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Family Therapist Explains 10 Ways to Win Over Your In-Laws

Family Therapist Explains 10 Ways to Win Over Your In-Laws


Getting married is an exciting adventure filled with love and plenty of planning. One thing that the happy couple doesn’t prepare for is what it’s like to meet the in-laws. There have been movies made about the dreaded encounters when you meet your mother and father-in-law, and they learn that you will take the hand of their son or daughter. The good news is it makes for great movies and videos, but you can have a beautiful relationship with your family, and everyone can live in harmony. Now, it all comes down to the personality of each party and their views on things. Some people are easier to win over than others.

Not only can an awkward relationship with your love’s family cause you anxiety, but it also puts your partner in the middle of any disputes. Over the long-term, your partner will also suffer stress from this predicament.

10 Tips to Build an Excellent Relationship With Your In-Laws

If you want to have a good relationship with your in-laws and win them over from the start, here are some tips that can help you accomplish this task.

1. Respect Their Religious Beliefs

Whenever you join two families together, you are bringing different backgrounds, traditions, and beliefs. You must respect their family and their views, even if they don’t align with yours.
In some faiths, women wear caps over their heads as a covering. Here are some examples. In the Mormon faith, they don’t believe in drinking caffeine of any kind. In the Muslim faith, alcohol is a no-go.

It’s easy to see how just these three examples could bring about major conflict with some people. However, while you don’t have to live by their rules and regulations, you should follow them while you’re in their home. So if the family is against drinking, you shouldn’t bring a flask in for dinner.

These little gestures of kindness can have a significant impact on your relationship with your in-laws. Additionally, you want your husband or wife to feel that you have respect for their family, or it can cause a significant rift. Being positive about religious diversity will go a long way, according to studies.

2. Always Show Kindness

It would help if you treated your partner’s parents how you want your parents to be treated. Even if they step across the line or say inappropriate things, you want to make sure that you treat them with respect. It’s perfectly acceptable to say something like, “I respect and value your opinion, but we will have to agree to disagree.”

There’s no need to argue and fight when you can state your feelings and move on. This world would sure be a boring place if everyone had the same opinions.

3. Include The In-Laws When Appropriate

One of the things that cause rifts with the in-laws is they feel excluded. When a son or daughter starts spending time with a love interest, the family often feels left out. They may not be present at Sunday dinners anymore, or they may not be as readily available to help with household needs.

You will probably encounter a lot of ill feelings because you take him or her away from them. The vital thing to counteract these feelings is including them. If Sunday dinner is a big thing at their house, then make sure that you attend also.

Though it’s difficult, you need to make sure that you don’t cut off people that were so special just because you’re busy being in love. You will need those relatives one day, so it’s best to start on the right foot.

4. Be Up Front and Honest

Honesty will go a long way with your future relatives. It’s easy to want to embellish your accomplishments to put yourself in a brighter light. Frankly, who doesn’t want the family of their future husband or wife to think they are going places?

It would help if you remembered that the things you say could and will impact your relationship at some time. If you exaggerate your salary or social standing, eventually, they will know the truth. Dishonesty can cause you plenty of problems when it comes to your in-laws, so it’s best to stick to the facts and be truthful from the start.

5. Defend Them When They Feel Slighted

One way to get on your mother or father in-law’s right side is to come to their defense. According to research, family members care if others in the unit feel they receive justice. Even if it’s just in family arguments or disagreements with the cell phone company, you need to play their defender.

When you rush to their defense during times of adversity, it shows that you are rooting for them and on the same team. They will appreciate that you stand up for them, especially when it seems like they’re on the losing end.

6. Laugh at Their Jokes

Some new family members may try to win you over with levity. Even if they tell the dumbest jokes you’ve ever heard, and they are not remotely funny, you still need to laugh.

When you give them the pleasure of thinking they’re funny, it’s a form of bonding. They want someone who is not only going to treat their son or daughter properly but will also listen to what they have to say.

7. Keep Conversations Light

One of the biggest mistakes you can make with your future relatives is to delve into in-depth topics too soon. Never discuss politics or religion unless you have no choice. These two subjects have caused war and many violent encounters across the country, and the last thing you want to do is talk about such matters with the family.

Try to keep things neutral and positive. Please talk about the weather, sports, and your partner when they were a child. If you want to make a good impression, then don’t get into anything controversial.

8. Offer a Helping Hand to the In-Laws

If you want to butter up the in-laws, then you can offer to lend a helping hand. A mother loves nothing more than their soon to be daughter in law to help peel potatoes or do other mundane tasks.

Perhaps, they need a new light hung in the Livingroom as the old one is on the fritz. If you have electrical skills and can hang that light for them, they will bond instantly with you. Helping them doesn’t mean making them feel like they can’t do something for themselves.

You want to tread lightly because some people may find it offensive if you try to take over their home, and this is especially true about a woman in her kitchen. Make sure it’s known that you want to help and not take charge.

9. Become Interested in Family History

Every family has a story. They may be relatives of a famous person, or they may have some well-to-do millionaires that they are close too. When you are going to marry someone, you must know about their family.

Additionally, family members will like the fact that you seem interested in their clan. Therapists advise that there are always destructive dynamics that you want to steer clear of in every family. So you should learn as much as you can about their history.

10. At Least Consider Taking Their Last Name

The older generation is a bit more old-fashioned. It was always commonplace for the women to take the man’s name in marriage. However, millennials have changed things dramatically. These days, you can hyphenate your name, keep it the same, or the husband can take the wife’s name.

If you want to impress them and let them know that you love their family, you can at least consider changing your name to match theirs. They will respect the fact that you at least considered the possibility.

Final Thoughts: What Not to Say or Do to The In-Laws?

Now that you’ve learned all the things you should do to get in your new family’s good graces, there are a few things that you should avoid. Here are the top things to avoid when dealing with your in-laws.

1. Don’t talk about religion or politics.
2. Avoid Subjects about alcohol or your consumption.
3. Don’t criticize their parenting skills or offer suggestions.
4. Never put down their son/daughter’s ways to them.
5. Don’t call them mom or dad right away without being told it’s okay.
6. Never tell them they have a standing invitation to your home.
7. Avoid making them feel inferior to your family.
8. Don’t talk about your family’s finances or yours either.
9. Avoid discussion holiday schedules in advance.
10. Don’t let the relationship turn into a power struggle.
11. Keep your not-so-nice opinions to yourself.
12. Never discuss the not-so-savory circumstances you’ve faced.

Dealing with in-laws can be a nerve-wracking experience. You want to put your best foot forward and hope they like you. Remember, these are the people that you’re going to see on every holiday, birthday party, or other special occasions. You want to forge a good relationship with them even if you don’t like them.

No one says that you must be good friends with your relatives, but you must find ways to get along even if it’s just for your spouse’s sake. If you want to win these people over, then you must be cautious during your first few encounters.

Lifestyle

Psychology Explains the Difference Between Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation

Psychology Explains the Difference Between Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation


Motivation drives us to get out of bed every day to accomplish something important to us. These goals might involve work, school, or training for a marathon. We all have different reasons for choosing specific goals. And we are each driven by both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Below, we’ll break down the various definitions for you.

  • Intrinsic motivation – This mindset involves doing something because you get a personal reward out of it. Think of it as enjoyment or eagerness to learn a new skill.
  • Extrinsic motivation – doing something because of an external reward. Consider scenarios such as a raise at work or losing weight from exercising. You may also be extrinsically motivated to avoid punishment, such as losing your job or gaining weight from not exercising.

You can sum these up by saying that intrinsic motivation arises from within, while extrinsic motivation comes from influences outside oneself. By looking at these definitions, you might think that intrinsic motivation matters most. However, both of them have their importance in shaping our society. For example, if you only did what brought you happiness and joy, you wouldn’t have the drive to accomplish tasks at work which involve other people.

For example, you wouldn’t care about pleasing your boss or coworkers. That’s because you’d only pay attention to your desires.

So, we’ll delve a little further into the psychology behind motivation and the significant differences between both types of it.

The Differences Between Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation

Now that you know where each type of motivation comes from, let’s get into some more examples of both:

Intrinsic:

  • getting involves in sports or other hobbies that you enjoy
  • cleaning up your room because you like keeping it organized
  • studying a subject like astrophysics simply because you want to learn new things
  • exercising because it makes you feel better.

Extrinsic:

  • finishing your work because you don’t want to get fired,
  • taking on the extra workload at your job because you want a promotion
  • cleaning your room because you have guests coming over
  • studying a subject because you need to pass a test at school.

As you can see, we need both types of motivation in our society to keep it functioning correctly. If everyone only did things to please others or avoid punishment, we would lose what makes us human and act more like robots. However, if we only did whatever we wanted all the time, we couldn’t maintain the products and services that keep our society running. So, we should strive to maintain a reasonable balance between what makes us personally happy and what we need to accomplish for societal obligations.

How Each Type of Motivation Influences Behavior

 Some studies have shown that offering too many rewards for a behavior that already gives intrinsic satisfaction can decrease internal motivation, otherwise known as the overjustification effect. For example, in this study involving 20-month olds, researchers found that their altruistic tendencies decreased when they were given too many external rewards, such as praise or toys. Another study found a similar outcome in those with intellectual and developmental disabilities, discovering that their intrinsic motivation decreased as external rewards increased.

Why does this phenomenon happen? According to the American Psychological Association, people tend to focus more on external rewards than internal satisfaction, despite their natural desire to do what makes them happy. Another factor influencing this behavior involves punishment or bribery. If people feel like they must do something out of fear or coercion, they will focus more on extrinsic motivation since they believe they have something to lose.

The studies:

Research also shows that if people get external reinforcement for doing a good job, the overjustification effect won’t have as much influence on them. For example, if you do well on a test because you studied for it, this won’t cause your internal motivation to decrease. Since your performance on the test depends on how hard you studied, getting a good grade drives your studying behavior. In the cases listed above with the children, the external motivation didn’t depend on their performance, so they lost their desire to keep up the behavior.

Another study found that parents should use moderation in giving their children praise. Children who receive praise for their efforts in completing a task rather than for their inherent talents or personality traits believe that success depends on how hard they work, not how smart they are. Children who develop this mindset also tend to persist in the face of struggles. That’s because they know that hard work will carry them through tough times. If children just believe that intelligence matters, they won’t have the external motivation to keep going in the face of adversity.

This makes sense because every parent wants to believe their child possesses some unique or otherworldly personality trait or intellect, which will get them ahead in the world. However, the research consistently shows that children have more success when their parents raise them to work harder for whatever they want to achieve in life. If parents reward their children too often for good behaviors, this enforces the idea that they will not have to put in very much effort to obtain rewards.

When to Use Each Type of Motivation

 This applies mostly to employers or parents who have to motivate others to accomplish tasks. Extrinsic motivation can come in handy in the following types of situations:

  • External rewards can help others become interested in a subject or activity that they had no desire to learn before.
  • Extrinsic rewards can motivate people to acquire new skillsets and knowledge. Once they learn the skills, they may have more internal motivation to pursue a job or activity.
  • External rewards can also help people know where they stand in their job or schoolwork. It serves as a way to give people feedback and let them know when they’ve done a good job.

In cases where people already enjoy an activity, parents or employers should refrain from giving external motivation. Basically, it boils down to moderation. Giving too much praise makes the individual less likely to keep up the good behavior. On the other hand, too little praise causes the person to become resentful and disinterested in the activity.

When motivation becomes more important:

External motivation helps in cases where people have no interest in an activity or task. Think about the kids doing a school assignment or an important task at work. You don’t want to give too many rewards. Offer just enough to get people motivated to complete the job. Researchers have drawn the following conclusions about how intrinsic and extrinsic motivation work:

  1. Unexpected rewards usually don’t curb internal motivation. For example, if you actually enjoy your job and you help the company bring in more money, your boss may reward you with a gift card or a promotion. This won’t affect your intrinsic motivation because you genuinely enjoy your work. However, if people start expecting rewards every time they accomplish something, this can become problematic.
  2. Praise can boost your internal motivation in some cases. Researchers have found that giving people positive feedback when they perform a task better than others can improve their internal motivation for doing that task.
  3. Internal motivation will decrease when people receive rewards for doing what’s expected of them or for simple tasks. For example, if parents give their children $5 every time they make their bed, it will lower their motivation for doing their chores every day.

How to Use Each Type of Motivation in Your Life

Think about what goals you have or what duties you’ve been given in your daily life. No matter if you go to school or have a full-time job, you can learn what motivates you and how to use this to your advantage. Let’s say, for example. You have your own business running a travel website. Now, think about what makes you motivated to keep growing this venture.

You probably have both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation to maintain your business. That’s because your work keeps people coming to the website each day, which generates monetary rewards. However, you obviously picked that line of work because you get personal satisfaction from teaching people about the finest places to travel around the world. We all get motivated by external and internal factors. Moreover, both of them are necessary for a functional society.

Final thoughts about extrinsic and intrinsic motivation

As you’ve learned in this article, extrinsic motivation comes from anything outside yourself that keeps you working toward a specific goal. Usually, people get motivated by other’s opinions of them, monetary rewards, or positive praise. For example, if you hope to lose weight for external reasons, you may care about looking better to attract someone’s attention or because you want to feel better. However, you may not personally enjoy working out.

Intrinsic motivation comes from anything that we do because we get pleasure out of it. This may pertain to certain hobbies you have. Or, in some cases, it may involve your job. (Although, unfortunately, most people go to work just to pay the bills). As you can see, both types of motivation have a place in society. And we can use both of them to our advantage.

Lifestyle

Psychology Explains How to Reverse Negativity Bias

Psychology Explains How to Reverse Negativity Bias


Did you know that we tend to pay more attention to the negative than to the positive? It’s true. Psychologists call this tendency the negativity bias.

But contrary to popular belief, we can train the brain to counteract this psychological tic – and we should make an effort to do precisely that. Why? Because the negativity bias stinks, that’s why. It darkens our mood and contaminates our perception.

In this article, we’re going to discuss the wretched negativity bias. We’ll also talk about how to reverse it. First, here’s a bit more clarification on what the negativity bias is, exactly.

The Negativity Bias

“The brain is like Velcro for negativity and Teflon for positivity.”  ~ Dr. Rick Hanson

Technically,  the negativity bias is defined as “our proclivity to attend to, learn from, and use negative information far more than positive information.”  The problem is that adverse events produce far more prominent responses than non-negative.

“(The) negativity bias can influence how we feel, think, and act, and can some less than desirable effects on our psychological state.”  ~ Catherine Moore, Positive Psychologist

For example, negativity bias is the reason that we:

  • Dwell more on unpleasant or traumatic events than pleasant ones;
  • Focus the attention much quicker to negative rather than positive information;
  • Think more about our weaknesses than our strengths; and
  • Respond more passionately, both emotionally and physically, to aversive stimuli.

Even if we were to have the perfect day when everything goes right, a single distressing event could undo it all.

Which all begs the question: Why the hell do we even have a negativity bias? Like many of our more annoying psychological quirks, it all has to do with evolution. Thousands of years ago, our ancestors always faced immediate environmental threats that required swift action.

“Okay, but we don’t live in the wild anymore, jerk.”

Granted. But, of course, it’s not that simple.

Any thought or behavior trait, if repeated often enough, will stick around. It’s severe enough to get rid of a newly acquired habit, much less a universal, thousands-of-years-old psychological tic rooted deep in the human brain.

You can thank your great-great-great-great-great whoever for this delightful state of mind.

Hey, at least we don’t have to contend with some hungry creature that just ate our best friend.

Negativity Bias Research

In case you are wondering what that chart is, it’s a measurement of event-related brain potentials or ‘ERPs.’ An ERP is a “measured brain response that is the direct result of a specific sensory, cognitive, or motor event.” In this case, neutral, positive, and negative stimuli. Scientists measure ERPs by electroencephalography (EEG), a recording of electrical activity in the brain.

The graph’s orientation is a bit deceiving if one is used to looking at standard x- and y-axis plots. If this is the case, imagine the chart flipped 180 degrees. If you managed to perform this mental mirroring successfully, you’d notice that the negative line (solid with black dots) is a good deal higher than the positive (solid with white dots).

In essence, this graph manages to provide a simple visualization of a complex phenomenon. Namely, the negativity bias. It achieves this by showing that the brain’s electrical activity produces a higher current when exposed to a negative stimulus.

So, the negativity bias is not some abstract psychological gobbledegook – but a proven neurobiological fact. In other words, the proof is in the pudding.

Since we no longer require convincing that the negativity bias is indeed real, we’ll now focus our attention on ridding ourselves of it.

How to Overcome the Bias?

“By directing more of our conscious attention toward the positive events and feelings we experience, we can begin to address the asymmetry of negativity bias. And that requires practice…”  ~ Catherine Moore, Positive Psychologist

Forgive the abruptness, but to heck with the quacks and prescription drug companies. Let’s deal with this thing using some positivity!

To assist us with ridding ourselves of this unwanted bias, we turn to the bright minds of the positive psychology movement. For the unawares, positive psychology is defined as “the scientific study of the ‘good life,’ or the positive aspects of the human experience that make life worth living.”

How to Get Rid of Negativity Bias

As newly-minted positive psychologists, how would we go about handling this negativity bias thing?

#1 Use Self-Awareness/Mindfulness

To start with, we’ve got to pay more attention to the thoughts running through our minds.

Read that again. Heck, I’ll write it again: We’ve got to pay more attention to the thoughts running through our minds. Without self-awareness, nothing that we do will matter. Period.

Some Buddhists say that “unconsciousness dissipates in the fiery light of awareness.” While some would argue that this is a subjective statement, others wholeheartedly disagree. It’s been proven throughout thousands of years of spiritual and meditative practice. It is a science of the spirit – and it works.

But don’t take my word for it. Put it to the test!

Here’s how. The next time that you encounter a negative feeling rest your awareness upon it. Don’t think about it – simply sustain your knowledge of it. Eventually, you will feel some space between the perception and your noticing of the feeling. It may manifest as the quality of inner stillness. With practice, this inner stillness will grow. Moreover, it will become more of an automatic response rather than a conscious directing of attention.

In truth, this step may be all that you need. But let’s keep going just in case!

#2 Use the ABC Technique

The ABC technique is nothing new, but it is remarkably effective for challenging negative self-talk. The ‘A’ stands for Activating Event, ‘B,’ Belief, and ‘C,’ Consequences. The model works best with a pen and paper (for reinforcement).

A – Activating Event: What’s the situation that led to the negative thought or emotion? Write it down.

B – Belief: Write down the negative emotions and thoughts.

C – Consequences: Record the negative feelings or behaviors that resulted from (B).

Albert Ellis, who postulated the ABC model, believed that the activating event (A) is not what causes the behavioral consequences (C); instead, it is the person’s faulty interpretations, leading to a faulty belief system (B), that is the cause.

The ABC model is a stable of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), but it is an effective framework for helping us identify those misguided emotions and thoughts all the same. When the ABC model is used in conjunction with self-awareness and mindfulness, it becomes a potentially potent tool!

#3 Practice Mindfulness Meditation

Knew this was coming, didn’t you? While one may tire of hearing the words mindfulness and meditation uttered over and over, there’s a good reason.

The writer mentioned the effectiveness of self-awareness and mindfulness previously more specifically, how these tools boil down to spiritual science.

Well, now mainstream science is finally catching up. There is now a vast collection of academic, scientific papers testifying to the effectiveness of meditation for a host of both physical and psychological ailments. Negativity bias included.

In a review of one study, participants who meditated “performed better at tests where they were required to categorize positive stimuli, leading the researchers to conclude that mindfulness practice can have a significant positive impact (emphasis mine)” on negativity bias.

#4 Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive restructuring involves the reframing of an event or experience. Similar to the ABC technique, cognitive restructuring is a staple therapy within CBT circles.

One particularly vital element of cognitive restructuring is becoming aware of our cognitive distortions. These include:

‘Filtering’: Focusing on the negative and ignoring the positive (much like negativity bias.)

‘Catastrophizing’: Expecting the worst-case scenario and minimizing the real events.

‘Polarized thinking’: Having an all-or-nothing way of thinking and ignoring the complexity.

‘Heaven’s Reward Fallacy’: You expect to reward your self-sacrifices.

‘Control Fallacies’: Assuming only others are to blame, or assuming that only yourself is to blame.

‘Always Being Right’: Being wrong is unacceptable, and being right supersedes everything.

‘Fallacy of Fairness’: Assuming that life should always be fair.

‘Personalization’: Assuming that only self is responsible.

‘Overgeneralization’: Assuming a rule from a single experience.

‘Jumping to conclusions’: Making assuming based on scant evidence.

‘Emotional reasoning’: “If I feel it, it must be true.”

‘Blaming’: Assuming everyone else is at fault.

‘Fallacy of change’: Expecting others to change.

‘Global labeling’: Extreme generalization.

‘Shoulds’: Holding tight to rules of behavior; judging self and others if rules are broken.

Final Thoughts on Breaking Down Your Negativity Bias

Shedding the skin of negativity bias can be done. You need to work at chipping away at its shell with diligence. It takes a lot of mindfulness and hard work. But with a good dose of positivity, you are well on your way there!

Lifestyle

Psychology Explains Why It’s Hard to Admit When You Are Wrong

Psychology Explains Why It's Hard to Admit When You Are


No one wants to admit that they’re wrong. It’s not a comfortable position for you to be in. When you acknowledge that you’ve made a mistake, it makes you feel defenseless, weak, and exposed.

Some say that when you admit that you’re incorrect that it makes you feel somewhat inadequate. Perhaps this is why so many people keep heated arguments and debates going when they should have been finished long ago.

It all comes down to the psychology of the situation. A human needs to feel that they’re correct, even if they’re not. Even when there is evidence that proves your wrong, why is it so hard to admit it?

Emotions Get in the Way of Logic

You’re a complex being that is driven by both instinct and emotion. How often have your feelings taken over and caused you to do or say something that you regretted later? It’s because emotions are powerful, and they can get in the way of your ability to use logic.

When there’s a topic that you care deeply about, your emotions kick into overdrive. Your reasoning skills are thrown out the window as you’re willing to argue to the bitter end over your passions. If there is something that challenges your beliefs, you may find it tough to accept that what you believe isn’t true.

For instance, you may believe that the Earth is flat when the vast majority think it’s round. You can receive proof from scientific studies, but you still feel intense about your opinions. Thus, your emotions get in the way of logic.

Galileo Risked it all For a Heliocentric Beliefs

In the 17th century, the Catholic Church was in an uproar because Galileo, the famous scientist, dared to think that the Earth was not the center of the universe. The Church believed that the sun revolved around the Earth, and since Galileo felt differently, a vast argument came about that split the people.

Galileo was right in his theories, but heliocentric beliefs weren’t commonplace, and they were against the teachings of the ministry. He was labeled a heresy and shunned.

It didn’t matter that Galileo was right, as the Church would never admit they were incorrect. They let pride get in the way, and it took more than 300 years for them to realize he was right finally. Now, you know that the sun was the center of the universe and the Earth revolved around it.

Galileo stood firm in his beliefs, but he wasn’t alive to hear his name vindicated. This story shows that when something challenges what you believe, it’s natural to reject those things. Some may even feel insulted that their beliefs are challenged.

It Takes Immense Strength to Admit You’re Wrong

When someone or something challenges you, it’s natural for you to reject them or their ideas initially. The reason is that you feel that offended, perhaps a bit disrespected, and vulnerable.

You have an instinct inside of you that believes you are correct, and you have pride in your beliefs. Even if you are incorrect, you don’t want to consider it. Did you know that admitting you’re mistaken about something takes immense strength? Have you ever been around someone that wouldn’t admit they were wrong no matter what?

Consider a child with a cookie in his mouth that tells his mom he never got into the cookie jar. The mother can see the chocolate on his face, yet he won’t admit to what he’s done. The child fears that he’s going to get into trouble, or he doesn’t want to let his mother down. To avoid disappointing his mom, he lies.

How often have you been afraid to admit your wrong about a matter because you worry that people might be disappointed in you, think you can do better, or have a different opinion of you once the truth comes out?

Your pride is afraid to put yourself in a vulnerable position so that you may know deep down inside that you’re incorrect in a matter, but you will never admit it.

Vulnerability Isn’t Always a Bad Thing.

Have you ever had a boss that made horrible business decisions, but they would never admit they made a mistake? If they were to accept their blunder, then their employees would question their authority and competency.

Being wrong shows others their inept nature and weakness. Let’s assume that a manager needed to make cuts in his trash company. He felt the logical place to make these deductions was in labor.

The current staff was given over time, and they were on the road more than before. Sure, the company saved money because it didn’t have to pay employee benefits and labor to many people. However, as a result, there were several costly accidents that more than exceeded the amount he cut from the budget.

The employees were exhausted, several quit. Indeed, finding the staff became impossible. The boss made a mistake by pulling money from an area that desperately needed it. However, it’s going to be exceedingly challenging to admit that he was wrong because the employees won’t trust him in future rulings.

How different would the situation be if he went to his staff and admitted he made a mistake and was going to correct it? It could be what was needed to turn the whole company around. Thinking that these employees will forget what happened is delusional and insulting.

Admitting to the mistake and rectifying it quickly will allow people to retain confidence. A manager must be able to develop and maintain relationships, and you can’t do that unless there is trust.

Don’t Be Afraid to Embrace Failures.

When you admit you’ve messed up, it may make things complicated for a while. Think of it like this; “if you take out the trash now, it won’t have time to sit there and stink up the place.”

You will show others your courage and character when you come forward and say that you messed up, then apologize for these actions. A leader doesn’t need to be infallible to be successful. When you accept your imperfections, you can overcome your insecurities and the fears that hold you back.

Did you know that many famous people had to admit they were wrong? History always writes about the victories, but sometimes you must consider the defeats. Remember the famed candy maker Milton Hershey? He built one of the biggest chocolate empires in the world.

People may think that he had it all and was one of the richest men in the country. However, Hershey made many mistakes along the way that cost him everything. He filed for bankruptcy two times on his dream.

The failures of those attempts might have stopped many people, but it only drove him to try harder. The third time, he learned from his mistakes and turned the chocolate world on its head with the Hershey Bar, and the rest is history. What if he didn’t admit defeat and try again?

The world might not have had a Mr. Goodbar or Reese’s peanut butter cup. Hershey is a perfect example of learning from your mistakes, picking yourself up, and trying again.

Living in a Perfect World

Part of the reason why people are so reluctant to admit their failures is that society pushes perfection. There’s nothing immoral with wanting to be a success, but it’s not always attainable. You will stumble, fall, and learn many lessons along the way.

You must learn that failing is both inevitable and necessary in life. It helps you to identify your strengths and weaknesses, allowing you to grow as a person. Life brings lessons that are sometimes painful, but they are necessary.

Remember the story of Thomas Edison? He created the light bulb, the record player, electric pen, movie cameras, and tons of other things. However, did you know that his teacher told his mother that he was unteachable, and due to his mental deficiencies, he was removed from school?

However, his mother didn’t care about all his mistakes or problems. She homeschooled and taught him everything he needed to know. Though he made many errors in life and had some challenges, he became one of the great minds in history.

Final Thoughts on Learning Life Lessons and Admitting When You Are Wrong

Everyone has flaws, and you are going to make mistakes along the way. Accept that you’re not perfect and that when you stumble, life is just teaching you a lesson. It’s complicated, but once you learn to say, “I was wrong,” it will change everything for you.

People respect those people who can admit defeat, and you will respect yourself too. If all of society were perfect, then it would be a boring world to live in. There is no one else like you on this planet, so you must embrace the times you fall and use them as life lessons to arise bigger and better than before.

Lifestyle

Psychology Explains Why Humans Like Judging Others

Psychology Explains Why Humans Like Judging Others


Are you a critical person? Do you like to find fault in others that stand out from the crowd or dare to be different? You may not believe yourself to be so negative when it comes to judging others, but your actions may show otherwise.

Let’s assume you’re on a family vacation, and you’re at the airport waiting for your flight. While sitting there, you see a woman and a young child. The toddler is unruly and causing quite a stir in the terminal.

The first thought that comes to your mind is that she cannot control her child. Then, you can’t help but notice that the toddler has food on her shirt, and clothes that are a bit too small. Before you know it, you pick out other imperfections.

By now, you wonder how they can even afford this flight because they could spend that money on clothes instead. See how easy it is to judge someone else? You didn’t know this woman or her story. Yet, you jumped to conclusions based on only what you saw in a few minutes together in a terminal.

Judging others is so effortless than most people don’t even realize they do it. It’s human nature to be alert and in-tune with the things around you. You were built with survival instincts. In the wild, animals notice every movement made by those around them.

According to psychology, these instincts help to keep you on guard and ready to defend yourself at a moment’s notice. The truth is that judging is something that you will do daily, and sometimes you just can’t help it. The other side of this equation is that while you are judging others, they are also judging you. Humbling thought, isn’t it?

Why Do You Judge?

You are so critical of others that you use them as a base of your view of the world. For the same reason, it’s easy for others to judge you in return. Judging others has nothing to do with them, and it’s all about you! That’s a shocking statement, but here are the reasons why you are so critical of others.

1. It Brings Out Your Hidden Feelings

Often, you will become critical of a person and then realize that you do the same thing. For instance, maybe you’re mad because someone had a million questions at the customer service counter ahead of you. You were running late, and you had to return an item.

However, when you stepped up to take your turn, you too had several questions for the worker. See how easy it is to become mad at someone and turn around and do the exact same thing? Being critical only shows your weaknesses or insecurities.

Maybe the whole irritation at the customer service counter had nothing to do with that other customer or their questions, but it had everything to do with your impatience of waiting in line.

2. You Want to Make Yourself Feel Better

Sometimes, it feels good to be judgmental. For instance, you stop at the school to pick your daughter up early for a doctor’s appointment. You go to the office to sign her out.

While you’re at the office, you can’t help but overhear a conversation coming from the inside. A child was being suspended, and the father was shouting at the child, and he was incredibly angry. You smiled with glee as your straight “A” student came to meet you.

All the secretaries were glad to see her, and she greeted them. You felt a sense of pride because your child wasn’t the one getting raked over the coals for behavioral issues. You must be a great parent to raise such a wonderful girl.

This entire scenario is based on a judgmental nature. What you didn’t know is that the child lost his mother in a car accident. His father was an alcoholic and never spent any time with him.

The student’s behavioral issues were a cry for help, and all you wanted to do was compare your child-rearing abilities to that of the other parent. You made an unfair judgment of the situation to make yourself look and feel better.

3. You Have Negative Programming

Did you know that you can program your mind to think a certain way? For instance, if you say to yourself every day how ugly you are, you will soon start to believe it. Now, if you tell yourself how amazing you are and how you can do anything you want in life, you will soon believe that too.

Your words have power. When you speak positive affirmations, your confidence increases. Many people are judgmental because their mind is programmed to see the negative in others, just as you see the terrible things in yourself.

Did you know that most judgments are made based on an outward appearance? You assume lots of things about people based on their status in society, home life, and work, and it’s only visual. The sad thing is that your perceptions skew your view.

One horrible stereotype is if a person is skinny that they are healthy and come from an affluent family. However, if a person is on the heavier side, they are unhealthy and must have an unfortunate socioeconomic position in life. Your mind automatically thinks a poor person is irrelevant.

Your heart may recognize that your mind is making a snap decision, but it’s human nature to judge those who don’t meet up to the standards you’ve set for your life.

There are times when you feel insecure. When you use your time judging others, then you can take the focus off you. Plus, it feels good to point out the faults in others and forget yours for a while.

4. It Shifts the Focus from You

The most critical crowd around happens to be middle and high school-aged students. They like to point out anything that doesn’t fit in with the normal teenager at the school. Anyone who might do their hair differently or dress a little peculiar is a target of bullying.

Bullying is an extreme form of judging someone. These kids find that when they engage in conversation that is putting others down, many teens will join in with them and give their opinions. So, it’s easy to say that judging others can also come with a sense of bonding.

Relationship experts reveal signs that someone likes you (even if they don’t say it).

5. You Lack Information

Have you ever participated in people watching? Some folks love to go to a public place and just watch others. It gives them a wide perspective of all the characters that are out there.

No one is the same, and wouldn’t it be a boring world if there were no differences. Some people watchers do it for a learning experience while others tend to be more critical. Sit on a bench at the mall, airport, grocery store, or a restaurant.

In a short period, you will see people from all walks of life. There will be many cultures, age groups, and styles observed. In those few minutes, you will make snap decisions about them based on nothing more than their personal appearance.

You may see an older woman with bright pink lipstick on and a loud yellow dress. Her colorful outfit maybe too much for your eyes, but what you don’t know is that she’s cancer-free for one year now, and she used bright colors to help boost her mood.

Of course, you had no way of knowing that, based on what you saw. You didn’t have the proper information to make an informed judgment. What if you sat down and talked to her for 10 minutes about her journey? Would you still make the same harsh judgments?

The Costs of Criticizing Others

It may seem that you can be negative about others without any recompense. However, karma is a powerful thing. Whatever critical views and opinions you meter out to others will certainly come back to you.

Being critical can make you feel horrible, especially when you hurt others. Sadly, this attitude in life helps to perpetuate stereotypes in society. All the negativity you spew out is like venom that is destroying good in the world.

Final Thoughts: Fix Your Negativity so You Can Stop Judging Other People

To fix this negative perception, you must step back and take a good look in the mirror. What is so wrong in your life that you must find fault in others? You’re not the judge or the jury, so ask yourself these questions before rushing to a verdict:

•Do I know this person?
•Am I being fair to them?
•Do I know the whole story, or am I just surmising?
•How would I feel if they thought this about me?

When you ask yourself these questions, you are interrupting your negative thought patterns. It doesn’t feel right to have others look at you and make opinions based on things they know nothing about. Rather, why not find something positive to think about that person.

To the woman with the little girl in the airport terminal, you could have asked her if she needed a hand. You should have thought she was doing a good job by having a young one by herself, as she was flying across the country. When you start looking at things through the eyes of optimism, then it will change your whole outlook.

Lifestyle

Science Explains 10 Ways to Get Laser-Sharp Focus

Science Explains 10 Ways to Get Laser-Sharp Focus


The human brain is both exceptionally adaptable and resilient. Scientists have coined a term for these innate qualities of the brain: neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity can be defined as: “The brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life.” There’s an emphasis on the words ‘throughout life’ here. The reason is that most people think that brain development is stagnant after a certain age.

We now know this to be untrue.

Indeed, it is this neuroplasticity with which we are going to hone our focus abilities to their peak – regardless of age.

But we must first acknowledge that neuroplasticity is a double-edged sword. Our brains will absorb the bad just as much as the good. As such, we must do our best to eliminate the former to maximize such outstanding benefits like enhanced focus.

We’re going to define focus as ‘the ability to direct and hold our mental resources onto a task.’ That is, we direct our attention to what requires it – and hold it there until the task is complete.

This focusing ability may be the biggest differentiator between individuals who achieve what they set out to do – and those that don’t. In other words, a strong focus will almost assuredly lead to goal achievement.

Before getting into the ten scientifically-backed ways of achieving laser-like focus, let’s discuss what must first be overcome: distraction.

Understanding Distraction

“By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination.” ~ Christopher Columbus

When it comes to focusing, we must all deal with multiple distractions, all of which fall into one of two categories – internal distractions or external distractions. To truly focus requires that these disturbances be overcome or, at the very least, minimized.

Internal distractions are those that cloud the mind and stir the emotions. This inner frenzy is perhaps the biggest obstacle to doing what needs to be done. For referential purposes, here are just a few of the myriad internal distractions that we must overcome:

  • Lethargy
  • Laziness
  • Anxiety
  • Procrastination
  • Fear
  • Doubt
  • Hesitation
  • Boredom
  • Impulsiveness
  • Insecurity
  • Low self-worth

An internal distraction is one that originates from the mind or body that has nothing to do with the task at hand.

An external distraction is one that originates in your environment, and may include:

  • Chatty coworkers
  • Loud noises
  • IM notifications
  • Cell phone notifications
  • Chit-chat
  • Clutter (especially around your desk)
  • Kids playing
  • Pets
  • Poor lighting
  • Music
  • Email

An external distraction is one that originates from an outside stimulus that has nothing to do with the task at hand. Without recognizing and eliminating (or minimizing) these distractions, any attempts to become more focused will prove fruitless.

Now’s a good time to bring in the neuroplasticity effect.

If you remember, neuroplasticity can be thought of as a double-edged sword. In this case, distractions are one side of the sword – and focus is the other. What side of the blade are we going to choose? Also, keep in mind that once we want, it’s challenging to stop the brain’s powerful momentum!

Now, let’s get to the juicy part. Here are ten scientifically verified ways to achieve laser focus:

10 Approaches to getting Laser-Sharp Focus

“Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.” ~ Alexander Graham Bell

  1. Eliminate distractions

This can not be repeated enough, which is why it’s again repeated here. We simply cannot focus optimally amidst a din of distraction.

Please make sure that you understand (really understand) this point before moving on.

In case you wanted to know the scientific ramifications of continuous distraction, consider the following findings by the London Institute of Psychiatry:

  • Emails produce an “addictive, drug-like grip” on our attention.
  • The average IQ loss caused by distractions is about 10 points.
  • Compulsive activity tires and slows down the brain
  • A study revealed an “almost complete lack of discipline” in how we handle emails and virtual communications.

Move away from that chatty coworker. Deal with any internal conflict. Put on some headphones. Pop in some earplugs. Show some restraint in how you handle emails and text messages.

Get rid of or minimize distractions, and your focus will automatically be enhanced.

  1. Monotask

Almost (but not quite!) as important as eliminating distractions is doing one thing at a time.

The simple fact, which is uncomfortable to some, is that multitasking is mostly a myth. For emphasis: multitasking doesn’t exist.

Task-switching, on the other hand, does exist, and it couldn’t be any different from “multitasking.” Task-switching is precisely that: we engage and disengage our attention with multiple tasks – sometimes very quickly. We’re not handling two tasks simultaneously, ever.

If it sounds like task-switching is inefficient, that’s because it is. First, there’s a sort of attention residue that remains as we move on from a task. Per Science Direct, attention residue “refers to cognitions about a [task] that persist even though one has stopped working on [the task]… and is now working on Task B.”

The result is that we drain our cognitive resources while getting less done.

  1. Say ‘No’

Look, nobody likes to say ‘no.’ But here’s the thing: every time we say ‘yes’ to something, we’re saying ‘no’ to something else.

What are we saying ‘no’ to? Possibly those things that can improve our lives. So, in a way, we’re always saying no to something. It’s our job to make sure we’re saying no to things that bring little value.

What are those things?

They usually come in the form of ‘favors.’ To make things harder, people are pretty good at making you feel bad if you turn down their pleadings of “Pretty please…”

Ask yourself what you can afford in terms of time, then give in.

  1. Manage your energy, not your time

It’s so much easier to remain focused on something if we have adequate energy levels. Moreover, we perform at our best when our energy levels are high.

It only makes sense then to schedule the necessary things for when your energy peaks.

Unfortunately, we’re often in the habit of planning things using time as a barometer. The problem with traditional scheduling is that it doesn’t consider your energy capacity. This isn’t a big deal if the task is dull and monotonous. It is a big deal if the job requires some real brainpower.

  1. Get proper sleep

This one needs to introduction. For proper focus, it is essential to get adequate sleep. Per the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), seven to nine eyes of shuteye not only enhances focus, but also aids in decision making, productivity, reaction time, and memory.

  1. Practice meditation

Talk about something that should need no introduction. Meditation, done correctly, may just be the most useful mind and brain training there is. Quite simply, no activity hones attentional skills quite like a regular meditation practice.

In a study published in the journal Psychiatry Research, participants of two types of meditation – focused-attention (FA) and open monitoring (OM) realized improved executive attention (or ‘attentional control.’) Scientists witnessed no improvement in concentration in the relaxation-only group.

Here are fifteen habits that drain your energy.
  1. Drink some java

Here’s some good news for all of the coffee lovers! Meta-analysis research shows that drinking up to four cups of brewed coffee per day improves cognitive function, “particularly alertness and vigilance [and] … perception of fatigue.”

The research also found that up to 400 mg of tea per day (around 8 cups) produces similar cognitive benefits.

  1. Listen to Mozart

Researchers from Stanford University found that listening to classical music enhances the attentional capacity. If this sounds familiar, you’re probably thinking of the so-called ‘Mozart Effect,’ which purports that listening to Mozart increases general intelligence.

Why classical music and not another genre? Because classical music is entirely instrumental. There are no words or lyrics to cause distraction. Moreover, since much classical music features periods of silence – known as “transition points” – it helps to keep hearers alert and attention.

  1. Get some cardio

We most commonly associate exercise with physical improvements, but the effect can be mental as well. Plenty of research suggests that cardiovascular exercise (‘cardio’) increases the size of the brain’s hippocampus, the brain area involved in learning and verbal memory.

Per an article published by Harvard Medical School, exercise improves the brain both directly and indirectly. It lowers inflammation, reduces insulin resistance, and stimulates the release of growth factors known as ‘BDNF.’ It can be deduced that physical activity improves focus as well, as exercise is known to improve mood and sleep and reduce anxiety and stress indirectly.

  1. Practice relaxed concentration

To reap the full benefits of focus, you must remain relaxed and at ease. Too much tension caused by over-striving isn’t conducive to concentration and will only hinder your efforts.

Allow the mind’s focus to emerge naturally from a mind and body that’s at ease, rather than constricted or tight.

Lifestyle

Scientist Explains How We All Have ‘Superhuman’ Abilities

Scientist Explains How We All Have ‘Superhuman’ Abilities


Do you possess superhuman abilities? According to one physicist–you probably do!

Russell Targ is the textbook definition of an academic. A laser physicist, Targ earned a Ph.D. in physics and founded and headed up a research center at Stanford University called the Stanford Research Institute (SRI) for over two decades. More on Targ’s work at SRI later.

For your laser guys and gals, Targ published some of the earliest research on the use of homodyne detection in laser light. Later, he published papers that contributed to the development of such areas as frequency modulation, mode-locking, and continuous waves in lasers. No idea what those are? Me neither.

Who is Russell Targ?

He’s an involuntary apologist for extrasensory perception (ESP) and an ardent follower of Buddhism; the latter he credits for providing insight into these psychic abilities. While Targ wouldn’t follow Buddhism until later in life, he studied the ESP phenomenon at the Stanford Research Institute (SRI) starting in 1972.

Along with his friend and fellow laser physicist, Harold (“Hal”) E. Puthoff, Targ researched psychic abilities for the Department of Defense. Some of Targ’s former clients include NASA, the CIA, Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA), and Army Intelligence.

To ensure that his colleagues wouldn’t think that Targ and his team had “gone off the rails,” (his words) they published all their work in the world’s most prestigious academic journals, including:

  • Proceedings of the Institute of Electrical Engineers
  • American Association for the Advancement of Science
  • American Institute of Physics
  • Nature magazine

Targ emphasizes that ESP was not always so taboo. It had been written about in the New York Times, featured in gold-standard academic journals, and even offered as a field of academic study at world-class universities. In other words, this fascination with scientific materialism is a rather new one; and, in Targ’s opinion, a gravely mistaken one.

As Targ wryly notes: “ESP existed back then.”

Finally, Targ says that we are all capable of becoming psychic. Indeed, we are already.

In this article, we’re going to delve into what the insiders say about psychic abilities, including the arena where Targ dedicated most of his working career – remote viewing, or RV.

Why Russell Targ is Important

If you peruse Targ’s bio, it reads like something created for some science fiction character. Indeed, Targ’s experiences are uniquely unlike anyone else’s in modern history.

For one, Targ oversaw highly-secretive, classified work at the highest levels of government – working with, get this, the Department of Defense.  Oh, and then there’s the thing where he designed and performed psychic experiments with the DoD and CIA’s approval on DoD and CIA personnel.

In this writer’s opinion, his stories of what happened – and the events that followed – are essential for us to hear. If for no other reason than he deserves our ear. Now in his late-80s, Targ spent the better years of life serving during some of the most uncertain times in history, apparently without a “Thanks for coming” from our government.

If his feats are to be believed, here are just a few accomplishments of Targ’s team at SRI:

  • Finding a downed Soviet airplane in North Africa
  • Locating a kidnapped American General in Northern Italy
  • Finding a hidden weapons factory in Soviet Siberia
  • Locating where a Soviet reconnaissance submarine was being constructed
  • Giving the location of a Chinese atomic bomb test three days before it was scheduled to be detonated.

Targ’s team did work like this for over two decades – all funded by the federal government. Much of Targ’s and SRI’s work has been declassified if you should wish to dig a bit deeper.

Perhaps the best-known – and contentious work of Targ’s involves experiments of the Project Stargate program, which we’ll discuss next.

Remote Viewing and Project Stargate

“President [Jimmy] Carter has spoken out about that [Stargate-related] incident and confirmed that it was true. And there are lots of other examples that have now been declassified of that sort.”  ~ Dr. Jessica Utts, Professor of Statistics at University of California-Irvine, regarding the outcomes of Project Stargate

Most of the work of Targ and his colleagues involved remote viewing or RV. We’ll briefly describe RV to provide some context for the remainder of the article.

Per Wikipedia, RV involves “the practice of seeking impressions about a distant or unseen target, purportedly using extrasensory perception or ‘sensing’ with the mind.”   He considers this a superhuman ability.

For reference, here is the basic structure of an RV experimental session:

(1) RV requires: (a) a viewer, (b) a monitor, and (c) a target. (A) accesses and records data about the destination; (b) track the progress of the RV session and prompts ‘a’ for target details; (c) is the object, event, person, place, function to be viewed.

(2) The experimenter selects a random photograph, which is then placed inside of an opaque manila folder and sealed.

(3) The viewer than attempts to acquire data through the process of RV. Feedback is given at the end of the session.

The Stargate project arose from the US Army Intelligence community in 1978. Stargate operations were undertaken in response to the perceived threat of Communism, mostly from the former USSR.

In 1995, despite continuing RV operations at Stanford Research Institute for over twenty years, the US government decided to cease SRI activities, citing a lack of actionable evidence. An insider and researcher at SRI, statistician, and professor Dr. Jessica Utts, states that these findings are false.

Asked why the government abruptly canceled the program, Utts flatly states, “The cold war had ended and [the US government] was not interested in those kinds of issues anymore,” adding that there are now more sophisticated means of spying (ahem, NSA.) that didn’t require remote viewers.

Utts’ most crucial work relative to Stargate was a paper that she co-authored with a well-known skeptic of remote viewing. This paper was subsequently reported to the US Congress as an overall evaluation of the Stargate Program and other SRI operations.

“What I found was overwhelming statistical evidence – ten to a billion or whatever – against chance… The skeptic who was with working me agreed that there was overwhelming statistic evidence. He just didn’t agree on what was causing it. But he had no alternative explanation.”

What Targ Says About Psychic Superhuman Abilities

“Consciousness/mind is neither material nor nonmaterial; rather, it is multidimensional.”  ~ Russell Targ

When explaining the existence of psychic abilities, Targ humbly states that they’re nothing magical. “They’re abilities,” he says, which anyone can cultivate if they so choose.

Targ says that these abilities are explainable, both inside and outside the context of science. Regarding the former, Targ points to both recent and not-so-recent findings by Erwin Schrödinger and the Buddhist sage and scholar, Nagarjuna.

Nagarjuna lived around the time of Christ and was probably the first to expound on non-duality in his Buddhist treatises. Schrödinger was among the first to theorize nonduality’s existence in a scientific setting, theories that were subsequently proven in the 1970s and 1980s.

The essence of both Nagarjuna’s and Schrödinger’s findings can be summarized as such: the mind is outside of time and space, existing instead in some unseen, undetectable dimension. The mind projects from this dimension, and this is what influences our thoughts and actions on the Earthly plane.

The mind is not local, thus not limited by distance, space, or time. Recent findings in the field of quantum mechanics, particularly quantum entanglement, seem to point to the truth of such phenomena.

Here’s what Targ explicitly says about psychic abilities:

Remote viewing is the superhuman ability Targ describes.

“[Remote viewing] is a natural psychic ability that we all have despite what you may have heard to the contrary. People can quiet their mind and describe an experience – what’s happening thousands of miles away or in the future.”

Distance doesn’t matter.

“Something that we found as physicists is that it’s no harder to describe what’s happening in Soviet Siberia 6,000 miles away than it is … to describe the funny object that I have in my pocket.”

It comes in handy: “You can find your car key, find a parking place, even in Los Angeles – and we were exemplarily successful in doing that…”

You can make money in the stock market. Targ’s former firm, Delphi Associates, earned a six-figure commission in 1982 from correctly predicting the prices of the silver futures price. The front page of the Wall Street Journal featured them for their exploits.

You can develop spiritually: “My opinion is the most important thing that you can do … is to discover who you are. If you learn to quiet your mind and move your awareness into timeless awareness, you are likely to begin to experience things that give you a different view of reality.”

Lifestyle

Astrologist Explains the Cosmic View for July 2020

Astrologist Explains the Cosmic View for July 2020


Summer is upon us. The desire to feel the freedom and pleasures symbolic of this time of year makes caution and staying inside more challenging. Fighting Covid-19 has been like living in a war zone with danger lurking outside. Mars, the planet of war, is in Aries, its sign. Here’s the cosmic view for July of 2020.

This situation strengthens your desire to express anger and encourages you to take on a battle – anything to release that inner tension. Don’t use anger as a weapon.

With the Sun and Mercury in Cancer, it’s time to center yourself from within. Cancer is powerful, but it needs an inner voice, it is weakened when your self-worth is based on the expectations of others. Power must come from conviction, from the faith, and an acceptance of destiny.

Wherever life has placed you, own it and start from there. If you do, a path will appear and show you the way. Mercury goes direct on the 12th, and you will solve old problems. By the middle of the month, Neptune trines the Sun, bringing fantasies and the dreamy part of life back into play. A retrograde Saturn reenters Capricorn on the 2nd, reuniting with Jupiter and Pluto until December 19th.

This is your chance to review the last 2 12 years and own the lessons you’ve learned. The more you reflect, the higher your wisdom. Socrates, the founder of modern philosophy, said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” This is your chance to examine your life and change what needs adjusting. Explore your passions and acknowledge what holds your interest. Strengthen the bonds in your life, and when this is over, you’ll come out ahead.

Aries (March 21st – April 20th)

Aries is impulsive and often act before they think. You’re instinctual, and that serves you well when you listen to it at the moment. However, this month you need to act with caution. Mars, this month, squares the Sun and Mercury, and without self-control, you could be your own worst enemy. Self-discipline is necessary. As an Aries, you want to be the best or have the control, and the truth is, there are many ways to get your wish.

Kindness and love also give you power if you give it from a place of strength and not an area of need. Saturn reenters Capricorn on the 2nd and reunites with Jupiter and Pluto. You are vying for power when it comes to your position in life, probably because your insecurities are enhanced. Step back and let things settle, then you’ll see where you can make a difference.

Mercury goes direct on the 12th in Cancer, and anger might be your chosen emotion – it gives one a temporary feeling of empowerment. Be careful you don’t over-use it. If winning becomes too significant, you’ll lose sight of your ideals and the real dream, which is to make a difference.

You can transform the lives of others, but it has to come from love. Venus, in Gemini, in your 3rd house, puts the focus on communication. Be careful of contradictions, you often take both sides of an argument and don’t even know it. With Mars on your Ascendant, you’re eager for action, and treading water won’t work.

You need to advance and take a risk. If you’re in a relationship, you finally understand what your partner needs, now it’s up to you to decide if you want to provide it. If you’re single, you could meet someone through a friend. Say yes to the introduction. It has possibilities.

Taurus (April 21st – May 20th)

Taurus carries with it the potential to turn things around. Your sign rules desire, and the more self-control you can command, the more in charge of your life you will feel. You’re at the stage of the journey where roots are set, providing the strength you need to grow.

Remind yourself. You can uproot yourself from your choices and change things if you see a better way. Nurture what you believe in, and that will grow strong within you. Your vision is sharp, which allows you to see the path ahead and get things done. You’re great at giving advice, but the truth is, you should be listening to it yourself.

With Mars in Aries, you realize that your anger has been a source of motivation when appropriately directed. However, this month Mars is square the Sun, and caution is advisable. Your anger could quickly be taken out on an innocent soul, when the truth is, you’re angry at yourself. Don’t beat yourself up; just make the changes. Mercury goes direct on the 12th in Cancer, and old issues get resolved.

Jupiter and Pluto are still together and in retrograde, expanding each other’s powers. Pluto takes you deeper into yourself while Jupiter increases whatever is brought to the surface. They are potent partners when appropriately used. Venus in trine to Saturn gives you a steady pace and a sense of stability.

You are starting to get your rhythm and are less influenced by others. The Full Moon (Lunar Eclipse) on the 5th in Capricorn energizes your 9th house. Your ideas will be challenged by someone close to you. If you’re in a relationship, you’re learning about the hidden dreams of your partner, and it changes how you see them. If you’re single, you could have a crush on someone you don’t know. Fantasies work now.

moon zodiac

 Gemini (May 21st – June 20th)

 Gemini is a restless sign. You don’t like to sit still. Mercury, your ruler, is in retrograde but goes direct on the 12th in your 2nd house of values and finances. Once it’s direct, bills get paid, and the path you need to take becomes clear.

If you are without a job, there’s a good chance it may return, or a new one will take its place. If nothing’s happening, don’t get discouraged, believe that it’s possible, and you’ll attract what you need. Saturn reenters Capricorn on the 2nd.

It’s only been gone a few months, but I’m sure you’ll feel how much you’ve changed. Transformation can be subtle, but you see it through the choices you make. Less afraid to speak up, the world begins to listen. Saturn makes you aware of what’s not working. This is an opportunity to make necessary changes. The new vision you have forged from the lessons you have learned is now there to serve you.

The Full Moon on the 5th in Capricorn adds to your insight and transformation. It’s time to go deeper into your truth and see yourself more clearly. Mars square the Sun, and Mercury indicates you could be a magnet of someone else’s anger – but only if you allow it to happen. Don’t let anyone put you down. Uranus sextile the Sun and Mercury add surprise and an opportunity you never thought about to your attention. Don’t be afraid to try something new.

Venus trine Saturn gives you stability and keeps your feet on the ground. It’s an essential anchor for a Gemini. If you’re in a relationship, it’s not easy to handle at the moment, but there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just intense times. If you’re single, you have opportunities, but it’s essential to stay centered. Listen to your instincts, and you’ll make the right decision.

Cancer  (June 21st – July 22nd)

Shy yet stubborn, you’re a force to be reckoned with. By nature, you avoid conflict. It’s a waste of your energy when you can accomplish the same thing by ignoring the challenge. Confrontation is not your first choice, but when you allow your feelings to surface, it’s evident you’re not a pushover.

Mars in Aries square the Sun and Mercury creates an atmosphere of anxiety and anger, don’t let it rule. This is a time when everyone is tense, so your low-key demeanor will be a gift.  Venus trine Saturn creates stability, especially in relationships. With Jupiter and Pluto in Capricorn, you may find old relationship issues back on your plate demanding attention.

Take the time to clean up what you can. It frees you to be more reliable as you move forward. Saturn retrogrades back into Capricorn on the 2nd, and the best use of its energy is to set your goals more clearly. Clarify what you want and commit to it. The difficulties of the last few months have taken their toll.  However, with the Sun ruling your house of finance, and sextile Uranus, there is an opportunity in the form of change and even chaos.

Don’t be afraid to take on a new venture, or branch out in areas you haven’t gone before. Embrace the new. Neptune in Pisces and your 9th house insists you reevaluate your ideals. Ideals have the power to lift you out of despair and give hope to any moment.

The more you embrace your possibilities, rather than what you’ve lost, the better you will be. If you’re in a relationship, it’s an excellent time to connect on a dangerous level – with the truth. If you’re single, you could meet someone you admire, someone who inspires you.

Leo (July 23rd – August 22nd)

Leo begins the month with an extra dose of energy and anger. The Sun, your ruler, is square Mars. That inner drive you have for perfection can actually hinder your success. It’s great to always strive for more, but you must accept where you are, with all its limitations, if you’re going to advance with ease.

If you default to righteous judgments, you will hold yourself back. Accept and move forward. This month Mars dominates, and the level of anger and tension increases. It’s not difficult to understand why your life has been restricted, and keeping your balance has been challenging.

However, anger only makes things worse. Express it through exercise, or do a primal scream in your shower, but don’t take it out on innocent souls, anger is a great motivator, but to use it positively, you need to direct it toward a goal.

With Saturn trine Venus, love, and relationships become serious. Gifted with an overdose of independence, you tend to think you don’t need anyone because your emotions are seldom a priority. However, after the sequestration and enforced restrictions, having loving people around has more value. With Venus trine Saturn, the cost of love has never been more apparent. It has the power to transform your life. Mercury is retrograde until the 12th, and then everything begins to move forward.

Uranus in Taurus, sextile the Sun and Mercury, brings change to the table as an option. Listen to your instincts. If you do, you’ll know what to trust. If you’re in a relationship, there are opportunities to improve your communication. Take advantage of them. If you’re single, you could meet someone in a very organic way. If you see an opportunity, take it.

Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd)

Virgo can combine the practicality of earth with the inquisitiveness of Mercury, it’s the ruler. This provides you with the ability to push the boundaries of an idea to its limits, revealing both its strengths and limitation.

When you understand a person or a thing, you can make better decisions personally and in business. You are obsessive, and it’s only dangerous when you’re on a destructive path and escape through alcohol, drugs, or a relationship that’s not happening. You don’t give up. Hopefully, you have found your balance and have learned to say no to yourself as well as others.

Without self-discipline, extreme behavior is dangerous. The Full Moon on the 5th in Cancer and the direct motion of Mercury on the 12th puts an emphasis on friendships and group gatherings. Whatever issues were left unresolved between you and someone you care about has probably come to the surface and demanded your attention.

Hopefully, you faced the problem and resolved it once and for all. Mars in Aries square the Sun, and Mercury brings up repressed anger. Your need to be in charge may add to the tension of the moment. Ask yourself if what you want is really worth the effort. Venus trine Saturn encourages you to use your creativity and passion for your purpose and goals. Saturn provides limits and structure, and when you embrace them, it adds strength to help you get the job done.

If you’re in a relationship, your partner is temporarily out of your reach emotionally. They are either pursuing their own dreams or lost in a fantasy that may or may not include you. It will pass. If you’re single, you are looking to be in love from a distance. This way, you protect yourself from disappointment. It’s safe, but it also leaves you feeling empty.

Libra (September 23rd – October 22nd)

 Libra is the sign of balance, the balance between your truth and the truth of others and society. Do you feel as if you fit in?  Do you have a need to please, because you’re afraid of being rejected? That’s never a position of power, and although it may work when your opponent is also insecure, anyone with real power will just take advantage.

If you’re going to be someone others look up to, you need to stand up for your truth. This month Venus in Gemini gets help from Saturn. This is a time when sure-footedness is essential. Slow down and advance one small step at a time. The Sun and Mercury, in your 10th house, attracts attention and opportunity.

Don’t let your desire for control take control. Stay flexible and adapt.  Mercury goes direct on the 12th in Cancer, and your career finds new paths to success. The Full Moon on the 5th in Capricorn adds power to the moment. It sets you free form a family obligation and allows you to follow your instincts. Venus is trine Saturn, and your ideals and dreams show you how to manifest them. This is a blend of creativity and practicality. Uranus is the awakener.

This month it makes a sextile to the Sun and Mercury. It brings change that you are unprepared for. Don’t panic; just adjust. Sextiles are gentle and create opportunities. If you’re in a relationship, your partner is feeling healthy and assertive. Don’t be surprised if you get challenged.

If you’re single, there is an opportunity to meet someone, or if you’re already dating, express how you feel about whatever is going on between you. Never be afraid to expose who you really are.

Scorpio (October 23rd – November 21st)

Scorpio is a sign of power and the ability to let go of what or who no longer serves you. These two opposites are actually connected. If you hold on to what has no purpose, then it will weight you down, and you won’t be able to advance as quickly as you’d like to.

Knowing what has value and what doesn’t, is a big challenge. Scorpio’s are especially useful when it comes to investments and handling money. Mars in Aries has invigorated your work schedule and keeps you busy. If you’ve been out of a job, then there’s a good chance you could get one this month. Uranus sextile the Sun, and Mercury brings opportunity at work or in your career. With a sextile, you have to make the first move. It doesn’t land in your lap.

If you see it and want it — go for It. You have a lot to do, and what you need is to focus. Saturn in Aquarius brings a sense of stability and structure to your home life. It’s essential to be organized and have a routine. If you do, you won’t waste time, you’ll get things done. Venus trine Saturn provides emotional stability to your love life. This is always welcome, especially now. When Saturn is not around, it’s too easy to get lost in passion and your romantic side.

The Full Moon on the 5th in Capricorn makes communication important. If there is something you haven’t been able to say or bring to the table, you’ll get a chance to do it now. Mercury goes direct on the 12th, and projects begin to fall into place.

You’ll have a better idea of where you’re going and what is possible. If you’re in a relationship, then it should be stable and supportive. If you’re single, it’s an excellent time to meet someone who is independent and confident. It’s what will make you happy.

Sagittarius (November 22nd – December 21st)

Sagittarius is a planet of strength, a strength that comes from personal beliefs. Remember, what you believe you create, so if you have faith in yourself, others will too. With Jupiter, your ruler, still in Capricorn, your focus is on money and values.

However, by the end of the year, your attention will be in your 3rd house of communication. This is when new ideas inspire you. With Neptune in your 4th house of the home, there is something uncertain about where you live or who is living with you. Or perhaps you’re not sure if you want to move. Mercury goes direct on the 12th and what has seemed impossible to deal with, suddenly gets done. Saturn in Aquarius brings seriousness to your communication.

Perhaps you have a job where what you say carries weight. It is never a bad idea to pause and think before you speak. Mars in Aries in trine to the Sun and Mercury brings energy to your relationships and thoughts. You feel passionate about what you are doing, and that passion helps you advance. The Full Moon on the 5th in the sign of Capricorn challenges your values and how you’re spending your money.

What are you willing to fight for? If you know what you want, it’s so much easier to manifest it. Don’t leave what’s essential unclear.

Clarity is an asset that brings results. Uranus in Taurus in your 6th house has brought change and new opportunities for your work schedule. If you are looking for a new job, you’ll find one. The move was a part of all our destinies with or without the virus, so keep a positive point of view. If you’re in a relationship, things should be steady and supportive. Venus, in your house of relationships, helps keep harmony. If you’re single, you may be seeking love. Keep an open mind, and you’ll attract it.

Capricorn (December 22nd – January 19th)

Capricorn is the accumulation of your choices, beliefs, and ideals. It is wisdom turned into opportunities and structure. It’s a dream in the process of becoming real. Life is never stagnant, it’s always evolving and becoming, but you can dig in and refuse to grow.

If you learn from everything that happens to you, you will advance without effort. In Capricorn, what you have has been earned through hard work. When you receive your success, no one can take it from you. With Jupiter and Pluto still conjunct in Capricorn, you are open to new ideas that may help you overcome the challenges of the moment.

With Saturn, your ruler, in Aquarius, your focus has shifted to values and finances and a desire for independence. The trine Saturn makes to Venus opens the door to make money and do well simply because you’re good at what you do. If you don’t see opportunity at the present moment, know that it’s around you. Open your eyes and believe that what you have in your heart can happen.

With Uranus in Taurus and your 5th house, you’re being challenged to take charge of your life and the new ideas that have come your way. The more independent you are, the easier it is to manifest your dreams. Mercury goes direct on the 12th, and life begins to make more sense.

Whatever was being held up is now free to move forward. The Full Moon in Capricorn brings an old issue to the surface. It’s vital to deal with it and then let it go.

If you’re in a relationship, this is an excellent month to understand why you are with your partner and what makes it either a good or a challenging relationship. If you’re single, love is a lot of work at the moment, and you may choose to ignore your personal attractions, at least for now.

Aquarius (January 20th – February 18th)

 The sign of freedom is now the host of Saturn, the planet of restriction and boundaries. Opposite energies have a lot in common, besides needing each other for balance. On the 2nd, Saturn goes retrograde and returns to Capricorn until December 18th when it reenters Aquarius and stays there until March of 2023.

This is your chance to set new boundaries and stop saving souls that are not interested in enlightenment. Not everyone wants to grow or learn. Once you recognize who does and who doesn’t, you’ll experience real freedom. With Jupiter and Pluto in Capricorn and your 12th house of the unconscious, so much of what happens to you lies beyond your control. What you need is faith, patience, and the ability to listen to your instincts.

Saturn trine Venus helps you find balance and keep a position that gives you options. Mercury goes direct on the 12th, and things begin to move forward. New ideas can finally get support. With Uranus in Taurus in your 4th house of the home, brings change to your private space. If you have repairs to do, they will get done. With the Full Moon on the 5th in Capricorn, it’s essential to expect the unexpected. The power lies in how you respond. Neptune in your 2nd house, square Mercury, enhances your fantasies and illusions.

The danger is your lack of reality can undermine your authority. If you’re in a relationship, your partner has lingering anger from unresolved issues. And if you want peace, you will address them now. If you’re single, you could feel rejected by someone you’re attracted to. Don’t take it personally, they’re not in a right place, and it has nothing to do with you.

Pisces (February 19th – March 20th)

 Pisces is water, and it is intuitive and powerful when you have faith in yourself. If you want to empower yourself, build your confidence by starting each day with an inspiring affirmation. The Sun and Mercury in Cancer help you turn inward. Remind yourself that strength comes from your spirit and your sharp mind, not how much money you make.

Honor your talents, and they’ll work for you. Mercury goes direct on the 12th, and things began to move forward. A retrograde ensures that old issues get paid attention to, so if you’ve cleaned up your desk and dealt with old problems, you’re ready to move forward.

Venus, in Gemini, adds to your restless nature. The trine it makes to Saturn provides work to do and a direction. If you can keep busy, you won’t go crazy. Uranus in Taurus has been shaking up your third house of communication. You’ve been handling things differently. You’re more open to new experiences and ideas.

You now understand that keeping an open mind makes you stronger. Competitive by nature, you can get lost by focusing on what others are doing, rather than your passion. Each of us is here for our purpose. We come to earth to challenge ourselves to understand our spirit and to learn how to merge heaven and earth. The Full Moon on the 5th in Capricorn sets off your house of friendships. Someone close to you needs your support. Give it in a way that works for you.

If you’re in a relationship, things get better after the 12th when Mercury goes direct. Hopefully, you will have dealt with the issues this retrograde has put back on the table. If you’re single, you’ll be ready and anxious to meet someone new. Just be careful–do not attach yourself to an angry person.

Lifestyle

Therapist Explains How to Grieve the Loss of Your Love Relationship »

Therapist Explains How to Grieve the Loss of Your Love


Breaking up with your partner is like a death. It’s almost impossible to move on as if nothing happened. You both have been uprooted out of the ground into a new chapter in life. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions as you go through the process. We have a few ways to grieve the loss of your love relationship.

You’ll Face Five Stages as You Grieve Your Lost Relationship

The Kübler-Ross model of grief, also known as “The Five Stages of Grief,” explains what happens to our minds during the five stages after we lose something or someone special.

These stages are anger, bargaining, denial, sadness, and acceptance. You don’t necessarily grieve in any specific order. Sometimes you experience a stage multiple times.

During the grieving process, you may deny the person is gone from your life. You might get angry wondering what you could have done differently. Or, you might bargain with a higher power to help them come back to you.

Once you realize this is not going to work, you might feel depressed. You start listening to sad songs and watching old home videos.  Finally, you usually just accept this person is gone from your life. Sometimes we get stuck in denial thinking no one will ever love us again.

These stages have no time limit. It’s up to you when you decide to accept the loss and move on with your life. The truth is that you probably will fall in love again. You just have to give yourself time.

grieve

11 Ways to Take Care of Yourself as You Grieve for the Love You Lost

1 – Don’t Overthink

You may find yourself returning to the relationship a million times in your mind. You might start wondering where you went wrong. When we do this, we start to think we should go back. There’s a reason you broke up. No matter how many good times you had, there’s a reason underneath it all that the relationship is done. Don’t think about it all of the time. It’s time to hang out with yourself and move down the road. This doesn’t mean you won’t feel anything. You will still feel the stages of loss and you will grieve, but it means you don’t start playing the reel of your relationship in your head.

2 – Take Time To Detox

Many people deal with the loss of a love relationship by jumping into the next relationship. This doesn’t help you deal with any of the feelings left behind. The best thing you can do is have a period of detox. This means you take time to reflect and recharge your “love batteries.” You don’t need to date or pursue others at this time. You don’t need to go home with people from the bar. You need to focus on yourself. Before you get into a new relationship, you need to be 100% ready. You need to have a clear head on your shoulders. It’s only fair to you and the next person. If not, you will bring your drama into the next relationship.

3 – It Is Okay to Be Selfish While You Grieve

Love is often selfless. We put the other person above us. It’s time to be selfish once that relationship is over. Get out of bed when you feel like it. Go to the store without telling anyone. Stay out as late as you want. You get control of the remote watching whatever show you feel. You don’t have to answer to anyone. This is one of the only times in life when you get a pass to be selfish.

4 – Lean On Others

It’s okay to feel sadness with your support system. Lean on those you love to get out your feelings and emotions. When you want to cry and grieve, call up your best friend. Get those emotions out. You might need to yell at someone about the anger you’re feeling.

When someone you love passes away, people flock to you in support. They know this is the same during this love loss. They know sometimes it’s important to just be there sitting by you as you vent.

A hug is sometimes the best therapy available.

5 – Do Things You Enjoy

After a loss, it’s always best to find your smile again. Do things you love. Your self-esteem and heart might be bashed. When you do things that you love, you will feel happiness again. You might even forget for a few minutes that you’re going through a tough time.

You’ll actually learn to fall in love with yourself when you do things you love. You get to feel happy and enjoy a smile again. Whether it’s reading a book, going to the movies, playing a game of tennis or singing along with your guitar, do something you love.

6 – Let Go Of Emotional Baggage

Breakups leave big, ugly scars. If you don’t tend to these scars, they just look even scarier. It’s important to not dwell on the negative emotional baggage. You must learn to feel the pain then move on with a positive outlook. You’re able to decrease your amount of suffering by finding the lining in the clouds.

When you can tell yourself that “maybe it didn’t work out for a reason,” you’ll be able to move forward. If you get stuck in the negative emotional baggage of the relationship, it’ll be tough to move forward. You might face depression. You’re going to feel sadness and grieve some days. You’ll get triggered by a couple holding hands.

The important thing is to think of the positives in your break up. Remember why you broke up. By doing so, you’ll help your mind prepare for the next step in life.

7 – Forgive Yourself

Grieving means having to forgive yourself. It’s hard to let go. You blame yourself for every little thing. You might think everything was all your fault when it takes two to tango. Look back and think about both of your actions.

Think of the reasons why it didn’t work out. Even if you did things wrong, you have to let go of the blame. You cannot move on until you forgive yourself and grow from the experience as a whole.

thinking about the past

8 – Don’t Shut The Door On Love

Many times people that get out of a relationship will say they’ll “never” date again. They swear off all relationships. You should never speak in absolutes.

It didn’t work out with your ex for a reason. This doesn’t mean love isn’t going to work in the future. You’re burned right now. You have to get through this tough time and leave love open in the future. If you lose faith, you could be missing out.

There is a right time for your love.

One day you might find them when you least expect it. Until then, you focus on yourself. Don’t turn your head to anyone that tries to set you up. One day you’ll realize you’re ready again. In the beginning, it’s natural to think of speaking in absolutes.

9 – Don’t Seek Revenge

When you’re grieving, you often feel anger. You just want to hurt the other person because you’re hurting. Don’t seek revenge. Being angry and seeking revenge will not solve anything. It will make you seem petty and immature. Don’t trash talk them to your friends and family. Just accept they are gone, and accept that you don’t need to do anything about it. There’s a reason they aren’t with you anymore. You don’t need to go out and hurt them to dig the dagger even deeper into both of your hearts.

10 – Comfort Yourself

Remember there is no time limit to grieving. In the beginning, you might find it hard to even get out of bed. Take it a second at a time. Eat that pint of ice cream if you feel. Watch that sappy movie. Let your friends come over while you cry into their lap. You don’t have to be okay.

One day you’re going to be able to get out of bed. And, of course, someday you’re going to smile again. Your life was thrown into a blender. It’s okay to feel that pain. Always remember it’s okay to grieve.

11 – See The Differences

One of the best things that happen once you get through the grieving, you’ll realize there is a difference between a breakup and a death. When someone dies, it’s final. When you break up with someone, you get both get through it alive. You get to rise above it. One day you might see them walking along the street, and you won’t cry.

You’ll realize one day that you’re able to move forward. This breakup was the demise of that particular love relationship, but it’s not the final stage of love for you. One day soon, you’ll embrace living life to its fullest once again.

Final Thoughts on Taking Time to Grieve a Lost Love Relationship

It’s important to take time to grieve after any loss. A breakup is a loss that turns your world upside down. Once you face the truth of this loss and think through it, you’ll be able to move on. It might feel like you’re dying inside, but you’re about to live in the next chapter. Take time for yourself, then turn the page to the next chapter in life.

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Astrology Explains 15 Things Never to Say or Do Around a Leo

Astrology Explains 15 Things Never to Say or Do Around


Astrologers can agree that Leos are the proud lions of the zodiac. They love compliments, can’t stand to lose an argument, and generally want to know they’re always loved. As such, most are incredibly confident, protective, and like to be the center of attention.

Powered by the sun, Leos welcome the limelight as they and are in full form when they receive praise. Leos always needs the right energy to shine the brightest, which is why you should always be intentional when speaking with any lions in your life.

Never Say These 15 Things to a Leo

While this sign is very proud, they are also quite sensitive. What may seem like a simple comment to some can quickly cut to Leo’s core. If you have a Leo in your life that you love, make sure you never say the following things to them:

1. “Stop making it about you!”

Though this sign knows the world doesn’t revolve around them, they depend on their loved ones to make them feel like they’re the center of attention. Just like the sun, they desire to know how important they are to everyone’s lives.

This is why it can be incredibly painful when someone close to them makes them feel bad for making situations about them. This sign is most comfortable when they have others hanging off of their every word.

Before you tell your loved one that they’re not always the center of attention, try to hear them out when they do talk about themselves or draw references from their own lives. In most cases, this is their way of relating to you.

2. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it.”

If you are relying on this fire sign to finish a project with you, it’s important to show them that you trust that they will take care of it. There’s nothing this sign hates more than feeling like they’ve let someone they care about down.

This sign wants to be in control in their own lives and will get angry if they feel as though you’re taking that control away. Even if this sign can’t lead the way in everything, always make sure they ask for help before you try to take care of it on your own.

Remember, this sign often hides their insecurity and fear by regaining control. Make sure to respond to this by taking the time to understand and allow them to open up to you.

zodiac sign

3. “I forgot about our plans.”

We all miss important dates and forget other details, but forgetting to invite a fire sign to an event is incredibly offensive. This sign absolutely hates to feel forgotten and will be very deeply hurt if it ever happens to them.

If you’ve forgotten about your fire sign, you need to make things right quickly. Beg this fire sign for forgiveness as you genuinely express how sorry you are. Then, let them get their anger out as the share how your actions made them feel.

You can get back into this sign’s good graces by validating them. Explain to your loved one how much you care for them and eventually, they’ll return to being the powerful sun you know and love.

4. “Stop holding onto things, just let it go.”

This fire sign is complex and emotional. They’re not always going to forgive and forget in certain situations. In some cases, this sign may even bring up things that happened in the past as if they just happened yesterday.

While it can be annoying to rehash certain things with your loved one, this is how this sign works things out. Instead of telling this sign to “Let it go”, talk to them about what they’re experiencing. Chances are, if you give this sign the opportunity to share, they’ll be able to start letting it go on their own.

5. “I already complimented you.”

Enough is never enough for this sun-powered sign. This sign feeds on the positive energy of others’ compliments and affection. For example, if your lion keeps asking you if you like something, they’re just seeking validation.

For some, one compliment is all that’s needed, but this isn’t the case with this sign. Feel free to let loose with your compliments and signs of affection. Oftentimes, all this sign needs is to know that you believe in them and they’re doing enough.

6. Never tell a Leo, “You’re so self-centered.”

While this sign is happy to be the center of attention, never call them self-centered. This sign likes to think that the world constantly revolves around them, though they know that it doesn’t.

Pointing out this personality trait by using the word “self-centered” will make your loved one angry. It’s best to talk about your feelings and ask them to focus their attention on you for the time being.

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7. “I didn’t know you were so needy.”

All of us are needy from time to time. This sign especially craves attention and wants to know that their loved ones are there for them.

Don’t make your fire sign feel bad for this. Show them how much you care by laying on the love.

8. “I’m not sure how I feel, Leo.”

Astrologers believe this zodiac sign to be one of the most confident and self-assured signs. As a result, this sign wants to know that others around them are just as confident and are doing what they believe is right.

If you’ tell a fire sign that you haven’t made up your mind about a decision that’s important to them, you may unintentionally offend them.

Whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, you should be clear about your intentions and decisions. Even if you really don’t know how you feel, share your thoughts with them. Making an attempt to communicate with your fire sign is sometimes all it takes.

9. “You’re overthinking it!”

Another way to offend your fire sign is to tell your loved one they are overthinking something.

This sign is deeply introspective and seeks the true meaning in any situation. By their nature, they are deep thinkers and need the time and space to figure out certain thoughts.

10. “Don’t do that.”

Telling a fire sign what to do and what not to do is a quick way to get into an argument. Make sure your fire sign knows they’re in control of their own decisions.

11. “You’re too much.”

The emotions that fire signs feel can be particularly overwhelming. At times, this zodiac sign struggles to handle their feelings.

To truly love this fire sign, you should never make them feel as though they’re too much for you to handle. Give them the chance to work through their feelings while you help them feel safe.

12. “It’s not a big deal!”

For a fire sign, everything in their life can seem like a big deal. If your loved one comes to you to share news, it’s because they want you to get excited about it.

Show your fire sign you’re on their team by always cheering them on.

13. “You always do this.”

To a fire sign, the world “always” can be pretty triggering.

This word can make your loved one feel as though you’re constantly dissatisfied with their actions. Instead of reacting this way, try to have a rational conversation about both individual’s behavior and any patterns that you’ve noticed.

14. “Why are you like this?”

Leos have very strong personalities and need partners and friends that let them be themselves.

If you ever question this sign’s personality or lifestyle choices, you’re telling them that you aren’t happy with who they are. To a fire sign, these are fighting words.

15. “You have to change.”

Fire signs have a strong opinion of themselves, to the point where they’ll lash out at anyone that isn’t completely happy with who they are.

If you ever tell this sign that they need to change, they’ll be deeply wounded. This sign loves to know how much they matter to their loved ones and wants to be accepted. Be sure to tell any fire signs in your life that you love them for who they are.

Learn how to manage your anger, according to your zodiac sign.

Final Thoughts on the Things You Should Never Say to a Leo

This sign is a confident yet sensitive creature. They bruise easily, so it’s important to always choose your words carefully with this sign.

Treat the fire signs in your life gently and with love. By laying on the affection and working to truly understand them, you’ll their personality shine like the star they are.