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15 Red Flags Someone is an Emotional Vampire

15 Red Flags Someone is an Emotional Vampire

If you’ve never dealt with an emotional vampire, you’re lucky. However, it could be that you don’t realize that a friend or loved one is like that. These types of people will drain you of your energy and emotions, and, to make matters worse, they won’t care.

For your health, it’s important to recognize when someone is an emotional vampire. Once you identify this energy zapper, learn to deal with them pleasantly while keeping them at arm’s length.

Know the fifteen signs someone might be an emotional vampire

Here are 15 red flags for which you should look.

1. They always turn the topic to themselves.

For some reason, no matter what you’re talking about, they’ll find a way to make it about themselves. Are you talking about your college grades? Somehow the conversation will turn in to how your scores affect them. What about a great date that you had yesterday? Yep, all about them.

If you’re feeling left out of a conversation with someone all the time, this is a significant, glaring indicator. This self-centered friend is incapable or possibly unwilling to allow someone else to be the center of attention in a conversation.

2. They always seek validation.

They probably have low self-esteem, so they require constant validation. The crazy thing is that you probably know this on some subconscious level, and you feel bad that they have low self-esteem. Therefore, you try to be friendly and supportive because you care.

They feed on this caring emotion from you. Indeed, they may even always fish for compliments. No matter how tiring this gets for you, they’ll continue to do it until you put a stop to it.

3. Emotional vampires thrive on and seek out drama.

Problems, negativity, and drama have a lot of energy. Energy suckers are naturally drawn to drama because it feeds their personality. Sometimes they may even go to extremes to instigate drama.

Continually seeking out drama is childish, but emotional vampires don’t see it that way. Instead, it’s a thrill to them. If you’re not careful, you can find yourself squarely in the middle of their drama simply because you’re associated with them.

4. They are emotionally unavailable.

If you think that your energy-sucking friend will be there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on, think again. They are selfish and emotionally unavailable. They will suck away all of everyone’s emotions, but they are unwilling to share when you need some.

Of course, they may be so wrapped up in themselves that if you tell them exactly how you’re feeling, they’ll dismiss it and change the subject to how they’re feeling. Even worse, they might make you feel bad that your bad feelings are making them feel bad. It’s a crazy cycle.

5. They always seem to have a negative vibe.

If you are a spiritual person, you may be able to detect people’s vibes when they come around. An emotional vampire will always project a negative vibe or aura. It can be so strong that it’s hard to ignore.

If you keep yourself around such a strong negative vibe, some of it may rub off onto you. Even the healthiest people might be slightly affected. The best thing you can do is stay away from people with negative vibes.

6. Every situation is always a crisis.

You may notice that your friend over-dramatizes every little thing. The most superficial problems that can easily be solved seems like the Titanic is about to sink again. What’s worse, it may seem that your friend is always having these minor-major issues.

People who suck up energy and emotions need to turn everything into a crisis so they can get more power and feelings out of you. It’s a vicious cycle in which you’ll continuously feed their needs until they wear down your last nerve.

7. They hold ridiculous grudges.

If your friend is holding grudges from elementary school, this is a big red flag. It seems that they can’t let anything go, ever. You can be sure that your friend will be holding grudges on their death bed.

This grudge-holding stems from their desire for drama all the time. If they forgive people, there will be no more drama. That means no more emotions for them to suck up, and they can’t have that.

8. They will complain about everything all the time.

It may seem like nothing is ever good enough for your friend. They have a problem with everyone and everything. They never have compliments or anything good to say.

Life can be very dull and harsh, being around a person who complains about everything. They’ll try to suck all of the joy out of whatever you’re doing so you’ll be as miserable as they are. If you’re a healthy person, you can fight against this, but it doesn’t make it any less irritating.

9. These friends seem to be unaware of others.

A person who is an emotional vampire doesn’t pay any attention to the fact that there are other human beings on the planet. They can happily go through life, never connecting with people, giving them credit for anything, or even recognizing that they have feelings and emotions.

Examples would be dismissing the excellent job that their waitress did or ignoring how their partner feels about them forgetting their anniversary. They can be cold, cruel, and seemingly heartless.

10. These folks never accept responsibility for their actions.

As much trouble as your friend can cause, they will never accept responsibility for their role in the drama. According to your friend, everything is everyone else’s fault. They play the victim role exceptionally well.

Even when it’s obvious that your friend is to blame, they will deflect that blame elsewhere. There is no reasoning with a person like this. You’ll only drive yourself crazy, trying to get them to see the light.

11. Emotional vampires continuously try to one-up you.

Unfortunately, they don’t just suck up negative energy. They suck up all energy. This means they want the power of being “the best” at all times. They won’t celebrate in your successes. Instead, they give you an empty compliment and immediately compare it to something they’ve done better than you. Here is an example.

“Oh, you finally lost that ten pounds? Great. Keep working at it, and you might be able to look as good as I would in that dress.”

It’s an empty compliment. This phrase is not a compliment (because they are incapable of giving real compliments). It’s just your friend trying to prove that they’re better than you.

12. They think that only their needs matter.

This makes sense because a person like this doesn’t pay any attention to people around them anyway. It’s almost like they live in a bubble, and they only pull you in long enough to drain your emotions. In their bubble, no one else’s needs matter.

Just keep in mind that if you keep this person as a friend, they’re not going to care about what’s happening in your life genuinely. They are more of a “surface” friend. They’re incapable of caring about your needs.

13. They are masters at guilt trips.

Emotional vampires seem to be skilled at making you feel guilty. They can even make you feel guilty about something that you had absolutely nothing to do with. Before you know it, you’ll be caving into what they want in an attempt to apologize for nothing.

Sometimes it can take a little time to recognize that they do this to you. However, when you realize it, get out of it. They’re not going to stop guilt-tripping you. It’s just who they are.

14. Emotional vampires are bullies.

People like your energy draining friend are unpleasant to be around. They have a nasty personality. They’re mean, selfish, insecure, and hostile. They are also bullies.

Bullying doesn’t work on everyone, but emotional vampires seem to have an innate quality that allows them to sense weaker people. They’ll bully these people into giving them what they want – energy and emotions.

15. Talks nonstop.

After reading the other fourteen red flags, it shouldn’t be surprising that all those energy suckers talk nonstop. If they don’t even acknowledge the people around them, it’s not going to occur to them that people have an opinion (or maybe they don’t care that people have an idea). To them, they are the only ones that exist or matter, so why would anyone else have anything to say?

They may rarely give you a chance to even reply to what they’re saying. Why? Because they don’t care what you think or how you feel.

Final Thoughts on Dealing with the Emotional Vampires in Your Life

Throughout this article, we’ve referred to the energy sucker in your life as your friend. However, let’s be honest. This person is not a friend. They’re a leech. They’re simply a parasite in your life feeding off of your energy and emotions. They’ll keep mooching off of you until there is nothing left, or until you put a stop to it.

Don’t allow emotional vampires to consume you. Use these 15 red flags to recognize them for who they are. Then cut them off and enjoy your life.


Therapist Explains How to Restore Emotional Intimacy After a Fight With Your Partner

Therapist Explains How to Restore Emotional Intimacy After a Fight

Conflicts, arguments, and disagreements are bound to happen in the course of any relationship. Sometimes, it gets so bad that the discord escalates from a moderately annoying dispute to a full-blown heartbreak. You or your partner are bound to say harsh and hurtful things to the other that create obvious issues in your love paradise. And afterward, it can be challenging to return to your previous emotional intimacy.

While both physical and emotional bonds are instrumental in making any relationship healthy, after a fight, it can be quite challenging to want to share your body and emotions. Recovering from a bad conflict or any form of betrayal from your partner is a long healing process. It’s possible to get back to where your relationship was before the conflict or even make it better, but it requires patience and wisdom.

Which begs the question in this piece’s segment: How do you restore emotional intimacy in your relationship after a bad conflict? The experts in relationship matters will guide you through a few steps that can help you salvage your relationship and bring your partner closer.

Step to restoring emotional intimacy after you fight with your partner

Keep these things in mind as you move forward after an argument.

It starts with you

The need for change has to start from somewhere. You might want to begin the healing process from within yourself. Take some time to reflect on the happy times, the sad times, the mistakes, and begin to forgive yourself first.

Healing a broken relationship requires multiple gentle and open moves while thinking about your partner. Release all the anger and start working on committing to the relationship rather than trigger another argument. Avoid getting defensive, justifying your mistakes, and ignoring the real problem.

Change your mindset from blaming to forgiving and moving on. It will help you stay calmer.

Someone has to make the first move

As earlier discussed, healing a broken relationship requires gentleness and patience. It also needs someone to save that relationship, drop the ego, and take the responsibility of protecting it. It’s common for both parties to feel like the other party needs to admit to their mistake.

You will need some wisdom to overcome this challenging phase where you get to make the first move. If you are the voice of reason in your relationship, then it’s your responsibility to approach your partner and remind them of your attachments and connections. Consider making the first move when things are calm, and when your partner seems to be in the right mood.

Communication is paramount

Therapists insist for the longest time now, that communication and comprehension work hand in hand in a relationship. Looking at things, you could spend the entire day communicating with your partner about your feelings and thoughts, but if they don’t understand you, it’s all void. Choose a time when your partner is in the mood to communicate and reach an understanding with you.

You could begin this talking phase by hinting at it and let them prepare to discuss and let out their emotions when the time comes. When the time is right, communicate openly about the disagreement. Try to be calm and honest about what you feel. In most cases, conflicts don’t come up because of one event but a culmination of build-up emotions.

The only way you and your partner get to move on from the full-blown heartbreak is through communicating. Get to understand what your partner has been going through. Let them see your troubles and heartbreak through your eyes too.

Apologize and let it go

It takes two to tango; both you and your partner need to acknowledge your mistakes and feel sorry for the wrongdoings. Apologize to your partners after accepting your mistakes and give them the chance to do the same thing. You can only move to the next step if both of you forgive each other and accept to let it go.

What is next?

Now that you are past the worst, you might want to solve the problems that caused the conflict to avoid a repeat of the fight. How did the conflict come about? Was it a lack of quality time? Perhaps a lack of communication? Maybe your intoxication and abuse of alcohol led you to blow things that hurt your partner.

Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter now after you have already forgiven each other and promised to work on the shortcomings. Focus on coming up with a solution to solve the problem at hand. You might decide to see a relationship therapist or perhaps support your partner and enroll them for rehab.

What if the conflicts keep recurring?

Fighting fair is also another effective strategy that helps you improve your communication and prevents another harsh fight. The approach focuses on attacking the mutual problem eating into your relationship, rather than each other. Just because you’ve moved on, doesn’t mean other conflicts won’t erupt.

Nonetheless, it takes wisdom to know how to approach the conflict and when to unleash the tactics. Downplaying the disputes won’t solve the problem. Consider contacting an expert for great fighting fair tactics that will help you stick to the mission.

Time to restore that bond

With all the burden lifted, this should be the right time to work on your lost or weakened bond. Without a doubt, the healing process is a painful process that requires effort, patience, time, love, and lots of forgiveness. Try not to bring up things from the past; it only makes the process harder.

Numerous ways can help you restore the bond in your relationship. For instance, you could go back into memory lane and do the things you both loved to do in the past. Practice regular date nights together, go to movies, or even cook a meal together. Instead of focusing on the conflict moments in your relationship, you could drive your energy into having fun together and recreating those wonderful memories.

Move onto emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy revolves around so much more than sex. Someone had to say it. Work on reconnecting with one another intimately through using non-sexual methods.

We promise, it’s not going to get boring, and it only gets better. Emotional intimacy entails having deep conversations with one another and enjoying the quality time just between you two. Find unique ways to express your love and appreciation through cuddling, hugging, kissing, touching, and admiring one another.

Through these tips, you will make a great way to reconnect with your partner physically and sexually. It all starts with the emotions first.

Give yourself time

Like we said a little earlier, healing takes time and patience. You can’t just dive into where you left and proceed smoothly. Reconnecting intimately after the bond with your partner was broken will take time.

The last thing you want after coming this far is struggling to create a sexual connection with them because you haven’t built intense emotional intimacy. You might want to start working on trusting your partner again and avoid forcing the process. There isn’t one timeline that defines when you are ready for the next level.

Every relationship, situation, and individual is different. Consider communicating your own healing process with your partner and let them know how you feel every step of the way. When the time is right, you will know.

Seek to find a balance between your relationship and yourself

The strongest relationships are made of two interdependent partners striving to be together against all the odds. As you continue to heal, don’t lose yourself to the relationship. Before you two met, you had your hobbies, a social life, and a professional life; don’t tamper with that.

Ensure that you take care of yourself as much as you strive to take care of your partner and his or her feelings. Allow your spouse to do the same and then come together as a strong, trusting, and secure couple. Again, remember to employ fighting fair whenever an issue comes up, and when an unhealthy argument is about to blow up.

Emotional intimacy doesn’t happen immediately

Nothing good is built overnight. Therapists can’t necessitate this enough. We understand that words hurt, actions replay in your mind, being in love is a risk, and nothing is certain, including restoring emotional intimacy to its previous settings.

It’s important to understand that repairing and redeeming your emotional intimacy with your partner will take time. Before it gets better, there will be tears, spoiled days, and rough nights. However, don’t get discouraged; you will get there with the right amount of effort, energy, hope, and positivity.

Continue finding your way around your partner and work on restoring your romantic side. Intimacy soon follows after everything else is in place. Remember, forgiving, forgetting, and moving on is your relationship’s strongest motto.

Final thoughts on restoring emotional intimacy after a fight

The basis of any strong relationship is an emotional connection. By being gentle, loving, mindful, and caring, you will eventually make yourself a better partner. It starts with you.

Once you’ve made a safe haven for your partner to open up and be a better partner, you will be on the right track to saving your relationship. It’s the little things that count.


12 Behaviors of People With High Emotional Intelligence

12 Behaviors of People With High Emotional Intelligence

Many people view IQ as most important, but in our opinion, the world could use a lot more emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence means being able to perceive, control, and assess your emotions as well as others’. This type of knowledge means knowing how to respond to someone without letting your emotions get the best of you. And it also means remembering you can’t control other people’s feelings.

“It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence; it is not the triumph of heart over head—it is the unique intersection of both.” –David Caruso

People with high emotional intelligence contribute a lot of essential skills to society and may not even know it. Sensitive, emotional people often get looked at as weak or unproductive in society, but they simply possess different characteristics than their less sensitive counterparts. They have a way of seeing into the heart of people and smoothing out disagreements that may occur between more logical types. So, to sum it up, emotional intelligence gets downplayed a lot in society, but without empathy, our world would not function.

Psychologist and one of the pioneers of emotional intelligence, Daniel Goleman, wrote a book about how information doesn’t have much value if you lack empathy. In Dr. Goleman’s book, Emotional Intelligence – Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, he talked about five main components that make up emotional intelligence.

We will go over what he outlined in his book below, as well as other behaviors of people with high emotional intelligence.

Here are 12 behaviors of people with high emotional intelligence:

emotional intelligencer

1 – They have high self-awareness.

According to Dr. Goleman, the first sign someone possesses high emotional intelligence is their level of self-awareness. Those with high emotional intelligence can keep close tabs on their emotions and control their reactions to other people. They never allow their feelings to get the best of them.

They don’t stuff their feelings away, but they also don’t let their emotions steer the wheel. People with emotional intelligence just pay attention to their feelings, so they don’t overreact or make bad decisions based on emotions. They also know themselves very well and set boundaries with people so they can maintain a sense of peace and autonomy at all times. People who are emotionally smart use this thoughtful gift as a way to keep in touch with their inner selves and gain insight into their feelings at all times.

2 – They have a remarkable ability to control their emotions.

The emotionally intelligent ride the waves of their emotions and don’t attach themselves to them. They simply allow the feelings to come and go without labeling them as good or bad. As humans, we all have fluctuating emotions, so if we feel sad today, then tomorrow, we might feel happy again. Knowing this, emotionally smart people keep a calm, even demeanor despite how they feel inside.

Emotional regulation is a crucial trait of the emotionally smart because, without the ability to control emotions, you will always fall victim to the chaos happening around you. However, if you can view your feelings as merely passing thought waves, you can ride the stormy seas and keep your ship afloat rather than letting the currents drag you under.

3 – They are motivated.

People with high EQ don’t allow themselves to play the victim. Indeed, they take full responsibility for their situation and life. They don’t let passing feelings get in the way of their goals, so they can keep focused on one task for long periods without getting fatigued. A lot of people feel tired just because their minds won’t shut off, but the emotionally intelligent know how to remain mindful, so they have higher productivity.

This doesn’t mean that possessing emotional intelligence keeps you from having bad days, but you’ll bounce back much quicker than those who don’t have a handle on their emotions.

mentally strong

4 – Emotionally smart people have a lot of empathy.

Emotionally intelligent people are some of the most empathetic people you’ll meet. Empathy means recognizing how someone feels and being able to relate to them. Those with a high EQ have a deep caring for how other people feel and always strive to make others around them feel better. They often get approached by other people who feel comfortable sharing their problems and concerns because they give off such a caring, sensitive vibe.

Being empathetic means, you can usually tell how someone feels without them even having to say a word. However, if the person chooses to divulge any details about their life, they will listen with open hearts and ears. They typically have excellent observational skills, and their intuition allows them to anticipate other people’s needs.

5 – They have excellent conversational skills

Despite the stereotype of emotional, empathic people being introverted and antisocial, emotionally intelligent people have great conversational skills. They can get to the heart of the matter quickly and easily because they don’t shy away from in-depth topics. They help lift others and motivate them, which makes them appealing to hang around. Emotionally intelligent people have excellent leadership skills due to their ability to observe problems and come up with compassionate solutions.

6 – They adapt quickly to their environment.

Those with high emotional intelligence have a chameleon-like ability to blend in with anyone, anywhere. Whether they’ve just gotten a new job or have moved to a new city, people with emotional awareness can keep a positive mindset anywhere they go. Since they know that everything in life just reflects their inner emotional state, they try their best to maintain a positive one at all times.

7 – They don’t try to be perfect.

People that have a keen awareness of their emotions know that trying to attain perfection will just lead to burn out and unhappiness. They realize that failing at something means more than never trying at all. That’s because they can learn many lessons in the process. However, shying away from new opportunities leaves no room for growth. Since they care more about improving themselves, they don’t let a fear of failure stand in their way.

8 – They understand how a healthy lifestyle benefits their emotions.

Emotionally intelligent people typically follow a healthy lifestyle. That’, because they know they can’t have a balanced mindset without taking care of themselves. They go to bed early, meditate, manage stress, workout, eat healthily, and treat others with kindness.

Their vibration radiates out to others because they take care of their health on the inside and outside. These practices allow their emotions to remain in check, as well.

9 – They express gratitude.

High EQ’s have a glass-half-full kind of attitude about life. They don’t see the point in dwelling on what goes wrong because that only lowers their vibration. They know that to attract good things in life, you have to keep your mind focused on all the positives. These types feel thankful for what they’ve been given and try to give their share to others as well.


10 – They can remain focused on one task for long periods of time.

Even if they have a lot going on in their heads, they can cut through the chatter and keep focused on the task right in front of them. Since they have the ability to manage and control their emotions, they don’t allow boredom or fatigue to keep them from their goals. If they feel stressed, they get up and workout, stretch or do something else to release it. Then, they get back to work. They know when to take breaks, but they stay the course and always finish whatever they start.

11 – They are highly creative.

They may not have a typical creative job. But they always use their innate abilities in whatever field they work in. They typically think outside the box and can view a problem from a bigger perspective.

This creative juice allows them to come up with a strong solution to an issue because they use their natural curiosity for life, along with their creativity to tackle problems. This also relates to being a good leader because these skills can be useful in the business world.

12 – They don’t get offended easily.

Since they have a good idea of themselves and set boundaries with people, those with high emotional intelligence don’t get offended easily. They know that whatever others think and feel about them only reflects their inner emotional state. Thus, nothing outside themselves can hurt them. Therefore, they listen to others with an open mind. However, they never allow their inner state to become upset by turbulence or strife from others.

emotional intelligence
Learn how meditating can help you gain control over your emotional responses.

Final thoughts about people with high emotional intelligence

Overall, having high emotional intelligence means having an awareness of your emotions as well as others’. Tap into your inner emotions. You will access a whole new world of knowledge that will open up many doors for you. Of course, even if you don’t have these skills, you can acquire them. Mindfulness and showing compassion for others can help increase emotional intelligence.