from 0 to 60 in a second, and that isn’t good.
6. Needs to be taken care of
Can your partner cook? Do they know how to do their laundry? Are they capable of cleaning up after themselves? Can they make basic financial decisions on their own? There are all things you need to ask yourself when considering marriage. If the answer to most or all of these questions is “no,” you might want to reconsider marriage.
“Consider if you are dating someone you will have to carry along in life instead of a real partner you can depend upon. What appears fun and sexy now could eventually become deadweight that you have to carry—along with your children, household duties, and finances,” says clinical psychologist and author Jill Weber, Ph.D.
Your partner should be your equal! Marriage is starting a family together, not becoming the caretaker of your partner.
7. Mean to children
Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. That’s fine! There is a “child free” movement just for those adults who don’t see little ones in their future. However, there’s a huge difference between not wanting children, and being mean to them. If your partner doesn’t know how to act around children, bad mouths children, and just can’t muster kindness towards them… you might not want to marry them.
8. Jealousy
Everyone gets jealous sometime in their life. It’s a natural emotion that we all feel. However, when someone doesn’t know how to control their jealousy and lets it affect their relationship, that becomes a problem. Someone who is constantly jealous to the point where it is causes problems in your relationship is not someone you want to walk down the aisle with.
9. No goals
“Some men with no ambition whatsoever like to talk up a good game, but at the end of the day, they are just saying what they know women want to hear,” says online dating and relationship expert, Joshua Pompey.
Someone who has no life goals is not going to be suited for your happily ever after. Being stagnant in life is a habit that you want to avoid when choosing a life partner. Your partner should have goals, dreams and ambitions, even if they might need some help achieving them!
10. No compromises
Compromise is key to a lot of marriages. You need to be able to work together to make a marriage work, and sometimes that means compromising on something that you want to happen. Relationships that don’t have compromise fall apart quickly. If your partner has shown no ability to compromise, they’re definitely not the one to spend happily ever after with.
11. Can’t keep promises
When you promise something, you are usually expected to follow through. There are some people, however, who consistently break their promises. If you’ve learned not to take a promise from your partner very seriously, it’s probably a sign that you’re not meant to be together forever. You want to marry someone who can keep their promises.
12. Lack of maturity
Marrying someone is a big commitment. It requires a fair bit of maturity. If the person that you’re with still seems like they’re stuck in high school, they might not be ready for the commitment that marriage requires.
Final thoughts
Hopefully, these twelve habits will give you an idea of what kind of person you should let into your life for the long haul. Marriage is a big step, and these habits will make it clear what kind of person is, or isn’t, ready for marriage.
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References:
http://www.thecouplesexpertscottsdale.com/2017/08/marriage-counseling-deadly-little-white-lies/
https://www.liveabout.com/marry-someone-with-a-history-of-cheating-and-you-will-be-cheated-on-1102862
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201510/5-signs-you-might-really-be-dating-man-child
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/joshua-pompey/dating-advice-guys-to-avoid_b_2758814.html
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