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10 Red Flags You Think Too Much (and How to Quit Overthinking)

10 Red Flags You Think Too Much (and How to

Do you find that you think too much? When you overthink, you analyze everything to the point of anxiety. If you think you may be doing this, check out these ten indicators of overthinking and how they can be harmful to you. Later, we will share some tips to combat the cycle of overthinking to help you rebalance your state of mind.

What is overthinking?

The tendency to overthink means you have an abundance of thoughts that never work out into real action. These overactive thoughts produce nothing but stress and worry. You may worry about what happened in the past or what’s going to happen in the future. Overthinking is usually about things you can’t control. Thinking too much can be paralyzing and lead to an anxiety disorder. Consider these ten red flags you may see in your life if you’re struggling with overthinking.

1 – Lack of focus due to racing thoughts.

When you’re continually examining your thoughts, actions, and conversations, your thoughts get in the way of your ability to concentrate on your daily activities. Your ideas may weigh so heavily upon you that you become distracted from real-life responsibilities. If your thoughts interfere with your daily life tasks, it’s a red flag. Step back and figure out how to let go of thoughts that prevent you from living your life.

2 – Your thoughts interfere with your work.

One study discovered that when athletes overthink, it disrupts their performance. It’s no wonder because when you overthink, you examine every action you make. This introspection causes you to second guess and doubts your ability to do things. A trained athlete relies on their mental and physical ability to perform. In the same way, if your mind is distracted, and you doubt your abilities, you won’t be able to do your work. This process can be disruptive to your job. This is a big red flag indicating that you’re overthinking things.

3 – Not paying attention to the people in your life.

Overthinking causes you to be caught up in your world most of the time. You aren’t fully there for others because of your all-consuming thoughts. Overthinking causes you to think more about yourself than others. When you’re with others, you may be distracted by views like this:

  • How do I feel right now?
  • Why do I feel like this?
  • Does this person like me?
  • They look sad. It’s probably because of me.
  • What did I do wrong?
  • Are they mad at me?

This rumination is a self-consuming way to live. You are not paying rapt attention to what others are saying or feeling. People may perceive you as uncaring or thoughtless, even though you aren’t. Overthinking is detrimental to your relationship with friends and family because it causes you to live in your head.

4 – What’s real?

Researchers found that overthinking interferes with your long term memory. As you rehearse things over and over, what happened gets rewritten in your mind.  Things begin to look worse than they were when you rehearse them in your mind. It is easy to put a negative spin on the past. So what happened seems utterly different from what really happened, yet you believe your version of the situation. It’s a twisted web that affects your thoughts and feelings.

5 – Feel nervous all the time

Overthinking can make you feel always nervous. Your thoughts feel out of control and overwhelming. Being consumed with these thoughts steals your ability to relax. Your nervousness is unhealthy and could make you sick. Taking control of your thoughts is critical to avoid feeling nervous all the time.

6 – Physical ailments

Overthinking can lead to an anxiety disorder. Researchers have found that some physical illnesses are caused by anxiety and stress. These ailments include

  • Headaches
  • Ulcers
  • Irritable bowel syndrome
  • Strange aches and pains
  • Insomnia
  • High blood pressure
  • Chest pain
  • Panic attacks

If you’re having these physical problems and you think it could be related to your overthinking, be sure to speak with your doctor. They can diagnose the physical issues and help you find strategies to slow down your overactive thoughts.

7 – Fatigue

Your overthinking makes you feel as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders. This mental exhaustion leads to fatigue since your brain has no time to rest. Mental burnout causes extreme tiredness. All your introspection and constant thinking solve nothing, but it hurts you the most.

8 – Your rehash conversations

Rehashing your conversations with other people is a red flag indicating you’re overthinking.  Do you rehearse every word, every smile, or eyebrow that moved during your discussions? Do you feel that you must understand everything the person said in case you missed something?

This rehashing of conversations twists your brain and makes you feel emotionally draining. These thoughts are harmful to you and could lead to an anxiety disorder. If you find yourself doing this a lot, you may consider possibly speaking to a counselor to help you figure out why, precisely, you are doing this.

9 – Insomnia

Insomnia can be a side effect of an overly active brain. If you’re an overthinker, your mind may race, even at night. In fact, night time can exaggerate your fears. That’s when you’re most vulnerable to worry. When your sleep is interrupted nightly, it affects your ability to function, plus it clouds your thoughts even more.

10 – Overanalyzing everything

When you think too much, you probably tend to overanalyze people’s every action and word. If you walk past a friend who doesn’t look at you right away,  you assume they’re mad at you. You start to remember things you’ve said and wondered if you made them angry. You begin to worry that they’ll never speak to you again. Your snowballing thoughts run wild. It’s consuming and centers on what you did wrong.

How can you stop overthinking?

There are some helpful new habits you can try to break free from overthinking. When your thoughts start to run wild into all the possible things that could happen, stop, and ask yourself these questions.

  • Is what I’m thinking right now true?
  • Will these thoughts help me or make me feel bad?
  • How could I look at this situation in a positive way?
  • What are the chances that what I’m thinking could happen?

Here are some other helpful tools to break free from thinking too much.

 1 – Focus on what’s good

When you’re tempted to overthink and expect bad things, instead, turn your thoughts to what is right. Think of all the positive outcomes in life that could (and have) happened. Remember, you control your thoughts. Your thoughts don’t control you. Refuse to permit your mind to go to the scary what-if scenarios. Tell your thoughts who’s boss and focus on the good in your life.

 2 – Distract yourself

Having excess time on your hands isn’t helpful if you have a busy mind. Too much time allows time for your mind to run wild. Stay active, don’t let yourself idle time to just sit and think. Interact with people, go to events, or volunteer at your local library. Find ways to serve others, so you’re not focusing on yourself.

3 – Control is overrated

There are many scenarios in life that can’t be controlled, but there are things within your control. It’s part of life. Focusing on what you can’t control isn’t helpful, and it can lead to anxiety. Instead, focus on what outcomes you can control, like your attitude and your choices. Try to remember that you’re not the only one who feels like life gets out of control. Everyone has those moments. Many people find that having faith in God helps them. They believe they can trust God to help them through those uncontrollable situations. Take a deep breath and relax. Let go of what you can’t control.

4 – Loosen fear’s grip

Fear is a tyrant. It enables you to think too much about your failures or your potential failures. It’s easy to focus on all the ways you’ve messed up. But everyone fails. Failure is a big part of life. Let go of your fear of falling again or failing in the future. Refuse to let fear control your thoughts. See your failures as opportunities to have a new beginning.

5 – Journal writing helps you release your thoughts

Writing down all your thoughts is a great way to get your overthinking in control. Dumping those fearful, anxious thoughts on paper releases them from your brain. Tell yourself that once your opinions hit the paper, they stay there. No more thinking about them. If you want to reread the thoughts later, that’s okay, but don’t allow yourself to think about them again.

6 – Talk to a friend

Find a trusted friend or confidante to talk to about your overthinking. Explain to your friend when you’re prone to overthinking thinking. No doubt,  they’ve already noticed that you do this.  Just talking about overthinking with someone else can help you begin to let it go.

7 – Find community

Finding a good community can help you refocus. It keeps you busy being with and helping others instead of being alone with your thoughts. Find a church, yoga group, or running club where you can make good friends who share similar goals.

Final Thoughts: Now That You Know You Think Too Much, Take Action

Everybody over thinks things once in a while, but if your brain is always on hyper-drive,  it could be harmful to your health. Overthinking can lead to anxiety disorders, which can affect your health. If you think too much, use these suggested tools to stop the progression of overthinking. Try a couple of these ideas at first and add more over time. Remember, you’re in control of your thoughts, not the other way around. Enjoy the freedom of letting go of those things you can’t control and enjoy your life without an overactive mind.


Therapists Explain 10 Red Flags You’re Dating a Narcissist

Therapists Explain 10 Red Flags You're Dating a Narcissist

If you’ve been in the dating pool for a while, you know how difficult it is to find someone who is honest, genuine, and the best fit for you. Nobody is perfect, but you want to find a love interest who can own up to his mistakes just as well as you can. How do you know if you are dating a narcissist?

There’s a big difference between loving and respecting yourself and being chronically selfish. Narcissism is a broad mental health disorder that makes people believe they are the most important being on the planet, according to therapists. Some of the signs are a grossly inflated ego, refusal to accept responsibility or blame, constant cravings for attention and praise, and disregarding other people’s feelings.

The Myth of the Vain Narcissist

This uncommon personality disorder was named for Narcissus, a character from Greek mythology. According to the story, this child of the river god and a nymph was so beautiful; he fell in love with his reflection in a water pool.

So great was his love that he pined away until he died, leaving a trail of beautiful flowers that still bear his name. Although this is a fictional story, mental health disorder is real.

Types of Narcissism

Psychologists recognize six different types of narcissism, ranging from closeted to psychopathic. This research suggests that a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may stem from a combination of heredity and environment. While therapy can help this condition, there is no cure.

  • Seductive Narcissist: These narcissists try to win your heart to display it as a trophy.
  • Bully Narcissist: To boost their ego, the bully narcissist puts others down and steps on people to get to the top.
  • Exhibition Narcissist: There’s no guessing about this guy because he proclaims his egocentric tendencies to the world.
  • Secret Narcissist: He may not push his selfish agenda on others, but he secretly believes he is superior and entitled.
  • Toxic Narcissist: The ranges of this narcissistic personality are characterized by chronic drama and a long history of abusive relationships.
  • Psychopathic Narcissist: Not only can this narcissist break your heart, but he could also take your life. Most mass murderers are also psychopathic narcissists without remorse.

Are You Dating a Narcissist?

At first, you may not see that your new love interest has a psychological problem. However, warning signs will soon be evident if he is a narcissist. Here are ten red flags of narcissistic behavior that you shouldn’t ignore.

1. He isn’t Honest About His Marital Status

A narcissist can’t admit a failed relationship, even if he is still in it. Before you get attached to someone, be sure that he is free and not committed to somebody else. Take warning if your new love interest’s social media relationship profile says that he is separated or “it’s complicated.”

Do you want to be the third person in a cheater’s marriage? What does it say about a man or woman who is dating while still married? Regardless of the excuses, this person is lying and cheating. A selfish person doesn’t have the honesty and integrity to be part of a healthy relationship, so run while you can.

2. She Lies and Hides Things

A fulfilling relationship must be based on mutual honesty and trust. If it’s not there, then you’re headed for heartache. You can often tell if you are dating a narcissist if you are constantly catching her in lies. Often, narcissistic people will lie and stretch the truth about insignificant things, like where they bought their car or the fabulous job they had back when.

Sure, everybody has made mistakes and done things in the past that doesn’t make them proud. However, an honest person will have no qualms about being truthful about her past, where she grew up, former marriages, etc. Pay attention if she gets defensive and turns it around on you as if you have trust issues.

3. He Can’t Follow the Rules

There’s nothing wrong with individuality, but the typical narcissist expects the world to run by his rules. He has such a high opinion that he believes he is above the laws and rules of society. If you are dating a narcissist, you may see him ignoring simple laws and mandates “just because he can.”

A person who ignores laws is also apt to disregard morality. Perhaps he thinks it’s nothing to cheat on his taxes or his mate. He may think he is good enough to get away with it but refuse to let him get away with your heart.

4. His Romance is Not Genuine

When you first start dating a narcissist, one thing that gets your attention quickly is his air of romance. He knows precisely what you want to hear and uses a lot of smooth-talking to charm you. In the beginning, he may be generous with gifts and treat you like a queen.

The catch is that when he has captured your heart, the narcissist often loses interest. It’s a game of hunt and chase for him, not a seriously committed relationship. He will soon be on to the next conquest, so nip this selfish game in the bud.

These ten signs unmask an abusive narcissist.

5. She Can’t Respect Boundaries

The celebrated poet, Robert Frost, said it best when he wrote that “good fences make good neighbors.” Boundaries are essential for any relationship, be it family, friends, professional, or social. We all have lines drawn in the sand, and we show mutual respect by not crossing them.

You can often tell if you are dating a narcissist if she refuses to respect yours or anybody else’s boundaries. She may continuously push you beyond your set boundaries for her own selfish needs. If dating is this bad, what would marriage or living together be?

6. He Can’t Show Empathy

Do you have a narcissistic friend or relative who can’t put himself aside for one minute to be concerned about your problems? Therapists concur that people with NPD lack empathy skills. So if you are dating a narcissist, take a hint if he can’t relate to your feelings and tries to push your opinions aside.

This cynical personality not only can’t empathize with others, but he will often try to vie for attention by “one-upping” any of your situations or experiences. He is too busy promoting himself to think about your feelings.

7. She Uses People

How does your new love interest interact with her friends and coworkers? Is her friendship and professional relationships mutually respectful, or are they one-sided? A narcissist is always there when she needs you and is seldom seen rushing to help anyone else, not even her beau.

Does she only react with those who feed her ego and discard people who have no more energy or substance to offer her? Be assured that her intentions aren’t any different for you. Please don’t get caught in her web of selfishness.

8. He Takes No Responsibility for Past Relationships

Nobody can defend a narcissist better than himself, especially in past relationships. In many broken connections, the fault can usually be shared. Of course, this isn’t the case for those who’ve endured an abusive or cheating partner.

When you are dating a narcissist, he may fake honesty about his past relationships. If you believe his narratives, he was always the victim, and past partners were “unstable,” and single-handedly destroyed him. Be even more suspicious of him if he doesn’t want you to talk to his ex-partners to find the truth.

9. He Just Wants a Reputation

Narcissistic people spend a lot of time and energy cultivating a false image. He brags up every aspect of his life to impress others and create a bigger-than-life reputation. He usually isn’t worried about character building, because he will often do what it takes to make himself look good, even if it’s immoral.

If you are dating a narcissist, his chronic boasting should be a red flag. He invents big job titles and unbelievable salaries for every job he’s worked. You name it, he’s done it or owned it. Remember the saying that things that are too good to be true usually aren’t?

10. Your Relationship Is Chronically Unstable

Like everything in life, even the best relationships have their ups and downs. However, you shouldn’t feel like you are always on an emotional roller coaster. When you are dating a narcissist, everything will seem unbalanced.

At first, he may pretend to be all about you, then suddenly he is a ghost for days at a time. It’s easy for him to turn his feelings on and off toward you. Please resist the urge to stay in the relationship to change him, because the chances are that he or she will remain a selfish narcissist.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing a Narcissist

Unfortunately, the narcissistic person will never find someone who he loves more than himself. Consider these tell-tale signs that you are dating someone with unhealthy views of themselves, and walk away with your dignity. You deserve to have someone who will love and care for you as an equal. Meanwhile, the narcissist will be left with the only person in his life who loves him: himself.


15 Red Flags Someone is an Emotional Vampire

15 Red Flags Someone is an Emotional Vampire

If you’ve never dealt with an emotional vampire, you’re lucky. However, it could be that you don’t realize that a friend or loved one is like that. These types of people will drain you of your energy and emotions, and, to make matters worse, they won’t care.

For your health, it’s important to recognize when someone is an emotional vampire. Once you identify this energy zapper, learn to deal with them pleasantly while keeping them at arm’s length.

Know the fifteen signs someone might be an emotional vampire

Here are 15 red flags for which you should look.

1. They always turn the topic to themselves.

For some reason, no matter what you’re talking about, they’ll find a way to make it about themselves. Are you talking about your college grades? Somehow the conversation will turn in to how your scores affect them. What about a great date that you had yesterday? Yep, all about them.

If you’re feeling left out of a conversation with someone all the time, this is a significant, glaring indicator. This self-centered friend is incapable or possibly unwilling to allow someone else to be the center of attention in a conversation.

2. They always seek validation.

They probably have low self-esteem, so they require constant validation. The crazy thing is that you probably know this on some subconscious level, and you feel bad that they have low self-esteem. Therefore, you try to be friendly and supportive because you care.

They feed on this caring emotion from you. Indeed, they may even always fish for compliments. No matter how tiring this gets for you, they’ll continue to do it until you put a stop to it.

3. Emotional vampires thrive on and seek out drama.

Problems, negativity, and drama have a lot of energy. Energy suckers are naturally drawn to drama because it feeds their personality. Sometimes they may even go to extremes to instigate drama.

Continually seeking out drama is childish, but emotional vampires don’t see it that way. Instead, it’s a thrill to them. If you’re not careful, you can find yourself squarely in the middle of their drama simply because you’re associated with them.

4. They are emotionally unavailable.

If you think that your energy-sucking friend will be there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on, think again. They are selfish and emotionally unavailable. They will suck away all of everyone’s emotions, but they are unwilling to share when you need some.

Of course, they may be so wrapped up in themselves that if you tell them exactly how you’re feeling, they’ll dismiss it and change the subject to how they’re feeling. Even worse, they might make you feel bad that your bad feelings are making them feel bad. It’s a crazy cycle.

5. They always seem to have a negative vibe.

If you are a spiritual person, you may be able to detect people’s vibes when they come around. An emotional vampire will always project a negative vibe or aura. It can be so strong that it’s hard to ignore.

If you keep yourself around such a strong negative vibe, some of it may rub off onto you. Even the healthiest people might be slightly affected. The best thing you can do is stay away from people with negative vibes.

6. Every situation is always a crisis.

You may notice that your friend over-dramatizes every little thing. The most superficial problems that can easily be solved seems like the Titanic is about to sink again. What’s worse, it may seem that your friend is always having these minor-major issues.

People who suck up energy and emotions need to turn everything into a crisis so they can get more power and feelings out of you. It’s a vicious cycle in which you’ll continuously feed their needs until they wear down your last nerve.

7. They hold ridiculous grudges.

If your friend is holding grudges from elementary school, this is a big red flag. It seems that they can’t let anything go, ever. You can be sure that your friend will be holding grudges on their death bed.

This grudge-holding stems from their desire for drama all the time. If they forgive people, there will be no more drama. That means no more emotions for them to suck up, and they can’t have that.

8. They will complain about everything all the time.

It may seem like nothing is ever good enough for your friend. They have a problem with everyone and everything. They never have compliments or anything good to say.

Life can be very dull and harsh, being around a person who complains about everything. They’ll try to suck all of the joy out of whatever you’re doing so you’ll be as miserable as they are. If you’re a healthy person, you can fight against this, but it doesn’t make it any less irritating.

9. These friends seem to be unaware of others.

A person who is an emotional vampire doesn’t pay any attention to the fact that there are other human beings on the planet. They can happily go through life, never connecting with people, giving them credit for anything, or even recognizing that they have feelings and emotions.

Examples would be dismissing the excellent job that their waitress did or ignoring how their partner feels about them forgetting their anniversary. They can be cold, cruel, and seemingly heartless.

10. These folks never accept responsibility for their actions.

As much trouble as your friend can cause, they will never accept responsibility for their role in the drama. According to your friend, everything is everyone else’s fault. They play the victim role exceptionally well.

Even when it’s obvious that your friend is to blame, they will deflect that blame elsewhere. There is no reasoning with a person like this. You’ll only drive yourself crazy, trying to get them to see the light.

11. Emotional vampires continuously try to one-up you.

Unfortunately, they don’t just suck up negative energy. They suck up all energy. This means they want the power of being “the best” at all times. They won’t celebrate in your successes. Instead, they give you an empty compliment and immediately compare it to something they’ve done better than you. Here is an example.

“Oh, you finally lost that ten pounds? Great. Keep working at it, and you might be able to look as good as I would in that dress.”

It’s an empty compliment. This phrase is not a compliment (because they are incapable of giving real compliments). It’s just your friend trying to prove that they’re better than you.

12. They think that only their needs matter.

This makes sense because a person like this doesn’t pay any attention to people around them anyway. It’s almost like they live in a bubble, and they only pull you in long enough to drain your emotions. In their bubble, no one else’s needs matter.

Just keep in mind that if you keep this person as a friend, they’re not going to care about what’s happening in your life genuinely. They are more of a “surface” friend. They’re incapable of caring about your needs.

13. They are masters at guilt trips.

Emotional vampires seem to be skilled at making you feel guilty. They can even make you feel guilty about something that you had absolutely nothing to do with. Before you know it, you’ll be caving into what they want in an attempt to apologize for nothing.

Sometimes it can take a little time to recognize that they do this to you. However, when you realize it, get out of it. They’re not going to stop guilt-tripping you. It’s just who they are.

14. Emotional vampires are bullies.

People like your energy draining friend are unpleasant to be around. They have a nasty personality. They’re mean, selfish, insecure, and hostile. They are also bullies.

Bullying doesn’t work on everyone, but emotional vampires seem to have an innate quality that allows them to sense weaker people. They’ll bully these people into giving them what they want – energy and emotions.

15. Talks nonstop.

After reading the other fourteen red flags, it shouldn’t be surprising that all those energy suckers talk nonstop. If they don’t even acknowledge the people around them, it’s not going to occur to them that people have an opinion (or maybe they don’t care that people have an idea). To them, they are the only ones that exist or matter, so why would anyone else have anything to say?

They may rarely give you a chance to even reply to what they’re saying. Why? Because they don’t care what you think or how you feel.

Final Thoughts on Dealing with the Emotional Vampires in Your Life

Throughout this article, we’ve referred to the energy sucker in your life as your friend. However, let’s be honest. This person is not a friend. They’re a leech. They’re simply a parasite in your life feeding off of your energy and emotions. They’ll keep mooching off of you until there is nothing left, or until you put a stop to it.

Don’t allow emotional vampires to consume you. Use these 15 red flags to recognize them for who they are. Then cut them off and enjoy your life.


10 Red Flags Someone is a Negative Thinker (and How to Help Turn It Around)

10 Red Flags Someone is a Negative Thinker (and How

We all know that one particular individual who is always negative and puts a bad vibe on everything. Sometimes, that person maybe you, even if you don’t realize it. There are many signs of a negative thinker that you may not always consider.

You may always think you are bringing positivity and optimism to a group. If you are exhibiting any of the red flags discussed below, however, you are doing the opposite of that. Negativity doesn’t always mean rudeness or sarcasm, and it can occur in many forms.

A negative thinker may not realize it, but negativity is bad for both their emotional well-being and their health. It can cause negative self-thoughts, judgmental thoughts about those around them, and destructive behaviors. Plus, it can cause high blood pressure, over-production of cortisol, and cause problems in their relationships.

Red Flags Someone is a Negative Thinker

Hard times will occur, and unexpected obstacles will interfere with your plans. You can’t let your negative thoughts overwhelm you in these instances, though, because the future depends on your positivity. Watch for these red flags in yourself and others that someone is a negative thinker.

1. This Person Often Says, “It’s too good to be true.”

Another phrase you may hear from them is something like, “It’ll never last”. They shut down all possibilities because they think good things will never truly come to them or those around them. This type of mindset forces them to miss out on joy and happiness.

2. Negative Thinkers Dwell on the Past

While the past is essential, it shouldn’t be all-consuming or even causing stress and anxiety. For negative-thinkers, however, they can’t get past what has happened before. It will keep them stuck in a cycle of repetitiveness and displeasure.

Instead, they should think about how their past situations shaped who they are today. They should think about what they learned from it how to avoid it in the future.

3. Negative Thinkers Are Always Judging Other People

If someone is always gossiping and making rude comments about others, they are likely a negative person. It may seem relatively harmless, but when it is a regular occurrence, it’s a sign of negativity toward themselves and others.

Their overly critical personalities are a huge red flag, and it’s something that doesn’t go away on its own. You may often wonder if they are saying mean things about you behind your back. The people in their lives will often wonder if they’ll ever be good enough, too.

4. They Seem Unable to Accept Compliments

Many people have this problem, and you’ll notice it quickly any time you hear them receive a compliment. They will downplay their accomplishments or tell you they don’t believe you when you offer nice words.

This mindset causes people to miss out on the happiness and excitement of achievement. Plus, it can ruin self-esteem because these folks are always thinking negatively about themselves.

5. They Have Trouble Keeping Friends or Relationships

People who aren’t negative don’t enjoy being around negative people. The constant negative remarks can take a toll on any relationship, causing the relationship to end. It’s all about how they present themselves and how they behaved toward the person.

6. People Who Think Negatively Focus on the Problem

Instead of thinking about a solution, a negative person will fixate on the problem. They won’t be able to see a way to fix the problem, and they’ll keep bringing up the negativity. Frequently, they’ll be able to point out where the failure happened, but they still won’t come up with a solution.

7. Negative Thinkers Aren’t Excited About the Future

If someone is overly anxious about the future, they may be a negative person. Likewise, if they won’t do anything to change their future, it’s also a sign. They don’t often explore new opportunities or work on developing skills.

When a challenge arises, they often give up because they can’t process that the future can be better. Since they have already decided that it won’t be better, they’ll do nothing to change it.

8. Negative Thinkers Are Overly Bossy

Negative people like to control everything, and that includes the actions of others. They will try to tell you what to do in your life. Then, they’ll have a negative opinion about every decision you make if it isn’t the decision they suggested.

Even big situations in other people’s lives will warrant a comment from a negative person. From which house they buy to the job they choose, the negative person will weigh in. This is another sign they haven’t gotten their life issues taken care of, and they have a negative personality.

9. Those Who Think Negatively Are Constantly Listening to Bad News

They will always know the latest bad news about those around them and about the world in general. Often, they feed off alarming or shocking news, as it gives them something to discuss. They will keep you well-informed on all the details, even if you aren’t interested.

Unfortunately, over-exposure to negative news can harm a person more than they think. It can cause post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, or anxiety.

10. Negative Thinkers Are Always Complaining

You will notice a person who complains or whines about every aspect of your life. These are negative people, and they find any tiny detail to complain about.

They make it seem as if everything happens only to ruin their day. This is including the weather and other things that no one can control. This person will also often blame their “bad luck” on their boss or their upbringing. You may notice that they think they are never at fault. They will never admit that their lack of effort, energy, or creative energy is what is holding them back.

How to Start to Think Positive

1. Start and End Each Day with One Positive Thought

Starting the day with a positive thought can set the tone for the entire day. If you start with a positive idea, you will have a joyous day. On the other hand, if you begin negatively, you’ll have a gloomy day.

Tell yourself that it will be a good day and that you are going to be in a good mood. This will help you get in the right mindset for positivity.

2. Find a Positive in All Situations

Unexpected obstacles or situations are going to occur, no matter what. Remember to stay positive through these situations. You can do this by finding any positive, no matter how small it is.

The positive could be that you had time to listen to your favorite song on the radio. Another option is to find humor in a negative situation. No matter what it is, it will help keep your thoughts positive.

3. Learn from Your Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes, so remind yourself of that next time it happens to you. Instead of thinking negatively about it, use it as a learning opportunity. Figure out an action plan for next time so that you don’t make the same mistake.

4. Eliminate Negative Self-Talk and Implement Positive Self-Talk

You might not notice when the negative self-talk first sets in. As soon as you see, however, you should make a conscious decision to change it. For every negative thought, think two positive ones about yourself.

5. Focus on the Present Moment

Don’t even focus on something that happened five or ten minutes ago. Only focus on this exact moment, and make a change so that it’s a positive one. Frequently, negative thoughts stem from things that have happened previously, so focusing on the present will eliminate that problem.

6. Surround Yourself with Positive People

Positivity is contagious, so when you surround yourself with positive people, you’ll become more positive. From them, you will hear positive comments and outlooks, lively stories, and positive affirmations. These words will positively affect you, and you’ll find yourself having similar thoughts.

Additionally, you need to get rid of other negative people in your life. Just like positivity, negativity is contagious, too. When negative people surround you, you won’t be able to become more positive.

8. Learn to Accept Compliments

It may feel off-putting at first, but force yourself to say “thank you” when someone compliments you. Don’t shrug it off or tell them you don’t believe them. Don’t convince yourself that their compliment had a negative meaning beneath it, either.

When you can do this, you’ll become more positive. Plus, it’ll help boost your self-esteem and confidence.

9. Stop Listening to or Reading Negative News

Hearing negative news each day can take a toll on your mental health. It can force you to think negatively and hinder your ability to be hopeful for the future. Limit your news intake if you feel like it might be affecting you.

Final Thoughts on Red Flags Someone is a Negative Thinker (and how to turn it around)

Everyone experiences negative thoughts sometimes, but if you are a negative thinker, you’ll always have them. Positive people will roll with whatever comes their way and look for the best solution to problems. Try to focus on doing that if you find that you are having negative thoughts.

If you let the negative thoughts take over your life, you will struggle to reach your goals. Use these ideas for how to turn the negativity around so that you can live a more fulfilling life. If you aren’t the negative thinker in your life, share these ideas with the person who is.


15 Red Flags Someone Feels Secret Animosity Towards You

15 Red Flags Someone Feels Secret Animosity Towards You

“I would rather drown myself in the waters of the Sabarmati than harbour hate or animosity in my heart.” – Mahatma Gandhi

The powerful quote above should warn us about the dangers of holding onto hate and resentment. Feeling jealous or disliking someone only brings you down, so why put yourself through that misery? Nothing good ever comes from bottling up feelings, especially hateful ones. Negative emotions lower one’s vitality, while positive feelings such as love and kindness raise it.

All of us should strive to feel universal compassion and understanding for humankind because, without a shred of generosity in our hearts, humanity could not exist. However, some people seem to thrive on bringing others down, unfortunately. Perhaps you encounter someone in your life who you suspect doesn’t like you for whatever reason. If they display any of the signs listed below, they may have hidden jealousy of you.

Here are 15 red flags that someone feels secret animosity towards you:


  1. They have closed off body language.

Experts say that people who secretly dislike you or aren’t interested may show the following red flags:

  • pointing their feet away from you
  • avoiding eye contact
  • crossing their arms (though that could be a self-comforting technique, according to ex-FBI agent Joe Navarro)
  • their pupils constrict
  • they shift their jaw a lot
  • they touch their neck, especially the base at the front of the neck, often
  • their reactions seem forced or disinterested
  1. Their smile or laugh seems forced around you.

Another sign of secret hatred or jealousy forced happy emotions could mean that they have something to hide. For example, if you’ve just gotten a raise at work and told someone close to you, they most likely would feel thrilled and excited for you. However, a person harboring resentment may feign smiles just to appease you, but you don’t feel authenticity from their reaction.

Of course, they might just suffer from depression, causing them to have to fake smiles around people. Most of the time, though, you can tell when someone doesn’t have good intentions with you.

  1. They give compliments that seem insincere.

A person who harbors secret jealousy may give you compliments, but they add snide remarks or brag about themselves afterward. Their compliments never seem to come from a place of genuine kindness or love, instead of having an air of passive aggression about them. If someone praises you regularly, they might have a secret plan and just want to get on your right side. Be wary of these types of people, as many narcissists have a charming, friendly nature in the beginning.

These 20 lifestyle changes can help you become a happier person.
  1. If someone feels animosity toward you, they’ll downplay your achievements.

Do you know someone who always undercuts your accomplishments? For example, maybe you lost a lot of weight recently and wanted to share your success with your friends. Instead of congratulating you, they might’ve said something like, “I lost X more pounds than that last year.” No matter what you achieve, they will always find a way to downplay it.

  1. They brag a lot around you.

Expanding on the point above, people who have secret animosity toward you will find a way to dominate any conversation. Every time you bring up something you feel proud of yourself for, they’ll switch it around and make it about them. When you’re around them, you may find that you can’t get a word in edgewise because they always talk about themselves and their achievements.

People who do this feel jealous of you and only brag because they have to defend their ego. Don’t give in to their mind games; simply remain humble and try to distance yourself, if possible.

  1. They seem happy when you fail.

Someone who harbors jealousy toward you will only seem happy when your life isn’t going well. If you notice that they seem joyful when things take a turn for the worse, you might find that you have an energy vampire on your hands. These types of people feed off people’s negative energy and have low vibration. Because they don’t like their own lives, they only seem to come around when your own life is in shambles.

  1. Your friends tell you they’ve been gossiping behind your back.

You hear rumors that they’ve been talking about you when you’re not around. Someone who holds feelings of animosity toward you will gossip about you any chance they get, and won’t care if it hurts your feelings. They would never have the courage to tell you directly to your face, though, because they need your friendship to feed their fragile, damaged ego.

  1. This person never seems truly happy for you.

If a person never seems happy for you, they probably dislike you or feel jealousy toward you. Sadly, even if you talk about it with them, they will likely not change because the issue lies within themselves. People who bring others down have a problem deep inside themselves that they won’t address, instead of causing havoc and destruction in anyone who crosses their path.

  1. They always want to get a rise out of you.

Does this person seem to get off on making you angry or irritated? Do they purposely bring up sore subjects just to get a reaction out of you? If you find that this person loves to stir the pot and often says things to upset you, they probably feel hidden jealousy toward you.

  1. They get passive-aggressive with you.

If someone doesn’t like you, they may harbor a lot of resentment because of pent up feelings. Therefore, if an issue comes up that you need to talk about with them, they may just shut down and not communicate with you. Passive aggressiveness is a very immature, manipulative tactic used by people to get their way when they feel threatened or undermined. Don’t give in to this type of behavior, especially if you’ve done nothing wrong.

  1. If someone feels jealous of you, they’ll talk about themselves a lot.

Because they secretly feel threatened by you, they want to take the attention off you and put themselves in the spotlight. If you’ve recently accomplished something huge in your life, such as landing a new job or starting a business, they will try to one-up you in any way they can. Nothing you do ever seems good enough in their eyes, but they have low self-esteem and take it out on you.

  1. You just feel in your gut that something is off.

If your gut tells you that you shouldn’t trust them or you feel on edge around them, you should listen to your instincts. You can tell within a few seconds of being around someone if you match with their energy because you’ll pick up on their vibes. Feeling anxious or depressed around someone for no reason may indicate that you have picked up on their evil intentions.

  1. If you try to talk to them about it, they flip out on you.

If you try to have a mature conversation with them about how they’ve been behaving, and they deny it or try to gaslight you, then you’ve probably hit a nerve with them. A person who feels guilty about their behaviors or actions will usually try to shift blame or react passive-aggressively. You might not be able to break through to them, but if they don’t come around, take it as a warning from the universe that you should move on from the relationship or friendship.

  1. They make a lot of “jokes” about you around friends or coworkers.

Do they make snarky remarks around your friends about you? We all know when someone is just playing with us or when they mean what they say. If it seems like they make distasteful or hurtful “jokes” about you every time you see them, they probably have intense animosity toward you. Sometimes people display it in covert ways, such as covering up their feelings with sarcastic jokes or rude comments.

  1. They never truly listen to you, and you don’t feel comfortable opening up to them.

Does it feel like they’re in a different world when you talk to them? Or, does it feel like pulling teeth when you want to talk about something important? If you feel like they’re not interested in conversations with you, they might have animosity toward you.

Final thoughts on signs someone feels animosity about you.

Sometimes, we don’t catch it when people dislike us because they won’t come right out and say it. You may even have a close friend in your life who you get weird vibes from, but you can’t put your finger on the problem. Unfortunately, some people choose to stay in our lives just to use us or make themselves feel better by putting us down.

If you notice any of the red flags above in people in your life, make sure to set clear boundaries with them. You should surround yourself with those who lift you and inspire you, not those with secret agendas who don’t care about your well-being.


Therapists Reveal 14 Red Flags of a Doomed Relationship

Therapists Reveal 14 Red Flags of a Doomed Relationship

You’ve seen it happen–what looks like a relationship made in heaven suddenly fizzles. You wonder what happened. How can you prevent this from happening to your relationship?  So, what are 15 red flags of a doomed relationship?

Love is healthy for you. According to one study, love activates parts of your brain that reduce your stress levels and gives you a sense of pleasure. That’s powerful. But sometimes a relationship goes wrong, turning into a toxic relationship. This process doesn’t happen overnight. Like a balloon slowly losing air, the bond deflates over time.

Here are 14 red flags that reveal a doomed relationship

Here is advice on how to cope with your toxic love life.

1 – Loss of friendship

Many people dismiss the idea that you can be good friends with your partner. They assume that means there’s no romance. But you can maintain your passion and be good friends with your partner. In fact, these kinds of relationships last longer because of their deep friendship. Friendship involves respect, care, and loyalty. These qualities are beneficial to romantic relationships as much as they are to friendship. Often, the longer couple is together, the more their friendship and romance grows.

2 – No honest communication

Studies show for a relationship to be long-lasting, there must be honest communication. Shallowness reveals a lack of genuine desire to grow the relationship. Talking honestly about your feelings makes you vulnerable.

If your partner isn’t willing to go deep, it could be a sign they’re not in the relationship for the long haul. There is the possibility your partner isn’t comfortable talking about their feelings. They may want to go deeper, but they don’t know where to start.

You can help by asking the right questions. Don’t try to ask all of them at once. Ask one or two questions at a time.  Don’t interrogate, have a desire to learn and listen. Here’s a list of 12 talking points to spur more in-depth conversations with your partner.

  • What part of our relationship makes you happy?
  • What’s your biggest fear related to our relationship?
  • What does love mean to you?
  • What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Why?
  • What’s your favorite memory of our relationship so far? Why?
  • What’s one thing you want to ask me, but are scared to ask? (I promise not to get angry)
  • What do you think is a strength in our relationship? A weakness?
  • If you could change our relationship in one way, what would that be?
  • What bad thing has happened to you that has turned into a positive blessing?
  • If you had a billion dollars, what would you do with it?
  • What’s the worst thing that’s happened to you? Why?
  • What’s the best thing that’s happened to you? Why?

3 – Secretive emails, phone calls or text

Keeping secrets is never a good sign in a relationship. Hidden conversations make you feel left out and not valued. It’s tempting to think your partner is cheating on you. Being secretive hurts your relationship’s trust and sense of protection.

If your partner is sending or receiving secretive texts or emails, ask them if you can talk to them. In an inquiring, calm way, ask them about the secrets. If they say it’s not a big deal or accuse you of stalking them, they’re not taking you or your relationship seriously. Secrets divide, they don’t promote faithfulness.

4 – Make decisions without talking to your input

If your partner makes a big decision without talking to you first, this is a sign of a doomed relationship. Decisions like large money purchases, or a vacation, buying or selling a house, or where to spend the holidays are significant.  Big decisions should be discussed between a couple because they affect both people.

Independent decisions like these are often a subtle way of saying they’re disinterested. If your partner is doing this, ask them why. Don’t accuse, but calmly tell them what they’re doing is hurtful and confusing. If they defend their right to be independent, you may want to rethink for you to reconsider the relationship.

5 – Loss of respect

Respect is a foundational part of any relationship. Respect means to admire or esteem. If you respect someone, you consider their feelings, rights, and wishes. Respecting one another builds trust and loyalty in your relationship. Toxic relationships lack respect. A partner who doesn’t respect you will try to control you. Don’t stay in a relationship that lacks mutual respect. It’s headed for disaster, and you will eventually get hurt.

6 – Sarcasm and toxic humor

Having a good sense of humor is vital in a relationship, but toxic jokes at the expense of your partner do harm. Sarcasm about your partner’s looks, abilities, or feelings causes deep wounds. This kind of humor is toxic to a relationship. It tears and destroys. Some people bring this type of sarcasm into a relationship because they’ve never seen a relationship built on mutual trust and love.

If you’re doing this, it may be helpful to seek professional counseling to help you heal from your hurts and learn how to relate in a healthy way to your partner. If your partner is using sarcasm or toxic humor against you, you may need to draw a line.

Never stay in a relationship where you are belittled, mocked, or made fun of. This feeling isn’t healthy. Your partner may apologize or say they were just kidding, but this is weak. Toxic humor is never a joke.

7 – Anger or manipulation

Another component of a toxic relationship is anger and manipulation. Anger tears down relationships. It’s a profoundly destructive way to relate, leaving fear and mistrust in its wake.

Manipulation is forcing someone to do what you want without them realizing your real motive. It’s deceitful and just a desire to have power. Manipulation is sometimes seen in the way a man relates to women. But women aren’t exempt.

They may manipulate with pouting or being overly sensual. It’s still an attempt to get what you want using different methods. It’s immature, and a shallow way to treat your partner. Both anger and manipulation are big red flags of a doomed, unhealthy relationship.

8 – Differing values

Many relationships start excellent, but as time goes on, differing values get in the way of the relationship. Things like family, religion, self-discipline, i.e., exercise and eating, self-improvement in career or education, money, and children are significant values you bring into your relationship.

When you get past the early stages, you may find yourself on different pages when it comes to family or going to church or career choices. Your values are part of who you are. If your partner doesn’t value what you value, it may work out.

Instead of being a couple, you will be two independent people living together. If you and our partner lack common values, this could be a red flag that your relationship won’t last.

9 – Not resolving conflicts

Minimizing conflicts, or pretending like everything is okay, isn’t healthy in a relationship. Over time, things will start to decay and erode your affection towards one another. All couples have conflicts. It’s a normal part of being in a relationship.

What’s important is how you solve your conflicts. Learn how to have a fair fight. Fair fights have boundaries. These boundaries include

  • Stay calm, don’t erupt into anger.
  • Don’t use the word “always.” No one “always” does anything…
  • Never threaten to leave or move out.
  • Don’t change topics, stick on a theme for each conflict even if you think another issue relates.
  • Never name call or belittle the other person.
  • Listen, don’t interrupt even if you don’t like what they’re saying.
  • Repeat back what you thought they said, “I think I heard you say…” If you aren’t getting it right, have them explain again what they meant.
  • Say you’re sorry, then ask them to forgive you.
  • Find common ground where you agree.
  • Pick what’s worth arguing about and what isn’t. Putting someone’s dirty dishes in the dishwasher may not be worth having a significant conflict over.

If everything you discuss turns into a big conflict, this is a red flag that you’re in a domed, toxic relationship.

10 – Not willing to sacrifice

Being in a relationship involves self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice isn’t a dirty word. It’s defined as giving up one’s self-interest to help others. It means you care for someone else besides your self. It could be demonstrated by you giving up your favorite television show to help your partner with paint the livingroom.

Or you coming up with some great craft ideas for your partner’s children who come over for the weekend. Giving up your time, energy, and love for your partner’s sake deepens your relationship. If your partner isn’t willing to give up things for your sake, it should be a big red flag.

11 – Being critical

Partners who are picky about your clothing, your hair, or your career, aren’t in love with you. They are in love with the image they want to project. True acceptance means loving a person for who they are, not what you want them to be. It doesn’t mean you can’t make suggestions or share ideas, but being critical about these things shows you aren’t accepted.

Critical people are never happy. They critique everything you do and say. This nit-picking is deadly to a relationship. Sadly, negative people rarely see their faults, because they’re too busy pointing out everyone else’s flaws. You can try to point this out, but you will probably get corrected for it. This habit is a red flag that you’re in, a toxic relationship that is sure to fail.

12 – Flirting with other people

Flirting with other people while in a relationship speaks volumes. It’s a red flag if your partner is doing this. Never think that’s just the way she is, or it’s not that bad. Public flirting with someone else is a slap in your face.

Never accept a weak excuse like, “I was just having fun” or “it’s nothing, why are you making such a big deal of it.” This excuse is deflecting and being dishonest. Your partner is showing you they aren’t as committed to the relationship as you are.

13 – Acting single

If your partner acts like they’re single, that’s a red flag. If they more I more than we, it reveals they aren’t into the relationship. Going places without inviting you along, or choosing to do things without telling you indicates your partner isn’t ready for a committed relationship but probably want to stay single.

14 – Loss of affection

If your relationship lacks affection, it’s headed in the wrong direction. Affections and intimacy is a big part of a genuine connection. Hugging, kissing, cuddling, or snuggling up with your partner is healthy and demonstrates love. If this is lacking, you are little more than roommates. Don’t fall into this trap; find ways to initiate affection with your partner every day.

If you are the only one initiating affection, it may be useful to find out why. Some people had poor examples of a healthy relationship growing up. They need to learn how to be affectionate. But if your partner is unwilling to be tender, this could be a bad sign of a doomed relationship.

Strong women will never accept these behaviors in a relationship.

Final thoughts on recognizing that you are in a doomed relationship

If you recognize these signs, all hope is not necessarily lost. If both you and your partner can commit to reconnecting and strengthening your bonds, you can try to heal. However, sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to recognize that it is time to cut the cord on a doomed relationship.


15 Red Flags That Reveal a Toxic Relationship

15 Red Flags That Reveal a Toxic Relationship

Relationships are supposed to be a safe place, full of love and acceptance. However, that’s not always the case. Some people are in relationships full of toxicity and don’t even know it for fear of being alone or simply not knowing what real love feels like. If you are questioning your relationship, here are 15 red flags that reveal a toxic relationship.

15 Things That Reveal You Are in a Toxic Relationship

1. Constant Arguing

There is arguing in every relationship. That’s normal. However, when you start to notice you and your partner arguing almost every day, that’s the sign of a toxic relationship. You and your partner should be able to interact civilly in just about any situation.

It’s also a serious problem when you keep arguing about the same thing every single day. It shows that you have continued issues that aren’t getting better.

2. Walking on Eggshells

How do you feel when your spouse comes home every day? Are you excited, or does your stomach drop when you see their car pull into the driveway? This, in itself, can offer a lot of information about the relationship. When your partner is home, you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable around them for fear of triggering them in some way.

You should be able to say and do what you would normally do when they aren’t there. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them constantly, you need to find a healthier situation.

3. Diminishing Your Education/Career

You have put a lot of work into where you are at this point in your life. You should feel proud of your accomplishments. Your partner should also feel proud of your accomplishments and encourage them.

It’s a sign of a toxic relationship if your partner constantly puts down your progress in life or discourages continued progress, such as going back to school or fighting for that promotion. Some mates do this to remain in control, and you need to find someone who isn’t threatened by your success.

4. Intimacy Makes You Uncomfortable

It can be fun to experiment in the bedroom. However, your partner should never try to talk you into sex that you aren’t 100% on board with. If you feel odd or don’t like the idea at all, that should be the absolute end of the discussion. If they continue to try to get you to do things you don’t want to do, that’s sexual abuse.

Plain and simple. even if you find yourself giving in, you should not blame yourself.

However, you should avoid doing it again in the future. Make your desires clear. If your spouse isn’t okay with your comfort level, you may not be meant to be together. Also, you should feel okay ending any interaction you are not happy with, even if you agreed to it in advance.

5. Forgetting Important Dates/Events

When something is important to you, such as a birthday, anniversary, or graduation, it should also be important to your significant other. If your partner forgets these important dates regularly or makes absolutely no effort, it could be a sign that they just don’t care about you very much.

If they cared, they would put in the effort to make you happy. This can be especially frustrating when you go out of your way to be there for their big days.

6. A Toxic Relationship is Emotionally Draining

A relationship should feel light and easy. It shouldn’t be especially draining and difficult. If it feels like a struggle to keep the relationship going for more than just a couple of instances, that’s the sign of a toxic relationship.

The truth of the matter is certain things don’t fit together. No matter how hard you try, you will never get a square to go through a circle. If the relationship feels draining and difficult, it might be time to move on.

7. Constant Criticism

No one is perfect. However, your partner should emphasize the good parts of you instead of the bad. Your partner shouldn’t criticize you regularly about your appearance or anything else. They especially shouldn’t do this in public. It shows a lack of respect for you. It can also be embarrassing. However, this doesn’t mean they can’t ever offer constructive criticism when alone if you ask for it.

8. Isolation From Friends and Family

Friends and family are your support system. When you are in a toxic relationship, your friends and family may notice before you do. They may even voice these concerns. When this happens, your significant other may attempt to limit your communications with these people. You need someone who encourages your relationships and does what they can to get into their good graces.

9. Failure to Take Responsibility

Everyone needs to take responsibility for the things they do. This includes both you and your paramour. If your partner refuses to take responsibility for their part in any of your arguments, it can mean you are in a toxic relationship.

Your spouse should be okay with admitting when they do something wrong during an argument. However, saying sorry doesn’t always make the situation better if they take things too far.

10. Financial Abuse

Money can be quite problematic in a relationship. One person may make significantly more than the other person. When this happens, the person who makes less may even take advantage of the other person’s money. If you end up paying for everything, that can cause resentment. It’s even worse when the partner has their own money but simply expects you to pay for things.

It’s financial abuse, and it’s a drain on you. In the end, you’re likely better off without someone spending all of your money for you without contributing to the relationship yourself.

11. Codependency and the Toxic Relationship

Not all toxic relationships have a strong disconnect. In fact, some toxic couples are extremely close- too close. You and your significant other should have some independence in the relationship. You should be able to do things on your own and have your own life.

When you get too caught up in a relationship, you may lose yourself along the way. This can lead to you not doing things to improve your own life.

12. Lying

Couples should be honest with each other. This is the only way to promote trust. Trust is absolutely necessary for a relationship. If your partner lies constantly, how are you possibly going to be able to trust them? One innocuous lie doesn’t necessarily mean that you are in a toxic relationship.

However, serious lies and continuous lies are actually a form of emotional abuse. You do not need to have someone play with your head in that way regularly.

13. Addiction

When your significant other struggles with addiction, you may not want to give up on them right away. You may choose to fight with them and be a support system. However, you can only put up with so much. You shouldn’t be forced to deal with someone who steals, lies, and continues to relapse after countless broken promises.

At a certain point, the relationship isn’t fair to you. You need to let them continue their journey on their own. Hopefully, losing you will be a wake-up call for them and help encourage them to get sober.

Remember, they make a choice to use drugs or drink alcohol. So it is their addiction and not yours!

14. Controlling Behavior

Some relationships have someone who likes to “wear the pants.” Sometimes, the person who sees themselves as in charge may use this power to establish control over the other person. This control can come in the form of checking your phone constantly or telling you what to wear.

They may also demonstrate some serious jealousy issues that result in problems when you talk to coworkers or friends they may see as a threat. The controlling behavior is a sign of emotional abuse, and you should make some serious changes or leave the relationship immediately.

15. Physical Violence

Physical violence should never be tolerated, especially not in a relationship. A relationship should be a safe and comfortable place- not dangerous. If your partner hits you or threatens physical violence, you should leave immediately. Do not question it or try to work on things.

There are a number of resources for people who need to leave an abusive relationship, so don’t think you are stuck. There are ways to leave, no matter how bad the abuse may be. Stay strong and do it for yourself and any children.

Final Thoughts on Identifying You’re in a Toxic Relationship

If you experience a number of these red flags, you need to make a change right away. One of the first things to do is determine if the relationship is worth working on. Any physical violence should be a sign that you need to leave immediately. If you do think the relationship is salvageable, consider going to therapy. If things don’t change soon, it may be time to look for someone you are more compatible with.


12 Red Flags Your Partner is Hiding Secrets from You

12 Red Flags Your Partner is Hiding Secrets from You

Have you ever had the feeling that your partner has a secret or is hiding something from you? It’s an ominous sense that hits you in the pit of your stomach. It’s important not to jump to conclusions as you may be overthinking the situation. However, you can’t ignore those red flags that keep popping up either.

It would be best if you confronted your partner. You need to tell them all the reasons you are suspicious and let them know you want the truth. What they say next means everything.

If your partner has a secret that they don’t want to tell you, then you may get some big production from them. He or she may become terribly angry and start throwing accusations your way. They will deflect from the matter as they can’t believe that you don’t trust them.

Signs Your Partner is Hiding Secrets

Always trust your gut instincts because something fishy is undoubtedly going on when they have such a strong reaction. Now that you’ve let the cat out of the bag, things may be different between you.

Experts say that there are some hallmark signs that someone is hiding something, even if they won’t spill the beans. Here is a list of 12 common behaviors from someone who has a secret but won’t tell.

1. They’re Being Overly Nice

Is your partner trying to wine and dine you all of a sudden? While it’s not a bad thing to get special attention, it can undoubtedly be questionable behavior if it’s out of character for them. He or she may be attempting to improve your relationship so that you won’t be suspicious of any wrongdoing.

Some may say it’s a sneaky way of covering their tracks. For instance, if you get a dozen roses or your favorite candies, then it may be a sinister approach for them to get you off their trail. Again, you must trust your gut on this one because their motives could be deceptive.

2. They’re Protective of Their Cell Phone

A cell phone is a private device. However, within the confines of a relationship, there must be specific allowances for openness. You should have your partner’s code to get into their phone, and there is nothing that they should have on their mobile that you cannot see.

If they take their phone everywhere, they go, even to the bathroom, then it may be suspicious. How were their previous cell phone habits? Is their newfound obsession with this electronic device new or have they always been this way?

Ask them why they are so guarded over their phone. If you find that they get defensive, then it’s probably because they have something to hide. However, if they release the lock and allow you to browse, then you probably have nothing to worry about.

3. They Continue to Over-React

The first conversation where you expressed your concerns might have made them nervous. They may feel that you are onto their hidden secrets. When someone acts out, it may be that they are doing this to get you off their case.

However, it may also be a subconscious action because all the fear and anxiety they are feeling is coming out. If you simply ask how their day was at work, they may blow up and act like you are invading their privacy.

4. They Turn the Tables and Accuse You Of Cheating

One of the hallmarks of a cheater is to project their guilt onto someone else. If you want to see their phone, then they will say that you are being sneaky or have an issue with trust. Their goal is to make you feel guilt.

The manipulator’s objective is to show you that you can trust them by playing the guilt card. Do you find that they are picking at you for things they wouldn’t usually care about? For instance, did he or she blow a gasket because you spend too much at the grocery store this week?

Have they tried to claim that you are lying to them? These are all red flags that they are picking a fight to turn the attention from their wrongdoing and blame you.

wandering eye
Know the 15 signs of a partner with a wandering eye.

5. They’re Emotionally Aloof

Does your partner seem to be distant, both physically and emotionally? Someone who was always the life of the party and now tends to be quiet could be because they have a guilty conscience. If they have a secret, they may not want to burden you with it.

They are stepping away because they’re hiding secrets. Though it may not destroy your relationship, it could be devastating in other ways. It would be best if you encouraged your partner to share it with you. Let them know that you can work on things no matter what’s happened.

6. Their Schedule is Erratic

Making a life change often requires a shift in activities and new habits. If your partner is experiencing life transitions, then their schedule could be altered. However, if they don’t have a new job or haven’t taken on any responsibilities that you know about, then a shift in their schedule could be suspect.

Keep in mind that hiding secrets don’t always mean they’re cheating. Their new habits may indicate that something is going on in their life that they are trying to keep from you.

7. You Catch Them in Lies

Trust is especially important in any relationship. However, when a person is trying to hide something, their stories might not add up. Something as small as asking them what they had for lunch may spark concern, and they feel the need to lie.

For instance, your partner may tell you that they are going out to lunch with friends during a text message, but in the evening, they may say that they ate at the desk. While it’s impossible to remember every detail of your day, they surely should remember where they ate. Any inconsistencies can point to hiding secrets.

8. Your Partner Cuts You Out of Their Life

If you’ve always done everything together but now you are suddenly uninvited to things, then it’s a red flag. While having a day to hang out with buddies is okay on occasion, if these outings increase or they don’t want you going anywhere with them, then it’s suspicious.

At the very least, this behavior needs to be investigated. You need further information as to why they are acting this way. Are they hiding secrets?

9. Their Body Language Seems Off

Your partner may not need to utter a word; some people can tell that things are amiss because of their body language. Do they avoid looking into your eyes? When someone is hiding secrets and telling lies, they may have a hard time making eye contact.

Has your romantic life suffered? Your partner may close off all affection because they don’t want to be close to you. They are detached and cold because they have created an uncomfortable situation and don’t know how to deal with it.

10. They Don’t Disclose Details

Is your partner vague about their whereabouts? When you ask questions about how their day or activity went, they always answer with “good” or “fine?” When a partner is involved in something they want to keep you out of, they won’t care to recall any stories of their day.

Forget trying to talk or make any plans for the future, either. They may avoid the topic at all costs if they’re cheating.

lost interest
These 12 actions show that a man has lost interest in his relationship.

11. They’re Continuously Staying Late at Work

Have you noticed that he or she is staying late at work all of a sudden? Do they have unforeseen meetings, overtime, and reasons why they can’t come home right after their shift? Partners who are hiding secrets almost always use work as an excuse to change their schedule.

12. They’ve Become Mean

Guilt is a powerful thing. If your partner knows that he or she is doing you wrong, then they may become mean. It’s not that they don’t love you any more or hate you, it’s that they are trying to avoid you at all costs.

They want to make excuses in their mind about why they need to end this relationship. It’s all about the justification for the manipulator. If you find that a person who was once sweet and loving has turned into a monster, then it’s a big red flag.

Final Thoughts on Detecting a Partner Who Is Hiding Secrets and Telling Lies

Over 40 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and over 73 percent of second marriages don’t make it either. The number one reason for marriages to end is infidelity. Even if you’re not married, a committed relationship still faces the same woes.

It’s also important to note that medical or mental health issues can cause changes in behavior. While your partner may not have done anything, they may be experiencing high levels of stress, and it’s altering their mood. Talk to them to see if they will open up about underlying causes for their actions.

No matter what you’re facing with your partner, it’s always important to trust what your gut is trying to tell you. You were given those instincts to help you through situations like this in life, so you need to use them.


10 Red Flags That Someone Feels Entitled

10 Red Flags That Someone Feels Entitled

If someone feels entitled, they probably have a long history of acting like the universe revolves around them. Sadly, many people today possess this sense of entitlement, and we really can’t blame them for it.

We grow up believing that the world owes us something in large part because of today’s parenting and teaching styles. Everyone gets a participation trophy, teachers pass students even if they failed, and in general, no one thinks they should go through any suffering or hardship to earn anything.

So, it makes sense why we have a world full of entitled people. Studies indicate a rise in narcissism in western cultures, likely due to an increased emphasis on individualism and social media use. This correlates strongly with a sense of entitlement because narcissists believe that the world revolves around them, and they deserve everything under the sun.

Parents and teachers foster this mindset as well when they make children believe they should always win or always get the latest toy. While children need love and support, they also need to know that others matter and that people don’t have to cater to their needs all the time.

So, with that said, let’s get into the signs that someone feels entitled, and how to encourage people to develop a sense of empathy.

“Entitlement is a delusion built on self-centeredness and laziness.” – Unknown

Here are ten red flags someone feels entitled:


  1. They only care about their own needs/wants.

Those who feel entitled will always put their desires first. They don’t care what it takes to have their needs fulfilled. Indeed, hey will not stop until they have been satisfied, and that gratification will quickly wear off. Furthermore, they can’t seem to stop the vicious cycle of getting what they want, feeling empty, and needing even more than before to keep them satisfied.

They won’t show much concern for what others need or want, and will not have a problem stepping on other people’s toes to actualize their desires. A red flag of a sense of entitlement involves a supreme sense of superiority and belief that the person should get their way 100% of the time.

  1. They continuously seek attention.

People who feel entitled will likely spend a large portion of their time seeking attention and compliments from others. Whether they spend most of their time on social media or showing off their latest accomplishments to friends or family, they can’t seem to get enough attention. Social media fuels their addiction to social acceptance because no one can stop them from posting selfies or making videos, and they can garner the attention of potentially millions.

If someone in your life shows these signs, they probably feel pretty entitled.

  1. People who feel entitled love to throw pity parties.

If they don’t get their way, a person who feels entitled will let you know it. They will complain for hours on end about how someone cut them off in traffic or how their latest business deal didn’t work out. They don’t ever look for solutions. Instead, they like to fixate on their problems. It gives them quite a shock when the world doesn’t cater to their every need or when something doesn’t go according to plan, so they have no coping skills to deal with it.

They will cry, scream, and pick fights until they’ve gotten enough of throwing a temper tantrum, and usually, an empathetic person will come to their aid. Sadly, empaths and highly sensitive people tend to attract narcissists like a moth to a flame due to their giving, caring nature.

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  1. They believe they always deserve happiness and often hurt others to get it.

Those with a strong sense of entitlement will knock others down just to make themselves feel better. They don’t care if people get hurt as long as they achieve their end goal. Narcissists have an inflated sense of self and somehow think that their happiness matters more than that of other people. They will stop at nothing to make sure their wants get fulfilled.

  1. If someone feels entitled, they will belittle others and gaslight them if they don’t get what they want.

Another red flag that someone feels entitled is that they will make others feel crazy for not catering to their needs. They may make others feel guilty for not doing exactly what they asked, and the person will likely fall for it (especially if it’s a significant other). Watch out for this type of behavior, as this can become dangerous and mentally harmful over time.

  1. They cut others off to ensure their success.

They want the big prize and can’t stand to let anyone else have it. The person who feels entitled won’t allow others to become successful if it cuts into their profits or fame. They may sabotage any attempts for others to reach the top so that they can claim that spot for themselves. They want to win all the time and will act like a sore loser if they don’t achieve success.

  1. Entitled people take more than they give.

A classic sign of entitlement involves taking more than giving for the person who thinks the world revolves around them. They don’t care what others need but will have a long list of needs themselves. If others give them the cold shoulder, they will throw a big pity party and, like others have done them wrong. They have a huge double standard about how others should treat them even though they don’t follow the golden rule themselves.

  1. They don’t know how to negotiate or compromise.

If their needs haven’t been met to a T, they will not be satisfied. A person who feels entitled will not feel complete if they can’t check every desire off their list. They don’t know how to meet in the middle; with them, it’s all or nothing.

  1. People who feel entitled need lots of validation and flattery.

Another narcissist trait, the person who feels entitled, will need a lot of compliments and praise to get by. They feel empty and worthless if others don’t notice their success or accomplishments.

  1. In general, they believe they are more important or better than others.

Finally, a red flag that someone feels entitled is that they will just feel superior to others. They’re the hottest thing on the block, obviously, and they expect everyone else to agree and acknowledge that.

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How to overcome the urge to feel entitled

Now that we’ve gone over the red flags that someone feels entitled, we want to go over ways that someone can get over this entitlement complex. Now, we don’t want to give the impression that everyone should act perfectly. We know that almost everyone struggles with something, whether it’s low self-esteem, feeling entitled, or not feeling necessary. However, a sense of entitlement has the potential to hurt others as well as yourself.

So, if you or someone you know shows the “entitled trait,” here are some ways to combat it:

  • Develop self-awareness. If you find that you think about yourself and your needs the majority of the time, try to extend empathy to others as well. Simply getting in the habit of checking in with your thoughts can reverse this sense of entitlement.
  • Identify deeply rooted ideas about how you perceive your existence. In other words, do you feel that others should cater to you all the time? Do you think the world revolves around you? Often, this belief begins in childhood, so some inner child work can help undo this belief.
  • Accept life the way it is and don’t always think you need something else to feel satisfied.
  • Celebrate the successes of others, and feel gratitude for the relationships in your life. Remember that no one really knows what they’re doing here, and we’re all just trying to make it. Develop compassion for others, and try to see them as an extension of yourself.

entitledFinal thoughts on red flags that someone feels entitled

If someone feels entitled, you’ll most likely know it within a few minutes of meeting them. They will probably talk about themselves most of the time and not show much interest in your own needs or wants. They will also cut others off and do whatever it takes to get to the top. Entitled people may have a narcissistic personality disorder, or just have traits of a narcissist.

When dealing with these types, you need to remember to set boundaries and perhaps even cut off ties with them if needed. No one should ever make you feel guilty for not catering to their every need, and if they do, they have serious work to do on themselves. A sense of entitlement often begins in the early stages of life, but with inner work and perhaps the help of a therapist, they can develop empathy and compassion for others.

 “Man is not, by nature, deserving of all that he wants. When we think that we are automatically entitled to something, that is when we start walking all over others to get it.” – Criss Jami


5 Red Flags That Reveal a Malignant Narcissist

5 Red Flags That Reveal a Malignant Narcissist

A malignant narcissist is a term applied to the most severe form of narcissistic personality disorder. This person feels an absolute need for full power. Couple that compulsive need to control others with a demand to be the center of attention. The combination makes this person intolerable to those around him or her.

The Meaning Behind the Term “Narcissism”

For those who are curious about where the term narcissism comes from, it is derived from Greek mythology. Furthermore, it is an interpolation of the name Narkissos, a young Greek man who was quite enamored with himself.

According to the mythical tale, Narkissos was the object of affection for Echo, a nymph who repeatedly professed her love. He rejected her adorations. Narkissos was so taken with himself that he would often spend hours and even days admiring his handsome reflection in various lakes. He believed that nobody, including Echo, was worthy of him.

While this is a fascinating story in Greek mythology, narcissism is, in fact, a real personality disorder. More than that, it is one that can quickly spiral out of control if an individual doesn’t seek treatment from a licensed mental health professional.

malignant narcissist

What Is a Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Now that we have a little more background relative to where the term narcissism came from let’s take a moment to learn more about what it means to have a narcissistic personality disorder. First and foremost, narcissism is classified as a cluster B personality disorder.

Individuals with this disorder often seek admiration from others but will seldom offer it in return. Further, they tend to prioritize self-importance above the needs and wants of others, including their friends and family.

Another hallmark of those with this particular disorder is a lack of empathy. Something else to note when it comes to narcissistic personality disorders is that they are surprisingly common in America, according to a study published by the National Institutes of Health, a part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

The same study published by the National Institutes of Health also revealed that narcissistic personality disorders account for 20.2 percent of all mental health disorders in America.

The Primary Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

That said, it is abundantly clear that there is a significant difference between having high self-esteem and equally high self-confidence and having a narcissistic personality disorder. Along with a preoccupation with one’s self and a constant need for admiration and validation, individuals with a narcissistic personality disorder will also exhibit behaviors that are in line with the diagnostic criteria 301.81 per the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). These behaviors often include the following:

  • Jealousy
  • Arrogance
  • A tendency to exaggerate one’s talents, achievements, or both
  • Remaining in a perpetual state of fantasy in terms of achieving or maintaining success and power
  • A tendency to be interpersonally exploitative

Indeed, narcissism, as a mental health disorder, can quickly push away friends and family while turning an individual’s life on its head. Fortunately, it is possible to prevent these things from happening if one can recognize the signs of the disorder and also seek treatment from a licensed therapist.

malignant narcissistThe Different Types of Narcissistic Personality Disorders

Studies show that there are three subtypes when it comes to narcissistic personality disorders. And they include overt, covert, and exhibitionist. To better understand how each of these subtypes can impact an individual’s life, it helps to take a look at each of them individually:

The Overt or Malignant Narcissist

Also known as a “malignant narcissist,” this type of narcissistic personality disorder is one that often coexists with other psychological comorbidities, such as avoidant, dependent, and obsessive-compulsive disorders.

It is important to note that overt narcissistic personality disorders are also quite common among those who engage in substance abuse. While there are many others, constant feelings of anger and hostility are two of the more notable signs that an individual might be struggling with an overt narcissistic personality disorder.

You may also hear this described as “grandiose” narcissism.

Covert Narcissism

Individuals with an overt narcissistic personality disorder are also struggling with comorbidities that make matters worse, some of which include anxiety and depression. Further, many also have low self-esteem. And to combat these feelings of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem, they are often very critical of others. In essence, they build themselves up while subtly berating and tearing others down.


An exhibitionist narcissistic personality disorder is generally not accompanied by psychological comorbidities.

However, there is one exception. In times of crisis, such as a failed relationship or losing a job, for example, individuals with an exhibitionist narcissistic personality disorder may display signs of entitlement issues. It is also not uncommon for them to become self-centered and less empathetic toward others as they go through these crises.

What Is the Worst Type of Narcissism?

Any variation of a narcissistic personality disorder can have a profound impact on one’s life. The NPD diagnosis also impacts to mention the lives of those around them. Some are worse than others. And this is especially the case when it comes to malignant narcissists in that they are very anti-social and extremely paranoid.

What’s more, they derive a perverse pleasure in acting out aggressively and engaging in acts of sadism, especially when it comes to sexual gratification, according to a study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, one of the oldest monthly peer-reviewed medical journals. That said, most psychologists and psychiatrists will agree that malignant narcissists are not only a danger to themselves but also to other people in their life.

toxic people meme

How to Tell If You’re Dealing With a Malignant Narcissist

Having established that malignant narcissism is the worst out of the three narcissistic personality disorders, let’s take a moment to recap the five signs that could reveal someone you know might have such a disorder:

1. Extreme Anti-Social Behavior

Although anti-social behavior is often associated with shyness, malignant narcissists are known to take things a step further. Their behavior is a peculiar mix of anti-social and narcissistic traits.

They will often isolate themselves because they believe that others are not worthy of their time, friendship, or attention. And in those rare instances when they do allow others into their life, they will try to manipulate or exploit them for their own gratification, according to Dr. Daniel Fox, a licensed psychologist, international speaker, and author located in Texas.

2. Sadism

Arguably one of the most identifiable signs of a malignant narcissist is sadism. Most people will feel and display some degree of empathy when someone they know is depressed or going through a difficult time in their life. On the other hand, a malignant narcissist is the opposite in that they feel more powerful when others struggle. And this is especially true if they played a role in the person’s misery.

Undoubtedly, most people will perceive this type of behavior as mean-spirited. It is akin to kicking someone while they are down. However, it is part and parcel when it comes to malignant narcissism, according to a study published in the Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law, a quarterly academic journal providing information on topics related to psychiatry in America.

3. Malicious Plotting Against Friends and Family

Malicious plotting against an enemy is not unusual. Let’s be honest. A large percentage of people will look for ways to get back at someone who has wronged them.

However, those who engage in malignant narcissism will adopt the same mindset when it comes to friends and family. This behavior occurs even if the loved one didn’t do anything to justify such actions. Some of the more common forms of malicious plotting include lying and manipulation, which are both carried out with a high degree of sophistication.

4. Aggressive Behavior

Although aggressive behavior, for some people, commonly associates with anger. However, it is also another telling sign that you might be dealing with a malignant narcissist. Along with verbal altercations, individuals with this disorder will also engage in acts of physical violence without provocation. This behavior further explains why most psychiatrists consider this variation of narcissistic personality disorder the worst.

According to Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist and lecturer at the famed Harvard University in Cambridge, MA, the aggressive behavior of individuals with a malignant-based narcissistic personality disorder is often a blend of the following:

  • Sadism
  • Psychopathy
  • Machiavellianism

5. Psychopathy

In some cases, a malignant narcissist might behave in such a way that blends seemingly innocuous narcissism with dangerous psychopathy. And this unique combination removes the guilt that they would otherwise feel when they harm or manipulate others.

This same combination of psychopathy and narcissism can also give way to verbal and physical altercations. And when things get to this point, most individuals with this disorder tend to be very cold and calculating when it comes to their verbal or physical attacks.

malignant narcissistFinal Thoughts on Malignant Narcissists

In summary, there is a world of difference between having a healthy, positive self-image and having a narcissistic personality disorder. Of course, any variation of the mental disorder is troubling. However, it is reasonably safe to say that the malignant narcissist is the most dangerous type. After all, it is as close as someone can get to being a psychopath without officially being diagnosed as one.