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Therapists Explain 6 Ways To Calm A Stressed Partner

Therapists Explain 6 Ways To Calm A Stressed Partner

Everyone can get stressed out, and it can be challenging to know what to do when your partner winds up in a stressful situation. If they have unhealthy or less-than-ideal coping mechanisms, it can be even tougher to understand how to help them.

Of course, with your heart going out to your partner, you wouldn’t want them to experience this emotional pain. But how can you help them out of that place without further exacerbating the problem?

Here’s how experts recommend six ways to calm a stressed partner.

1.    Find The Root

Where is your partner’s stress coming from? Why is it causing them to behave this way? No one ever wants to be stressed, so something is causing this to happen, says author and Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., ABPP.

Think back to your partner’s day or current life circumstances and consider what may be causing this stress. Here are some questions to help you in the process:

  • How has their day been?
  • Are their relationships with others, such as family or friends, going well?
  • Are they affected by world events?
  • Have they talked about anything stressful to you?
  • What seems to have triggered their stress?
  • Do they have patterns of becoming stressed in certain circumstances?

When you find the root of stress, you’ll be able to respond better to it and help your partner work through it.

2.    Listen To Your Partner

Unless your partner says, they genuinely don’t want to talk about the source of their stress, sometimes lending them an ear can help them feel better. Author and licensed clinical social worker Judy Ford outlines some steps to do this:

·         Step 1: Recognize Stress Symptoms

Take note of the way your partner begins to behave when stress mounts. Do they exhibit specific behaviors? They might, for example, get fidgety, snap more often, stress eat, or become withdrawn. When you see these symptoms of stress, you can make your approach.

·         Step 2: Approach

If your partner is exhibiting their stress symptoms, try to approach them with no judgment. Have compassion, kindness, and positive thinking when you go to them. Then, ask them how they feel and invite them to talk to you about it, maintaining a welcome tone of voice.

·         Step 3: Listen

When your partner talks about their stress to you, you need to genuinely and honestly listen to them. This will show your partner that you genuinely care for them. Active listening is a critical skill and can make the difference between a positive and negative response from your partner.

·         Step 4: When You Speak, Default To Comfort First

Most people who talk about their emotions will want to be comforted, not provided with solutions right away. First, offer comfort and give them physical or emotional support. Only after that should you ask if they’d like to find a way through the stressful situation with your help.

3.    Be Supportive, Always

When a partner opens up to you, you need to make sure they feel validated. They are vulnerable to you, so it’s only natural that you do your best to accommodate their emotions and show them how you appreciate their openness. Here are some tips for being supportive:

·         Being Patient

Your partner doesn’t want to be stressed out, and they certainly don’t want that stress to affect you. If they come to you and speak in a positive and productive way about something that involves you, resist the urge to default to defensiveness. Be patient and listen instead, so keep calm, recommends Whitbourne.

·         Ask How You Can Help

It’s essential to ask your partner how you can support them, says Ford. Even if you can’t directly help, ask how you can make things go more smoothly for them or how you could help them feel better. You can offer to do some extra chores, help them run an errand, give them a massage, cook them dinner. The possibilities go on and on!

·         Give Them Space If They Need It

Some people need to be alone when they’re stressed out. Don’t take it personally – it’s not about you at all; it’s about someone’s healthy need for me-time. Give your partner the personal space to do their own thing and unwind without your input, suggests Psychotherapist Edie Stark, MSc, LCSW. You’ll be surprised how supportive of action this can be to them and how much it may boost their positive thinking! Just make sure you talk about their needs for space and alone time first.

4.    Understand Insecurity Scientifically

Before you can even begin to calm down a stressed partner, you need to understand insecurity as a scientific concept. This doesn’t refer to typical “insecurity” in the commonly portrayed, obvious sense, but more to insecure attachment and insecure defensiveness. Many times, stress is the result of something partially influenced by insecurity. If you’re not careful, you can trigger an escalation of the situation by not knowing how to manage that insecurity.

According to research, a partner’s stress can spiral out of control when they protect themselves from mental distress. This can trigger immature insecure mechanisms that are important to respond to in a positive way to prevent a worsening situation. A person who is using these mechanisms may:

  • Very heavily fear abandonment.
  • Become defensive or passive-aggressive
  • Respress their feelings
  • Desire reassurance but feel invalidated by your current response.
  • Experience reality distortion
  • Feel too overwhelmed to react positively

Partners who experience severe insecurity may benefit from therapy or counseling services, and it’s worth broaching the subject with them if these harmful attachment patterns are becoming extremely prevalent in your relationship. If they happen too often, it can be toxic and cause the relationship to end.

5.    Try Working Through It Together

As a couple, you are meant to work through hurdles and problems hand-in-hand. You are meant to be there for each other through thick and thin. Coping with issues as a couple is referred to as dyadic coping, and it has substantial positive effects on the health and strength of a relationship.

This is why Assistant Professor of Communication, writer, researcher, and family relationship expert Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, Ph.D. recommends handling stress in the following ways:

·         Learn To Turn To Each Other

When you experience stress, learn to trust your partner and go to them first. Could you encourage them to do likewise? Over time, you will both get better at responding to each other’s stress and will learn to trust each other with the details of your plight naturally. Of course, be aware of emotional bandwidth, too. Communicate clearly about your emotional boundaries when turning to each other!

·         Ask Questions

Don’t be afraid to clarify your partner’s position. If there’s something you don’t understand, ask them about their perspective. Make sure you’re being non-judgmental and be clear that you’re asking because you want to understand them, not because you disbelieve them.

·         Brainstorm With Each Other

When your partner experiences stress, learn to put your heads together. Discuss options, allowing your partner to lead the discussion, and help them organize their thoughts so they can make their own independent judgments, decisions, and conclusions. Your goal is not to push your thoughts onto them, but to help your partner process their feelings and ideas.

·         Offer Your Perspective

Once you’re in brainstorming mode together, offer your perspective of the situation. You may have a less dramatic viewpoint because you’re separated from the emotions your partner is experiencing, or you might have some additional insight or unique opinion. Don’t push your partner to incorporate your perspective – show them alternative options they may not have considered.

·         Support Their Strengths

Appreciate your partner’s strengths and your strengths. See how you can cover for each other and complement each other to find the best solutions!

6.    Learn From This

The point of life is to keep improving based on life experiences. As a couple, you can both learn and grow from moments of stress and become stronger for it. If you don’t learn from the event, you and your partner may end up stuck in a cycle of stress that you never learn to handle better. Here are some ways to make sure you and your partner have learned from this episode of stress:

·         Think Of How To Better Handle This In The Future

What can you learn from this episode of stress? How can you prepare for this in the event it happens again? What triggers do you both need to be aware of? What have you learned works best for both of you, and what doesn’t work at all? When you think of these questions, you’ll be learning and growing together from experience and will be better equipped to face it next time with more positive thinking.

·         Explain Your Point Of View

If your partner’s stress led to them lashing out at you or exhibiting toxic behaviors, you need to tell them about it. After you’ve worked through the worst of the stress, open up communication regarding this with them, suggests Whitbourne. You want to talk about how their defense mechanisms hurt you or made you feel and recommend more mature or positive methods of coping for the future. Remember, don’t be accusatory – focus on explaining yourself productively and with kindness.

·         Understand Your Own Thresholds And Boundaries

Your partner’s pain can, in turn, affect your emotional energy. If you let yourself be drained instead of stepping away when you need to, you’re doing no one any favors. Ford recommends learning to gauge your stress levels, so you know when you need a break and need your support. Be sure to speak to your partner about this. Remember, it’s unreasonable for any expectations to involve a partner being there for the other at their own severe mental detriment. You can’t help each other if you start suffering, too.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways To Calm A Stressed Partner

Stress is a part of life. Your partner will end up feeling stressed out multiple times throughout their life, as will you. Learn to help your partner through their stressful times and learn to rely on them during your own. This will ultimately build your bond and make your relationship stronger!


10 Ways to Express Yourself When Your Partner Refuses to Hear You

10 Ways to Express Yourself When Your Partner Refuses to

Nothing feels more frustrating than when you try to express yourself, and the other person doesn’t seem to hear you. During arguments in relationships, things can get misconstrued in the heat of the moment, which leads to hurt feelings. However, if you can learn to manage your emotions during disagreements, your bond will become stronger.

One study on relationships over 14 years found that couples who argued often had the least likelihood of getting separated. The study followed 79 couples across the Midwest and discovered that the strongest couples resolved arguments quickly. So, just because you argue sometimes doesn’t mean you have a bad relationship. When you have a partner, you’ll inevitably have disagreements, but how you resolve them matters most.

Here are ten ways to express yourself if your partner doesn’t hear you:

If you feel like your partner doesn’t hear you during arguments, the following tips can help you express yourself better.

1  – Make sure you understand your emotions first.

If you don’t know how you feel, communicating your needs to your partner won’t come easily. To feel heard in a relationship, you have to get completely honest and open with your significant other. This honesty requires you to dig deep and understand where the emotions are coming from and why you feel unsatisfied with a certain aspect of your relationship.

Remember that your partner can’t help you if you don’t make your feelings and needs explicitly known. Also, take time to explain how you feel clearly without blaming or name-calling. The key to resolving arguments lies in how you choose to respond to your partner. If you lash out or talk over them, of course, they won’t want to listen to you. Calmly explaining your emotions and directly asking for what you need helps resolve problems effectively.

2 – Actively listen to them.

If you want your partner to listen during arguments, you have to give them that same respect. Also, make sure you truly listen instead of just waiting for your turn to make your point. It will help you express yourself more if you can make your partner feel comfortable doing the same. Relationships rely on active listening from both partners to survive. Studies have shown that active listening promotes healthier relationships.

Active listening involves the following:

  • Putting your phone away and giving your total attention to your partner
  • Maintaining eye contact the whole time
  • Restating what they’ve said to make sure you understand
  • Asking for clarification about certain points if you need it
  • Having empathy and trying to understand wholly where your partner is coming from
  • Staying in the present moment and not just waiting for your turn to talk

3 – Avoid anger.

Stay away from anger at all costs if you want to express yourself to your partner. Anger only breeds more chaos and dysfunction in communication with someone because they will automatically get defensive. No one likes getting yelled at, especially after a hard day at work or school. Be mindful of how they feel and choose to treat them with loving kindness even in disagreement.

You can still get your point through without having to resort to emotionally charged language and explosive arguments. If you have trouble with this, take a few minutes to collect your thoughts and come back to the discussion when you have cooled down. Studies show that yelling triggers the fight-or-flight response, causing us to become more reactive because we feel threatened. Therefore, a calm and soothing tone of voice produces the opposite effect – your partner will feel more open and willing to listen to you.

4 – Don’t accuse your partner of anything.

Accusing someone of something always puts them in defensive mode. Instead, choose to focus on how their actions made you feel and express yourself in terms of emotions. They will respond much better if they don’t feel attacked or pressured by accusations, and the talk will be more productive. Put it this way – how would you feel if your partner started listing off all the things you’re doing wrong?

You probably wouldn’t take to it very well. So, please give them the same respect and watch the words you use with them. Instead of saying “You did ______ and I’m tired of it,” try saying “You hurt my feelings when you did ____, even if you didn’t mean to.” The second phrase sounds much friendlier and open-minded, in our opinion.

5 – Stay humble.

If you want to express yourself in a relationship, remember humility, above all else. Coming at your partner or friend with hurtful words will only make them put up walls, and your message will get distorted. They will take in what you have to say if you show vulnerability and compassion for their feelings.

To put this into practice, try to think about how you may have contributed to any issues. Even if you don’t want to admit it, it usually takes two people to have relationship problems. Talking about how you can improve your behavior will make your partner more willing to discuss their shortcomings. If you can tackle issues as a team and talk to each other respectfully, any arguments will dissipate.

6 – Restructure the narrative.

Maybe you’ve been reading the whole situation the wrong way. Perhaps they haven’t wronged you. You just perceived the issue incorrectly due to your own emotions. Relationships can get tricky since they involve matters of the heart, and frequently, even our partner can misunderstand us.

Let’s say your spouse doesn’t pay you as much attention lately, and you’ve been feeling neglected. Your mind automatically goes to the worst-case scenario, like they are having an affair or have lost interest in you. Then, you lash out at them or allow resentment to build up based on your interpretation of the situation. However, you may not have considered other possible reasons for their lack of interest:

  • extra work at the office
  • stress about bills/life/other important people in their life
  • dealing with the kids (if you have them)
  • they need some time to themselves
  • any other reason besides the worst-case scenario

7 – Discuss things in their language.

Do they speak in a more emotional or logical way? Either way, try to talk things out in a way that they can understand, but that still conveys your message. If you lean more toward the emotional side and they are logical, they will appreciate directness. However, if the opposite is true, you’ll want to show more sensitivity and compassion. Learn your partner’s methods of communication so that when you express yourself, the message doesn’t get lost in translation.

8 – Write them a letter.

This idea may sound silly, but sometimes our words just come out better on paper. You can always talk it out with them afterward, but writing it down first can help, especially in new relationships.  Plus, writing things out can help you make sense of your thoughts and sort through them better. When you talk about them, you’ll have had time to reflect on how you feel and convey it to your partner easier.

9 – Consider talking to a therapist.

If you have tried everything with your partner and still don’t seem to hear you, consider going to couple’s therapy. A therapist can help you to break down any barriers in your communication and connect better as a couple. If your partner hesitates about going, make sure you let them voice their concerns first. Remind them that it can benefit both of you and make you stronger as a couple.

A couple’s therapist seeks to help people improve their relationships by recognizing and resolving all types of conflict. Many couples don’t know how to communicate with one another, so if you don’t feel heard, this might be an option for you.

10 – Remain positive.

Your partner will likely respond to negativity in the same way, so try your best to remain positive when you express yourself. Even if you’ve been hurt, try to frame your thoughts in a way that isn’t accusatory. For example, you could say, “I know you’ve been busy lately, but I miss having dinner together on weeknights.” In this way, you haven’t accused him/her of neglecting you, which would likely prompt a defensive response.

Final thoughts on how to express yourself when your partner refuses to hear you

When you have arguments with your partner, you want to express yourself to resolve the issues at hand. However, sometimes miscommunication causes your partner not to hear you, which only ends in frustration and heartache. If you want to get your own message across clearer, try to avoid talking when you feel angry. Also, please keep an open mind and let them speak their side of the story.

If you don’t feel heard in a relationship, consider that your partner may not either. If you can both work together to make one another’s needs known, you will have a happy, long-lasting relationship.


10 Reasons Why No One Should Beg for Love from Their Partner

10 Reasons Why No One Should Beg for Love from

Nobody should need to beg for love from their partner. Ever. Period.

If you have to beg for love, you are in a bad relationship. This behavior isn’t something that should have to be done in any relationship. It’s a sign that your partner isn’t as dedicated as you are and that the feelings may not be equal.

A relationship is supposed to be a true partnership, and it requires two people to complete it. Both partners should work together to show affection or overcome issues. If only one partner is doing this, there is going to be a never-ending cycle of negativity.

If you find yourself in a relationship in which you have to ask for attention and affection, it’s a bad relationship. Your partner should be putting in as much energy as you are. Otherwise, you’ll be forcing the relationship along by yourself.

Aside from making you feel empty and lonely, there are many other reasons you should never beg for love. If you have to beg, it’s a sign that you aren’t their priority and likely never will be. You must think first about yourself and your well-being and decide that it’s time to move on.

Ten Reasons Why Nobody Should Beg for Love

Learning to appreciate yourself will help to boost your self-confidence. Know what you are worth!

1. Someone Else Will do The Things They Won’t

If your partner isn’t doing the things you need from them, it’s not your fault. Don’t beg for them to do something they aren’t interested in. You can find someone else who will be full engaged in the relationship.

Someone who is fully dedicated to the relationship will be able to connect emotionally. Your significant other will be supportive and interested in what is going on in your life. Plus, they will want to spend as much time with you as they can.

The person who wants to be with you won’t leave you feeling like your self-worth is diminished. You will feel happy and fulfilled after spending time with them. Remember, if you have to beg, it’s a bad relationship.

 2. They May Not Be Ready

If your partner isn’t showing love, it could be a sign they aren’t ready for the relationship you need. No matter what you do or say, you can’t force them to be prepared.

Don’t waste your time trying to change someone who can’t be changed. Wait for a partner to come along who is ready when you are and who won’t hurt you in the process. Your well-being is more important than their lack of being willing.

3. They Don’t Appreciate You

If you have to beg, it’s a clear sign they don’t appreciate you, which means they don’t deserve you. You shouldn’t waste time praying for the love of someone who doesn’t deserve it. Eventually, someone who does appreciate you will come along and treat you the way you deserve to be.

Since your happiness is essential, you should never have to beg someone to treat you well. Instead, save your energy for someone who will never have to be asked twice to show you affection.

4. Begging Won’t Make Your Partner Love You

You cannot force someone to love you, and no amount of begging will change their mind. Just like with you, you can’t force an emotion to be happy. So, if this person doesn’t care to give you love, attention, or affection now, they’ll likely never care to.

5. It Extends Your Recovery Time

If your partner isn’t all-in, you’re going to feel sad and lonely often throughout the relationship. Eventually, the relationship will end one way or another. So, you shouldn’t spend your time being upset about the way you feel in your relationship.

You already feel bad that they aren’t giving you love and affection, so you might as well end it instead. The pain will occur in both instances, but do not force this relationship to work. Instead, move on. You will get through the hurt more quickly. By dragging the connection on any longer, you’ll only be pushing back your healing timeline.

6. It Can Stop You from Meeting the Right Person

When you are putting your energy into someone who doesn’t love you, you could be missing out on something better. There is, indeed, someone special out there who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Do not let the right one pass you by because you are trying to gain the affection of someone who doesn’t want it.

If you stay in a poor relationship with someone you have to beg, the right person won’t be an option. Don’t put yourself in this position because you deserve true happiness and love someday.

7. It Can Cause Your Self-Worth to Diminish

Your self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence will all take a massive hit if you beg for love from your partner. It’s demeaning to you, as well, and will make you feel like you are unworthy. You have to remember that you are worthy and that it is your partner’s loss.

A relationship should only make you want to be better, and it should make you happy more often than sad. It should boost your feelings of confidence and make you feel secure about who you are. It should never cause your self-worth to be diminished.

Here are twelve signs that your significant other is ruining your self-esteem.

8. You are Perfect for Someone Else

Even though no one is perfect, you are perfect for someone. Remember this and remind yourself that if you have to beg your partner for love, you aren’t ideal for them. Don’t waste the fantastic things you have to offer on someone who doesn’t see how special you are.

Someone will want to be there for all you have to offer and for your flaws. They will love your imperfections just as much as they love everything else about you. Wait for that person who will accept everything about you and love you just the same, it’s worth it.

9. It Gives Your Partner the Upper Hand

When you beg for love, it makes the other person feel like they are above you. If the relationship continues after you beg, their treatment of you will only be worse because of it. The connection will never be equal, and you will always feel like something is missing.

They may use the begging against you and make it sound like they did you a favor. Or, the person could even use your plea as a tool to hurt you further by creating a joke out of it. Don’t make it even easier on your partner to hurt you.

Even worse, they may use it as an opportunity to use you. They would see that you are willing to do anything to gain their love. This scenario could lead to them, making you do things you aren’t comfortable with or that make you unhappy.

10. You Shouldn’t Have to Prove Your Worth

If your partner doesn’t see your worth, they don’t deserve your time or energy. You are worthy of someone who wants to spend time with you and who loves you. When that special someone wants to be with you and values who you are, they will make every effort to be there.

Instead of feeling so badly in your relationship, it’s better to wait it out until someone amazing comes along. This will help your self-esteem and confidence, and it will give you the chance to meet new people.

What to Do to Avoid Feeling You Must Beg for Your Partner’s Love

If your partner doesn’t answer your phone calls, stop calling them. Plus, if they are never the ones to call first, stop being the one to connect.

Either they will notice that your presence is missing, or you will realize that you deserve better. As your calls go unanswered, you will only feel worse, so avoid it, and it will help you move on.

Don’t wait for your partner, either. If you’re not positive, they’ll come through for plans or to talk. Please do what you want to do and make plans as you feel like it. If they wanted to spend time with you, they would have set up schedules or let you know they wanted to.

Take this time to realize that you will find someone who values you and cherishes your time spent together. You shouldn’t beg for love, because then you’ll never know what real love is like. Someone else will cherish you the way you are looking for.

Finally, learn to love yourself. If you can truly love yourself, you won’t feel like you have to beg for love from anyone. You will know your value and know that you deserve more than you are receiving. Loving yourself will help you wait for the right person to come along, and you’ll be available when they do.

Final Thoughts on Reasons Why Nobody Should Beg for Love from Their Partner

If you feel like you must beg for love for your partner, you have to do what is best for you. Remember to value yourself and give your time to those who willingly give their time, too. Instead, fill your life with people who love you and make you feel happy.

You deserve to be happy and to have everything you ever wanted in a relationship. If you beg for love, you aren’t getting what you wanted and what you deserve.


12 Signs Your Partner Is Killing Your Self-Esteem

12 Signs Your Partner Is Killing Your Self-Esteem

Your relationship seemed so right, but now you’re having doubts. You feel like your partner isn’t 100% behind you. They are preying upon your insecurity, making you feel vulnerable. Could your partner be killing your self-esteem?

If you’re feeling like this is happening to you, it may be time to step back and evaluate your relationship with this person.

Check out these 12 signs that point to your partner killing your self-esteem.

If your partner makes you feel wrong about everything, you probably also feel a drop in self-esteem. Here are the indicators that you should re-evaluate your relationship.

  1. Controls everything in the relationship

If your partner makes every decision without consulting you, that’s a sign your relationship may be breaking down. When your partner feels the need to control the budget, the bills, the household decisions, it means they don’t trust your opinions or care what you think. They are, in essence, saying you have no voice in the relationship like you’re don’t existent.  They aren’t interested in you but need to feel powerful and in control.

According to one NIH study, this behavior is a classic red flag in a relationship. In some partnerships, this need for control can morph into physical abuse down the road.

Please take note of what’s going on, because it looks like your relationship is headed for failure.

  1. No effort to encourage you

In a strong and healthy relationship, two people work together to make their relationship secure. When one partner isn’t contributing to the relationship, it’s noticeable. A partner who doesn’t show interest and doesn’t encourage you is withholding love.  Encouragement means the person loves you and wants you to thrive. Lack of support is a sign your partner doesn’t genuinely care for you.

  1. Doesn’t try to understand

Does it ever feel as if you’re speaking to the air when you’re trying to communicate with your partner?  Do they seem to care less about what you’re saying? Perhaps they don’t try to understand your feelings but brush them aside. You may feel like you should keep your opinions to yourself because they won’t know what you’re telling them, anyway. You may feel less confident in yourself.

According to NIH, this lack of confidence is a symptom that you are losing your self-esteem. Over time, it can worsen if you don’t regain control of your life.

Ask your partner a few questions, such as the following:

  • You don’t seem interested in me, is something wrong?
  • Does our connection mean anything to you anymore?
  • Why aren’t you not listening to me?

If they respond humbly to your questions, that’s a good sign. But if they are defensive and try to push back at your concerns saying you’re imagining things, they aren’t being honest about how they feel. You may not get a straight answer out of them.

  1. Talks down to you like you’re a kid.

There’s nothing worse than seeing one partner talk down to the other like they’re a little kid. No reasonable adult likes to be treated like a child. When one partner mocks or belittles their partner in public, it’s embarrassing. You feel demeaned and worthless. If your partner speaks to you in this way, they aren’t showing you the proper respect you deserve.

  1. Demeans you, even in front of other people

When a partner treats you like you’re below them, it’s humiliating. They act like you’re in their way, almost a burden to the relationship. This treatment makes you feel insecure and unsure of how to respond. You lose your confidence in yourself.  Studies found that when one partner is emotionally abusive, it causes an immediate relational breakdown. Demeaning your partner is not a sign of love, it’s a sign of a dying relationship.

  1. Shows conditional love

If you feel as if you need to earn your partner’s love and approval, it can cause you to feel as if you are not good enough for them. You begin to work hard to keep the peace, trying to do the right things. This behavior does not indicate a healthy relationship. Your partner is acting unloving towards you. Don’t settle for a relationship where you need to perform to be loved. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not what you can do.

  1. Criticizes your every move

A critical partner corrects everything you do. They don’t like the way you cook, how you dress, or wear your hair. You’re never good enough for them. They treat you with disrespect, making you feel like you’re inadequate as a person and a partner. They make you feel unappreciated and unloved. A relationship with a critical person steals your confidence. You begin to feel like you can’t do anything right. This red flag is a sign your self-esteem is dying. You must start to stand up for yourself and stop allowing your partner to kill your confidence.

  1. Blames everything on you

Blameshifting is blaming someone or something for your failures. When your partner refuses to take responsibility for their actions, blaming you instead, it ruins your feelings of being loved. Blameshifting is abusive. If your partner blameshifts you, don’t stand for it. This habit isn’t normal behavior in a loving relationship. You must refuse to be blamed for things you didn’t do.

  1. You feel trapped by your relationship.

If you’re beginning to feel trapped in your relationship instead of feeling loved and appreciated, it might be the ideal time to step back and evaluate. Feeling trapped causes you to lose confidence in yourself. You feel vulnerable and unable to control what’s happening. Find a trusted friend to talk to about what’s going on in your life. If you need expert advice, seek the aid of a professional therapist.

  1. Won’t listen to your thoughts

If your partner refuses to hear your concerns about your relationship, it’s a bad sign. Being shut down and denied the chance to talk out your thoughts is frustrating. Are you making excuses to stay away from your partner? Do you avoid them because it’s so stressful? You must decide next if you want to continue exposing yourself to the abuse of this unhealthy relationship.

  1. Looking at others or flirting

When your partner stares or flirts with others in front of you, it’s a sign of their lack of love. It shows you that you aren’t enough and they don’t care if you know it. It’s outright disrespectful. You should not have to deal with this kind of insult, don’t allow yourself to live with someone who acts like this. Tell your partner you’re disappointed in their behavior. If they admit it and apologize, that’s good. But if they deny or minimize your concerns by saying you’re just overreacting, then it’s probably time to work your way out of this relationship. No one deserves this kind of disrespect.

  1. Preventing you from following your dreams

If your partner crushes your dreams, they aren’t a loving person. They don’t care for your thoughts or ideas. They may feel competitive and want to push you back because they’re jealous of your successes. This kind of attitude eats away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. You feel like giving up your dreams. Don’t allow your partner to steal your joy and happiness. You deserve to pursue your dreams and enjoy your successes. A healthy, loving relationship involves the encouragement of the other person’s accomplishments. It means having someone in your corner to encourage and help you.

Final Thoughts on Looking After Your Self-esteem

If you sense your relationship is crushing your self-esteem, it may be time to re-evaluate your commitment. Living with a partner’s criticalness, demanding language, and blame-shifting isn’t right for you. Don’t allow yourself to feel trapped. You have a choice, even if your partner makes you feel like you don’t. You are strong and able to make your own choices.

Remove yourself from this toxic relationship and begin the healing process. Talk to a trusted friend or counselor to help your self-esteem recover. Begin discovering who you are as in an individual. Renew your dreams and find joy again in your life. You deserve to be happy and have a healthy, loving relationship.


10 Ways to Be A More Supportive Partner During Challenging Times

10 Ways to Be A More Supportive Partner During Challenging

Wouldn’t it be lovely if relationships were all wine, roses, and moonlight, just because you’re in love? Unfortunately, you don’t live in a utopia, and relationships are as much about the valleys as they are the mountain tops. You will find that when you’re down and out is when you can use effective tools to build a stronger partnership.

Instead of thinking, you have a problem, or your partner does, realize that you’re in it together. You can’t be happy if you see your man depressed and downtrodden. Supportive partners can identify problems and find ways to either resolve or cope with them efficiently.

In many failed relationships, ex-partners sometimes felt that their person wasn’t sympathetic. To support someone doesn’t mean you offer vain flattery. Instead, you surround each other with love and work on solutions to your problems together.

10 Tips for Being More Supportive

No matter the dilemma, your presence will be most welcome to him. It’s reassuring for your mate to have you beside him, even when you are silent and are just holding his hand. Here are ten helpful ways to be encouraging of your lover when she’s going through challenging times.

1. Practice Active Listening

If your auditory system is working properly, you can hear what your partner says, but that doesn’t mean you are listening. Many times, when your lover is experiencing a dark place on the road of life, she needs you to listen to him and be fully present. She’s looking to you to understand and hear what she has to say.

As a loving mate, practice active listening skills, and you will see a marked difference in your relationship’s communication. Open yourself up with neutral body language and look at him while he’s talking. Listen, not just hear his words without interrupting or thinking about what you want to say.

Also, learn how to mirror his emotions during the conversation and pause a few seconds before responding. It’s often helpful to repeat what you’ve just heard in your own words, only if he needs to clarify anything for you. Instead of offering advice, listen with your heart, and be there for him.

2. Be Empathetic

Although some scientific studies theorize that some animals show signs of primitive empathy, it’s more of a human trait. To empathize with your partner doesn’t mean that you are feeling sorry for him. Empathy goes beyond sympathy and allows you to put yourself in your lover’s shoes.

You can read a tragic news story and automatically feel for the people involved because you might imagine how you would feel. Consequently, this is necessary cognitive empathy that can influence you even for total strangers. To be emotional and compassionately empathetic, your partner’s emotions resonate with yours, and you reach out to do something about it.

3. Have a Change of Pace

When your mind is stressed, or your emotions are frazzled, it can make you anxious or depressed. Have you noticed this about your partner? You wish you could make the burden disappear, but that’s not happening.

Often, a diversion is what people need to take their minds off their problems for a while. It won’t provide a magic solution, but it can give your partner some mental rest. Do something spontaneous and have some fun together. A rested mind is more apt to figure out problems more efficiently.

4. Accept the Unchangeable

Whoever penned the iconic Serenity Prayer had an insight that was beyond this world. A sign of spiritual maturity is to realize that some issues can’t be changed and are beyond your control. Maybe your partner needs a gentle reminder that her circumstances are unavoidable.

The legendary poet Dr. Maya Angelo declared that although there are things in your life that you can’t change, you still have the power to decide how you will react to them. As a supportive mate, you can help your lover sort through situations that can be changed and require coping skills.

5. Anticipate Your Partner’s Needs

Do you and your partner often finish each other’s sentences or come up with the same ideas? Such is the case for couples who have been together for a long time. You have listened and empathized with each other for so long that you almost have a psychic bond.

If you see your beau struggling with acute or chronic issues in his life, don’t wait for him to ask you for help. Because of society’s unfair definitions and expectations, most guys view asking their mate for help as being weak. You know your man better than anyone, and your heart knows when he’s hurting before he can say a word.

6. Stay on the Same Page

The traditional homily of a partnership making two people one flesh is often misunderstood. While you empathize and feel part of each other in a committed relationship, you’ve not lost your individuality. Still, you must be supportive and work together for a union to flourish.

When your partner is coping with difficult issues, maybe at work or other challenges, be a united front. Try to find solutions together, and she will feel your supportive love. Listen intently and ask questions, so there are no misunderstandings.

7. Be an Encouragement

When your man is beaten down to the ground, you may be the only person who can lift his spirits. As committed partners, you should be each other’s biggest fan and cheerleader. Sincere encouragement can go a long way when your lover feels like he’s a loser, and everything is his fault.

Find helpful ways to offer words of praise and encouragement that are genuine and specific. Remind him of his vast talents and past achievements, and how you’ve overcome obstacles victoriously in the past. It may rev up his spirits enough to realize that nothing is forever, even problems.

8. Choose Your Battles

One of the most natural emotions to display is anger, especially for guys. In reality, anger is a formidable mask to cover fear and powerlessness. It’s not easy to be supportive when your person is taking his anger and frustration out on you.

In these cases, you can take so much until you feel like snapping. Although it’s easier said than done, try to step back and be an objective observer. When people are hurting, they usually lash out at the ones they love who are trying to help.

If your lady doesn’t feel like talking, just let her know you’ll be there to listen when she’s ready. Please resist the urge to be an armchair counselor and try to pull the issues out of her. She will probably end up feeling resentful of you, and she will shut down any conversation in the future.

When you are your lover’s safe place, she feels free and safe to display anger and say what’s on her mind. However, that doesn’t give anyone the right to abuse you verbally or physically. If your man is feeling grumpy about everything you say or do, refuse to be taken into his dark mood.

You’ll probably find that something is on his mind, and he will apologize for taking it out on you.

9. Find a Source of Strength Together

As humans, you and your person are triune beings composed of body, mind, and spirit. These work in tandem for your total well-being. If any aspect is askew, your entire being will be affected. Being supportive doesn’t mean you have all the answers or strength.

When your mate is going through a hard time, learn to draw from your spiritual strength. Look to your Higher Power together as you both perceive it. Whether your religious traditions involve prayer, meditation, or other spiritual connections, empowering your spirit can help each other when life’s storms are overwhelming.

10. Know When to Ask for Help

Even with your best efforts to be supportive, some problems are too much for you two to handle. If this is the case, don’t be afraid to ask for help from a mental health professional. There is no shame in seeking counseling when you need it.

Many people seek counseling from their trusted spiritual leader. You can always feel free to talk to your primary healthcare provider to refer you to a licensed therapist. Perhaps the problem is a mental health issue that has yet to be diagnosed.

Be sure that your partner is a willing participant, and you see counseling as a strength, not a weakness. She may choose to go alone or ask you to join for moral support. Choose an experienced counselor who makes her feel comfortable, so she can freely discuss the issues that are happening in her life.

Final Thoughts on Showing Your Supportive Side When Your Partner Needs You to Be Strong

When a couple is in a loving relationship, they are empathetic, even in the worst of times. In these trying situations, be the first hand that reaches out to him or her in a nonjudgmental way to form a stronger partnership. A time may come when you’ll reach out to him or her in your hour of need, and they will be there.


Therapist Reveals 7 Things To Consider Before Moving In With Your Partner

Therapist Reveals 7 Things To Consider Before Moving In With

Moving in with a partner is a huge and exciting step in any relationship. It can also be nerve-wracking and leave you wondering if you are truly ready to leap this milestone with your loved one.

Many couples indeed face some difficulties after moving in together. Luckily, you can circumvent a lot of these potential problems by making sure you’re on the same page and keeping certain things in mind beforehand. Here’s how a therapist reveals seven things to remember before moving in with a partner.

1.    Needs and Expectations

You might think you know your partner inside-out, and perhaps you do! Even so, it’s always a good idea to have one’s needs and expectations listed out and openly discussed. To ensure that moving in remains a positive and pleasant experience, both you and your partner need to see this is a challenge that you have to work together to overcome!

With that in mind, here are a few key topics you might want to tackle first:

·         Discuss Expectations

Research confirms that close interpersonal relationships work best when both parties are forthcoming with their wants, needs, and desires. Sit down with your partner beforehand and have an open discussion about simple things like routines (both on a daily, weekly, and monthly schedule), whether you’d rather set the table instead of preparing dinner, and what you’re looking to get out of this living situation.

·         Set Boundaries

Even when both you and your partner get very close, living in close quarters together can put a strain on even positive relationships. As a result, it’s best to listen to the experts and take the time to set down some boundaries. These can range from more obvious ones like time priorities and how much quality time you both want or need, to more straightforward questions about who’s in charge of paying for the groceries and the bills. This talk shouldn’t be a one-time discussion either – experts suggest catching up with each other on these discussions on a daily or weekly basis, so you both will stay on the same page as much as possible.

·         Figure Out Your Intention

While moving in with your partner may seem like a natural and exciting evolution in your relationship, it’s crucial to pause still and consider why you’re taking this big step. Positive thinking aside, it’s possible that you or your partner may be doing this for reasons that are rooted in fear, rather than growth. And that needs to be something you both need to look into, to avoid problems in the future.

·         Intimacy

It’s only natural to expect intimacy from your partner when you move in together – both sexual and romantic. That said, it’s crucial to discuss intimacy needs, sexual expectations, and any potential discrepancies between you and your partner’s libido in advance. This chat is so you can make sure that both of you are on the same page when it comes to intimacy needs and expectations before moving in together.

·         Determine Your End Goal

Moving in together is a significant upgrade in anyone’s relationship, but this relationship upgrade shouldn’t be an end goal in and of itself. There should be plenty of other long-term goals that you both might have or ought to discuss after achieving this exciting goal, says Widener University Human Sexuality Program assistant professor Dr. Sabitha Pillai-Friedman. For example, you would both need to decide if you would like to simply just wait and see how your relationship develops, or commit to each other permanently, or even get married!

2.    Financial Concerns

The most natural assumption would be that money is a frequent source of conflict between partners living together. A study, however, has proven that this isn’t the case. Don’t start celebrating just yet, though: the same study also showed that money problems also last longer and are often harder to resolve. This outcome is usually because both of you might disagree on just how much money should be put into those saving accounts – or if that goal is worth saving for at all.

Additionally, it bears keeping in mind that you will both have to decide who’s financially in charge of which bills as well – especially if you’re bringing along extra expenses in the form of pets and the like. As such, author, TV host, and relationship expert Andrea Syrtash recommends discussing financial issues before moving in together. Who’s paying for what? How much do you earn? Lay it all on the table!

3.    Quirks and Habits

Things that may seem adorable or cute to either of you may quickly turn into a nuisance once you find yourself dealing with it 24/7. It’s best first to discuss such things and to also reveal to each other if there’s anything else the other doesn’t know about you. After all, neither of you will be able to hide it from each other while living together!

Additionally, both of you ought to hammer out and discuss who should do which chores, and how frequently. This planning can prevent fights over household cleanliness levels, resentment towards one another, and awkward situations where some aspect of the household gets neglected – to everyone’s depriment.

4.    It Won’t Be Easy, But You’re In This Together

Frankly speaking, living together is not easy to do. So you should come to expect that things are going to go south sometimes. Even so, both you and your partner should consider each other a team trying to overcome challenges – not enemies. So with that in mind:

·         Prepare To Get On Each Other’s Nerves

When living together in the same space, it’s only inevitable that you will get irritated by your partner more often than usual. It’ll likely be in the form of little habits and quirks that annoys either of you and only when you both start living together – like leaving empty cups in the sink for days or your partner’s penchant for smelly foods. Be prepared for this to happen, and don’t let it bring you too much anxiety, says Relationship Expert Justin Lavelle.

·         Prepare For The Ugly

The most intimate method to get to know someone, warts, and all truly, is to live with them. This experience is how you’ll find out if they are neat freaks that drive you crazy, or if they’re the type to live in a pigsty without a care in the world! Both of you should hammer out as much of this as possible in advance, but you’re still going to have to mentally prepare that things can get bad or ugly as well – and you’ll have to continue living with them anyway.

·         Communicate More Than Ever

Once you start living together full time, excellent communication becomes crucial. Research proves that specific communication skills – like the ability to express emotions openly and maturely – are incredibly important if you want to be able to live together happily. This habit is especially so since there is now no room for either of you to escape to, should tempers flare and people get hurt.

5.    Chores and Responsibilities

There will continuously be things that have to be done. Either the floors must be swept, or the bathrooms scrubbed, or the garbage is taken out. Whatever it is, both you and your partner will have to figure out how to divvy up the chore list.

Ideally, you’ll want to:

  • Discuss the frequency of certain chores and responsibilities, and if there are certain chores either of you prefers or hates
  • Ask each other what household tasks needed and what rooms you’ll want to manage.
  • Create a schedule with individual responsibilities for both of you

Bear in mind that all this needn’t be set in stone if either changes your mind. Both of you need to figure out how to get the chores sorted and completed without either one of you feeling like the division of labor is uneven.

6.    There Will Be Changes

It’s naive to assume that the relationship both of you share will remain static and unchanging after such a huge, life-changing event – or even over time.

While neither of you will suddenly become different people overnight, it’s important to remember that with time comes a change in goals and aspirations. It may affect one’s disposition and behavior, and that is something that might cause clashes between both of you.

Additionally, once you move in together, both of you are going to have to contend with lifestyle adjustments, says relationship specialist J. Hope Suis. This adjustment phase is normal and expected whenever you move in with anyone. Thus, it’s a good idea to discuss things with them first.

7.    Break-Up Plans

Nobody wants to think about this, especially if you haven’t moved in yet. But it’s essential to think about how you and your partner are going to be able to pull out if living together doesn’t work.

For example, some things you’ll have to keep in mind are:

·         Finances

Melding finances together is much easier than trying to separate it later. If you share a joint account, how do you both split the money? What happens to the bills and fees?

·         Assets

Once you and your partner stop living together, you naturally will no longer be sharing belongings and assets. It’s essential to keep in mind that you will both have to figure out and decide who gets possession of what item(s) – which will only get exponentially more difficult after living together for long periods.

·         Logistics

If living together is no longer a viable solution, both of you will still need someplace to live in. Additionally, both of you will have to figure out how to move your respective belongings out later too.

It’s natural to cling on to positive thinking and hope that this is a situation that both you and your partner won’t have ever to worry about or think about. But it’s always a good idea to plan for this possibility, to make things smoother and easier should the unthinkable happen. According to relationship expert and podcast host Damona Hoffman, this can make for a more amicable split.

Final Thoughts On Some Things To Remember Before Moving In With Partner

It’s equally thrilling and frightening to move in with a partner. Making sure, first, you are on the same page and remembering certain things before the big step forward can help make the transition smoother.


Therapists Explain 7 Signs You’ve Found Your Partner for Life

Therapists Explain 7 Signs You've Found Your Partner for Life

When you’ve finally found your partner for life, you’ll feel it in your bones that you no longer have to search for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Everyone deserves love, but that doesn’t mean it comes easily. Usually, we stumble upon it when we’re not looking for a relationship in the first place. Not everyone believes in soulmates, of course, but studies show that people have happier relationships when they view their partner as the only one for them.

This makes much sense because if you feel that no one else could ever compare to your sweetheart, you won’t feel the need to wonder “what if” about other potential mates. You’ll have that peaceful satisfaction of knowing that you’ve found the ultimate love in your significant other. However, we don’t always know when we’ve met the right person. Your intuition may tell you that you’ve found your ideal partner, but you might need some more affirmation than that.

Below, we’ll go over some common signs that you’ve met your partner for life so that you don’t let them slip through your fingertips!

Therapists explain seven signs you’ve met your soulmate:

  1. You feel a connection with them you’ve never had before.

Perhaps you may feel an almost otherworldly connection with them. You feel as if you’ve known your love before in previous lifetimes. When you’re not speaking to them, the silence feels comfortable instead of awkward. However, during a conversation, you feel fascinated and stimulated by what they have to say, and you don’t need to hide or hold back your thoughts or feelings. Everything fits, and it feels like the pieces of your puzzle have finally started to come together.

You feel at home in their company and could talk for hours with them about everything and nothing at all. Being physically attracted to someone naturally happens all the time, but below the surface, we all want and need a deeper connection. When you’ve found this genuine bond, you know you have your partner for life.

  1. You can see a future with them.

Soulmates usually have the same outlook or perspective on life, and may even share similar goals. When you have wildly opposing views about politics, religion, marriage, or any other significant ideologies, it makes it very difficult to make the relationship last. So, when you meet your forever partner, you will find it easy to mesh with them about important issues. Because of your compatibility, you can see a future with them, even after just a few dates.

Also, we’d like to add that having similar goals in life may help the longevity in the relationship. Not to mention, when you have the same interests, it enables you to bond in a more profound way and possibly create businesses and other pursuits together.

  1. You speak the same language.

Having a partner that understands your emotions and way of explaining things helps you feel more seen and heard in a relationship. If you continuously feel misunderstood and alienated by your partner, you probably won’t want to stick around too long. However, when you’ve met your partner for life, they will never make you feel neglected or alone. They make it a priority to ask the deep questions and listen to you intently in conversations.

You both may have the same sense of humor or perhaps a similar way of looking at the world, which gives you a connection like no other.

  1. They make you feel safe.

You no longer have to hide pieces of yourself or wish you could meet someone who understands you. In this person, you’ve found everything you need, and they make you feel safe physically, mentally, and emotionally. They talk problems out with you, listen to you when you’ve had a bad day, and protect you to the end of the Earth. When you meet your soulmate, you’ll know it based on how seriously they take the relationship.

Your partner for life will want to do everything they can to make you happy because they genuinely love and care about you. They have no desire to hurt you and would do anything in their power to give you the life you deserve. You have a sense of inner calm in the relationship, and insecurities you used to have just melted away. When you meet that person who wants to go all-in and will stand by your side through the good and evil, you know you’ve bonded with your special someone.

  1. You feel that the challenges you face make you stronger as a couple.

Upon meeting your partner for life, you’ll notice that any obstacles you face together bring you closer together as a couple. Some people tend to clash in personality or have different conflict managing styles that make it challenging to come to a solution. However, when you’ve met your soulmate, you’ll find that you meet challenges with ease and complement one another nicely.

For instance, if you want to start a business together, they might know about finance, whereas you know more about advertising and marketing. So, you come together to use your skills and create something beautiful as a couple and utilize each other’s strengths. However, your partner doesn’t criticize you for your weaknesses; they guide you gently if you need help with something.

  1. Everything works.

Of course, no relationship comes in a perfect little package of rainbows and butterflies, but in general, you don’t have too many hangups. You take care of conflict in a mature way and make sure you hear each other’s opinions without becoming overly defensive or critical. You enjoy one another’s companionship. Plus, you can’t wait to spend time together on weekends or when you get home from work. You never get tired of one another, because they feel like home to you.

You feel stronger with them than before because they’ve helped you become a better person. A healthy, beneficial relationship will always improve your life, not cause you more problems and misery. If you feel happier and more at ease with yourself and life in general upon meeting your significant other, you might have found your partner for life.

  1. Your friends and family approve of your soulmate, too.

Now, we do not want you to think that you must have your family’s approval before marrying someone, but usually, your family can tell when someone’s good for you or not. If the people closest to you have only good things to say about your partner, then it reaffirms your own feelings about him or her. They may mention how you light up when you talk about them or are in their company, or how much happier you seem.

Your significant other soon will be spending a lot of time with your loved ones, so their opinion of them does matter to some extent. You want a partner who will mesh well with the people who matter to you, so if they do, this is certainly a positive sign. Make sure you pay close attention to how your loved ones communicate and respond to your partner, and listen to them if they spot any red flags.

Sometimes, our family or friends can see potential problems in a different light than we can since they have an outside perspective.

reveal love
Here are fifteen hopelessly romantic ways to show your girlfriend some love.

Final thoughts on signs you’ve found your partner for life

Everyone wants to find that special significant someone, but how do you know when you’ve met them? Usually, if your family and friends really adore them, you connect with them on an insanely deep level, and you can look into the future and see them there, you have probably met the one. Other signs include feeling safe and peaceful in their presence, speaking a similar soul language, feeling understood and heard, and just meshing well in most areas of your life. It also helps if you hold a similar worldview and can overcome obstacles together with ease.

Not to mention, when you’ve found The One, other people will notice. They might even feel a little jealous and wonder where they can find a partner as wonderful as yours. You’ll want to show them off because you feel so enthralled with who they are as a person. Even if you don’t believe in soulmates, however, as long as you communicate well, make each other happy, and put equal effort into the relationship, you can make it work for the long haul.

Finding your partner for life will make you feel whole and complete in a way that nothing else compares, and it will likely happen when you least expect it. If you haven’t met this person, don’t worry; they might cross your path in an unlikely place, like the grocery store or the gym! Love finds us when we’re ready, so as long as you focus on making yourself happy and following your heart, it will come to you.


10 Ways to Bounce Back If You Catch A Cheating Partner

10 Ways to Bounce Back If You Catch A Cheating

Getting cheated on sucks. It can cause so many confusing emotions. It can crush your world when you realize your partner is prone to cheat. However, no matter how bleak the situation may seem, you can bounce back from cheating stronger and better than ever.

Ten Ways to Recover After Discovering Your Partner Cheating

Here are ten ways to bounce back when you discovered your partner cheating.

1. Get a makeover.

One way to bounce back is to show your partner what they’re missing out on. Not only will a head-to-toe makeover accomplish this, but it will make you feel much better.

Get a new hair color and cut. Go shopping for a new, sexy outfit with new, sexy shoes. Don’t be modest with it! Go all out and get the most head-turning outfit (head-turning in a good way) you can find.

Get your makeup done by a professional makeup artist and don’t forget about a manicure and pedicure. By the time you’re done with your makeover, you’ll look and feel like a cover model and your partner will be regretting their infidelity.

2. Spend time with close friends.

After a partner cheats on you, it can make you feel alone. You may withdraw from people without even realizing you’re doing it. Even worse, dealing with the situation alone can make you feel worse.

A great way to remedy this feeling is by spending time with people who really care about you. It’s a great opportunity to plan a weekend getaway with you and people who will remind you of how amazing you are. Most importantly, they’ll help keep your mind off of your unfaithful partner so you aren’t wallowing in misery.

As a bonus, you’ll probably have loads of fun. Fun is always a great remedy for sadness.

3. Talk to a professional.

If you’re feeling really down about your partner stepping out on the relationship and you can’t think of any other way to shake it, you may need to seek professional counseling. Often talking to a stranger can be easier than talking to people you know.

Getting cheated on can often lead to a lot of confusing emotions. These emotions could affect you in ways you don’t even realize until it’s too late. Seeking professional counseling can help you keep yourself on track until you process the things that are going on with you.

If you feel embarrassed to talk to a counselor, try to understand that it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Plenty of people see counselors and it’s perfectly healthy and normal to need one when you’re going through heartbreak. Your sessions are also confidential, so you don’t even have to tell anyone you’re going.

4. Go to church or a spiritual gathering.

If you’re a spiritual or religious individual, and you find out your partner hasn’t been faithful to the relationship, a divine intervention could be in your near future. Turning to your faith can help you process what’s happened as well as get through it in one piece. In fact, you might come out of the other side better and more enlightened than ever.

There is a certain inner peace that can occur when you turn your troubles over to your faith. This can be further reinforced by worshiping with others who believe as you do. It’s almost like the combined worship multiplies your inner strength and helps you to get through the situation.

5. Fully process the emotions.

One big mistake that people make when processing trauma such as infidelity or a breakup is not processing their feelings. It can be natural to suppress what you’re feeling, especially if you don’t like being vulnerable around people. However, it’s important to realize that you’re human and that it’s okay to be vulnerable from time to time.

Finding out your partner isn’t faithful is definitely one of those times.

Dealing with your emotions is the healthiest way to bounce back from a cheat. licensed psychotherapist Vanessa Marin says that it’s okay to have these awful emotions because it just makes sense, and at some point, you’ll realize that the infidelity wasn’t about you. That’s where you’ll start to bounce back.

While you’re feeling your emotions, don’t let anyone tell you how to feel. If you’re angry, be angry. If you’re sad, be sad. If you’re feeling forgiving, forgive. Give yourself time to feel your emotions and process them. If you do that, you’ll bounce back faster than you can imagine.

Experts explain what causes jealousy–and how to deal with it!

6. Deal with the situation immediately.

You may feel the exact opposite way of that statement like you absolutely don’t want to deal with it right now. However, that would be a mistake. The main reason is that you’re simply putting off the inevitable and suppressing the feelings that come with it and you just learned that doing that is bad.

The other reason you want to deal with it immediately is that you can’t bounce back from something you haven’t dealt with yet. The longer you put it off, the longer it will take to heal from it.

This can be even worse if you live with your partner. Passive aggression can start coming out of nowhere even if you’re not intending to behave that way. When this happens, you’re not bouncing back, you’re acting out, so deal with it as soon as possible.

7. Don’t be anyone’s doormat.

An unfaithful partner is bad enough, but when they make you feel powerless, insecure, or unworthy, it’s time to stand up for yourself. You can’t bounce back if your self-esteem is down the drain. Dealing with someone who makes you feel bad due to their horrible actions is not going to help your self-esteem.

When your partner steps out on the relationship, you may begin to feel like you need to “do something” differently to make them faithful. This is simply not true. You can’t control the actions of other people.

If they take advantage of that situation, and you allow it to continue, this is where you’ll begin to feel like a doormat. Nip this situation in the bud. Keep in mind that you cannot make someone be faithful no matter what you do.

Once you accept this, you’ll be able to regain your self-esteem and bounce back from the infidelity.

8. Have fun.

Finding out your partner isn’t faithful can come as such a shock that the pain cuts deep. One way to bounce back is to have fun. This might sound ridiculous – after all, how can you possibly have fun when you’re heartbroken?

The answer is to fake it until you make it. Even if you’re just going through the motions, do things that you would normally think of as fun. The key is to do them with friends (as suggested in tip number two).

When you’re doing fun activities with friends, eventually the fun will take over, even if only for a little while. Those little breaks in sadness can be enough to fuel you until you can make a complete comeback.

9. Move on from the cheating.

It can be awfully hard to trust your partner once you become aware of infidelity. In fact, many people never trust an unfaithful partner again. Despite the lack of trust, some people attempt to stay in the relationship.

It’s understandable that you may want to remain in the relationship. After all, you weren’t the one who cheated because you love your partner. Unfortunately, your partner doesn’t value you the way you value them.

It’s hard and can feel like your heart is being ripped into a million pieces but if there is no trust in the relationship, it will never work. In fact, there is scientific research to support saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater”. It’s time to let go of your cheating partner for your own well-being.

10. Date other people.

You don’t have to immediately jump into another relationship but going out on simple dates can help to take your mind off of your partner’s infidelity. Of course, you should only date other people if you’ve completely ended the relationship with your partner. Otherwise, dating other people can further damage the relationship.

Dating other people can also boost your confidence after it’s been shaken by a cheating partner. It will help remind you that you’re attractive, you have a great personality, and that you’re desirable. This will be especially true if you happen to click with one of your dates.

Besides making yourself feel great, once your partner sees you out there on the market, they’ll regret stepping out on you. That could bring you some satisfaction that can make it much easier to bounce back.

Final Thoughts on Bouncing After You Found Out Your Partner Was Cheating

You’ve put your all into a relationship, so it really blows when your partner steps out on you. However, it doesn’t mean that you have to be depressed. You don’t deserve that. You may not know what the next step is in your relationship, but one thing is certain – you may not make a great decision without a clear head. Take some time to bounce back from the blow so you feel good again. Once your confidence and self-esteem are back, you’ll be better equipped to handle the situation.


7 Ways to Handle When Your Partner is Less Affectionate Than You

7 Ways to Handle When Your Partner is Less Affectionate

Love and affection go together. You can be caring and warm with your dog, your children, and your mate, but each type of love is different. Some might even argue that you can show affection without love, but you can’t love without genuine attachment.

When you are in a committed relationship, gentle, affectionate actions are just as necessary as sexual connections, and maybe even more so. One of the biggest complaints in marriages and partnerships is a genuine lack of affection.

How people show their love and affection depends on many variables. In general, women tend to be more touchy-feely than men. Perhaps, it’s because females in our country are socialized from birth to be the nurturing ones, and they are usually comfortable with showing their emotions. However, males are taught to be rough and tough and to keep their feelings hidden.

A person’s culture also plays a role in how they show love and affection towards others. In studies across the globe, people from the Mediterranean or Latin American countries tend to openly show their warmth with hugging and generous kisses on the hands and cheeks. However, many Northern European and Asian cultures are usually more reserved and frown on public displays of affection, and holding hands is about as far as they go.

People who have been in past abusive relationships often have trust issues. The same is found in individuals who were physically and sexually abused as children. All these variables factor into future relationships where lack of affection is a common problem.

Affectionate Love is A Basic Need

Psychologists have already identified affection as a basic human need, just as much as they need for food, clothing, shelter, and acceptance. The problem is that many couples have a difference of opinion on how to show and receive affection. For some people, hugging, cuddling, and holding hands come naturally, and others must be taught how to show they care appropriately.

Are you in a relationship that could use some more warmth? You may know that your partner loves you, but you need him to show you more often. Here are seven ways to deal with a mate who is less affectionate than you would like.

1. Tell Your Partner What You Want

One of the most common mistakes in a relationship is to assume your partner can read your mind. While love brings a couple together, efficient communication keeps them together. How often have you been frustrated with your lover’s lack-luster affection and just stewed over it instead of saying something to them about it?

Since you’ve entrusted your mate with your heart, he is your safe place. You can talk to him about anything and know that he will listen and understand. If you want more cuddling and gentle touches from him, then tell him what you want. Many people are raised in an unaffectionate home and must be lovingly told how to show their love.

Be caring but honest in your conversation and not accusatory. If you put your lover on the defense, he will probably shut down and won’t listen to you. Choose a time when you are both relaxed and in a reflective mood, and don’t broach the subject when you’re both stressed and tired. During an argument, it’s never a good time to discuss affection issues.

Although you want to talk candidly with your mate, try to stay neutral and don’t stir up emotion. Your goal is to express your needs so you can work on a solution together. You are asking for more affection, not begging, which would make you appear needy and controlling.

Let your partner know that while you’ve never doubted his love and devotion, you just need more from the relationship. Tell him that yes, you love your sexual relationship as much as he does, but affection goes beyond the bedroom.

Afterward, listen to what he has to say. Chances are he never knew how you felt and that you wanted things to be different. Rather than ask how he’s going to fix it, ask what you can do to take your relationship to a new level of love.

Learn ten tips for keeping your romance alive, even during stressful days.

2. Evaluate Your Attitudes about Love & Affection

If your notion of love and affection is based on the latest romance novel or your favorite soap opera, you’ll be sadly disappointed in any relationship in the real world. Realize that these are fictional characters that have few similarities with real life.

You’re bound to start a fight if you compare your lover to the ones you see on tv or in your books. After you’ve both had a long day at work, he probably won’t rush into the living room, ready to recreate a soap opera scene. You want unique love and affection from your sweetheart, not fake idealism from Hollywood.

3. Set the Stage

If displays of affection are forced, then neither partner benefits. If your lover isn’t used to being affectionate, the first few tries maybe a little awkward. To be more comfortable with showing his love naturally, try to create as many opportunities for it as possible.

For example, keep a warm, cozy blanket folded on your love seat in the living room. As soon as you sit together to watch a good movie, it will be natural for your mate to cuddle up with you in the blanket. Don’t be afraid to be the first to reach for his hand while you are strolling through the mall or sitting on a park bench.

Do you like for him to bring you unique little gifts just to say he loves you? Leave subtle hints about your favorite perfume or other things you adore. How can he surprise you with an evening of dinner and dancing if he doesn’t know your favorite restaurant?

4. Be Encouraging Every Step of the Way

Did he bring you a lovely bouquet and it wasn’t even your birthday or anniversary? Tell him how much you love and appreciate his loving gesture, and he’s apt to do more. Some men may be tigers in the bedroom, but they are like shy and awkward schoolboys when it comes to showing affection.

Smile warmly when he takes your hand to hold while you walk together in public. Let him know that you love it when he gives you a surprise kiss or a loving embrace. Be the example and return his affection, so he knows he’s doing it right.

As a loving mentor, do the things for your sweetheart that you would like him to do for you, as the Golden Rule of Affection. Whisper romantic words, reach for his hand to hold and do extraordinary things for him out of the blue. He can get the hint and start cultivating his affections.

A letter to the one who loves me…

5. Be Patient and Understanding

People cannot just look into the past and change their upbringing. Just as it took time for you to get to know each other and fall in love, learning to be more affectionate won’t happen overnight. The process may try your patience, but it will be worth the wait.

If your lover held your hand and cuddled with you yesterday and seems a little distant today, don’t be discouraged. Instead of getting frustrated, consider telling him that you loved the time you spent together previously. Your gentle reminders and encouragement can make all the difference.

6. Learn to be Playful Together

When was the last time you had fun together? There’s much more to a fulfilling relationship than intimacy. Playful affection flames the fire of romance and keeps the relationship fresh and alive. Are you or your mate ticklish? What could be more enjoyable than a few little tickles and giggles?

Learn to be spontaneous and laugh with each other. Play a game of tag in the yard that ends with a kiss, or splash in a warm bubble bath together. A little nibble on the ear or a flirty swat on the back end is some of the many ways to be creative with your affection.

7. Involve a Third Party for Help

There is no shame in asking for help to improve a relationship. It reflects your love and desire to strengthen the bonds that keep you together. For some couples, dealing with one partner’s lack of affection may require professional counseling.

There may be some past trauma or other issues that need to be resolved. Maybe you believe that your lover’s dwindled affection was somehow your fault. Consider couples counseling with a professional counselor that you trust with your feelings and situation.

If your partner is hesitant about seeing a professional counselor, maybe he would consider talking with a minister or a trusted family friend. Go in with the attitude that this is our issue, not just his issue. Your compassion may be the thing to get him to open up about his feelings.

Final Thoughts on Developing an Affectionate Bond For Life

In any relationship, both partners need and deserve affection. If you and your lover aren’t on the same page, you can work together for a resolution. A more affectionate relationship can bring you closer together for a lifetime of love and commitment.


10 Ways to Tell if Your Partner is Guilty of Lying

10 Ways to Tell if Your Partner is Guilty of

There’s not a person alive who is not guilty of at least one little white lie in their life. While constant deceit is a character flaw, in some instances, it’s socially acceptable to fib. However, what about significant dishonesty in a relationship?

Someone who continually tells untrue things is not trustworthy, and do you want to be in a relationship with that person? Those who deal with this person daily may have a hard time separating the fibs from the facts. Even worse is being in a relationship with an individual who lies to you and can’t be honest about anything as pathological liars don’t make suitable partners.

How do you know that your spouse isn’t truthful with you? If they don’t feel guilty and can quickly tell you any story that they can dream up, it may be hard to know if they’re honest or deceptive. Thankfully, here are ten signs that will help you determine if your partner is being trustworthy or making up stories.

10 Signs That Your Partner Might Be Guilty of Lying to You

1. They Put the Blame on Others

It’s a natural defense mechanism to blame someone else when you’re dishonest or caught doing something wrong. Anyone can be testy or even arrogant when confronted, but if you notice that they throw the question back on you or want to blame everyone under the sun, then it’s clear that this is a guilty move.

The goal is for them to keep you on the defensive so that it shifts the responsibility from them. This move helps to ease a guilty conscience. It’s childlike to point the finger at everyone else, especially when there are always for pointing right back at them.

2. Liars Have an Answer for Everything

If you’ve watched any crime investigation television, then you know that people who are in trouble often collaborate to cover themselves. When you ask your partner if they’re lying, do they have an answer for everything when you confront them?

When they quickly have an explanation for every little inquiry, then it’s possible they took the time to get their story together. Don’t be shocked if they ask you to call a buddy or even a relative to back up their claims. The more people they have on their side, the easier it is for you to ease your suspicions.

3. Lying is Not a big deal to Them

If you’re trying to decide if your partner is dishonest, you can use their character to help you. Have they lied to you before? Have they cheated, spent money frivolously, or done other things that they’ve tried to hide from you in the past?

Some people have no problem lying about anything and everything. Your partner may justify his actions because they state that they don’t want to hurt you. Remember one thing, when someone lies about the small stuff. Then they will have no problem fibbing about the big stuff too.

Often, the lies are to ease their guilty conscience and to make you feel good about the situation. If they are dishonest about essential things, staying in the relationship can be challenging as all excellent unions are built on trust.

4. They Repeat the Same Story Over and Over

Do you notice that your partner keeps repeating the same story time and again? If the tale they tell is the truth, then there’s no need to keep repeating it. Who are they trying to convince here, themselves, or you?

The book “Woman Are Crazy; Men Are Stupid” clearly defines the gender roles taken in disagreements. One detailed finding is that men tend to repeat the same story when it’s a lie. It’s a little mechanism in their brain that tells them that the more they say it, the more accurate the statement becomes.

5. They Become Overly Defensive

It’s normal to be defensive when you’re being accused of something. However, if you find that your partner becomes fidgety and won’t look you in the eye, then there’s something that isn’t adding up. Eye contact is imperative when you’re having a serious conversation.

The chances are that a person who becomes defensive is not truthful and is guilty as sin. They may get angry, start yelling, calling names, or go crazy when someone accused them of something. Remember, the best defense in life is a potent offense, and this tactic is all smoke and mirrors.

6. Liars Cover Their Tracks

Let’s assume that you think your partner is cheating on you. They will cover their tracks to keep from getting caught. They may put a lock on their phone that won’t allow you to see calls and text messages, or they can change passwords on accounts that you share.

Does your partner carry two cell phones? This is almost always a sign that something isn’t quite right unless one is a company phone. Does your partner go to the shower as soon as they get home, and have they started paying for everything in cash? These are all signs that something is amiss.

7. They’re Distant and Secretive

They say that silence is golden, but that’s not when a partner is keeping something from their other half. Some people may get defensive when they’re guilty of wrongdoing, but others become noticeably quiet. Have you noticed that your special someone is not acting like their usual self lately?

What you can’t see is an internal struggle that they’re not telling you anything about. They may refrain from speaking because they don’t know what to say. They figure that the least said is best answered.

You may notice that they avoid coming around you too. They may work late to keep from coming home and having to face you. Avoidance is a strong indication that something isn’t right.

Also, you may notice them taking their phone calls in the other room or silencing a ringtone. They don’t want to talk in front of you, so they will take their conversations outside or avoid them when they are in your presence.

8. The Details Don’t Add Up

When someone is guilty of wrongdoing, then they often forget what they’ve told you. They may change details in their story because it’s difficult for them to keep it straight. When a person tells more than one lie, then the chances of them keeping all the lies in order is next to impossible.

Since keeping it straight is hard, many won’t speak at all. However, when you do get them to talk, the details may not add up. You may notice that the name of friends, locations, or places change from the story.

Even if you comfort them at this point, they will still lie to you. You need hard evidence before you can prove that they’re deceitful.

9. He Won’t Talk About Anything Too Deep or Personal

This tip is for someone who is new in a relationship or just getting to know someone. If your dating interest wants to pursue a relationship with you, they will want to learn everything they can about your life and vice versa.

If a person thinks that you’re getting too personal and wants to back off the conversation about past loves, family, or other matters, then it’s a red flag. They may have a guilty conscience of things they’ve done in the past, and they don’t want to share these things with you.

A proper person will answer your questions in-depth, especially if they want to know you better. If they avoid your queries and change the subject, then it’s a sign that they have something to hide.

10. Your Gut Tells You That Something is Off

Lastly, you should use your intuitive side to find out if your partner is guilty. It’s a feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach that something isn’t quite right. You have these knots for a reason, and you should trust your gut.

Did you know that most people know that they’re being lied to long before they admit it? It’s normal for people to delay actions on their intuition. Individuals tolerate a lot of excuses before they finally take action. You can end the torture by just going with that gut instinct and using old fashioned confrontation.

guiltyFinal Thoughts of Dealing with a Partner Guilty of Lying

Matters of the heart are often involved. If you find the right person, you won’t have all these questions and doubts about their honesty. However, just because the individual you begin dating starts out good doesn’t mean that the relationship won’t have its share of ups and downs.

Develop excellent communication skills from the beginning and learn that there should never be any secrets between the two of you. If they have done something wrong, they should be man or woman enough to come to your face and tell you what’s going on. Any relationship built on dishonestly is toxic and won’t last.