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15 Signs Your Relationship is at a Turning Point (for better or worse)

15 Signs Your Relationship is at a Turning Point (for


Humans are social beings with an innate desire for a relationship. While you are a complete person in your own right, there’s something magical about finding and cultivating a lasting relationship with a person you love. You may believe in love at first sight, but true love is a decision, and it takes a lot of work for both people to come together.

If you think about your life as a long road towards eternity, you will have many people who travel with you. Beloved family and friends are often at your side, but your soulmate is the one who holds your hand with each step. How do you know if you have the right person?

Your destiny is filled with forks in the road to allow you to make life-altering decisions. You and a potential lover will often come to one of these forks to see if the relationship was meant to be. It becomes the turning point for you both.

Are there common points where couples must decide to stay together or walk the other way? How do you know if the hand you hold is your forever person?

Fifteen Signals You’ve Reached a Relationship Turning Point.

Here are 15 signs that your relationship is at a turning point, be it good or bad.

1. Attraction

While inner beauty out-trumps outer beauty, attraction starts with the outward appearance. Your physical beauty may be the thing that attracts him, but your lovely soul will be what keeps him. The difference between the two aspects is often a turning point for couples, because who cares if he looks like a movie star and has the integrity of a beast?

2. Lying

Nobody is above stretching the truth a bit to save face. However, chronic lying can destroy even the best relationships. If you find out your lover is dishonest in one area, what other lies is he weaving that you don’t know?

3. Wandering Eye

You shouldn’t be so insecure in your relationship that neither of you can say someone else is attractive without causing a war. But if your love interest looks beyond you with a constant wandering eye, it could be a turning point that says something is amiss.

If you both decide that you are in an exclusive relationship, you have a right to expect that your partner will be loyal to you. Be suspicious if your beau can’t keep his eyes on you and is constantly texting and talking on the phone to “nobody in particular.” His “nobody” may be the third person in your relationship.

4. Bonding Experience

After your first initial attraction, dating each other provides the ideal bonding experience. You get to ask questions and eventually learn about what makes the other tick. Taking time to date and bond can lessen the chances of getting married and finding you have nothing in common.

5. Birth of a Child

Is there any greater joy than for a couple to be blessed by the birth of a child? This precious life is the ultimate result of your love and can bring you even closer as a couple. However, unplanned births or a baby born from unfaithfulness can often destroy a relationship.

6. Moving in Together

You never honestly know someone until you move in together. When you share a common space, you see each other at your best and worst moments. Maybe you will find that you can work things out with time, or that you are entirely incompatible.

Some couples won’t move in together unless they are married due to religious obligations. You can still learn a lot by visiting each other’s homes and seeing how you live. If you can’t come to a compromise about your different lifestyles, your future as a couple may be bleak.

7. Your First Big Argument

After you have your first big fight, you will probably think the relationship is over. Be assured that the most devoted couples have arguments but still know how to make up using compromise. If there are never any disagreements, then one of you is giving in and not being genuine.

It’s possible to disagree or even have an argument without crossing a line. Many committed couples say that the secret is to talk it out and never go to bed angry at each other. Should arguments become physically or verbally abusive, it’s time to walk away.

8. Lack of Communication

One of the top complaints of couples who are in therapy is that they never communicate. When was the last time you and your lover sat down and really listened to each other? A healthy relationship is based on trust and honest communication.

Practice improving your listening skills. A good listener will keep an open posture, display neutral body language, and will mirror the speaker’s emotions. When you and your partner listen to each other, you aren’t as likely to have miscommunications.

9. In-Law Issues

Another turning point in your relationship can be how you relate to each other’s family. It’s not always easy to strike a balance and create boundaries with in-laws. If he hesitates to introduce you to his family or doesn’t seem interested in meeting yours, it may be a red flag.

It’s beneficial when you have a good rapport with both families. While you try to be friendly and respectful, it doesn’t mean that you must be treated like a doormat. If need be, distance yourself until the other family can learn proper boundaries and accept you for who you are.

10. Creating New Traditions

As individuals, you both had family traditions that you hold dear to your heart. When you become a couple, you may have to compromise on how to celebrate the holidays, special occasions, or religious obligations. You bond even more when you create new traditions of your own to pass on to your children.

11. Knowing the Other’s Thoughts

A relationship isn’t going anywhere unless you can be empathetic with one another. Sometimes, you become so close that you intuitively know how your sweetheart would feel about something. If you find that you are often completing each other’s sentences, it could be a beautiful turning point in your relationship.

Being empathetic also means that you care about what the other thinks. Maybe you won’t agree on everything, but your person should respect your thoughts and opinions. When you can work together, you know that you can withstand the problems that life will throw at you.

12. Substance Abuse

When your lover has a substance abuse issue, every aspect of your relationship is adversely affected, such as finances, health, and stability. In these cases, it takes a lot of love and professional intervention if your relationship will survive. The worst mistake you can make is to stay in such a toxic relationship with the idea that you can change the other person.

Alcohol and drug abuse alter people’s minds, and a once loving person can become abusive or even dangerous. If you live with someone who smokes, breathing secondhand smoke is more hazardous to your health than smoking the cigarette. Gambling isn’t a substance abuse, but it is a common addiction that can break a relationship.

13. Lack of Intimacy

Let’s face it; if you have a romantic relationship without intimacy, you just have a roommate. Talk to your lover about your concerns because depression, some medical conditions, and many medications can cause a lack of sexual interest. It can also be a sign that he has taken his affections elsewhere, which can be a negative turning point in your relationship.

Communication is vital when it comes to intimacy. Men usually aren’t as adept at discussing their feelings or knowing what women need. Don’t be shy about talking about your need for intimacy, love, and quality time together.

14. Making Each Other a Priority

When two people are in a committed relationship, you should be each other’s top priority. Mutual trust assures you that he’ll always have your back and will be there for you and you for him. If you consistently find yourself at the bottom of his list of priorities, perhaps finding someone else should be at the top of your list.

15. Financial Issues

Other than cheating, nothing can decimate a stable relationship more than financial struggles. Yes, every couple has a few rough patches here and there, but chronic money problems tear people apart. Although money can’t buy love, being financially secure can minimize fighting and worry about how the bills will be paid.

If you are having financial issues, take an honest look to see where the problems lie. Is it just poor money management, or does one or both of you have a spending addiction? For a relationship to prosper, you also must be on the same page concerning your financial goals for the future.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing That Your Relationship is Reaching a Turning Point

Since nobody is perfect, there’s no such thing as an ideal relationship. As your relationship matures, you may come to many situations that will make or break it. Remember what’s best for you and when you’re in for the long haul, or know when it’s time to say goodbye.

Lifestyle

30 Foods That Dietitians Refuse to Eat

30 Foods That Dietitians Refuse to Eat


Dietitians know better than the average person just how accurate the adage is–you are what you eat.

Eating well ensures that you lead a healthier, more active lifestyle. Thus, it may help you live a longer and more productive life.

The question is–do you want a healthier diet and lifestyle? Learning how to make better food choices is crucial for your weight loss goal. Here are 30 foods that dietitians recommend that you avoid.

30 Foods That Dietitians Will Never Eat

1. Sausages

Most sausage is a mixture of pork, a lot of fat, and spices. If that were all, an occasional small serving wouldn’t be wrong. The problem with most processed meats like sausage is that manufacturers usually use nitrates as a preservative.

Once these chemicals get into your system, they break down into substances that have been linked with causing cancer. This popular breakfast meat is also loaded with salt, which can raise your blood pressure and cause other health issues. Sorry, pork isn’t the other white meat.

2. Sugary Cereals

Studies show that most pre-sweetened cereals contain nearly a tablespoon of sugar per serving, and the ones geared toward children often have 60 percent more sugar than ones marketed to adults. Your best option is a low-sugar cereal or good old-fashioned oatmeal.

3. Artificial sweeteners

The sweet debate of sugar vs. artificial sweeteners has been raging for decades. When dietitians realized that people who consumed too much sugar gained weight and was prone to diseases, the search was on for a sugar substitute. However, these lab-created substitutes create a different set of health hazards.

For years, scientists have warned consumers of the cancer risks from eating saccharine. Once thought the miracle sweetener, aspartame soon fell from grace when researchers discovered its potential health threats. Most dietitians recommend that you kick the fake sweeteners and apt for a bit of honey, maple syrup, or agave nectar in moderation.

4. Microwave popcorn

Even if you purchase a brand of microwave popcorn that has no salt, butter, or other toppings, you could be risking your health. When the packaging is heated in the microwave, it can produce a cancer-causing compound called PFCs. If you want some tasty popcorn, pop some fresh on the stove or the hot air popper and jazz it up with flavorful herbs or spices.

5. Margarine

While it may be lower in saturated fats, margarine still has as many calories and fat as pure butter. Most of this butter substitute’s fat is trans fats, which are worse for your body than the saturated fat in butter. At the very least, choose a brand with the least trans fats, or splurge on the occasional dab of butter.

6.Processed Deli Foods

Processed meat and other deli specialties are far from their original form. Most of the meats have been processed with artificial fillers and preservatives, which can cause heart disease or cancer. Choose unprocessed lean meats and whole foods for a healthier and safer option. For example, you could bake a whole chicken on Sunday afternoon, slice it nice and thin, and enjoy ready-made sandwich meats for a couple of days.

7. Frozen Dinners

Convenient doesn’t always mean healthy. Today, even many of the frozen dinners labeled “healthy” are loaded with preservatives and may have as many calories and fat as the regular ones. For quick dinner ideas, freeze your healthy entrees and sides.

8. Canned Cheese

No one doubts that canned cheese is fun to spray on crackers or right in your mouth if you’re a kid (or a child at heart). However, many things shouldn’t come in a can, and cheese is one of them. Not only is the canned variety loaded with sodium, but it is chock full of chemicals and preservatives that aren’t good for anyone.

9. Hotdogs

Hotdogs may be an integral part of Americana cuisine, but you’ll not see them on any list prepared by dieticians. Most hot dogs are made with scrap meat cuts, too much salt, and harmful nitrates.

Studies show that kids who eat too many of these franks have a higher risk of leukemia. If you crave hot dogs, make sure to choose a brand that is 100 percent beef with no fillers or artificial ingredients.

10. Ramen Noodles

The dried, crunchy noodles in plastic wrap that are dirt cheap at the grocery store aren’t even close to the traditional version from Japan. This staple of new college students may look healthy and is easy to cook, but the noodles are high in fat, and the questionable spice pack is mostly salt and MSGs.

11. Fruit Yogurt

Wouldn’t dietitians rather you have a tasty fruit yogurt than sugary cereal for breakfast? You may be surprised that there’s not much of a difference. Most brands of fruit yogurt use sugar-laden jam rather than whole fruit, and you’re not doing yourself any good by consuming it. Try plain yogurt and fresh fruit instead.

12. Soda

Did you know that many of your favorite carbonated beverages can contain up to 11 teaspoons of sugar per 12 ounce can? Most have a whopping 185 empty calories, plus artificial colors and ingredients that aren’t good for you. Water is always best, even if you must drink some sparkling water with a twist of lemon.

13. Diet Cola

If you ditch the sugary pop for a diet soda, shouldn’t it be better for you? Diet cola may have zero calories, but the artificial sweeteners have been linked with causing cancer. Additionally, countless studies have suggested that drinking diet pop may make you gain weight.

14. Canned Fruits in Syrup

Enjoy fruit as Mother Nature intended, sweet and juicy on its own. Why ruin it with a puddle of high fructose corn syrup that can contribute to obesity and diabetes? If you purchase canned fruit, dietitians suggest that it’s canned in water or no-sugar-added fruit juice. Canned fruits in syrup are not healthy at all.

15. Wheat

For most people, eating natural wheat products in moderation is okay. However, some people have an intolerance to gluten, the protein found in wheat. Talk to dietitians about other options if you have this condition.

16. Icing with Food Coloring

Everyone deserves a modest piece of cake every once in a while, but watch the colored icing. Preliminary research suggests that icing with food coloring may be linked with hyperactivity in children and some forms of cancer in adults. Better yet, try a little cake without the sugary topping.

17. Sugar-Free Treats

Today’s market is brimming with sugar-free treats for dieters. Shouldn’t you eat them without guilt? If you read the labels, you’ll find that most have as many calories as their sugary counterparts, as well as extra sodium and harmful sugar substitutes. Look for natural alternatives to sweet treats.

18. Skim Milk

Do you buy skim milk to lower your daily fat intake? A glass of whole milk only has about 12% of your daily fat recommendations, and it keeps you satisfied longer. A diet too low in fat can make you crave an abundance of carbs and sugar, leading to heart disease and diabetes.

19. White Rice

There’s a reason why dietitians recommend brown instead of white rice. The white variety is processed and bleached, which depletes much of its beneficial fiber and nutrients. Plus, brown rice has a delicious nutty flavor that goes well with any rice dish.

20. Sports and Energy Drinks

One glance at the label of popular energy drinks, and you’ll be shocked at how much sugar and caffeine they have. Some sports drinks have an overload of herbal supplements and vitamins and can often do more harm than good. Instead, drink fresh water or a homemade smoothie and pass on the sports drinks.

21. Sushi

Not all sushi is nixed on dieticians lists of healthy choices. Be aware of what fish you are eating, because shark, marlin, swordfish, and some mackerel might contain toxic levels of mercury. Choose tuna, salmon, and veggie sushi to be on the safe side.

22. Pancake Syrup

Pancake syrup may taste a little like maple syrup, but it’s just artificially flavored high fructose corn syrup. It is high in empty calories and can make you crave more sugar. Pure maple syrup is a better sweetening option in moderation.

23. Canned Soup

Perhaps nothing is more comforting than a steaming bowl of soup on a chilly evening. Treat yourself to homemade for a tastier and healthier dish. Canned soup usually has too much sodium and other artificial ingredients that you don’t need. Instead, fix a big pot of soup to enjoy over your weekend, and portion leftovers into freezer containers to enjoy later.

24. Coffee Creamer

Do you enjoy coffee with cream? Don’t be surprised if dietitians steer clear of coffee creamer. These “non-dairy” products have sugar, trans fats, and corn syrup, all of which are bad for your heart and can lead to diabetes. A little bit of real cream in moderation is your best option, or learn to enjoy black coffee.

25. Fast Food Cheeseburgers

Fast food cheeseburgers may be as American as hotdogs, but they can wreak havoc on your health. One can have up to 14 grams of fat, not including the high calorie and carb content if you crave a cheeseburger, grill one at home and eat it with veggies and no bun.

26. French Fries

Who can have a burger without fries? The classic darling of fast food can be the worst when it comes to fat grams and sodium. Did you know that you can bake crisp fries in your oven and use fresh herbs and less salt?

27. Fruit Juice

Wouldn’t you think that fruit juice would be better to drink than soda? Not necessarily, because even 100 percent juices can pack a lot of fructose, a natural sugar that can build up fat cells in your abdomen. For a kick of fruit, add a few berries or citrus slices to your water.

28. Canola Oil

While canola oil may be better for you than lard or other cooking oil, it’s not necessarily the best. Remember that canola oil is still a hydrogenated oil refined with chemicals that can cause inflammation and some forms of cancer. Your better option would be olive or grapeseed oil.

29. Red Meat

Dietitians may approve lean red meat in moderation. However, there are still concerns in the medical world about the unhealthy saturated fat in red meat and added hormones. Try to keep it at a minimum and eat white meat, fish, or vegetable proteins.

30. High Fructose Corn Syrup

Did you know that this corn-derived sugar has been shown to cause inflammation in the body? When your body is inflamed, you are more susceptible to diabetes, heart disease, and even cancer. It’s best to eliminate it from your diet. Choose natural sweeter (think honey) instead!

Final Thoughts on Eating Like a Dietitian

It’s essential to eat a balanced diet every day and limit things like sausages, French fries, sugary cereals, processed deli foods, and ramen noodles. When you learn healthier options, you can plan tasty meals for the whole family. After all, you are what you eat.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain 10 Red Flags You’re Dating a Narcissist

Therapists Explain 10 Red Flags You're Dating a Narcissist


If you’ve been in the dating pool for a while, you know how difficult it is to find someone who is honest, genuine, and the best fit for you. Nobody is perfect, but you want to find a love interest who can own up to his mistakes just as well as you can. How do you know if you are dating a narcissist?

There’s a big difference between loving and respecting yourself and being chronically selfish. Narcissism is a broad mental health disorder that makes people believe they are the most important being on the planet, according to therapists. Some of the signs are a grossly inflated ego, refusal to accept responsibility or blame, constant cravings for attention and praise, and disregarding other people’s feelings.

The Myth of the Vain Narcissist

This uncommon personality disorder was named for Narcissus, a character from Greek mythology. According to the story, this child of the river god and a nymph was so beautiful; he fell in love with his reflection in a water pool.

So great was his love that he pined away until he died, leaving a trail of beautiful flowers that still bear his name. Although this is a fictional story, mental health disorder is real.

Types of Narcissism

Psychologists recognize six different types of narcissism, ranging from closeted to psychopathic. This research suggests that a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may stem from a combination of heredity and environment. While therapy can help this condition, there is no cure.

  • Seductive Narcissist: These narcissists try to win your heart to display it as a trophy.
  • Bully Narcissist: To boost their ego, the bully narcissist puts others down and steps on people to get to the top.
  • Exhibition Narcissist: There’s no guessing about this guy because he proclaims his egocentric tendencies to the world.
  • Secret Narcissist: He may not push his selfish agenda on others, but he secretly believes he is superior and entitled.
  • Toxic Narcissist: The ranges of this narcissistic personality are characterized by chronic drama and a long history of abusive relationships.
  • Psychopathic Narcissist: Not only can this narcissist break your heart, but he could also take your life. Most mass murderers are also psychopathic narcissists without remorse.

Are You Dating a Narcissist?

At first, you may not see that your new love interest has a psychological problem. However, warning signs will soon be evident if he is a narcissist. Here are ten red flags of narcissistic behavior that you shouldn’t ignore.

1. He isn’t Honest About His Marital Status

A narcissist can’t admit a failed relationship, even if he is still in it. Before you get attached to someone, be sure that he is free and not committed to somebody else. Take warning if your new love interest’s social media relationship profile says that he is separated or “it’s complicated.”

Do you want to be the third person in a cheater’s marriage? What does it say about a man or woman who is dating while still married? Regardless of the excuses, this person is lying and cheating. A selfish person doesn’t have the honesty and integrity to be part of a healthy relationship, so run while you can.

2. She Lies and Hides Things

A fulfilling relationship must be based on mutual honesty and trust. If it’s not there, then you’re headed for heartache. You can often tell if you are dating a narcissist if you are constantly catching her in lies. Often, narcissistic people will lie and stretch the truth about insignificant things, like where they bought their car or the fabulous job they had back when.

Sure, everybody has made mistakes and done things in the past that doesn’t make them proud. However, an honest person will have no qualms about being truthful about her past, where she grew up, former marriages, etc. Pay attention if she gets defensive and turns it around on you as if you have trust issues.

3. He Can’t Follow the Rules

There’s nothing wrong with individuality, but the typical narcissist expects the world to run by his rules. He has such a high opinion that he believes he is above the laws and rules of society. If you are dating a narcissist, you may see him ignoring simple laws and mandates “just because he can.”

A person who ignores laws is also apt to disregard morality. Perhaps he thinks it’s nothing to cheat on his taxes or his mate. He may think he is good enough to get away with it but refuse to let him get away with your heart.

4. His Romance is Not Genuine

When you first start dating a narcissist, one thing that gets your attention quickly is his air of romance. He knows precisely what you want to hear and uses a lot of smooth-talking to charm you. In the beginning, he may be generous with gifts and treat you like a queen.

The catch is that when he has captured your heart, the narcissist often loses interest. It’s a game of hunt and chase for him, not a seriously committed relationship. He will soon be on to the next conquest, so nip this selfish game in the bud.

These ten signs unmask an abusive narcissist.

5. She Can’t Respect Boundaries

The celebrated poet, Robert Frost, said it best when he wrote that “good fences make good neighbors.” Boundaries are essential for any relationship, be it family, friends, professional, or social. We all have lines drawn in the sand, and we show mutual respect by not crossing them.

You can often tell if you are dating a narcissist if she refuses to respect yours or anybody else’s boundaries. She may continuously push you beyond your set boundaries for her own selfish needs. If dating is this bad, what would marriage or living together be?

6. He Can’t Show Empathy

Do you have a narcissistic friend or relative who can’t put himself aside for one minute to be concerned about your problems? Therapists concur that people with NPD lack empathy skills. So if you are dating a narcissist, take a hint if he can’t relate to your feelings and tries to push your opinions aside.

This cynical personality not only can’t empathize with others, but he will often try to vie for attention by “one-upping” any of your situations or experiences. He is too busy promoting himself to think about your feelings.

7. She Uses People

How does your new love interest interact with her friends and coworkers? Is her friendship and professional relationships mutually respectful, or are they one-sided? A narcissist is always there when she needs you and is seldom seen rushing to help anyone else, not even her beau.

Does she only react with those who feed her ego and discard people who have no more energy or substance to offer her? Be assured that her intentions aren’t any different for you. Please don’t get caught in her web of selfishness.

8. He Takes No Responsibility for Past Relationships

Nobody can defend a narcissist better than himself, especially in past relationships. In many broken connections, the fault can usually be shared. Of course, this isn’t the case for those who’ve endured an abusive or cheating partner.

When you are dating a narcissist, he may fake honesty about his past relationships. If you believe his narratives, he was always the victim, and past partners were “unstable,” and single-handedly destroyed him. Be even more suspicious of him if he doesn’t want you to talk to his ex-partners to find the truth.

9. He Just Wants a Reputation

Narcissistic people spend a lot of time and energy cultivating a false image. He brags up every aspect of his life to impress others and create a bigger-than-life reputation. He usually isn’t worried about character building, because he will often do what it takes to make himself look good, even if it’s immoral.

If you are dating a narcissist, his chronic boasting should be a red flag. He invents big job titles and unbelievable salaries for every job he’s worked. You name it, he’s done it or owned it. Remember the saying that things that are too good to be true usually aren’t?

10. Your Relationship Is Chronically Unstable

Like everything in life, even the best relationships have their ups and downs. However, you shouldn’t feel like you are always on an emotional roller coaster. When you are dating a narcissist, everything will seem unbalanced.

At first, he may pretend to be all about you, then suddenly he is a ghost for days at a time. It’s easy for him to turn his feelings on and off toward you. Please resist the urge to stay in the relationship to change him, because the chances are that he or she will remain a selfish narcissist.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing a Narcissist

Unfortunately, the narcissistic person will never find someone who he loves more than himself. Consider these tell-tale signs that you are dating someone with unhealthy views of themselves, and walk away with your dignity. You deserve to have someone who will love and care for you as an equal. Meanwhile, the narcissist will be left with the only person in his life who loves him: himself.

Lifestyle

Banish Negative Self Talk by Trying These 10 Techniques

Banish Negative Self Talk by Trying These 10 Techniques


Everyone experiences negative self talk, even the most confident people. It is detrimental to your wellbeing, however, and you should work to achieve positive thinking, instead.

The negative self talk is what is happening when you are judging, doubting, or belittling yourself. It’s when you are telling yourself you aren’t good enough or that you always mess everything up. Usually, these thoughts you think about yourself are ones you’d never say to anyone else.

You have to remember that every thought you have about yourself affects your life. Regardless of whether it is good or bad, it will play a factor in determining your next steps. It will cause you to give up or hold back, preventing achievements and goals from being accomplished.

Not only that, but negative self talk can also cause depression, anxiety, or other mental health disorders. When you are hostile toward yourself, you won’t accomplish as much as if you were optimistic. Your thoughts are what you become, so you should always strive for positive thinking.

The Effects of Negative Self Talk and Positive Self Talk

Effects of Negative Thoughts

Some of the impacts of negative self-thoughts were already discussed, but there are more. Some of them include:

  • weakening of muscles
  • increased stress levels
  • your hormone levels change
  • gastrointestinal and digestive problems
  • increased heart rate

Effects of Positive Thinking

The results of thinking positively are much better than those of negative thinking. These effects include:

  • improved coping skills during stressful times
  • a longer life span
  • decreased chance of depression
  • less stress
  • increase in the immune system functioning
  • better overall wellbeing
  • cardiovascular health

When your body is put through less stress and negativity, you tend to be healthier. Since stress causes the heart to weaken, you have less chance of developing heart disease if you are positive.

How to Stop Negative Self Talk

1. Recognize When You are Doing it

The first step to stopping negative self talk is to recognize when you are doing it. Often, we don’t even notice what we are thinking about as we go about our day. You must consciously keep track of your thought process to recognize and stop it as it’s happening.

One way to recognize this negative thought process is by looking for feelings of guilt, shame, doubt, or worthlessness. When you are experiencing these emotions, you are likely to engage in negative thoughts again.

Once you can regularly recognize when it occurs, you can figure out the situations it most often happens in. Keep track by writing down each time you have the negative self talk and what appeared to make it happen.

2. Replace it With Positive Thinking and Positive Self Talk

Once you have acknowledged the negativity, replace it with positivity. Anytime you realize you have a negative thought, replace it with a positive view about yourself. Starting paying attention to the good things about you rather than the wrong things.

If you get used to consciously changing your thought process to be more positive, it’ll begin to become a habit. You will start to recognize the positives automatically, and you’ll have better thoughts about yourself.

The way this works is simple. When you always tell yourself you are no good, you will subconsciously focus on all the mistakes you’ve made. Likewise, when you always tell yourself you are right, you will begin to focus on the good things you do.

An easy rule to remember is to talk to yourself the way you speak to others. If you would not say it to someone else, you shouldn’t say it to yourself. Lift yourself in the way that you lift others.

3. Figure Out Areas for Improvement and Think About the Cause

This point relates to number one when you recognize and keep track of when you notice negative self talk. When you consistently do that, you will be able to figure out which areas of your life need improvement. If you are unhappy in a particular situation, figure out how you can change it.

This isn’t to say you should walk away from a job or relationship because you are unhappy. It could be all about changing your perspective of the situation. Find which parts of it make you tick and then find a way to make those things better.

4. Find a Reason to Laugh or Smile

Laughing and smiling are sure ways to help you with positive thinking. This is especially important when you are in the midst of negative thoughts. Find something that makes you laugh–and then do that every time you feel you need some positivity.

This could be spending time with a loved one or friend who always cracks jokes. You could also put on a stand-up comedy show on TV or read a funny book. Whatever options you choose, make sure you are genuinely laughing and smiling.

5. Be Active

You’ll be surprised to know that exercise and an active lifestyle can lessen negative self talk. If you exercise for around 30 minutes each day, your mood will be positively improved. It can also help you manage your stress, helping with less negativity in that way, as well.

If intense exercise isn’t for you, there are other options. You can take a light jog or take a walk around your neighborhood a couple of times. Another option is to do yoga, which helps you relax while exercising.

6. Spend Time with Positive People and Doing Positive Things

When you are surrounded by negative people, you’ll wind up being negative, too. If you want more positivity in your life, you have to surround yourself with positive people. They will be supportive and be there for you positively, whereas pessimistic people will only make your negative thoughts worse.

If you can’t be around positive people all the time, surround yourself with positive energy. This boost could be an uplifting playlist or a good book that makes you happy. You could also try a positive movie or podcast.

7. Take a Moment to Breathe

Sometimes taking a break to do some deep breathing can help you reel in your thoughts. Frequently when you become overwhelmed, and the negative thinking begins, it’s because you are overwhelmed. Other times it’s because you have made a mistake.

No matter what the cause is, breathing is likely going to help. It will help slow your heart rate, which will make you calm and help you think clearer.

 8. Stop Striving for Perfection

No one is perfect, and you can’t hold yourself to that standard. If you try, you’ll only set yourself up for failure and negativity. Give yourself the same bit of grace that you would show to others and judge your work in the same way you consider theirs.

Imperfections happen, and things can never be completely perfect. Embrace the imperfections and keep moving forward while reminding yourself that you are healthy and capable. Once you stop trying to be perfect, you’ll be happier and have more positive thoughts.

9. Create a Routine

If you have a routine in place, you’ll move through your day with less thought. It will take less energy and less stress, and you won’t feel like you forget anything. You will arrive at places on time, get your work done on time, and never feel like you are behind.

When you can work in this continuous way with minimal stress and thinking, you’ll have fewer negative thoughts. It will prevent you from overthinking and criticizing yourself or your work.

10. Stop Thinking the Worst Possibility Will Happen

When you always think the worst will happen, the negative thinking will set in quickly. You will convince yourself that the worst is the only possibility, even though that is far from the truth.

If you always think you’re going to be fired from your job, you’ll still be thinking of your shortcomings. Conversely, if you tell yourself daily that you are great at your job, you’ll think about your strengths, instead.

Remember that you can’t predict the future, and thinking of the worst-case scenario isn’t healthy. It will only hinder your growth and cause a feeling of worthlessness.

Final Thoughts on Banish Negative Self Talk by Trying These Techniques

Negative self talk is severely detrimental to your mental health and your goals. You won’t be able to achieve your goals if you are always telling yourself you are incapable or unworthy. Remember that you are healthy and can do anything you set your mind to.

When you are having trouble with positive thinking, remember these tips for banishing the negativity. Take a few moments to breathe–then consciously change your thought process.

Spend more time thinking about what you are good at and what you have already accomplished. In turn, you will spend less time thinking about your shortcomings and failures. By doing this, you’ll be able to banish the negativity and think more clearly and realistically.

Lifestyle

Experts Reveal 5 Simple Ways To Improve Your Memory

Experts Reveal 5 Simple Ways To Improve Your Memory


Are you a forgetful person? Does your mind tend to discard lists, numbers, dates, names, or faces? Do you often forget appointments or pre-planned events? Have you sometimes found yourself merely not knowing what’s going on at any given time, despite knowing before? Today, we are sharing five easy ways to help you to improve your memory.

If you said yes to any of those, you might have a bad memory! Luckily, memory issues don’t have to be permanent, and you can learn to sharpen your mind and prevent cognitive problems. Here’s how experts reveal five simple ways to improve your memory.

1.    Learn Memory Techniques

There are a lot of different tips and tricks for memorizing certain things. Some of these tips and tricks might even expand into something that retain information long-term! If you’re looking to improve your memory, these techniques are the go-tos. Here are five of them:

·         Make Connections

Form connections between new information and information you already had. For example, if you are trying to remember your parking bay of H44, think about your friend, whose name starts with an H and is 44 years old. Connecting the new knowledge to something you already have memorized perfectly makes it much easier for you to remember it later. According to Mount Sinai School of Medicine assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and memory enhancement program founder Cynthia R. Green, Ph.D., who is also an author and the president of Memory Arts.

·         Simplify

It’s effortless for the brain to forget vast amounts of information that all come at you at once. Green recommends that you break down what you receive into manageable, smaller chunks of information that you can memorize one by one and put together later if needed.

·         Create Pictures or Movies

When you have something to remember, try to create a memory picture or a memory movie about it. For example, if you need to remember to buy five boxes of cake mix, imagine five cakes stacked precariously on top of each other. If you need to remember the name Rick, attach the person’s face to the image of Rick and Morty in your mind!

·         Review, Don’t Repeat

Reading the same thing over and over again doesn’t have a positive effect on how much information from it you retain. Instead, you want to review or “retrieve” the memory you have from the first reading if you want the memory to be long term. Memory researcher and University of Louisville professor Keith Lyle, Ph.D. recommends thinking about what you length at regular intervals, with the gaps increasing in size each time. This is much more likely to result in retention than simply relearning everything several times over.

·         Tell A Story

The storytelling technique involves taking a list of information and making them into a story, says Green. It’s the memory picture or memory movie technique expanded. For example, to remember the words “green, truck, violin, duck,” you might imagine a green truck driving by a duck playing the violin.

2.    Hack Your Memory

Hacking your memory isn’t as fancy as it sounds. It merely refers to the ability to use different actions and environmental factors to improve your memory in certain areas. Not sure what we mean? Here are some ideas:

·         Make Memory Spots

In your home, office, or other commonly frequented places, designate a particular spot as your memory spot. It’s where you will put all the things you typically forget, like your keys, your wallet, or your phone charger. It can take some getting used to, but Green suggests putting it into practice. Get used to putting items easily forgotten in these memory spots and visit those spots so you can check if you’ve forgotten anything. The next time you lose something, it’ll be waiting in that spot!

·         Exercise Your Brain

The brain needs to work out, just like the rest of the body, to stay healthy, says Gouras. Regular mental stimulation through puzzles, tests, and the act of learning new knowledge can help reduce cognitive decline’s effects. Over time, it will sharpen your memory and have positive impacts on brainpower. Think of it as a kind of mental training!

·         Write Things Down

Sure, technically, writing something down means you don’t have to remember it, but it’s an excellent way to practice building your memory. It ensures that you do remember what you have to do, letting you practice more memory retention in the future, says Lyle. The act of writing things can also make it easier for some people to commit things to memory – even more so than typing things out, according to studies!

3.    Cut Down On Some Foods

Did you know that certain foods can harm your memory? Through several components, these foods can damage the brain’s natural ability to remember things, often affecting parts of the brain permanently in the long run. Here are some food components to avoid:

·         Carbohydrates

Not all carbs are bad. The ones that can have a negative effect on your memory are the refined kinds. Think of white bread, white rice, white pasta, cereal, and baked goods. These all have a high glycemic index and are digested by the body at a swift rate, causing blood sugar spikes. These carbohydrates can all lead to an increased risk of cognitive function, including dementia and other forms of cognitive decline, according to studies.

·         Sugar

Added sugar has many downsides, but mostly it’s been linked to all sorts of chronic and life-threatening illnesses. Unfortunately, one of the conditions that it has been linked to is cognitive decline. Eating a lot of sugar can shrink the volume of your brain, especially the part responsible for short-term memory, according to research.

·         Cholesterol

High cholesterol levels can increase your risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease, especially at a younger age than typical. This is according to Weill Medical College professor of neurology and neuroscience and Fisher Center for Alzheimer’s Research adjunct professor Gunnar Gouras, MD. The consumption of statins, which can lower harmful cholesterol, has been linked in studies to a lower risk of Alzheimer’s development.

·         Alcohol

High alcohol consumption has been known to lead to many health problems, but binge drinking is especially worrying for the brain. This is because the natural neurotoxicity of alcohol can affect the brain’s hippocampus, which is responsible for many memory-related functions. The memory-shortening effects of alcohol are effective immediately when one becomes intoxicated, and excessively falling into a drunken state can be the cause for eventual permanent memory decline. It’s OK to have a drink once in a while, especially in a positive environment, but do so responsibly!

4.    Add More Of Some Foods

Just like you need to cut down on some consumables to improve your memory, there are some foods you need to add more of. Here are some that the experts recommend!

·         Eat A Mediterranean Diet

Mediterranean diets have been known for years as a memory-boosting, brain-protecting, heart-healthy eating plan. This is likely due to the types of foods involved and their rich vitamin, mineral, and nutritional component content. If possible, try to incorporate aspects of a Mediterranean diet into your daily meals, suggests research.

·         Take Enough B Vitamins

B12 and other B vitamins play a significant role in positive memory functions in the brain. A lack of them can even lead to cognitive decline. Green states that the older you get, the more complicated your body may find it to absorb dietary B vitamins. Make sure you’re getting enough folic acid, B6, and B12. If you need to, you may want to take a supplement, but talk to your doctor about it first!

·         Take Enough Vitamin E

Vitamin E is an antioxidant that fights against free radicals and works to break down fatty substances and cholesterol buildup. It may also help bring down inflammation. With all these factors combined, vitamin E can slow or prevent the onset of cognitive decline and brain issues caused by inflammation, promising more positive memory strength. According to Gouras, you should try to get around 400 IU of daily vitamin E.

·         Get Enough Fatty Acids

Omega-3 fatty acids, commonly found in fatty fish, fish oils, and healthy fat sources, are essential for many bodily functions. This includes cardiovascular health, positive thinking and mood, and even inflammation. On top of that, it has been found to be able to reduce mental decline. Most foods with lots of omega-3 fatty acids are thought to be brain foods for a reason, after all!

·         Stay Hydrated

The brain is full of water; in fact, 85% of it is just water alone! A lack of hydration can cause fatigue and brain fog, potentially affecting your memory in the long run with chronic dehydration. Make sure you’re drinking at least eight glasses of water daily and that you drink water as soon as you feel thirsty.

·         Try Some Ginkgo

Ginkgo is a herb that has been found to have scientific links to brain cell enrichment, meaning it can keep the mind healthy while boosting circulation throughout the body. Just make sure you consult a doctor before going through with supplementation!

5.    Manage Your Mental Health

Mental health and positive thinking can play a huge role in whether your memory stays sharp or not. Those who experience chronic or frequent anxiety and stress have a heightened level of the stress hormone cortisol in their body. A lot of cortisol production means the body goes into fight vs. flight mode, and this means directing energy to your body staying alive, not to more satisfactory brain function. Green explains that this pattern may affect the hippocampus, damage sleep ability, and even directly affect your ability to retain memories.

On top of that, did you know that depression and cognitive impairment have been linked by research? In fact, according to Grouras, many times, depression can be misdiagnosed as Alzheimer’s disease! Many people who are very depressed can completely forget some moments of their life.

If you think you are experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or chronic stress, seek mental health aid from a therapist, counselor, or similar qualified professional.

Final Thoughts On Some Simple Ways To Improve Your Memory

Memory problems can range from inconvenient to frightening. Luckily, you can learn tips, methods, and habits that will slowly improve your memory over time until you’re a sharp-minded machine! Of course, note that if you think that your memory problems are degenerative or severe, you should speak to a doctor for an opinion.

Lifestyle

15 Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic and Love Yourself

15 Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic and Love Yourself


Meet your worst critic–yourself.  Consider this scenario, below:

Danielle worked hard to be noticed by an agent. It seemed that it was finally paying off as she sat in the lobby, waiting for her turn to audition. As she sat there, she looked around at all the other women. “Their clothes are a lot nicer than mine,” she thought to herself.

Not being able to do anything about her clothes at the moment, Danielle decided to read over the script once more, convinced that she’d forget every word as soon as she got in front of the agent. The thought of this brought sweat to her forehead. “Great, now I’ll be a sweaty mess, and my curls are going to drop. This meeting is going to be a disaster.”

A pretty woman walked out of the room and called Danielle’s name. “Here goes a train wreck,” Danielle thought to herself as she entered the room. It seemed like the agents stared a hole into her soul as Danielle repeated the script. When it was over, the said “thank you” in a monotone voice as she exited the room.

“I blew that audition. I don’t even know why I’m still pursuing this,” Danielle thought to herself as she entered the elevator. Tears ran down her face, and she didn’t even care because she figured they would blend in with her sweat.

You might not be an actor, but you can probably identify with self-critical feelings like those.

Introducing the Inner Critic

That story was depressing, but it’s a great way to illustrate how your inner critic can make your life miserable. Talking to yourself can be a good thing in some cases, and the private conversations in your head should always be inspiring. However, that’s not always the case. Sometimes that criticizing voice in your head can be a real bully.

You must silence that bully to be happy and love yourself. It’s not easy to do this, but with practice, it’s not impossible. In this article, you’ll learn a little about what an inner critic is as well as 15 ways to manage it.

Understanding Self-Criticism

Your inner critic is a voice in your head that scrutinizes even the tiniest anxieties. It’s a voice that can make you feel insecure and lower your self-confidence if you don’t learn how to tame it. Listening to it becomes addictive, and like all addictions, it can lead to self-destruction.

If you aren’t in control of that inner voice, it can seem that the voice is elusive. You’ll be so used to it that you don’t even realize when it’s speaking. However, this critical voice can become entangled deep into your sense of self – so deep that it’s almost a part of who you are.

Everyone has that judgmental voice. Some people are better at managing it than others. The good news is that you can get better at managing it. Using the 15 tips below, you can take control of your self-criticizing inner voice, silence it, and love yourself again.

Silence Your Inner Critic with These 15 Tips

1. Detach from your inner critic.

The first thing you need to do is realize that the voice in your head is not you. You could even give it a name to establish it as a separate entity. This way, when it shows up, you can say, “go away, Fred,” or whatever name you decide to use. Doing this is the first step to taking power away from Fred.

2. Post affirmations and read them often.

It’s no secret that reading or saying positive affirmations help to inspire and motivate you. This tip is especially true if you use affirmations designed explicitly for anxiety. Affirmations can boost self-love, inspire positive thinking, and push self-criticism to the back burner. Just make sure your assertions are rooted in reality, so you aren’t disappointing yourself.

3. Be aware of your thoughts.

As mentioned earlier, you could be so used to self-criticism that you don’t even realize it’s there. You may have accepted it as a way of life. To take control of Fred, you’ll need to be aware of when he rear’s his ugly head. Start paying attention to the thoughts that come across your mind so you can begin to stamp away from the negative criticism.

4. Let go of past situations.

Sometimes that awkward self-criticism can be sourced by situations or even people from your past. Someone said to you as a child could have cut you so profoundly that it remains with you through adulthood. It doesn’t matter what happened in the past or what someone said about you in the past. You determine who you are and what your life is.

5. Give yourself advice like you were a friend.

Sometimes it’s easier to give other people advice than it is to take your own. Fred is glad because he can continue to criticize you relentlessly. Instead of letting Fred win, try giving yourself advice like a friend if they were in the same situation. Then apply that to yourself.

6. Improve yourself instead of settling.

Many people give in to what their self-criticism says. Instead of doing this, prove your self-criticism wrong. Does your inner voice say you won’t pass a test? Prove it wrong by studying harder. Does it tell you that you’ll never be rich? Make a financial plan to become a millionaire and put it into action. Maybe it says you’ll never lose weight. Join a gym and workout every day. Show yourself how wrong that inner voice can be.

7. Turn criticism into constructive criticism.

Sometimes that inner voice might be hinting at a bit of truth, even if it is mean about it. This habit may take a bit of practice but try to strip down the negativity in the thought and use it as constructive criticism. For example, if your inner voice tells you that you’ll never get the promotion you so desperately want and you know that you’re always late, stop being late. You’ll still need to have a more positive inner voice but use the criticism to do better.

Learn the most powerful techniques to build self-confidence.

8. Be nice to yourself.

You can be the harshest person to yourself. This self-talk doesn’t help your self-esteem at all. Sometimes you need to give yourself a break. You’re only human, and no one is perfect. Try being better to yourself, even when you mess up, or things go wrong.

9. Celebrate your accomplishments.

When you achieve something, no matter how small it is, you should celebrate it. Reward yourself somehow for reaching your goals. Psychology tells us that self-regard isn’t selfish. In fact, it’s a great way to begin disassociating negative behaviors like the ones that trigger self-criticism.

10. Show yourself some compassion.

You’re going to mess up sometimes. That’s a part of life. No one is perfect. Therefore, you should show yourself some compassion. There are going to be times when things don’t go your way. Maybe something terrible happened. Perhaps you actually caused it. However, remember not to be so harsh on yourself. It could happen to anyone.

11. Focus on your great qualities.

Instead of focusing on what your inner voice is telling you is wrong, focus on all the things that are great about you. Drown out the negativity from Fred with as much positivity as possible. Even if it’s small things, add that to your focus list. Eventually, you’ll realize that Fred was wrong, and your positive list is a lot longer than the negative list in your head.

12. Start a daily journal.

Journaling may sound like something a teenage girl does while stretched across her bed with a fuzzy pink pen, but it’s a proven way to improve self-esteem, self-love, and self-confidence. Journaling helps to unlock things about yourself you may not be aware of. One of those things is negative thought patterns. You’ll be able to see these thought patterns and make changes to them.

13. Don’t compare yourself to others.

Comparing yourself to other people is a disaster waiting to happen. You’re not like anyone else, so you can’t expect yourself to do what everyone else does. When you compare yourself to other people, you automatically set yourself up for negative self-criticism because you’re comparing yourself to someone who you’ll never be. Instead, focus on what you can do and are willing to do to improve yourself.

14. Remember that you are your own worst critic.

You would be surprised how much other people are not criticizing you. Usually, the worst criticism happens internally. People can be so hard on themselves. It’s okay if you’re pushing yourself to be better. If it gets to a point where you’re putting yourself down, it’s time for a change.

15. Consider therapy.

If all else fails, you may need to consider getting professional help. It’s not fair to continue to allow negative self-criticism to take away your peace and your grace. Don’t feel bad if you can’t handle it on your own. That’s what therapists are for.

Final Thoughts on Silencing Your Inner Critic

Self-critics are the harshest critics on the planet. Your inner voice can have your self-esteem in the trash. If you keep listening to that inner voice, you’ll eventually lose your grace and your self-love.

You don’t have to suffer from negative self-criticism. With a little effort and some great advice, you can overcome the self-criticism. Use the 15 tips above as a starting point to stop being your worst critic with more positive thinking.

Lifestyle

Research Reveals That Love at First Sight Does Exist

Research Reveals That Love at First Sight Does Exist


Love-at-first-sight is as old as the hills. You hear about it in songs, books, and movies. Does it exist? According to researchers, it does!.  But of course, you didn’t need a researcher to tell you that. You may have experienced it yourself. So, what else does the research team say about the existence of love-at-first-sight? Let’s find out.

Research proves that the eyes have it.

Your eyes meet across a large room full of people. You feel an instant attraction, a sudden connection to this person. Is it authentic? Attraction to another person is expressed by the eyes. The gaze may express sexual interest, a strong desire to convey to them how you feel. Your intentions and the other person’s preferences influence how you look at one another. You must evaluate the attraction you feel. Is this really love-at-first-sight or just a passing fling? Acting upon the gaze and feelings could be a life-changer. So, when you gaze into someone’s eyes across the room, you never know what may happen.

You look familiar to me.

According to studies, people are often attracted to someone with similar attributes to themselves. Researchers believe that you can be sexually attracted to your lookalike because you perceive them as trustworthy. You do this by looking at the person’s eyes and facial features. Indeed, you may feel as if you’d be comfortable with them, even though you’ve never talked to them. Perhaps you might even assume you know them. Or, you can sense whether they are sad, happy, or a healthy individual. You’ve seen those couples who look so much alike they could be siblings. It’s not that uncommon. And sometimes these couples act alike, too.

Is there a physical attraction?

You will probably be attracted to someone physically attractive to you. Love at first sight encounters are often based on your perception of physical beauty. Whether this instant connection factors into all experiences, researchers are still studying to understand the concept of love-at-first-sight better. Every individual has a different definition of genuine beauty, and it’s often in the eyes of the beholder. Who hasn’t had that friend who falls for someone you’d never describe as beautiful? But that’s the beautiful part of physical attraction. Everyone has their own definition of it.  So, someone who is physically attractive to you is more likely going to be that person you gaze at across the room.

Is it love, or is it lust?

Those intense, love at first sight feelings are not always a desire for love and commitment. Established relationships tend to have these feelings beyond what those who fall head over heals right away. But these brief encounters can make you open to this type of relationship. Love at first is often defined as an attraction that makes you open to a possible connection. But researchers suggest that love may not be a prerequisite for sex, and sexual desire doesn’t always lead to love. Each person is different in their motives and goals when they have that butterflies in the stomach experience. That fixated gaze you’re getting from the person across the room could be expressing feelings of love or just feelings of lust.

Can love-at-first-sight happen more than once?

Some people rely on love at first sight for all their relationships. They look for their feelings to lead them to find the right partner. They may have multiple similar experiences. This is not always the most reliable method to find someone, and those couples who feel instant attraction don not always end up in a relationship. Getting to know someone over time is a more reliable way to build a relationship. But sometimes these very romantic experiences do become a long term relationship, and when it does, it’s a sweet and touching story. It’s what creates the familiar songs, books, and movies that are so popular.

Does love at first sight predict a successful and long term relationship?

Researchers suggest that falling in love at first sight is superficial at best. You might be attracted to someone physically, but really have nothing in common with them. Good chance the relationship won get off the ground. But on the other hand, your positive first impression of that person and the familiarity you feel toward them could lead to a long relationship. It really just depends on whether it’s meant to be.

What if I’m not feeling it?

Often the instant attraction is not by both individuals. In fact, the love at first sight emotion is rarely shared, so don’t feel bad if you’re not feeling it. Researchers found that these experiences are often a one-sided experience. One person has an intense sense of love-at-first-sight. When this person explains their experience to you, you may begin to experience the same thing, even though it wasn’t your first reaction. So, just hearing the other person explain their experience to you can help you have the same experience.

Men fall in love, at first sight, more frequently than women.

Women are less inclined to feel this experience than men. That is because women are often more careful about whom they date. Also, females often prefer to take their time in relationships to get to know the other person. On the other hand, males are more apt to report having this experience many times. This could be because men are driven more by physical attraction than women. And it’s unclear whether these love-at-first-sight encounter men have turned into long-lasting relationships.

Can I feel this chemistry with online dating?

Online dating might inhibit this notion. But don’t rule it out altogether!

It’s pretty hard to look across the room at someone if you’re only looking at their picture. Some couples report that they did feel this attraction when looking at the other person’s photo. But other people suggested that it was more when they met the person face to face that they had their love-at-first-sight encounter. It seems as if these emotions involves seeing the person physically.  So, whether it’s by looking at a photo of someone or meeting someone face to face, you do not need to be in a crowded room to experience love-at-first-sight.

Is love at first sight outdated?

Many people feel that love, at first sight, is dated. Or at least, it’s too fairytale-like to be genuine. They feel that this type of love encounter doesn’t happen in real life. While other people argue that a large population of people who maintain that love-at-first-sight exists and have experienced it.

All arguments aside, the naysayers may have a point. Movies can leave you with a that doesn’t happen in real life kind of feeling. Overly romantic stories can be so exaggerated that if you haven’t had a love- at- first- sight encounter, you may feel like there’s something wrong with you.

These fifteen behaviors reveal that someone is falling in love.

Final Thoughts on the Study about Love at First Sight

For some people, the phenomenon of love at first sight is real. But for others, it’s not their experience. To strive for this type of experience isn’t necessary to have a great relationship with someone. Although science does say it does happen, don’t feel pressure to make it happen or feel like there is something wrong with you if it does not.

When you feel an instant connection with someone across the room, it could be that you will be head over heels before you know what hits you. You may feel like you are drawn to the person. It is an experience that many people have, and it can be the beginning of a long term relationship. You can act upon the initial first gaze. But be sure to understand the other person’s goals. If you’re wanting a deeper, more meaningful type of relationship and they’re not looking for that, it could be disappointing. If you don’t have this experience, that’s okay. Not everyone does, yet they enjoy a wonderful loving relationship with their partner. It’s different for everyone. Whatever happens, if you have that love-at-first-sight experience, enjoy it, and hopefully, a relationship will blossom from that simple gaze across the room.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain 6 Ways To Calm A Stressed Partner

Therapists Explain 6 Ways To Calm A Stressed Partner


Everyone can get stressed out, and it can be challenging to know what to do when your partner winds up in a stressful situation. If they have unhealthy or less-than-ideal coping mechanisms, it can be even tougher to understand how to help them.

Of course, with your heart going out to your partner, you wouldn’t want them to experience this emotional pain. But how can you help them out of that place without further exacerbating the problem?

Here’s how experts recommend six ways to calm a stressed partner.

1.    Find The Root

Where is your partner’s stress coming from? Why is it causing them to behave this way? No one ever wants to be stressed, so something is causing this to happen, says author and Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., ABPP.

Think back to your partner’s day or current life circumstances and consider what may be causing this stress. Here are some questions to help you in the process:

  • How has their day been?
  • Are their relationships with others, such as family or friends, going well?
  • Are they affected by world events?
  • Have they talked about anything stressful to you?
  • What seems to have triggered their stress?
  • Do they have patterns of becoming stressed in certain circumstances?

When you find the root of stress, you’ll be able to respond better to it and help your partner work through it.

2.    Listen To Your Partner

Unless your partner says, they genuinely don’t want to talk about the source of their stress, sometimes lending them an ear can help them feel better. Author and licensed clinical social worker Judy Ford outlines some steps to do this:

·         Step 1: Recognize Stress Symptoms

Take note of the way your partner begins to behave when stress mounts. Do they exhibit specific behaviors? They might, for example, get fidgety, snap more often, stress eat, or become withdrawn. When you see these symptoms of stress, you can make your approach.

·         Step 2: Approach

If your partner is exhibiting their stress symptoms, try to approach them with no judgment. Have compassion, kindness, and positive thinking when you go to them. Then, ask them how they feel and invite them to talk to you about it, maintaining a welcome tone of voice.

·         Step 3: Listen

When your partner talks about their stress to you, you need to genuinely and honestly listen to them. This will show your partner that you genuinely care for them. Active listening is a critical skill and can make the difference between a positive and negative response from your partner.

·         Step 4: When You Speak, Default To Comfort First

Most people who talk about their emotions will want to be comforted, not provided with solutions right away. First, offer comfort and give them physical or emotional support. Only after that should you ask if they’d like to find a way through the stressful situation with your help.

3.    Be Supportive, Always

When a partner opens up to you, you need to make sure they feel validated. They are vulnerable to you, so it’s only natural that you do your best to accommodate their emotions and show them how you appreciate their openness. Here are some tips for being supportive:

·         Being Patient

Your partner doesn’t want to be stressed out, and they certainly don’t want that stress to affect you. If they come to you and speak in a positive and productive way about something that involves you, resist the urge to default to defensiveness. Be patient and listen instead, so keep calm, recommends Whitbourne.

·         Ask How You Can Help

It’s essential to ask your partner how you can support them, says Ford. Even if you can’t directly help, ask how you can make things go more smoothly for them or how you could help them feel better. You can offer to do some extra chores, help them run an errand, give them a massage, cook them dinner. The possibilities go on and on!

·         Give Them Space If They Need It

Some people need to be alone when they’re stressed out. Don’t take it personally – it’s not about you at all; it’s about someone’s healthy need for me-time. Give your partner the personal space to do their own thing and unwind without your input, suggests Psychotherapist Edie Stark, MSc, LCSW. You’ll be surprised how supportive of action this can be to them and how much it may boost their positive thinking! Just make sure you talk about their needs for space and alone time first.

4.    Understand Insecurity Scientifically

Before you can even begin to calm down a stressed partner, you need to understand insecurity as a scientific concept. This doesn’t refer to typical “insecurity” in the commonly portrayed, obvious sense, but more to insecure attachment and insecure defensiveness. Many times, stress is the result of something partially influenced by insecurity. If you’re not careful, you can trigger an escalation of the situation by not knowing how to manage that insecurity.

According to research, a partner’s stress can spiral out of control when they protect themselves from mental distress. This can trigger immature insecure mechanisms that are important to respond to in a positive way to prevent a worsening situation. A person who is using these mechanisms may:

  • Very heavily fear abandonment.
  • Become defensive or passive-aggressive
  • Respress their feelings
  • Desire reassurance but feel invalidated by your current response.
  • Experience reality distortion
  • Feel too overwhelmed to react positively

Partners who experience severe insecurity may benefit from therapy or counseling services, and it’s worth broaching the subject with them if these harmful attachment patterns are becoming extremely prevalent in your relationship. If they happen too often, it can be toxic and cause the relationship to end.

5.    Try Working Through It Together

As a couple, you are meant to work through hurdles and problems hand-in-hand. You are meant to be there for each other through thick and thin. Coping with issues as a couple is referred to as dyadic coping, and it has substantial positive effects on the health and strength of a relationship.

This is why Assistant Professor of Communication, writer, researcher, and family relationship expert Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, Ph.D. recommends handling stress in the following ways:

·         Learn To Turn To Each Other

When you experience stress, learn to trust your partner and go to them first. Could you encourage them to do likewise? Over time, you will both get better at responding to each other’s stress and will learn to trust each other with the details of your plight naturally. Of course, be aware of emotional bandwidth, too. Communicate clearly about your emotional boundaries when turning to each other!

·         Ask Questions

Don’t be afraid to clarify your partner’s position. If there’s something you don’t understand, ask them about their perspective. Make sure you’re being non-judgmental and be clear that you’re asking because you want to understand them, not because you disbelieve them.

·         Brainstorm With Each Other

When your partner experiences stress, learn to put your heads together. Discuss options, allowing your partner to lead the discussion, and help them organize their thoughts so they can make their own independent judgments, decisions, and conclusions. Your goal is not to push your thoughts onto them, but to help your partner process their feelings and ideas.

·         Offer Your Perspective

Once you’re in brainstorming mode together, offer your perspective of the situation. You may have a less dramatic viewpoint because you’re separated from the emotions your partner is experiencing, or you might have some additional insight or unique opinion. Don’t push your partner to incorporate your perspective – show them alternative options they may not have considered.

·         Support Their Strengths

Appreciate your partner’s strengths and your strengths. See how you can cover for each other and complement each other to find the best solutions!

6.    Learn From This

The point of life is to keep improving based on life experiences. As a couple, you can both learn and grow from moments of stress and become stronger for it. If you don’t learn from the event, you and your partner may end up stuck in a cycle of stress that you never learn to handle better. Here are some ways to make sure you and your partner have learned from this episode of stress:

·         Think Of How To Better Handle This In The Future

What can you learn from this episode of stress? How can you prepare for this in the event it happens again? What triggers do you both need to be aware of? What have you learned works best for both of you, and what doesn’t work at all? When you think of these questions, you’ll be learning and growing together from experience and will be better equipped to face it next time with more positive thinking.

·         Explain Your Point Of View

If your partner’s stress led to them lashing out at you or exhibiting toxic behaviors, you need to tell them about it. After you’ve worked through the worst of the stress, open up communication regarding this with them, suggests Whitbourne. You want to talk about how their defense mechanisms hurt you or made you feel and recommend more mature or positive methods of coping for the future. Remember, don’t be accusatory – focus on explaining yourself productively and with kindness.

·         Understand Your Own Thresholds And Boundaries

Your partner’s pain can, in turn, affect your emotional energy. If you let yourself be drained instead of stepping away when you need to, you’re doing no one any favors. Ford recommends learning to gauge your stress levels, so you know when you need a break and need your support. Be sure to speak to your partner about this. Remember, it’s unreasonable for any expectations to involve a partner being there for the other at their own severe mental detriment. You can’t help each other if you start suffering, too.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways To Calm A Stressed Partner

Stress is a part of life. Your partner will end up feeling stressed out multiple times throughout their life, as will you. Learn to help your partner through their stressful times and learn to rely on them during your own. This will ultimately build your bond and make your relationship stronger!

Lifestyle

10 Ways to Express Yourself When Your Partner Refuses to Hear You

10 Ways to Express Yourself When Your Partner Refuses to


Nothing feels more frustrating than when you try to express yourself, and the other person doesn’t seem to hear you. During arguments in relationships, things can get misconstrued in the heat of the moment, which leads to hurt feelings. However, if you can learn to manage your emotions during disagreements, your bond will become stronger.

One study on relationships over 14 years found that couples who argued often had the least likelihood of getting separated. The study followed 79 couples across the Midwest and discovered that the strongest couples resolved arguments quickly. So, just because you argue sometimes doesn’t mean you have a bad relationship. When you have a partner, you’ll inevitably have disagreements, but how you resolve them matters most.

Here are ten ways to express yourself if your partner doesn’t hear you:

If you feel like your partner doesn’t hear you during arguments, the following tips can help you express yourself better.

1  – Make sure you understand your emotions first.

If you don’t know how you feel, communicating your needs to your partner won’t come easily. To feel heard in a relationship, you have to get completely honest and open with your significant other. This honesty requires you to dig deep and understand where the emotions are coming from and why you feel unsatisfied with a certain aspect of your relationship.

Remember that your partner can’t help you if you don’t make your feelings and needs explicitly known. Also, take time to explain how you feel clearly without blaming or name-calling. The key to resolving arguments lies in how you choose to respond to your partner. If you lash out or talk over them, of course, they won’t want to listen to you. Calmly explaining your emotions and directly asking for what you need helps resolve problems effectively.

2 – Actively listen to them.

If you want your partner to listen during arguments, you have to give them that same respect. Also, make sure you truly listen instead of just waiting for your turn to make your point. It will help you express yourself more if you can make your partner feel comfortable doing the same. Relationships rely on active listening from both partners to survive. Studies have shown that active listening promotes healthier relationships.

Active listening involves the following:

  • Putting your phone away and giving your total attention to your partner
  • Maintaining eye contact the whole time
  • Restating what they’ve said to make sure you understand
  • Asking for clarification about certain points if you need it
  • Having empathy and trying to understand wholly where your partner is coming from
  • Staying in the present moment and not just waiting for your turn to talk

3 – Avoid anger.

Stay away from anger at all costs if you want to express yourself to your partner. Anger only breeds more chaos and dysfunction in communication with someone because they will automatically get defensive. No one likes getting yelled at, especially after a hard day at work or school. Be mindful of how they feel and choose to treat them with loving kindness even in disagreement.

You can still get your point through without having to resort to emotionally charged language and explosive arguments. If you have trouble with this, take a few minutes to collect your thoughts and come back to the discussion when you have cooled down. Studies show that yelling triggers the fight-or-flight response, causing us to become more reactive because we feel threatened. Therefore, a calm and soothing tone of voice produces the opposite effect – your partner will feel more open and willing to listen to you.

4 – Don’t accuse your partner of anything.

Accusing someone of something always puts them in defensive mode. Instead, choose to focus on how their actions made you feel and express yourself in terms of emotions. They will respond much better if they don’t feel attacked or pressured by accusations, and the talk will be more productive. Put it this way – how would you feel if your partner started listing off all the things you’re doing wrong?

You probably wouldn’t take to it very well. So, please give them the same respect and watch the words you use with them. Instead of saying “You did ______ and I’m tired of it,” try saying “You hurt my feelings when you did ____, even if you didn’t mean to.” The second phrase sounds much friendlier and open-minded, in our opinion.

5 – Stay humble.

If you want to express yourself in a relationship, remember humility, above all else. Coming at your partner or friend with hurtful words will only make them put up walls, and your message will get distorted. They will take in what you have to say if you show vulnerability and compassion for their feelings.

To put this into practice, try to think about how you may have contributed to any issues. Even if you don’t want to admit it, it usually takes two people to have relationship problems. Talking about how you can improve your behavior will make your partner more willing to discuss their shortcomings. If you can tackle issues as a team and talk to each other respectfully, any arguments will dissipate.

6 – Restructure the narrative.

Maybe you’ve been reading the whole situation the wrong way. Perhaps they haven’t wronged you. You just perceived the issue incorrectly due to your own emotions. Relationships can get tricky since they involve matters of the heart, and frequently, even our partner can misunderstand us.

Let’s say your spouse doesn’t pay you as much attention lately, and you’ve been feeling neglected. Your mind automatically goes to the worst-case scenario, like they are having an affair or have lost interest in you. Then, you lash out at them or allow resentment to build up based on your interpretation of the situation. However, you may not have considered other possible reasons for their lack of interest:

  • extra work at the office
  • stress about bills/life/other important people in their life
  • dealing with the kids (if you have them)
  • they need some time to themselves
  • any other reason besides the worst-case scenario

7 – Discuss things in their language.

Do they speak in a more emotional or logical way? Either way, try to talk things out in a way that they can understand, but that still conveys your message. If you lean more toward the emotional side and they are logical, they will appreciate directness. However, if the opposite is true, you’ll want to show more sensitivity and compassion. Learn your partner’s methods of communication so that when you express yourself, the message doesn’t get lost in translation.

8 – Write them a letter.

This idea may sound silly, but sometimes our words just come out better on paper. You can always talk it out with them afterward, but writing it down first can help, especially in new relationships.  Plus, writing things out can help you make sense of your thoughts and sort through them better. When you talk about them, you’ll have had time to reflect on how you feel and convey it to your partner easier.

9 – Consider talking to a therapist.

If you have tried everything with your partner and still don’t seem to hear you, consider going to couple’s therapy. A therapist can help you to break down any barriers in your communication and connect better as a couple. If your partner hesitates about going, make sure you let them voice their concerns first. Remind them that it can benefit both of you and make you stronger as a couple.

A couple’s therapist seeks to help people improve their relationships by recognizing and resolving all types of conflict. Many couples don’t know how to communicate with one another, so if you don’t feel heard, this might be an option for you.

10 – Remain positive.

Your partner will likely respond to negativity in the same way, so try your best to remain positive when you express yourself. Even if you’ve been hurt, try to frame your thoughts in a way that isn’t accusatory. For example, you could say, “I know you’ve been busy lately, but I miss having dinner together on weeknights.” In this way, you haven’t accused him/her of neglecting you, which would likely prompt a defensive response.

Final thoughts on how to express yourself when your partner refuses to hear you

When you have arguments with your partner, you want to express yourself to resolve the issues at hand. However, sometimes miscommunication causes your partner not to hear you, which only ends in frustration and heartache. If you want to get your own message across clearer, try to avoid talking when you feel angry. Also, please keep an open mind and let them speak their side of the story.

If you don’t feel heard in a relationship, consider that your partner may not either. If you can both work together to make one another’s needs known, you will have a happy, long-lasting relationship.

Lifestyle

Science Proves that Trust in a Relationship is More Essential Than Love

Science Proves that Trust in a Relationship is More Essential


While lasting relationships can’t thrive without love, trust in a relationship may matter most. Feelings of love come and go in long-term relationships, but trust withstands the test of time. Any healthy marriage goes through phases where the couple may fall out of love temporarily. However, if they have trust, it can keep the ship afloat on the stormiest of waters.

Any two people can fall into love, but those feelings tend to fade over time. After a while, relationships form into more of a loving friendship as the honeymoon phase ends. If the couple continues to build trust and work as a team, then the relationship stands a good chance of lasting forever. Simply put, you can have faith without love, but you can’t have love without trust.

In a successful relationship, you have to believe you can trust your partner before giving them your heart. Below, we’ll talk more about why trust predicts relationship success more than love.

Science says that trust matters even more than love in relationships.

In a nutshell, a successful relationship hinges on kindness and trust more than anything else. The feelings of infatuation will fade, but if you have confidence, nothing can take that away. People underestimate this and expect that they’ll feel the same in 20 years as they did in the very beginning. When their love starts to wane, couples assume that their relationship won’t make it.

However, they forget about the importance of trust. Even if you don’t feel in love with your partner anymore, you can still love and respect them. You can still hold onto the positive aspects of your relationship and choose to focus on those. The Gottman Institute says that accentuating the positives in a relationship is one of the most significant predictors of success.

John Gottman, a leader in studying what constitutes a healthy marriage or relationship, believes the little things matter most. After studying couples over the past 35 years, he says the following items ensure success in relationships more than anything else:

Learn your partner’s inner psychological world, such as their biggest hopes, fears, worries, and joy. This will help you bond with your partner and know their needs.

  • Share fondness and admiration.

Gottman refers to this as a solution for contempt since it promotes affection and respect for each other. In other words, you want to focus on the positive things about your partner rather than the negatives.

  • Lean into your significant other instead of away from them.

State your needs and respond to your partner’s attempts to connect. For example, if he or she points something out to you, or tries to engage in conversation, put your full attention on them. The smallest moments and interactions matter the most in relationship success.

  • Maintaining a positive perspective.

Try to have a positive approach to solving problems, as trust in a relationship comes from how you respond to conflicts.

Part of building a healthy marriage or relationship comes from how you deal with conflict. It can either make or break a relationship, so make sure you work as a team. Listen to your partner and try to come to a resolution together. Conflicts are typical in any healthy relationship, as long as you treat your partner with love and respect.

  • Work on making each other’s dreams a reality

Let your partner talk openly about his or her desires and dreams. Create an open environment where they feel safe and heard talking about the future.

Every relationship needs something that unites it, whether that means kids or perhaps a shared business. Or, maybe it means getting involved in something you both enjoy, such as biking or hiking. No matter what the trouble is, make sure your relationship involves something that matters to both of you.

Of course, this should remain a priority in a relationship. Without trust, you won’t have a foundation to build upon for a successful partnership. You want to know that your partner will have your back and that you can count on them for anything. Building trust in a relationship takes time, but being vulnerable with your partner will help the walls come down little by little.

Any successful relationship requires a commitment to your partner to make it work. If you want to remain with this person long-term, you need to embrace both their negative and positive qualities. However, you shouldn’t dwell on their negative traits, which will skew your image and perception of them. You will start noticing more of the things that you find annoying about them rather than what you adore about their personality.

In other words, admire them for their positive traits and learn to accept their flaws. If you can do this, it will ensure a successful union for life. Also, make trust your foundation early on in the relationship, as everything else hinges upon it.

So, why is trust more important than love in a relationship?

  1. You can’t have love without trust.

If you can’t count on your partner and you feel uneasy around them, you can’t possibly become vulnerable enough to fall in love. Love will fade over time because some days, you’ll get under each other’s skin and take each other for granted. Other days, it’ll feel like you just met and you want to spend all your time with them. However, these feelings will fluctuate with the situations and experiences you go through as a couple.

Trust will remain steady throughout your relationship as long as you don’t do anything to betray it. If you stay faithful to your partner and put their needs first, you’ll never have a doubt in your mind if you can trust them or not.

  1. It allows you to have boundaries in the relationship.

If you have love without trust, it may lead to codependency and attachment issues. However, if you cultivate trust, it brings a sense of security into the relationship. You can each go your separate ways at times without having to worry about each other’s whereabouts constantly. This way, you can develop a strong marriage by having your alone time as well as time spent together.

  1. You’ll have a sense of peace when you have trust in a relationship.

Without trust, you constantly feel on edge or just unsure of where you stand with your partner. Will they suddenly break up with you or say they’ve been seeing someone else? Do they want a future with you? If you cannot answer these questions honestly, you need to have a serious talk with your partner and communicate your needs.

Everyone deserves to have a loving, supportive relationship where they can fully trust their partner. The person you love should eliminate your stress, not add to it by being unclear about their intentions. When you find a secure partnership, you’ll have a sense of peace.

  1. Trust allows you to gauge how much you give of yourself to others.

If you don’t trust someone, you won’t want to open up to them about the details of your life. Trust gives us a way to decide the level of emotional intimacy we wish to experience with someone. It helps us control our emotions, in a way, because not everyone gains access to the deepest parts of ourselves. Trust in a relationship helps peel back our layers, slowly showing our partner more vulnerable sides of ourselves.

  1. Love is blind, but trust never fails you.

You can love someone who might not love you back in the same way. You could bend over backward for someone you’ve fallen head over heels for, but that doesn’t guarantee they’ll reciprocate. Many people get involved in one-sided relationships where the other person doesn’t have their best interests in mind, unfortunately. When you jump too quickly into a relationship out of loneliness or desperation, you may not see the person.

However, if you build upon the relationship slowly and get to know the person, you can establish trust. This way, you can gauge if your partner deserves your time, commitment, and heart. While love can overpower and blind you, faith will illuminate your path and steer you in the right direction.

Final thoughts on why trust is more important than love in relationships

Any healthy marriage or relationship requires trust as the foundation; without it, love cannot grow. You can’t plant a garden without tending to the soil; similarly, you can’t have a thriving relationship without establishing trust. All successful relationships require this faith because it helps you grow closer to people. It enables you to realize how much of yourself you should give away based on their input.

If someone only gives you 50%, why should you bother giving them 100%? If you care about trust in a relationship, make sure of your partner’s intentions before committing fully to them.