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10 Ways to Express Yourself When Your Partner Refuses to Hear You

10 Ways to Express Yourself When Your Partner Refuses to

Nothing feels more frustrating than when you try to express yourself, and the other person doesn’t seem to hear you. During arguments in relationships, things can get misconstrued in the heat of the moment, which leads to hurt feelings. However, if you can learn to manage your emotions during disagreements, your bond will become stronger.

One study on relationships over 14 years found that couples who argued often had the least likelihood of getting separated. The study followed 79 couples across the Midwest and discovered that the strongest couples resolved arguments quickly. So, just because you argue sometimes doesn’t mean you have a bad relationship. When you have a partner, you’ll inevitably have disagreements, but how you resolve them matters most.

Here are ten ways to express yourself if your partner doesn’t hear you:

If you feel like your partner doesn’t hear you during arguments, the following tips can help you express yourself better.

1  – Make sure you understand your emotions first.

If you don’t know how you feel, communicating your needs to your partner won’t come easily. To feel heard in a relationship, you have to get completely honest and open with your significant other. This honesty requires you to dig deep and understand where the emotions are coming from and why you feel unsatisfied with a certain aspect of your relationship.

Remember that your partner can’t help you if you don’t make your feelings and needs explicitly known. Also, take time to explain how you feel clearly without blaming or name-calling. The key to resolving arguments lies in how you choose to respond to your partner. If you lash out or talk over them, of course, they won’t want to listen to you. Calmly explaining your emotions and directly asking for what you need helps resolve problems effectively.

2 – Actively listen to them.

If you want your partner to listen during arguments, you have to give them that same respect. Also, make sure you truly listen instead of just waiting for your turn to make your point. It will help you express yourself more if you can make your partner feel comfortable doing the same. Relationships rely on active listening from both partners to survive. Studies have shown that active listening promotes healthier relationships.

Active listening involves the following:

  • Putting your phone away and giving your total attention to your partner
  • Maintaining eye contact the whole time
  • Restating what they’ve said to make sure you understand
  • Asking for clarification about certain points if you need it
  • Having empathy and trying to understand wholly where your partner is coming from
  • Staying in the present moment and not just waiting for your turn to talk

3 – Avoid anger.

Stay away from anger at all costs if you want to express yourself to your partner. Anger only breeds more chaos and dysfunction in communication with someone because they will automatically get defensive. No one likes getting yelled at, especially after a hard day at work or school. Be mindful of how they feel and choose to treat them with loving kindness even in disagreement.

You can still get your point through without having to resort to emotionally charged language and explosive arguments. If you have trouble with this, take a few minutes to collect your thoughts and come back to the discussion when you have cooled down. Studies show that yelling triggers the fight-or-flight response, causing us to become more reactive because we feel threatened. Therefore, a calm and soothing tone of voice produces the opposite effect – your partner will feel more open and willing to listen to you.

4 – Don’t accuse your partner of anything.

Accusing someone of something always puts them in defensive mode. Instead, choose to focus on how their actions made you feel and express yourself in terms of emotions. They will respond much better if they don’t feel attacked or pressured by accusations, and the talk will be more productive. Put it this way – how would you feel if your partner started listing off all the things you’re doing wrong?

You probably wouldn’t take to it very well. So, please give them the same respect and watch the words you use with them. Instead of saying “You did ______ and I’m tired of it,” try saying “You hurt my feelings when you did ____, even if you didn’t mean to.” The second phrase sounds much friendlier and open-minded, in our opinion.

5 – Stay humble.

If you want to express yourself in a relationship, remember humility, above all else. Coming at your partner or friend with hurtful words will only make them put up walls, and your message will get distorted. They will take in what you have to say if you show vulnerability and compassion for their feelings.

To put this into practice, try to think about how you may have contributed to any issues. Even if you don’t want to admit it, it usually takes two people to have relationship problems. Talking about how you can improve your behavior will make your partner more willing to discuss their shortcomings. If you can tackle issues as a team and talk to each other respectfully, any arguments will dissipate.

6 – Restructure the narrative.

Maybe you’ve been reading the whole situation the wrong way. Perhaps they haven’t wronged you. You just perceived the issue incorrectly due to your own emotions. Relationships can get tricky since they involve matters of the heart, and frequently, even our partner can misunderstand us.

Let’s say your spouse doesn’t pay you as much attention lately, and you’ve been feeling neglected. Your mind automatically goes to the worst-case scenario, like they are having an affair or have lost interest in you. Then, you lash out at them or allow resentment to build up based on your interpretation of the situation. However, you may not have considered other possible reasons for their lack of interest:

  • extra work at the office
  • stress about bills/life/other important people in their life
  • dealing with the kids (if you have them)
  • they need some time to themselves
  • any other reason besides the worst-case scenario

7 – Discuss things in their language.

Do they speak in a more emotional or logical way? Either way, try to talk things out in a way that they can understand, but that still conveys your message. If you lean more toward the emotional side and they are logical, they will appreciate directness. However, if the opposite is true, you’ll want to show more sensitivity and compassion. Learn your partner’s methods of communication so that when you express yourself, the message doesn’t get lost in translation.

8 – Write them a letter.

This idea may sound silly, but sometimes our words just come out better on paper. You can always talk it out with them afterward, but writing it down first can help, especially in new relationships.  Plus, writing things out can help you make sense of your thoughts and sort through them better. When you talk about them, you’ll have had time to reflect on how you feel and convey it to your partner easier.

9 – Consider talking to a therapist.

If you have tried everything with your partner and still don’t seem to hear you, consider going to couple’s therapy. A therapist can help you to break down any barriers in your communication and connect better as a couple. If your partner hesitates about going, make sure you let them voice their concerns first. Remind them that it can benefit both of you and make you stronger as a couple.

A couple’s therapist seeks to help people improve their relationships by recognizing and resolving all types of conflict. Many couples don’t know how to communicate with one another, so if you don’t feel heard, this might be an option for you.

10 – Remain positive.

Your partner will likely respond to negativity in the same way, so try your best to remain positive when you express yourself. Even if you’ve been hurt, try to frame your thoughts in a way that isn’t accusatory. For example, you could say, “I know you’ve been busy lately, but I miss having dinner together on weeknights.” In this way, you haven’t accused him/her of neglecting you, which would likely prompt a defensive response.

Final thoughts on how to express yourself when your partner refuses to hear you

When you have arguments with your partner, you want to express yourself to resolve the issues at hand. However, sometimes miscommunication causes your partner not to hear you, which only ends in frustration and heartache. If you want to get your own message across clearer, try to avoid talking when you feel angry. Also, please keep an open mind and let them speak their side of the story.

If you don’t feel heard in a relationship, consider that your partner may not either. If you can both work together to make one another’s needs known, you will have a happy, long-lasting relationship.


15 Quotes About Kindness Everyone Needs to Hear

15 Quotes About Kindness Everyone Needs to Hear

Kindness is the way that everyone can change the world, without giving money or donating anything. It is beneficial for both the giver and the receiver. Since it is so important to be kind, there are quotes about kindness everyone needs to hear.

It’s only human to want to be mean sometimes. This is something you should fight against, however, as kindness is a key trait of positive people. If you want to be positive and want positivity surrounding you, then you have to treat others right.

These quotes about kindness are intended to inspire you and give a reminder of why compassion is so important. By being kind, you’ll make the world a better place and could inspire others to be better. If it can change the world, there is no reason not to choose kindness.

Remember that sometimes being kind is harder than the alternative, but it is always right to be kind. Choose kindness and doing the right thing over anything else. This is the only way to make the world a better place.

15 Wise Quotes About Kindness

quotes about kindness

1. “Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” – Princess Diana

You won’t always receive an instant return on your act of kindness. What you can expect, however, is comfort. This comfort comes from knowing that, at some point, someone will be kind to you when you need it.

2. “People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.” – Kent M. Keith

No one is perfect, and you can’t expect them to be. People will do things that you don’t understand, they’ll be stubborn, and they’ll be selfish. This doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve love, it only means that they are human.

By being kind and doing the right thing, you may be judged incorrectly. You still need to do the right thing anyway, because being kind is more important than false accusations. Above all else, be kind and do good.

3. “Every act of kindness benefits the giver, as well as the receiver.” – Katrina Mayer

Even when someone has done something awful, you should still be kind. The kindness isn’t only for the other person. Kindness is also important for the giver because it’s more powerful than being angry and mean.

Always remember to be kind even if you feel the other person doesn’t deserve kindness. Do it for yourself, because you’ll be happy you did later.

4. “Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” – Albert Schweitzer

Normally when there is a problem between two people, there is very little kindness exchanged. Next time, try to be kind and see what happens instead. After a while of constantly being kind to the other person, the relationship may change for the better.

This time of constant kindness may reveal truths, deeper understanding, and a feeling of respect amongst one another. It’s always worth a shot, as not doing anything will only lead to a continuation of the negativity.

positivity meme

5. “Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.” – Jackie Chan

If helping someone can change their life for the better, there is no reason to choose any other path. By helping others to become better, you’re helping to make the world a better place.

Plus, your kindness will not only change one life but the lives of those they encounter in the future. They may just pass that act of kindness along to the next person who needs it.

6. “If a person seems wicked, do not cast him away. Awaken him with your words, elevate him with your deeds, repay his injury with your kindness. Do not cast him away; cast away his wickedness.” – Lao Tzu

By showing this person kindness despite all that they have done, you may give them a reason to change their ways. They may see that other people can see the good in them, and they may follow your example.

By that person experiencing your kindness, they’re seeing that there is another way of life. You could be the reason they change their path in life.

7. “Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.” – Kahlil Gibran

Don’t think that being kind will make you appear weak. The opposite is true as Gibran explains in his quote. When you are kind instead of mean or harsh, you’re showing everyone just how strong you truly are.

8. “Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.” – Barbara de Angelis

Showing love and being kind are two things that will never be a waste. Even when you can’t see it right away, those are two emotions that can change the world. Not only for the person receiving it, but the person giving it, as well.

9. “Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” – Scott Adams

Your one act may have seemed small to you, but it was a big deal to the person receiving it. When you are kind, you are giving someone a little hope and a reason to be nice to someone else.

10. “To become acquainted with kindness one must be prepared to learn new things and feel new feelings. Kindness is more than a philosophy of the mind. It is a philosophy of the spirit.” – Robert J. Furey

By always being kind, you are teaching yourself to be understanding of those around them and the choices they make. After making it a habit, you’ll find your spirit changing, and the kindness will eventually come on its own. When you think and feel differently, you behave differently and, when it comes to kindness, it’s never a bad thing.

positivity meme

11. “Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” – Henry James

With kindness, anything is possible. By being kind to one person, you are spreading so much more kindness than you realize. The person you were kind to may return the kindness to someone else and then the cycle continues in that way.

Another reason being kind is so important is because it can change people. Kindness can help those who are on a bad path see the good in the world. You never know when someone is on the verge of a breakthrough, so always be kind.

12. “One who is kind is sympathetic and gentle with others. He is considerate of others’ feelings and courteous in his behavior. He has a helpful nature. Kindness pardons others’ weaknesses and faults. Kindness is extended to all — to the aged and the young, to animals, to those low of station as well as the high.” – Ezra Taft Benson

As stated before, being kind is beneficial for both the giver and the receiver. Some of these quotes about kindness are intended to explain that, and this is one of them.

By being kind, you’re also being all of the things that Benson mentions. From being sympathetic, gentle, and courteous to whole-heartedly forgiving the mistakes of others, kindness is a way of life. It’s something that benefits everyone involved and only brings positivity to the world.

13. “The best portion of a good man’s life: His little, nameless unremembered acts of kindness and love.” – William Wordsworth

No matter who you are, if you are kind you are leaving a bit of yourself behind when your time is done. If you want to change the world and leave your mark, begin with being kind. After all, kindness is what will be remembered in the end.

14. “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

According to FDR, being kind doesn’t make you weak or vulnerable. Instead, it brings people together, making everyone stronger together. You can honor your beliefs and stand up for what’s right and still be kind throughout it all.

15. “A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.” – Joseph Joubert

You may feel that someone doesn’t deserve love, but that is a feeling that should be ignored. When you are kind, you show love to everyone, despite what they have done. Sometimes, this means you’ll be showing love to those you feel don’t deserve it.

spiritually gifted
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Final Thoughts on Quotes About Kindness Everyone Needs to Hear

There are many quotes about kindness everyone needs to hear. Positive people tend to show kindness more often than others, and that is because it gives them strength and wisdom.

When you are kind, you are opening yourself up to learning new ways of thinking. This open-mindedness gives you the ultimate advantage. By learning more, you’ll grow, and so will those around you. Kindness is the way to change the world.