Dating

If you’ve been in the dating pool for a while, you know how difficult it is to find someone who is honest, genuine, and the best fit for you. Nobody is perfect, but you want to find a love interest who can own up to his mistakes just as well as you can. How do you know if you are dating a narcissist?

There’s a big difference between loving and respecting yourself and being chronically selfish. Narcissism is a broad mental health disorder that makes people believe they are the most important being on the planet, according to therapists. Some of the signs are a grossly inflated ego, refusal to accept responsibility or blame, constant cravings for attention and praise, and disregarding other people’s feelings.

The Myth of the Vain Narcissist

This uncommon personality disorder was named for Narcissus, a character from Greek mythology. According to the story, this child of the river god and a nymph was so beautiful; he fell in love with his reflection in a water pool.

So great was his love that he pined away until he died, leaving a trail of beautiful flowers that still bear his name. Although this is a fictional story, mental health disorder is real.

Types of Narcissism

Psychologists recognize six different types of narcissism, ranging from closeted to psychopathic. This research suggests that a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may stem from a combination of heredity and environment. While therapy can help this condition, there is no cure.

• Seductive Narcissist: These narcissists try to win your heart to display it as a trophy.
• Bully Narcissist: To boost their ego, the bully narcissist puts others down and steps on people to get to the top.
• Exhibition Narcissist: There’s no guessing about this guy because he proclaims his egocentric tendencies to the world.
• Secret Narcissist: He may not push his selfish agenda on others, but he secretly believes he is superior and entitled.
• Toxic Narcissist: The ranges of this narcissistic personality are characterized by chronic drama and a long history of abusive relationships.
• Psychopathic Narcissist: Not only can this narcissist break your heart, but he could also take your life. Most mass murderers are also psychopathic narcissists without remorse.

Are You Dating a Narcissist?

At first, you may not see that your new love interest has a psychological problem. However, warning signs will soon be evident if he is a narcissist. Here are ten red flags of narcissistic behavior that you shouldn’t ignore.

1. He isn’t Honest About His Marital Status

A narcissist can’t admit a failed relationship, even if he is still in it. Before you get attached to someone, be sure that he is free and not committed to somebody else. Take warning if your new love interest’s social media relationship profile says that he is separated or “it’s complicated.”

Do you want to be the third person in a cheater’s marriage? What does it say about a man or woman who is dating while still married? Regardless of the excuses, this person is lying and cheating. A selfish person doesn’t have the honesty and integrity to be part of a healthy relationship, so run while you can.

2. She Lies and Hides Things

A fulfilling relationship must be based on mutual honesty and trust. If it’s not there, then you’re headed for heartache. You can often tell if you are dating a narcissist if you are constantly catching her in lies. Often, narcissistic people will lie and stretch the truth about insignificant things, like where they bought their car or the fabulous job they had back when.

Sure, everybody has made mistakes and done things in the past that doesn’t make them proud. However, an honest person will have no qualms about being truthful about her past, where she grew up, former marriages, etc. Pay attention if she gets defensive and turns it around on you as if you have trust issues.

3. He Can’t Follow the Rules

There’s nothing wrong with individuality, but the typical narcissist expects the world to run by his rules. He has such a high opinion that he believes he is above the laws and rules of society. If you are dating a narcissist, you may see him ignoring simple laws and mandates “just because he can.”

A person who ignores laws is also apt to disregard morality. Perhaps he thinks it’s nothing to cheat on his taxes or his mate. He may think he is good enough to get away with it but refuse to let him get away with your heart.

4. His Romance is Not Genuine

When you first start dating a narcissist, one thing that gets your attention quickly is his air of romance. He knows precisely what you want to hear and uses a lot of smooth-talking to charm you. In the beginning, he may be generous with gifts and treat you like a queen.

The catch is that when he has captured your heart, the narcissist often loses interest. It’s a game of hunt and chase for him, not a seriously committed relationship. He will soon be on to the next conquest, so nip this selfish game in the bud.

5. She Can’t Respect Boundaries

The celebrated poet, Robert Frost, said it best when he wrote that “good fences make good neighbors.” Boundaries are essential for any relationship, be it family, friends, professional, or social. We all have lines drawn in the sand, and we show mutual respect by not crossing them.

You can often tell if you are dating a narcissist if she refuses to respect yours or anybody else’s boundaries. She may continuously push you beyond your set boundaries for her own selfish needs. If dating is this bad, what would marriage or living together be?

6. He Can’t Show Empathy

Do you have a narcissistic friend or relative who can’t put himself aside for one minute to be concerned about your problems? Therapists concur that people with NPD lack empathy skills. So if you are dating a narcissist, take a hint if he can’t relate to your feelings and tries to push your opinions aside.

This cynical personality not only can’t empathize with others, but he will often try to vie for attention by “one-upping” any of your situations or experiences. He is too busy promoting himself to think about your feelings.

7. She Uses People

How does your new love interest interact with her friends and coworkers? Is her friendship and professional relationships mutually respectful, or are they one-sided? A narcissist is always there when she needs you and is seldom seen rushing to help anyone else, not even her beau.

Does she only react with those who feed her ego and discard people who have no more energy or substance to offer her? Be assured that her intentions aren’t any different for you. Please don’t get caught in her web of selfishness.

8. He Takes No Responsibility for Past Relationships

Nobody can defend a narcissist better than himself, especially in past relationships. In many broken connections, the fault can usually be shared. Of course, this isn’t the case for those who’ve endured an abusive or cheating partner.

When you are dating a narcissist, he may fake honesty about his past relationships. If you believe his narratives, he was always the victim, and past partners were “unstable,” and single-handedly destroyed him. Be even more suspicious of him if he doesn’t want you to talk to his ex-partners to find the truth.

9. He Just Wants a Reputation

Narcissistic people spend a lot of time and energy cultivating a false image. He brags up every aspect of his life to impress others and create a bigger-than-life reputation. He usually isn’t worried about character building, because he will often do what it takes to make himself look good, even if it’s immoral.

If you are dating a narcissist, his chronic boasting should be a red flag. He invents big job titles and unbelievable salaries for every job he’s worked. You name it, he’s done it or owned it. Remember the saying that things that are too good to be true usually aren’t?

10. Your Relationship Is Chronically Unstable

Like everything in life, even the best relationships have their ups and downs. However, you shouldn’t feel like you are always on an emotional roller coaster. When you are dating a narcissist, everything will seem unbalanced.

At first, he may pretend to be all about you, then suddenly he is a ghost for days at a time. It’s easy for him to turn his feelings on and off toward you. Please resist the urge to stay in the relationship to change him, because the chances are that he or she will remain a selfish narcissist.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing a Narcissist

Unfortunately, the narcissistic person will never find someone who he loves more than himself. Consider these tell-tale signs that you are dating someone with unhealthy views of themselves, and walk away with your dignity. You deserve to have someone who will love and care for you as an equal. Meanwhile, the narcissist will be left with the only person in his life who loves him: himself.

Online dating has become a way to meet new people.

Virtual dating platforms receive high praise from the individuals that have met and married from using their site. However, what they don’t tell you is all the people that they remove daily for fraudulent accounts and catfishing.

If you have little social interaction in your life, then the online world opens a wide variety of options. When you don’t have an abundance of fish in the sea where you live, the ocean is swarming with potential guppies online. How can you be safe, yet give yourself the chance to meet someone amazing?

There are some basic rules and etiquette that you should follow when online dating. Done right, using these virtual dating apps can help you meet Mr. or Miss Right, but you need to be careful.

Here Are 15 Online Dating Rules Every Single Person Needs to Know

1. Be on Guard

While most people on these online dating sites are like you, there are always a few bad apples that spoil the whole bunch. Catfishing is a genuine problem on these sites, and the best way to avoid it is to not get swept into the web of deceit.

There are plenty of online scammers that prey on vulnerable people. If someone tells you they are in the military and are stationed in a foreign land, be careful. Also, if anyone starts off their story that they’re a widow with a child in a boarding school, just go ahead and block them.

Virtual dating is a great way for people of all ages to meet others, but it’s a great way for scammers to make some money. Don’t be the next victim, no matter how good the story.

2. Never Meet Someone Unless You’ve Talked for More Than Two Weeks

There’s a little back and forth about how long a person should “text date” before they meet. You don’t want to get into a situation where you only have a person that will text. You need to call and meet in person.

Allow at least a couple of weeks to go by before you schedule that in-person meeting. Two weeks is plenty of time to see if anything alarming comes up. You don’t want a text-only situation.

3. Always Do a Little Snooping

Before giving away your heart, you need to do a little digging. If they’re a real person, then they have a social media account. At least get their full name and then look them up in the city where they live.

Thanks to Google, you can’t hide anywhere these days. Do a bit of research before meeting them in person. Sadly, this could be someone else’s husband or wife you’re talking too.

4. Never Send Cash

Never, under any circumstances, send cash to anyone. Additionally, don’t send i-Tune gift cards or any other gifts they want. These are scammers, and your relationship is built on lies. They will lure in your heart and use you for every dime you have.

5. If They Seem Too Good to Be True, Then It’s a Lie

If it seems like you’ve met the perfect person, be leery. There is no such thing as perfection in human beings. If they look too good, their story is unbelievable, and they seem to want the same things as you, then be careful.

6. Use an Image Locator to Verify Their Pictures

Catfishing is so frequent these days that you must protect yourself at all costs. Get pictures and run them through Google’s image locator. If they took someone else’s photo from social media or anywhere else on the web, then this tool will identify them. Don’t believe everything you see or hear until you’ve met in person.

7. Video Chat Before Meeting in Person

It’s exciting to meet that special person that you’ve been talking too. However, before you make a date and schedule the place, you should video chat at least once. Video chatting takes away a little bit of the element of surprise.

You can see them face-to-face and make sure that what they say is true. If they’re using old or fake pictures, then they won’t want to have such a chat. However, if they have nothing to hide, then they will welcome it.

8. Ask Personal Identifying Questions

While you don’t want to get too personal, like asking how much money they make, don’t be afraid to ask a few identifying questions. You don’t want your whole conversation to be in generalities.

To get to know someone, you need to know about their family and if their parents are still alive. Plus, these questions will help you to establish if they’re real or a scammer.

9. Don’t Use Old Pictures

If you expect the other person to be upfront and honest, then you must do the same. Make sure that you only use current pictures on your profile. While you may want to show them pictures of days gone by later, make sure your profile is accurate in how you look today.

10. Be 100 Percent Honest

Don’t put anything on your profile that could come back to bite you later. Make sure everything you write is 100 percent honest. Don’t put that you’re a chef when you’re a grill cook at a fast-food restaurant.

Many little white lies may come back to haunt you if you develop a relationship with this person. People feel free to embellish their attributes a bit when they’re hiding behind a virtual platform.

11. Don’t Share Anything Too Personal at First

When you first meet, you don’t want to give them too many details of your life. Please don’t share the names of your kids, where they go to school, or the name of your ex. These details can be used against you or to help with a scam.

Any identifying information should be reserved for conversations at a later date. Please stick to your basics, and leave everyone else out of it.

12. Always Meet in a Public Place

The online dating world is full of people that want to hook up for one-night stands. You can identify these people quickly. However, even if you agree to such an event, make sure you first meet in a public place.

So many people get hurt physically while using virtual dating apps, and you want to make sure that safety is a priority. Let someone know where you will be and who you will be with, as it can help should there be an incident.

13. Use Proper Grammar in Your Communication

You want to use proper etiquette when dealing with the online dating world. While it may be cute to use abbreviations and emojis, try to stick to proper grammar and talk like an adult. You can loosen up a bit once you’ve been talking for a while, but you want the person or people you’re interested in to at least think you know how to have a civilized conversation.

14. Don’t Be Too Quick to Add Them as Friends To Social Media Platforms

Social media platforms are all the rage these days, and you may be eager to add people to your list. You can never be too careful. Once you add them as friends, you are letting them into your inner circle of information. Remember, they can post things to your wall and see something that you may not want them to see.

It would be best if you had been on a couple of dates before considering adding them to your social media accounts.

15. Avoid Fiery Topics

Finally, there are two topics that you want to avoid initially, which are religion and politics. These are very private and sore subjects to discuss, and you don’t want to come out of the gate with such controversial subjects. If they bring them up, then it’s giving you the green light for talking about these things, but you should never discuss them unless they seem okay with it.

Avoid virtual arguments and debates over religion and politics as it’s not worth your time. You shouldn’t care what some random person in the online dating world thinks about such things. The only time it affects you is if you decide to take the next step.

Final Thoughts on Trying These Online Dating Rules

Online dating has become the best way to meet people with American’s busy lives. While you may want to talk to that guy or gal from a foreign land, try to stick within a certain distance of your home. The chances of meetings someone real are better when you are shopping within a 100-mile radius.

Make sure you read through their entire profile before chatting. Don’t be afraid to tell them precisely what you’re looking for, and don’t leave out any details. You want this person to want the same things and like you for who you are, not what you tell them.

In the online dating world, honesty is still the best policy. Try to have fun and mingle a bit. Every person you talk to isn’t going to end up in a face-to-face encounter, but you can have fun just mingling with new people.

When you’re dating long distance, communication is everything. Since you are far apart, you can’t get a lot of in-person quality time to build the relationship. You must find other ways to bond.

Cute, fun, engaging, and romantic text messages can go a long way when it comes to bonding in a long-distance relationship. You don’t always have to explicitly type, “I love you,” to express your love. As long as you let your significant other know that they’re on your mind, the distance may not seem so bad.

While text messages aren’t a substitute for in-person interaction, they’re enough to keep the bond secure between you and your significant other when you have distance between you. Here are 20 loving texts that are perfect for sending your significant other when you’re in a long-distance relationship.

20 Fun Texts to Send Your Love While Dating Long Distance

1. Simple “Good Morning” Texts

It’s nice to know that you’re the first thing on someone’s mind during the day. You’re partner likely feels the same way. A quick good morning text is an excellent way to show your partner that they are one of your priorities since you’re thinking of them before getting your day going. It’s also great if you know you’re going to have a busy day – text them early, so they don’t feel forgotten.

2. Simple “Good Night” Texts

Just as a good morning text lets your partner know you’re thinking of them first thing in the morning, a good night text can let them know that you’re thinking of them, even after the long events of the day. Plus, being in a good mood can lead to a better quality of sleep.

3. Jokes

Everyone loves a good laugh every once in a while. However, even if your jokes aren’t that great, your significant other would appreciate the effort. Unless your significant other is a stick-in-the-mud, a few well-timed jokes can put a smile on your significant other’s face. One great idea is “relationship jokes” – having a good laugh at the quirks of a relationship is great for bonding.

4. Selfies

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you don’t get the opportunity to be near each other a lot. Selfies are a great way to bridge that gap. Your significant other can see you every day if you choose to. They can see your new hairstyles, outfits, jewelry, and more. Let’s face it – your partner is attracted to you, so it’s understandable that they’d want to see you, even if it’s just your face. Selfies are the closest you two can get without getting intimate in a long-distance relationship.

5. Good News

It’s nice to be romantic, but you could mix the content of your texts up a little to keep the conversations dynamic. Your significant other could be as stoked as you are about your good news. After all, they care about you, so when good things happen to you, it makes them happy. Plus, it’s nice to hear good news no matter who it comes from.

6. Interesting Events

Being able to have conversations about real-life events makes you friends with your significant other in addition to being lovers. When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you can’t always have those conversations face to face, so texting about exciting topics and events can keep the friendship alive.

7. Random Caring Texts

Of course, sending loving texts about…well…love is a great way to let your significant other know that you still care. Dating long distance can sometimes make people feel insecure about their relationship. However, regular loving texts can ease that insecurity and remind your significant other that you genuinely care about them.

8. Travel Plans to See Them

When you’re dating long distance, any opportunity to see each other is a gift. Therefore, texting travel plans to link up with your significant other is always an incredibly welcome text message. This communication is especially true if you have suddenly found time out of a busy schedule, and you’re surprising your partner with the visit (i.e., you’re en route).

9. Interesting Details of Your Day

If you’ve heard of oversharing, you don’t have to worry about this being a problem when you are dating long distance. Sharing interesting detail of your day are great texts to send to your partner. By being able to keep up with what is happening in each other’s lives, it can make you feel like you never miss a day with that person.

10. Quirky Texts

Sending texts that show your personality, especially your quirky side, is loving because it shows that you trust your partner to love every side of you. It indicates a level of comfort that you have with them. It can also give your partner the confidence to show you different sides of them, too. Plus, your partner will probably fall in love with little weird things you do.

11. Pet Photos

It is no secret that people love their pets just like they’re children. Therefore, sharing pet selfies can be considered as a loving because you’re sharing an important part of your life with your partner. It’s very special if your partner also shares pet selfies with you also.

12. You Miss Them

Letting your partner know that you really miss them is a great way to let them know how special they are to you. This indicates that the absence isn’t making your bond weaker. Simple texts saying that you miss them helps to keep your partner confident and, ultimately, into the relationship.

13. GIFs

Sometimes pictures (in this case, animations) can speak a thousand words. GIFs are a fun way to express your love for your partner. Plus, they’re a lot easier to send if you aren’t good with words. They’re also great texts to send if you’re too busy to type out a whole message. You can have a whole conversation with GIFs.

14. Poetry

If you are good with words, a few lines of poetry can be one of the most loving, romantic, and unique texts that you can send to your partner. It doesn’t matter whether you wrote it or someone else did, the gesture is what matters. Good poetry could melt your partner’s heart.

16. Flirty Texts

If you want to be loving but playful, flirty texts are the way to go. They’re fun, and they can stimulate conversation. This is especially important when you are texting and talking over the phone so much more than in person. It’s also a great way to get your partner’s attention if you’ve been missing them all day.

17. Spiritual or Religious Texts

If you, your partner, or both of you are spiritual or religious people, it can be nice to send texts of a spiritual or religious nature. For one, it shows respect for your partner’s beliefs. Sharing in your partner’s beliefs can also build an incredibly strong bond that can stand up to any distance between you two.

18. Updates on Favorite Shows

If there are shows or movies that you both like but can’t watch together because you’re dating long distance, texting about your favorite moments can be loving in a certain light. You won’t feel like you’re alone while watching. You’ll still have someone there to laugh or cry at the good moments. These types of text messages are great for “spending time together” while apart.

19. Safety Texts

Sending texts to make sure your partner made it home safely or to make sure they’re okay in other situations that may arise shows how much you love and/or care about them. There is no doubt that they appreciate and welcome your concern for them. This is one of the ultimate types of loving text messages that you can send your significant other.

20. “I Love You” Texts

There is no better way to say you love someone than to say that you love them. A simple, three-word message can make a huge difference in someone’s day. You’d be surprised at how often a text like this lands at just the right time.

Final Thoughts on Dating Long Distance

Dating long distance takes a lot of effort. With so much time apart, it can sometimes make a relationship seem as if it’s standing in place. Sure, you can talk on the phone, but both of you are probably busy. Loving text messages are the perfect way to stay in touch without interrupting so much.

Text messages don’t always have to be straightforward. After all, you don’t want them to read like an essay. By using ideas from the twenty types of text messages above, you can keep the conversation interesting, keep your bond strong, and, most importantly, let your partner know how much you are. Try a few out to find your favorites!

5 Online Dating Profile Tips to Win the Ladies Over

Whether you’re new to the world of online dating or you’ve been in the game for a while, making a profile is tough.

How do you explain what you’re looking for without using cliches? Should you be yourself or play it cool with a few suave pickup lines?

And should you really mention that your friends say you look like George Clooney?

Don’t worry. We’ll cover all that and more. Here are five online dating profile tips guaranteed to win the ladies over.

5 Online Dating Profile Tips

1. Just Say No to Selfies

It’s true that selfies are a huge part of our culture. And on Facebook and Instagram, selfies are fine.

But not on your dating profile.

You don’t have to run to a studio for professional photographs, but you do want to show that you care enough to have a decent photo taken.

Enlist a friend to take a few shots of you, both close-up and full-body. Another tip: It should be just you in the photo. Save the pictures of your dog or best friend for another time.

2. 70% About You, 30% About Her

We didn’t invent these numbers. Studies show that profiles using this ratio get the most response on online dating sites.

Catch her eye with an interesting opening, perhaps an exciting travel tale or a funny anecdote. Give her a glimpse of your personality and tell her just enough to make her want to read more.

Next, mention your occupation and a little bit about your daily life. Focus on aspects of your work and lifestyle that you truly enjoy, and play them up. The more positive emotions you can elicit, the better.

Finally, describe your ideal woman. Be honest and specific, and don’t be afraid to set the bar high. Women like confidence.

3. Be Honest, But Not TOO Honest

You want to be honest on your profile, but there such a thing as too much honesty.

If you feel the need to mention you’re divorced or separated, go ahead. Most women will appreciate knowing that up front.

But avoid using sad words like “alone,” “desperate,” or “lonely.” While it may be true, it will detract from the more attractive parts of your profile.

What if you’re lacking in the self-confidence department? Sign up for a course like Social Attraction to help you feel more confident around the ladies.

4. Use Proper English

You only get one chance to make a first impression, so make sure your profile is spell-checked and error-free.

Skip the slang, emoticons, and abbreviations. These are fine for social media and text messages, but on your profile, you want to come across as an intelligent, educated adult.

On that note, steer clear of colloquialisms like “baby” or “doll.” It might have worked for Humphrey Bogart, but modern women aren’t the biggest fans of chauvinism.

5. Don’t Make a Checklist

Finally, remember that you’re looking for a real, live human being.

If you list every single quality you want, women who read your profile will feel like they’re in a livestock competition instead of looking for a date.

Women want to know about you, not fifty things you’re looking for in a mate (refer to the 70/30 rule). So tell her about yourself and let her decide if you two are a good match.

Final Thoughts

Creating a strong dating profile is challenging, but it’s doable.

With these online dating profile tips, you’re ready to log on and make a profile that will win the ladies over.

Be sure to check out our recent relationship posts for more helpful dating advice.