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15 Things to Never Do After a Breakup

15 Things to Never Do After a Breakup

Breakups are hard. It matters not whether you’re the one who broke it off or the one who was left emotionally broken in the aftermath. Your mental state after a breakup is likely clouded by a furious storm of conflicting thoughts and emotions. Those emotions make it even more important to try to keep a level head while coping. And, you must avoid making any rash decisions.

We all cope with loss and pain differently. However, there are 15 things you should never do after a breakup. These are common pitfalls people tend to fall into way too frequently. 

Never Do These 15 Things After a Breakup


1 – Don’t Beg To Save The Relationship

Once you have a broken relationship, very little can be done to fix it. Relationships can end for a variety of reasons. But the most common is that both people are just romantically incompatible.

For one reason or another, you did not share a secure romantic connection. Or, you found some absolute deal breakers that keep the relationship from ever really happening.

It’s essential to identify whether you’re missing your ex specifically. Or, are you merely missing the idea of being in a relationship? These scenarios are two different things. Furthermore, longing for that familiarity can lead to a lot of problems if mishandled.breakup

2 – Never Rush Right Back Into Dating

If you just got out of a relationship, the last thing you want to do is simply look for someone on the rebound. Whether you realize it or not, your standards are much lower in the moments after things end since you are looking for some familiarity or some way to return to what your mind recognizes as usual and routine.

Getting right back into the dating pool will likely end with you just latching on to the first friendly person you meet without really considering if they’re a good fit for you or even what you’re looking for.

This recklessness will just lead to a fundamentally broken relationship doomed to inevitably fail since you’re not in it for the right reasons. Give yourself time to adjust to being single and fully move on before going back out to look for Mr. Right.

3 – Don’t Call or Text Your Ex

While it isn’t unheard of for people to remain friends after a breakup, it is scarce and only happens if they both properly move on from the relationship. If you’re looking to get over your ex, it is essential to avoid contact with them as best as possible, both physically and digitally.

Talking or texting with them only reinforces your attachment, making it harder to move on emotionally.

4 –  Never Seek Revenge

Tensions may be high, and you might be feeling a lot of pain and anger during an ended relationship. However, it is vital not to try to go out of your way for revenge. Seeking revenge often leads to feelings of shame or regret rather than a sense of calm or closure that most people assume it will.

If you are considering taking revenge on your ex, just ask yourself how it might affect you. Does retribution reflect who you want to be as a person? Or is it just the anger and emotional turmoil talking?

The worst behaviors in people often come out during a breakup. And while it might feel wholly justified, revenge rarely works out to anyone’s benefit.

5 – Don’t Try to Become the Life of the Party

While it might be tempting to go out and party to drown your sorrows, you’re just running from your emotional problems and aren’t dealing with the loss.

The more you ignore it, the worse you’ll feel when you’re not out distracting yourself. This behavior leads to a dangerous cycle where you never truly get over your ex or the pain of your ended relationship. Thus, you are possibly dooming your next relationship by bringing negative baggage with you from the previous one.

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6 – Don’t Forget That It’s Not the End of the World

It’s easy to fall into a very negative place, using words like ‘never’ when it comes to your self-worth and the possibility of finding love in the future. While it can be easy to fall into this negative place and want to throw a pity party for yourself, its not healthy, and it may end up reinforcing ideas of worthlessness or self-doubt, which can stay with you as you look for a new partner.

7 – Don’t Avoid The Pain of the Breakup

Experiencing and processing your emotions through your pain is all part of the grieving process. Avoiding your grief will only delay the grieving, leaving unresolved emotions that could flare up if triggered. Don’t be afraid to face your pain head-on. You’ll be able to move on with a clearer mind and with more closure if you do.

8 – Don’t Talk About or Spread Gossip About Your Ex

When it comes to talking about your ex, especially complaining about all the negatives or bad-mouthing him, it’s best just to keep quiet. It’s not the right move when it comes to getting over your ex, as it reflects more on you than it does on them.

Rather than dragging yourself through the mud by complaining about your ex, try to take the high road and just keep it to yourself. The exception to this is venting or discussing with family or very close friends, where what is said stays between you and them.

9 – Don’t Be Down On Yourself

You’re already hurting, and your self-esteem is probably already feeling like it is at an all-time low, so don’t beat yourself up even further. Don’t try to blame yourself for the way things ended, or try to come up with how you could have been better or done things differently. It’s over. There probably wasn’t much you could have done to prevent it. So try to focus on moving forward, and if you did make some kind of mistake that leads to the end of the relationship, learn from it for the next time.

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10 – Don’t Isolate Yourself After a Breakup

When feeling depressed, it’s tempting to just hole yourself up at home and wallow in your own negative emotions. The best way to combat those feelings is to push through them and try to stay active. The more you get out and go about your business, the more you’ll realize that you can manage just fine without your ex, and life will go on despite everything that has happened.

11 – Don’t Forget Yourself

It’s essential to consider your wants and needs, as well as care for your mental health when feeling down. Use the time productively to do things that interest you or work on talents that help you emotionally.

Creative hobbies like art and writing are great for this, as they’ll let you work through your emotions while being productive at the same time. Take some time for yourself if you need it.

12 – Don’t Turn To Alcohol To Ease The Pain

Turning to alcohol, or even your favorite comfort food is not going to help you cope or get over the pain. All it does is temporarily numb you. Later, it makes the pain that much worse when the alcohol wears off. Using alcohol can also lead to other issues as well, like high-risk behavior, criminal charges, substance dependence, and victimization.

13 – Never Treat Yourself As A Failure

Relationships can end for a variety of reasons, and sometimes it’s just due to incompatibility or that spark not being there. People like to think that if you work at it hard enough, relationships are guaranteed to work, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Rather than treat your relationship or your part in it as a failure, use it as a learning experience on what to look for in your next partner.

14 – Don’t Put Your Ex On A Pedestal

Much like how seeking revenge or hating your ex can be a mistake, the opposite is just as valid. All relationships have their ups and downs, and nobody is perfect. This idolizing of your ex can prevent you from adequately healing, making you feel unworthy of love or second guess if you’re good enough when someone new comes along. While your ex might not have been a bad person, realize they weren’t perfect either.

15 – Don’t Rush Things

When going through the grieving process, understand that it’s called a ‘process’ for a reason. Things can take time, so don’t try to rush yourself through and back to normal. Don’t set time limits for yourself where you should be over your ex by the 20-day mark, or you should start dating this many weeks after. Everyone deals with grief differently, and you should take; however, as long as you need to fully move on from your previous relationship.

breakupFinal Thought on the Things to Avoid Doing Post Breakup

Breakups are always going to be hard to deal with, whether it’s your first relationship or you’ve been dating for a long time and through the wringer a few times. It’s important to grieve and cope on your terms. But you should do it in a way that promotes positivity and healing by the end of the process.

By avoiding these mistakes, you’ll be able to move on with a healthy sense of self-worth after the breakup. Plus, you will bring the best you to the field when you’re ready to start dating again.


Therapists Explain Why People Reveal Their True Colors in a Breakup

Therapists Explain Why People Reveal Their True Colors in a

Breaking off a relationship involves the same process as grieving many times. One of the worst things about this time of grief is that people show their true colors. These shades might not be very bright. We’ve got the breakdown of why people show their true colors in a breakup.

The Science of The Impact Of Personality In Breakups

A study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin explained how people handle romantic rejection. People reported how the view of themselves changed when their partner broke up the relationship. This research showed how people see themselves after a breakup, which has a direct impact on how they can get on with life.

The true personalities of each partner come through in breakups because these traits are part of the people. Personality traits have a big role in breakups because many people cannot move on for a very long time. They feel haunted and feel as if they did something “wrong.” Being rejected boosts their personality flaws because it brings them to the surface. Many people find their true self must be wrong.

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Testing a Relationship Brings Out The Worst In People

When people test their relationships, it’s the time many of them show their true colors. Breaking up is one of the hardest things for many people. It means something went wrong. Many people feel at this time that they’re not enough. When they’re put in the fire, those true colors shine in the light.

They’ve never had to show these colors before because they weren’t at this level of testing. Many people have a fight or flight mentality when it comes to tough times. A side of them comes out that might scare you, or might even surprise you. Even good people will let the worst in them come out when facing a tough time like a breakup.

Negative Behavior

As a relationship ends, some people exhibit negative behavior. They’ve been used to bottling their emotions, but their negative feelings are bubbling over, showing how they feel. Showing these negative behaviors to the partner reveals those emotions coming to the surface. The partner may have never seen this side before. The petty fights finally have a breaking point.

Perhaps the biggest issue here is that those negative feelings when breaking up are how you felt for a long time. These feelings were just hidden until you felt the need to show them. Bringing up these things you dislike about one another won’t change anything anyway. It’ll just make the other person resentful that you never loved their true self.

Dealing With A Narcissist

One of the biggest disappointments to many people when breaking up is finding out you’re dealing with a narcissist. You see the true colors of a person that reveal they’re into everything for themselves.

Your personalities just don’t align because they have no empathy, and they blame everything on you. If you never saw this behavior before, it is because a narcissist is great at luring you in for their good. They tell you what you want to hear.

Everything usually seems great until you hit a pothole. Once you hit trouble, these people show their other face. They only see things in black or white, so it’s either good or bad with them. They think if you aren’t on their side, you’re just wrong.

Thus, they feel if you’re the one leaving the relationship, you’re making the wrong decision because they’re the best thing since sliced bread. The truth is that there might not be anything wrong with you, but it’s all rooted in their personality.

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The Mask Comes Off and True Colors Reveal Themselves

Sometimes people show the negative aspects of their personality because they got what they wanted out of the relationship. They don’t need you anymore, so they don’t have to hide their identity. The mask they wore during your relationship doesn’t serve a purpose anymore. They’re able to reveal their face. This face might not be anything like the mask. They don’t care because they’re done with you.

It’s a sad but true part of many relationships. During a relationship, that mask is there to fulfill their happiness. Once it’s over, why would they need it? It’s time to create a new mask for the next relationship.

The Pressure of a Breakup

When you’re going through a breakup, you often feel frayed. It’s as if the pressure of your changing relationship status might make you explode. If someone’s personality is negative, that explosion won’t be pretty. When things are happy and quiet, that pressure is chill. When things start to explode, the volcanic ash can be fiery. Pressure makes it almost impossible to wear a mask. Pressure doesn’t make a person the way they are.

This feeling of pressure just reveals this person’s personality. They collapse under the weight of all of the issues. One cannot hide who they are in pressure. It builds inside them until they have to let it all out in some way.

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Pretending Cannot Last Forever

Even if a relationship lasted years and years under a mask, this pretending could not last forever. Sometimes a partner can “trick” the other for years. They show their best self. They say what the other wants to hear. And they might even do what the other person wants. Everything is perfect until the world starts to break.

This person has practiced being the person behind their mask for a long time. This pretending just cannot last forever. The work behind it gets exhausting. They start to crack as the world shakes. In truth, the partner probably saw these little cracks start popping up along the way. These cracks start to look like the world after an earthquake when you breakup. This is because pretending now has now fallen to the wayside. It has nothing to stand on, so it’s thrown to the side.

Controlling The Relationship Breakup

During a breakup, many people try to control and manipulate the other person. Controlling and manipulative behavior comes to the surface because many people feel like they’re falling without a parachute. They’re fearful, so they pull out any stops.

This type of manipulation can be emotionally abusive to the other person. All relationship tools of compromise are suddenly thrown out the window because they feel threatened. This behavior type is hard to change. People have this rooted in their personalities. It can even get worse if you’re going through a breakup where you have to divide things and make big decisions.

It’s Not Your Job To Fix Your Ex-partner

When your former partner shows their personality, don’t try to fix them. When they walk away showing off the worst parts about themselves, it isn’t your job to help them find their way back. They show themselves because they are scared.

They’re in a corner, they’re upset, and they want out. Your ex wants happiness, so they’ll do anything to get it. This desire could mean hurting you with unkind words or behaviors. Know that it isn’t your job to fix these things. You can’t fix who they are. It was never your fault that they wore a mask.

Don’t Become Uncomfortable In Your Skin

Sometimes you don’t see the personality of your partner until it’s too late because they simply aren’t being who they are. Some people are just afraid of being your true self, which is a bad thing in a relationship.

When you’re uncomfortable in your skin with another person, the relationship is built on a lie. Once you hit waves, those true colors splash out of the relationship boat. If someone doesn’t love those colors, they aren’t worth it. It’s not worth it to be someone else for years in a relationship. It’s exhausting for most people to try to please the other person by putting on a facade.

true colorFinal Thoughts about Someone Revealing Their True Colors During a Breakup

Sometimes after breaking up, you try to see through the negative behavior to who the person was during the relationship. You try to justify their actions. The truth of the matter is that you have to believe this person when they take off their mask. When they reveal their true selves, believe them. Don’t go back to the good times. These times weren’t real.

When this person was kind to you, yet they were only doing it for their good, it was never truthful. Many people want to believe in the good. Once someone shows you who they are on the inside, don’t go back. It will only hurt you in the end.

Overall, people reveal their true colors during a breakup because everything is stripped away. You might feel as if you lost all of the bright, happy times. But it is up to you to paint a new picture of the future that looks happy and bright.

But always remember–breaking up is a type of loss.

People have their ways of dealing with loss and grief. It’s impossible to change them, so it’s best to move on without them. If you don’t know the true colors of a person from the beginning, it’s only going to end in a storm.