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12 Ways To Stop Regretting And Make Peace With Yourself

12 Ways To Stop Regretting And Make Peace With Yourself


Few people can confidently say that experience no regrets. Sadly, a part of life is all about doing things that you won’t look back on favorably later. It is how we, as human beings, learn and grow!

But regrets can grow bigger and bigger until they become very painful for you. They can even reach a point where you begin to obsess over them – and that leads to more regrets! So how can you stop this cycle from continuing? Here’s how a psychologist explains 12 ways to stop regretting and make peace with yourself.

1.    Alter Your Current Course

If you find yourself always unhappy or feeling like you’ve missed out, then this might be a sure-fire sign that you need to change something in your life. According to California Polytechnic State University Professor of Psychology Shawn Meghan Burn, Ph.D., regret can be a way of the brain, informing you that change is needed.

Consider that perhaps you need to:

  • Consider going back to school.
  • Switch jobs to something more fulfilling
  • Step away and leave an unhealthy relationship
  • Reach out to others and restore relationships
  • Learn how to express your emotions, both positive and negative
  • Travel and explore the world
  • Move to a new home
  • Take better charge of your physical, emotional, and mental states.

holding a grudge

2.    Know That You Are Fallible

It’s natural for humans to make mistakes at some point – that’s just how it is, says child and adolescent psychiatrist and author Mark Banschick, MD. Always regretting and lamenting the faults in your decisions, however, isn’t healthy. Understand that your mistakes aren’t you, and you’re still a wonderful person, worthy of love despite your mistakes.

If you don’t learn to accept and move on from your mistakes, that prolonged sense of regret may interfere with:

  • Your sense of self
  • Aspects of your relationships
  • Your career
  • Your ability to care for your health
  • Positive thinking

3.    Apologize

Many of us would feel that we ought to carry our regret as punishment for hurting someone, says Burn, but this sort of guilty and shameful form of sorrow is unhealthy and unhelpful – especially if there is nothing else that can be said or done after the events have passed. Research shows us that it is better for everyone involved to:

  • Avoid victimizing yourself, both internally and externally
  • Offer a genuine and honest apology without beating yourself up
  • Try to make it up to them; then, amend things the best you can
  • Use this as motivation to change your behavior and future actions for the better

It’s very likely that the person you may have hurt will forgive you upon this apology, and won’t hold it against you. They may not even remember what you had done, or considered it hurtful!

4. Don’t Keep Thinking “Should”

Are you someone who struggles with positive thinking, and defaults to self-hatred instead? That may be the cause of your depression and anxiety. Research has shown that if you’re continually inflicting yourself with self-loathing, it will also effectively affect your mental state as well – alongside all of the actions and behaviors that spring from it.

This, as you can imagine, isn’t healthy for you or the people you love. Instead, it would be better for you to:

  • Stop fixating on your past mistakes, and what you should’ve done.
  • Understand and accept that the past is unchangeable
  • Focus on the things you can do better in the here and now
  • Actively chase after the positive things you desire, like love, acceptance, and gratitude.

5.    Alter The Narrative

We have all grown up with this fantasy of what would be the ideal version of our lives. While this fantastical vision serves as the ideal we want to work towards, reality – and the people within it – aren’t perfect, says Burns. Our life will always fall short of our plans and aspirations, and that’s perfectly normal and fine. So instead of continually comparing reality to your fantasy, try:

  • Reminding yourself that setbacks and mistakes are natural, and a part of life
  • Making different choices wouldn’t necessarily have resulted in a better experience and would’ve likely created a different set of regrets instead
  • Imagining how much worse it could’ve been
  • Think about how this is probably the path you may need to take to a better result you can’t yet imagine
  • Take the time to count the blessings you’ve received and the lessons you’ve learned
  • Give yourself credit for the things you did do right instead

Remember that it is impossible to perfectly replicate your imagined ideal life – reality and the people within it just don’t work that way

6.    Determine How Your Thoughts Affect You

Cogito ergo sum – I think, therefore I am. Philosophers, scientists, and entrepreneurs from all walks of life and across the entire breadth of human history – both modern and ancient – have understood the power of one’s thoughts. It’s essential to pay attention to the ideas that arise in your brain, says Banschick, for they:

  • Affect your feelings
  • Dictate your behavior
  • Shape your intentions
  • Cultivate your motivations

If you find your thoughts to be affecting you negatively, then you might want to consider changing them in some way or another. The goal is to make them work for you and support you instead of hindering you and filling you with regret.

7.    Find Triggers For Regretful Thoughts

Have you ever asked where your regrets stem from? What triggers the negativity within you? According to Mark Banschick, it’s a good idea to understand what exactly triggers that mindset of self-loathing and regret, so you can be mentally prepared for when such situations arise. This way, you can better combat them via techniques like:

  • Deep breathing exercises
  • Affirming statements
  • Repetitive mantras
  • Positive imagery
  • Taking the time to step back out and ground yourself

8.    Forgive Yourself

Too often, we forget that we ought to forgive ourselves for the sins of our past as well. It may feel right to carry around self-directed guilt and regret as penance for our actions, but research shows that learning how to forgive ourselves is an essential step towards becoming a better person. Cultivating self-compassion and self-forgiveness is crucial to overcoming regret, says Burns. Here are a few things you can do to get started yourself:

  • Be genuine in your self-directed apologies
  • Forgive yourself, truly and deeply
  • Understand that you will have imperfections, and those are acceptable and fine
  • Free yourself to accept your mistakes and lapses of better judgment
  • Do your best to apologize to those you think you’ve affected
  • Trust yourself to do better, and to come out a wiser and stronger person

9.    Be Grateful

When all you can see is mistakes, regret, and shame, it can be easy to forget about where things have gone right. This, of course, is an unhealthy sort of rumination that only serves to hinder you and tear you down. Instead, try to:

  • Start a mindfulness journal
  • Set aside a few spare moments every day to dwell in gratitude
  • Jot down a few things you value and appreciate every day
  • Do your best to focus more on the positives over the negatives

Doing this regularly will help you pay attention to the good things in your life, which may help uplift your mood and spirits over time!

10. Forcefully Notice Negative Self-Talk

All that self-directed negativity is often untrue and rooted in shame that can hurt you. Thus, it means paying close attention to your thoughts as they unfold – and correcting them quickly – is a crucial step in the fight towards making peace with yourself, according to Banschick. This outcome happens because:

  • Most negative internal monologue needs to be scrutinized and challenged with positive statements to create a healthier mindset
  • These statements cannot be allowed to go checked and accepted as fact
  • It’s usually more likely that the negative self-assessment is untrue and inaccurate
  • The more they are repeated, the more deeply internalized they will be
  • Letting such thoughts and feelings continue will sabotage your attempts and doing better
  • They’ll often discourage you from improving yourself in the future
  • Catching these thoughts in the act allows for immediate self-correction
  • Practice makes perfect – repeated self-correcting will help replace these negative statements with truthful and positive ones over time

11. Ask Who You Want To Be

A consequence of being so rooted in one’s sense of shame and regret is that you end up focusing primarily on what you are, at the expense of what you want to be. After all, how can you move forward in life when you aren’t sure as to where you’re heading? On the path to self-acceptance and peace, it’s essential to:

  • Take stock of your positive qualities
  • Learn how to embrace your good traits
  • Consider what attracts people to you and makes you desirable
  • Acknowledge and take credit for your positive contributions to those around you
  • Decide on what positive traits you want to expand and truly embody
  • Remember that there are things about you that are worth appreciating and cherishing

This way, you can focus on what makes you unique and how you can continue to uplift yourself and those around you.

12. Focus On Self-Compassion

When struck with regret and guilt, we forget that we really ought to be kind to ourselves as well. Exercising self-compassion becomes even more critical if you’re someone who’s vulnerable to melancholy and depression, as research shows us that being kind to yourself is a necessary form of self-care.

This means that while taking the time to grieve for lost possibilities is alright, it’s also essential to move on. If you find yourself lodged in the past, you can try moving forward via:

  • Reminding yourself that some things were just beyond your control
  • Acknowledging any self-directed pain and anger you have, before explaining why you deserve kindness and forgiveness
  • Deliberately pardoning yourself for the mistakes you’ve made.
  • Taking a look at the context in which you made a choice. But remember your needs and wants at the time of decision

Final Thoughts On Some Ways To Stop Regretting And Make Peace With Yourself

It’s normal to have regrets, but it’s almost essential to try to overcome them. You have so many positive things in your future; why bother spending all that time looking to the past and being trapped in memories of things you can no longer change?

Lifestyle

15 Ways to Feng Shui Your Home and Get More Peace 6 Minute Read

15 Ways to Feng Shui Your Home and Get More


Are you looking to create positive energy in your home? Feng shui has been used for centuries to help balance and promote the flow of good chi in your abode. In Chinese, it is a beautifully blended word that means “wind-water.”

Feng shui uses standard principles that anyone can incorporate into their home. It’s one of the Five Arts of Chinese Metaphysics, and they are beneficial to your entire being. If you are looking to create a harmonious environment, then you should consider practicing this art.

The purpose behind this art of space, light, and color, is to clear all the invisible forces that take away from your spiritual focus. The concept is quite simple. Think about your living space and how your furniture is arranged.

The goal is to create an efficient flow so that you can go into and out of a room effortlessly. However, this Chinese art takes things one step beyond good flow and organization. The good news is that it can be incorporated into any design style with ease.

Many have found that these ancient practices help them to set up their new house or redesign an existing room. The goal is to maximize the use of each space and allow it to add beauty and pleasure to your life. You and your whole family will benefit from the domestic harmony it imparts.

According to wind-water philosophy, chi is the life force of the universe. Your home resonates with you and your family’s chi. When it can flow effortlessly, you can enjoy a tranquil home and a prosperous life.

feng shui

15 Ways of Incorporating Feng Shui to Bring Positivity to Your Home

It may sound a bit overwhelming when you don’t understand this art. While there are many steps to incorporate and tips to follow, it’s all about creating prosperity and a harmonious environment. Try these fifteen things that you can do to help give your Feng shui a jump start.

1. Plant Goodness All Around You

Plants have a special place in the Chinese home as they are the embodiment of life. Bringing nature inside helps you to stay connected, plus it brings along numerous benefits. Feng shui 101 is to strive to have better health and vitality, and when you bring plants inside, it puts you on the right path.

It would be beneficial if you bought foliage that will grow according to your specific environment. Most important is that you don’t buy a bunch of plants and have them die. It’s worse to have a dead plant in your space than to have none. This decor element is a fundamental way to start incorporating these principles that most people can do with ease.

2. Get Rid of Clutter

Do you have piles of books, magazines, and clothes that need to be donated to your local charity? Most people don’t understand that the clutter is stopping the natural flow of energy in their homes. Do you want to disrupt the balance and peaceful calm of the space?

Some things in life weigh you down. If you have a room that is heavy with clutter, then it needs to be addressed. You can enhance the energetic function of space by merely tossing and donating all that extra stuff.

3. Learn Commanding Positions

A commanding position is a feature or piece of furniture in your home that stands for something else. For instance, your couch can be a stand-in for you. Your desk space might be a stand-in for your job, and your dryer might be a stand-in for productivity. The goal is to position these things right so that you can take control of your space and life.

clutter quote

4. Balancing the Elements

Try to incorporate the elements into your peaceful home, which are metal, water, fire, wood, and earth. By having them in your living space, it helps to bring balance. Have you ever been in a room that had wood paneling, wood floors, and wooden accents?

Using too much of one element can be overwhelming to any area. However, when you use wood floors, a stone accent wall on a fireplace, and some metal wall hangings, you will bring the right balance. A room using only one medium is suffocating, but when you have a mixture, they complement each other.

If you cannot use actual elements, such as fire, then you can use the color of fire. A beautiful warm red tone or a bright orange can help to give you the same effect. For water, you can use shades of blue and green. Don’t try to stuff all five elements in each room as it will be too much. However, you should strive to have all five inside your home.

5. Bring in the Light

Natural light is a big part of Feng shui. Have you ever noticed how you feel when the sun breaks after a storm? This invigoration can be created when you let the sunshine in every day.

Never close off windows with blinds and curtains to block your view. Instead, let them bring nature to the inside. Once you expose the windows, make sure to clean them and get off any dirt or debris that can block the flow of sunlight.

If you must have curtains, then choose an excellent opaque style that still allows the light to penetrate. A mirror placed directly across from the windows can also allow the light to reflect throughout the home. Natural radiance lifts everyone’s mood.

6.The Door to Your Spirit

In the system of wind-water, your home’s front door symbolizes the entry to your soul. Practitioners recommend making it the focal point of your home and avoiding using back and side doors for entry. Make your entryway attractive and clutter-free and painted the color of the direction it faces.

7. Points to Forget

Sharp, angular décor, and features don’t have a place in a chi-centered home. They represent broken relationships and cutting words. Instead, opt for soft, sloping lines and rounded edges. Circles are especially encouraged since they embody eternal life.

energy8. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Ever since humans first saw their reflection in the water, we’ve had a collective affinity for mirrors. If you want to make a space look larger and more abundant, mirrors do the trick. They represent the water element in your space and enhances its chi.

Remember to use round mirrors and use a large one or a few small ones to create a focal point. As the mirror reflects things before it, so your home reflects your soul. Consider at least one mirror in each room.

9. Keep Your Flooring the Same

Have you ever been into a home that used different styles of flooring in each room? That feeling of unbalance wasn’t just in your head. For chi to flow uninterruptedly, keep the same flooring throughout your house.

If you can, consider using natural floor elements rather than carpet. Not only are they easier to clean, but they bring in positive wind-water balance. It’s best to use wood or stone tile.

10. Fixing Squeaks

Did you know that something as small as a door squeaking when you open it can affect your chi? If your front door is making a terrible creak when it opens, then you need to fit it.

It’s possible that you have become so accustomed to the sound that it doesn’t even bother you, or you may not notice it. However, subtle noises can mess with your vibrations, which means it needs to be fixed. Get out the oil and fix that creaking joint.

11. Use a Water Fountain

A water fountain is an excellent way to incorporate the water element into your home. Finding where to put this fountain can be another problem. It’s best to place any water element near your entry door, but you want to make sure the water is flowing towards the center of your abode.

12. Keep Your Bathroom Door Shut

You know that keeping your bathroom door shut is good for obvious reasons, but there are also some harmonious reasons for it. Your bathroom is the place where water leaves, which can also indicate wealth being flushed away. You don’t want to lose any wealth that is coming your way.

13. Cover Any Television in the Bedroom

If you have a television in your bedroom, and it’s not the best idea, then you should cover it when not in use. A television is a form of active energy, and it can disrupt the peaceful haven you are trying to create.

14. Fill the Space Above the Cabinets

One of the commandments of Feng Shui is to make sure that there is no empty space above the kitchen cabinets. If you do have space, then it’s a great location for some houseplants. You don’t want your chi to become stuck in dead spaces, so fill it up with life, and it will enhance your energy.

15. Use White Sage for Space Clearing

Finally, once you have redesigned your space according to this Chinese art, then it’s time to cleanse it with white sage. Go through each area of the home, making sure that the smoke from this herb penetrates every corner.

Sage can help to cleanse impurities as well as get rid of old, stale energy. You don’t want anything standing in the way of your new, fresh energy.

feng shui

Final Thoughts on How Feng Shui Fits Everyone

The beautiful thing about Feng Shui is that it fits everyone with a myriad of lifestyles. By simply arranging your furniture and items in a specific method, you can change your entire life.

If you want prosperity and a peaceful home, then why not use some items from this list to change the energy and harmonious balance of your space?