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Research Reveals 10 Things That Cause Vivid Dreams

Research Reveals 10 Things That Cause Vivid Dreams

Have you ever had vivid dreams? These are the dreams that are so real that you wake up feeling shaken or like you’re stuck in a fantasy realm. Some people try to interpret their dreams, and many think that the spirit world is trying to communicate with them in this realm.

While your higher power can communicate with you through dreams, there are also many other reasons why you might be having these vivid displays. To gain a better knowledge of why your eyelids become a movie screen at night, you must understand your sleep cycles.

The Five Stages of Sleep

During the first phase of sleep, you are in twilight or a light stage of rest. Though your brain frequency has slowed a bit, your muscles are still responsive. During the second phase, your body goes a bit deeper, and it’s more difficult to wake you.

Stage three is slow-wave sleep as an EEG of the brain shows that your brain waves are slowing down drastically. A noise of up to 100 decibels won’t disturb you during the third level. Delta waves are stage four, and it’s the last level before you head into REM sleep.

If you awaken in stage three or four, you will be quite groggy and may feel like you’re stuck in a sleep/wake realm. It will take you some time for your brain to reengage with being awake so that you may feel off for several minutes.

The third and final stage of sleep is REM. During this phase, your muscles don’t move, and your breathing becomes erratic and irregular. Your heart rate will increase a bit, but you won’t notice it.

You will also experience vivid dreams during this phase as your body is entirely under a brain induced state of muscle atonia. If your mind didn’t put you in a coma-like state, then you could hurt yourself or others.

When people experience disturbances during REM, they can have night terrors, sleepwalk, or act out things happening in their dreams. This is often caused by improper signals sent from the brain to the body.

10 Reasons Why You Have Vivid Dreams

Now that you understand the sleep cycles, you can understand the time frame of when you will experience vivid dreams. However, you still don’t know what causes them. Numerous things can cause your dreams to be so real they are haunting, but here are the top ten.

1. Medications

Did you know that medications can alter your sleep and cause you to have vivid dreams? The most common medications that can affect your REM state are blood pressure drugs, antidepressants, smoking cessation medicines, and things used to treat Parkinson’s disease.

Even some herbal over-the-counter meds can negatively impact your sleep too. Melatonin is notorious for causing vivid dreams, even though it’s completely safe.

2. Stress or Anxiety

All the difficulties you have during the day can bother your subconscious at night. Significant events such as weddings, arguments with family members, divorce, or buying a new home can trigger vivid dreaming.

Stress is inevitable, but the trauma of the day can affect you when you rest. Anxiety, sexual abuse, or a car accident can be relived time and time again in your REM sleep. When you have disturbing or intense nightmares, trauma is almost always to blame.

3. Substance Abuse

Using drugs for recreational use like heroin, meth, cocaine, and opiates can negatively impact your sleep. The most common time to experience such dreams is when you are trying to withdrawal from these drugs. The withdrawal period can be quite intense, and your brain is struggling to find a new normal.

4. Mental Health Disorders

Have you ever awakened from you a dream in a state of panic? Depression causes colorful dreams, and they can lead to panic attacks. However, these are not the only mental health issues that are a concern.

People with schizophrenia or a dissociative identity disorder can also have vivid dreams from their medications or when they stop taking drugs. Those who already experience hallucinations or delusions seem to slip into the lucid dreaming state with ease.

Of all the mental health issues, anxiety seems to be the problem that causes the most REM dreams. A person with anxiety is always in a state of angst, and this state is not alleviated by sleep for many.

5. Physical Illness

Many physical illnesses can cause you to dream more frequently. While you may not remember many of them, you can have some lurid encounters. If you have diabetes and your blood sugar drops to a low level, you can have some intense dreams.

6. Pregnancy

Colorful dreams and nightmares are commonplace during pregnancy. At times, the strain of arranging for the birth of the child contributes to these occurrences. Variations of hormones may also play a part in why women dream so much during pregnancy.

You will find these fifty dream meanings intriguing.

7. Alcohol

Many people drink alcohol because they feel it helps them get to sleep. While it may enhance your rest, it can suppress the REM or vital part of your slumber.

The vivid dreams are even more remarkable when a person stops drinking and tries to maintain sobriety. Thankfully, intense dreams will eventually pass.

8. Narcolepsy

Individuals with narcolepsy frequently say that they vividly dream. Sadly, many describe the encounters as strange or even disturbing. Narcolepsy is a disorder that confuses the barriers of slumber and alertness.

Folks with this ailment feel extraordinarily sleepy and exhausted during the day. Warning Signs include falling to sleep quickly and suffering an abrupt loss of muscle control. A person with narcolepsy will go into REM moments after falling asleep.

Even a small nap can cause the individual with narcolepsy to start having bright dreams. Also, lucid dreaming is not uncommon, so a person cannot distinguish between being awake or asleep.

9. Sleep Deprivation

Anytime you are short on rest, your body can experience crazy dreams. Part of the issue is that the body is so tired it skips over the four stages of sleep and goes right to REM. This is commonly observed in people who have insomnia, sleep apnea, or just haven’t got enough sleep.

10.Foods You Eat Specifically Spicy Ones

While there’s not a great deal of science behind this theory, it’s believed that spicy foods can mess with your sleep. When you eat anything filled with spices, it increases the body’s temperature slightly. The elevated temperature can disrupt your sleep.

A study was conducted at the Cleveland Clinic to test the theory of spicy foods and a poor night’s rest. They concluded that eating flaming hot dishes can cause bizarre dreams.

The body must work extra hard to digest these spicy foods, so it interferes with sleep. This is especially true if a person has heartburn that keeps them up.

If you’re going to eat things on the hot side, you must do it at least 2-3 hours before bed.

Understanding the Side Effects of Vivid Dreams

If you suffer from colorful dreams for several nights a week, it can cause all kinds of problems for you. The most common side effects of these dreams are:

•Daytime Sleepiness

•Suicidal Attempts or Thinking

•Resisting Sleep

•Mood Problems

When you don’t get the rest you need, then you cannot function properly. If insomnia is at the crux of your problem, then you need to find ways to combat this issue. A situation like narcolepsy is severe and requires medical intervention.

You can be quite troublesome to be around when you’re not getting enough sleep. Having problems with scary dreams that wake you up in a state of panic can affect your whole day and mood.

Final Thoughts on Getting Help for Your Vivid Dreams

It’s essential to pinpoint the cause of the dreams, especially if they are more like nightmares. You may be eating the wrong foods too close to bedtime, or you may have severe stress in your life that is causing significant issues.

Additionally, any substantial changes in your life, like death or divorce, can affect your rest.

The best way to combat the issues caused by stress is to use things like meditation, yoga, or counseling. Taking an herbal supplement like valerian root or melatonin to help you rest is advisable if you’re not getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep each night. You can quickly develop a sleep debt and have more significant issues than some wild dreams.

Try to avoid medications that induce sleep as they can often cause more harm than they do good. Many herbal things can induce sleep, which is perfectly safe. When you have issues with vivid dreams, you need to talk to someone professionally.

When they become more frequent and troubling, your therapist or mental health professional should be alerted to the issue. They can help you find a way to calm the occurrences and cope with them during this phase. Thankfully, these bright dreams won’t last forever, and soon things will be back to normal.


Research Reveals That Love at First Sight Does Exist

Research Reveals That Love at First Sight Does Exist

Love-at-first-sight is as old as the hills. You hear about it in songs, books, and movies. Does it exist? According to researchers, it does!.  But of course, you didn’t need a researcher to tell you that. You may have experienced it yourself. So, what else does the research team say about the existence of love-at-first-sight? Let’s find out.

Research proves that the eyes have it.

Your eyes meet across a large room full of people. You feel an instant attraction, a sudden connection to this person. Is it authentic? Attraction to another person is expressed by the eyes. The gaze may express sexual interest, a strong desire to convey to them how you feel. Your intentions and the other person’s preferences influence how you look at one another. You must evaluate the attraction you feel. Is this really love-at-first-sight or just a passing fling? Acting upon the gaze and feelings could be a life-changer. So, when you gaze into someone’s eyes across the room, you never know what may happen.

You look familiar to me.

According to studies, people are often attracted to someone with similar attributes to themselves. Researchers believe that you can be sexually attracted to your lookalike because you perceive them as trustworthy. You do this by looking at the person’s eyes and facial features. Indeed, you may feel as if you’d be comfortable with them, even though you’ve never talked to them. Perhaps you might even assume you know them. Or, you can sense whether they are sad, happy, or a healthy individual. You’ve seen those couples who look so much alike they could be siblings. It’s not that uncommon. And sometimes these couples act alike, too.

Is there a physical attraction?

You will probably be attracted to someone physically attractive to you. Love at first sight encounters are often based on your perception of physical beauty. Whether this instant connection factors into all experiences, researchers are still studying to understand the concept of love-at-first-sight better. Every individual has a different definition of genuine beauty, and it’s often in the eyes of the beholder. Who hasn’t had that friend who falls for someone you’d never describe as beautiful? But that’s the beautiful part of physical attraction. Everyone has their own definition of it.  So, someone who is physically attractive to you is more likely going to be that person you gaze at across the room.

Is it love, or is it lust?

Those intense, love at first sight feelings are not always a desire for love and commitment. Established relationships tend to have these feelings beyond what those who fall head over heals right away. But these brief encounters can make you open to this type of relationship. Love at first is often defined as an attraction that makes you open to a possible connection. But researchers suggest that love may not be a prerequisite for sex, and sexual desire doesn’t always lead to love. Each person is different in their motives and goals when they have that butterflies in the stomach experience. That fixated gaze you’re getting from the person across the room could be expressing feelings of love or just feelings of lust.

Can love-at-first-sight happen more than once?

Some people rely on love at first sight for all their relationships. They look for their feelings to lead them to find the right partner. They may have multiple similar experiences. This is not always the most reliable method to find someone, and those couples who feel instant attraction don not always end up in a relationship. Getting to know someone over time is a more reliable way to build a relationship. But sometimes these very romantic experiences do become a long term relationship, and when it does, it’s a sweet and touching story. It’s what creates the familiar songs, books, and movies that are so popular.

Does love at first sight predict a successful and long term relationship?

Researchers suggest that falling in love at first sight is superficial at best. You might be attracted to someone physically, but really have nothing in common with them. Good chance the relationship won get off the ground. But on the other hand, your positive first impression of that person and the familiarity you feel toward them could lead to a long relationship. It really just depends on whether it’s meant to be.

What if I’m not feeling it?

Often the instant attraction is not by both individuals. In fact, the love at first sight emotion is rarely shared, so don’t feel bad if you’re not feeling it. Researchers found that these experiences are often a one-sided experience. One person has an intense sense of love-at-first-sight. When this person explains their experience to you, you may begin to experience the same thing, even though it wasn’t your first reaction. So, just hearing the other person explain their experience to you can help you have the same experience.

Men fall in love, at first sight, more frequently than women.

Women are less inclined to feel this experience than men. That is because women are often more careful about whom they date. Also, females often prefer to take their time in relationships to get to know the other person. On the other hand, males are more apt to report having this experience many times. This could be because men are driven more by physical attraction than women. And it’s unclear whether these love-at-first-sight encounter men have turned into long-lasting relationships.

Can I feel this chemistry with online dating?

Online dating might inhibit this notion. But don’t rule it out altogether!

It’s pretty hard to look across the room at someone if you’re only looking at their picture. Some couples report that they did feel this attraction when looking at the other person’s photo. But other people suggested that it was more when they met the person face to face that they had their love-at-first-sight encounter. It seems as if these emotions involves seeing the person physically.  So, whether it’s by looking at a photo of someone or meeting someone face to face, you do not need to be in a crowded room to experience love-at-first-sight.

Is love at first sight outdated?

Many people feel that love, at first sight, is dated. Or at least, it’s too fairytale-like to be genuine. They feel that this type of love encounter doesn’t happen in real life. While other people argue that a large population of people who maintain that love-at-first-sight exists and have experienced it.

All arguments aside, the naysayers may have a point. Movies can leave you with a that doesn’t happen in real life kind of feeling. Overly romantic stories can be so exaggerated that if you haven’t had a love- at- first- sight encounter, you may feel like there’s something wrong with you.

These fifteen behaviors reveal that someone is falling in love.

Final Thoughts on the Study about Love at First Sight

For some people, the phenomenon of love at first sight is real. But for others, it’s not their experience. To strive for this type of experience isn’t necessary to have a great relationship with someone. Although science does say it does happen, don’t feel pressure to make it happen or feel like there is something wrong with you if it does not.

When you feel an instant connection with someone across the room, it could be that you will be head over heels before you know what hits you. You may feel like you are drawn to the person. It is an experience that many people have, and it can be the beginning of a long term relationship. You can act upon the initial first gaze. But be sure to understand the other person’s goals. If you’re wanting a deeper, more meaningful type of relationship and they’re not looking for that, it could be disappointing. If you don’t have this experience, that’s okay. Not everyone does, yet they enjoy a wonderful loving relationship with their partner. It’s different for everyone. Whatever happens, if you have that love-at-first-sight experience, enjoy it, and hopefully, a relationship will blossom from that simple gaze across the room.


Therapist Reveals 15 Ways Nagging Harms Relationships

Therapist Reveals 15 Ways Nagging Harms Relationships

In a relationship, nagging usually doesn’t accomplish anything except making both partners distance themselves from each other. Therapists agree that it is something that can tear a relationship apart.

Sally Connolly, LCSW, LMFT, a therapist with over 30 years of experience, says the following about this behavior:

“Nagging, or making the same request over and over again, usually does not get the desired result. Instead, it generally leads to a downward spiral with negative thoughts and feelings about each other and withdrawing, feeling discounted, misunderstood, controlled or unimportant.”

If you find yourself in a continuous cycle of pestering your partner about the same things, you can be doing more harm than good. You may not even realize the damage it’s doing until it’s too late.

15 Ways That Nagging Can Cause Hard Feelings in a Relationship

Here are 15 ways that, according to therapists, nagging can harm your relationship.

1. Your partner feels like you aren’t listening to them.

At some point and time, your partner may have revealed to you why they won’t do whatever it is you keep bugging them about. Maybe you didn’t agree, or perhaps you forgot. Either way, your partner will feel like you just aren’t listening to how they think about a particular situation. When a person feels like they aren’t being heard, they stop trying to talk to you. They may feel like the situation is hopeless.

2. There is a breakdown in communication.

This goes hand in hand with the first tip. Because your partner feels like you aren’t listening, they may stop trying to communicate with you altogether. There will be no more feedback on what you’re saying. They may begin to ignore you entirely, which will probably make your nagging worse. Eventually, you’ll start to feel just like your partner does – that they aren’t listening – and communication will break down between the two of you.

3. Arguments become more passive-aggressive.

After a breakdown in communication, the only thing that’s left is taking jabs at each other. Talking is getting you nowhere. Arguing is getting you nowhere. Now you’re left with resentment, which can manifest itself in the form of passive-aggressive behavior. This can further alienate your partner, as well as yourself. You’ll find yourself in a hostile relationship, which isn’t healthy for either one of you. It won’t last long with things being that way.

4. It can make your partner feel like you’re trying to his or her mother.

People love their mothers, and they may even seek out partners that have the same traits as their mother. This is especially true for men. However, that doesn’t mean they want to date their mother. You don’t want to be your partner’s mother any more than they want you to, but when you constantly nag your partner, it can remind them of how their mother used to get on them.

5. It just makes life dull and annoying.

No one wants to be around someone that gets on their nerves all the time. Just imagine if you must be around someone who is always pestering you, bothering you, telling you what you’re doing wrong, or getting on you about something. Yes, it’s frustrating being around or living with someone who won’t listen, but being a nag is never the answer. You need to find common ground on the situation.

6. It can make your partner tune you out.

The silent treatment. That would probably get on your nerves more than arguing would. Your partner may decide that they aren’t going to deal with your nagging. They are just going to ignore you and tune you out when your lips start moving. This can get irritating because they may begin tuning you out even during times that you aren’t a nag. They ignore you all the time now.

7. It can put your partner under a lot of stress.

Your partner may not know what to expect from you when you continuously nag them, and this can put them under a lot of stress. They don’t know how to act in front of you, what to say to you, or how to react to you. They may feel like you resent them or that they can’t please you. Not knowing what to do or say in front of someone you care about can create so much stress that you don’t want to be around that person. This is what can happen to your partner.

Here are five signs of poor communication in a marriage (and why this spells trouble!)

8. Your partner may begin to dread seeing you.

From the last tip, where your partner is stressed out, they’ll begin to dread seeing you because being around you isn’t a pleasant experience. They’ll start to expect drama from you, and no one likes to deal with drama. You can be sure that once you get to a point where your partner dreads seeing you, your relationship will be close to coming to an end.

9. Your partner may begin to confide in someone else.

You can probably think back to when you and your partner could talk about anything. That may not be the case anymore. You may begin to notice that you don’t speak as much or at all. This means your partner is probably confiding in someone else. It could be a friend or family member. You should hope that it’s not another romantic partner. Just keep in mind that your partner is human. If you make it difficult for them to talk to you, they’ll end up talking to someone else.

10. Your partner may begin to speak ill of you to others.

When your partner begins to confide in others, it might not be all pleasant talk. It’s going to hurt if you find out that your partner is saying bad things about you behind your back. Your partner probably needs an outlet to express how they’re feeling. Unfortunately, if you constantly nag them, they probably aren’t feeling good, so they’re probably not saying good things.

11. Your partner might lose their self-esteem.

When someone is continuously told that they’re doing something wrong, they may begin to feel like they can’t do anything right. It will start to weigh on their confidence and self-esteem. The last thing you want to do is to make your partner feel bad. You nag because they aren’t listening to you, and it can be frustrating. However, it would be best if you found a better way to communicate because you’re only making your partner feel bad about themselves.

12. It can make your partner react in a way they’ll regret later.

All that passive-aggressive behavior and the hit to their self-esteem can make your partner react in a way that they don’t intend to. Remember, your partner is human. People can only take so much before they snap. Don’t let things get to that point. Cut out the nagging before things escalate to the point of no return.

13. Your partner might stop coming home.

If you live with your partner, you probably expect them to come home each night. You may begin to notice that your partner has to “work late” all the time. It may get to a point where your partner stops coming home altogether. That’s going to cause a lot of additional problems in your relationship.

14. It can lead to depression.

When you constantly nag your partner, everything starts to break down, as discussed in the previous tips. This can lead to both of you being extremely unhappy with each other. You may love each other, but you can’t stand to be around each other. Now you’re both depressed, and your relationship is in jeopardy.

15. It can lead to substance abuse.

When all other methods of coping fail, substance abuse could be next on the list. This can happen to you, as well as your partner. This is probably the worst thing that could come from constant nagging. Substance abuse will introduce a whole host of new problems to the relationship. Old issues won’t even stand a chance of being solved. You should stop being a nag before things get to this point.

Final Thoughts on How Nagging Can Cause Breakdown of Love and Trust in Your Relationship

Understandably, you nag your partner because they aren’t doing something right, no matter how many times you bring it up. You’re irritated and frustrated, and you probably don’t know how else to get through to your partner. However, nagging is never the answer. It only makes things worse.

You need to sit down and have an in-depth conversation with your partner. Get their feedback on what’s happening between the two of you and make sure you listen and consider their side of things. This should help to clear up the situation, but if it doesn’t, then you need to consider the fact that the issue may never be resolved. You need to decide if it’s a relationship dealbreaker or a quirky habit that you can live with.

Whatever you decide to do, stop nagging your partner all the time.


Marriage Counselor Reveals 10 Relationship Stages Couples Must Go Through to Last

Marriage Counselor Reveals 10 Relationship Stages Couples Must Go Through

Most people don’t know that different stages of a relationship exist, but knowing this can help your relationship succeed. For example, once the honeymoon phase ends, couples start to settle into more of a long-term friendship. They realize that it takes effort and a conscious choice to make the relationship work. Then the real work begins after the butterflies start to fade. Unfortunately, movies and other media outlets have glamorized relationships and given people unrealistic expectations about them.

Many relationships fail because people expect to feel the same way about their partner after years of being together as they did in the very beginning. Of course, after having kids and dealing with life’s responsibilities, those exciting and intense feelings begin to fade. Perhaps this disappointment in reality not living up to fantasy may explain why around half of the marriages in the U.S. end in divorce.

However, if a couple chooses to remain together, they should learn about the different stages of a relationship, so they know what to expect. Below, we’ll go over them in more detail.

Here are ten relationship stages every couple should know about:

While different relationship stage theories exist, we will focus on the one by Dr. Mark Knapp, a renowned professor at the University of Texas. He studied patterns in relationships and was considered an expert in nonverbal communication research. While his model assumes that all relationships will eventually end, as evidenced by the coming apart phases, not all relationships will follow this pattern.

With that said, he came up with ten different stages, broken up into two phases: the coming together and coming apart phases. Let’s go over them more extensively below.

The Coming Together Phase

Relationships don’t all begin in the same way, but they usually have some things in common. Some people meet through online dating sites or in the workplace, while others meet during travels abroad. After the initial coming together phase, most couples will go through the following stages of a relationship.

  1. The Initiation Stage

This phase happens during the dating phase when you both are still getting to know each other. You know that you like one another, but you haven’t committed to each other yet. Right now, you may get together one or two times a week for dates where you gauge your compatibility with this person. You may feel that butterfly sensation in your stomach when you meet up with them, as everything feels fresh and exciting.

  1. The Experimentation Stage

If you decide that you wish to take things further, you get to know them on a deeper level. You may start dating formally and call each other boyfriend or girlfriend. Others begin to recognize you as a couple, and you make this person the center of your world. While you haven’t fallen in love with them yet, you realize the potential in this relationship and want to test the waters.

In this stage, you get to know their values and outlook on things and see if they match yours. While you probably don’t agree on everything, you have enough in common to want to continue dating them.

  1. Intensifying Stage

This time is the real honeymoon stage where everything goes smoothly, and you want to see them as much as possible. After work or on the weekends, you call or text your new beau and make plans to meetup or chat on the phone for a while. You start to feel comfortable enough with this person to where you want to divulge more intimate details about yourself. You find yourself developing deep feelings for this person and may begin to picture a future with them.

  1. Integration Stage

Since you’ve officially become a couple, you start to mesh your lives together. While you may not live together at this point, you still take each other into account when you make plans and revolve your lives around one another. You have routines and habits as a unit, and start to see yourselves as an “us” rather than a “me and you.”

  1. The Bonding Stage

As your relationship deepens, you start to bond more intensely. You may decide to live together or get married because you feel so strongly about each other. You’ve made sure that your ideals and values line up and that your personalities mesh well together. The people closest to you recognize the seriousness of your relationship, and you may decide to make a formal commitment, such as marriage.

The Coming Apart Phase

Unfortunately, not all relationships last forever. While some people stay married for life, many others decide to divorce or break up due to a variety of reasons. If you start to see any of these stages happening in your relationship, it may signal trouble in the near future.

Here are the stages of a relationship in the coming apart phase:

  1. The Differentiating Stage

Whether this happens after months or years together, every couple goes through this phase at some point. Even if the relationship lasts a lifetime, couples will have periods where they don’t see eye to eye on things. They may notice incompatibilities in their personalities or beliefs. They may see themselves as separate people rather than one unit. If you can’t overcome your differences, you may decide to break up during this phase.

  1. The Circumscribing Stage

The stages of a relationship include a phase where you drift further apart, called the circumscribing stage. You may start to set more boundaries for yourself and have more of your life separate from your significant other. You may begin to do things on your own accord without consulting with your partner first. As a result of the distance in your relationship, you may have more arguments or feelings of resentment.

The intimacy steadily decreases, and you may start sleeping in separate rooms or even moving back with friends or family for a while. You still love them, but you don’t see yourself as a unit any longer.

  1. The Stagnation Stage

You feel that the relationship is hurtling toward a dead end. In this stage, you don’t feel devoted to your partner like you used to and don’t see much of a future with them. While both of you may know that things have come to a standstill, you may have a hard time formally ending things. In the coming apart stages of a relationship, you have to decide to either reconcile or go your separate ways.

  1. The Avoidance Stage

In this phase, you try to avoid one another as much as possible. If you still live together, you may have separate lives and only interact if you have to talk about bills or other adult responsibilities. However, any feelings of love or devotion toward your partner have faded. You may start making plans to move out and have a life of your own so you can have closure.

  1. The Termination Stage

In this stage, you make a formal decision to end your relationship. Whether you have hard feelings or not, you realize that you don’t get along anymore and feel it’s best to move on. If you were married, you might start or finalize your divorce. If you had been living together, you decide to go your separate ways. You tell family and friends about your separation as well once you’ve made the decision.

The importance of understanding the stages of a relationship

Many people become confused or overwhelmed about their relationship because of the emotions involved. However, even if you love someone, you may grow apart or realize you want different things in life. Understanding the phases that relationships go through will give you awareness if you and your partner start to drift apart. It will also help you learn when to give a relationship the green light if you’ve just started dating someone.

Final thoughts about the stages of a relationship

Relationships all go through phases, but not all of them will last forever. Some couples can weather the stormy seas, while others decide to jump ship and start over with someone new. Of course, every relationship is unique, and what is right for one couple may not apply to another. No formal rulebook for life exists; we have to make it up as we go.

Therefore, no matter what relationship stage you find yourself in, know that the right person will stand by you through all the phases. If your relationship must come to an end, try to take the lessons you learned from it and keep an open heart for Mr. or Mrs. Right. They will come along when you least expect it, so enjoy your life and go with the flow. Exit a disharmonious relationship gracefully, and wish your ex well along their path in life.

Relationships may seem complicated, but when you find the right person, you’ll have clarity about life that you’ve never felt before.


15 Habits That Reveals Someone Has a Lack of Motivation

15 Habits That Reveals Someone Has a Lack of Motivation

Do you consider yourself a mover and a shaker? Does your natural sense of inner-drive and tenacity make you focused on what you want in life? Or perhaps a lack of motivation keeps your dreams slightly out of reach.

Remember that you are human, and nobody stays motivated 100 percent of the time. If you are working on a project or your life’s goals, you need some staying power.

These Fifteen Habits Might Point to a Lack of Motivation

Here are fifteen habits that could indicate a lack of motivation and how to fix them.

1. Procrastinating

Does chronic procrastinating stand in the way of accomplishing great things in life? It’s like any other bad habit that needs nipped in the bud and replaced with good habits. You can overcome procrastination with time and self-discipline.

One of the main reasons you may procrastinate is that you look at the big picture, which intimidates you. So, you decide you don’t want to do anything. Instead, break the goal into smaller tasks that are manageable. As you accomplish each mission, you’ll get the confidence to continue until you complete your plan.

2. Does Not Accept Challenges

Boredom is the enemy of success, and it’s an easy trap you can fall into without realizing it. Do you feel a satisfying challenge each day, or do you feel like nothing changes? Perhaps you are afraid to accept a challenge and step out of your comfort zone.

Before you can grow physically, mentally, and spiritually, you need to evaluate your current conditions and attitudes. If you don’t, your life will stagnate, and you’ll never reach success. A person who does not accept challenges can’t grow.

3. Fails to Self-Educate

Learning and education don’t end after you graduate from high school and college. It’s a life-long process that maintains your memory and cognitive functions. When you lack motivation, learning new concepts and different ways to do things may not be as important.

If you want something harmful enough, are you willing to work and study it all you can? What if you’ve always dreamed of owning your own business. How motivated are you to research starting a business from scratch and marketing your skills or products?

When you are determined to educate yourself on the necessary steps to achieve your goals, a lack of motivation won’t be a problem. If it’s learning a new skill or discovering better ways to complete tasks, self-education can give you the empowerment you need. Refuse to be the person who fails to self-educate.

4. Sets Non-specific Goals

Remember when you were in high school, and your parents and teachers asked you what your life goals were? Maybe you had a few specific ideas, but most of your plans were vague since young people have difficulty seeing that far ahead. As an adult, not having a solid plan can result in a lack of motivation and an unsure future.

Brainstorming is an ideal way to list all your goals and clarify them. In comparison, you may be optimistic about what you want in the next five years, the steps you need to take maybe hazy. Break each goal down into small, precise steps, and your path to success will be more apparent.

5. Defeated Posture

Have you ever seen marathon runners poised at the starting line? As they anticipate the whistle, their posture shows that they are confident and determined to win the race. For these athletes, the race is first won in their minds, and it matters how they carry themselves.

What does your posture say about your inner drive? When you have a lack of motivation, your posture has a depressive nature, and your whole body is slumped. Your head low, and you may appear to be moving in slow motion.

Be like the marathon runner and use the posture of a winner. Keep your back straight, shoulders back, and your head up. When you practice good posture, your body feels better, and you feel like doing more. People will also look at you and assume you are a self-confident person who knows what you want.

6. Low Expectations

It must have been a sad person who recommended always to expect the worst, so you can be surprised if the outcome is positive. How can you achieve your goals if you don’t even believe it can be done? If you have low expectations of what you can do, that’s probably what you’ll get.

When you are working on a project or goal, expect the best results. Don’t lower your standards because of fear that you’ll fail. Maintain a positive attitude and see what happens.

7. Feeling Overwhelmed

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you look at a project as a whole and not in small parts. When you feel frustrated, you often want to throw up your hands and quit. How do you keep focused?

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, stand back for a bit. See how you can break your project into smaller ones and build on each success. It’s okay to ask for help when you need it.

8. No Motivational Habits

What is your motivation style? Are you a thinker or a doer? If you don’t have any motivational habits, you can’t accomplish anything.

Cultivate good motivational habits, like setting goals and follow-through. If you are weak in one area, see how you can work to make it stronger. Consider what you did in the past to finish a project successfully, and you should utilize those skills to make future endeavors a success too.

9. Low Self-Esteem

When you allow negative attitudes to control your mind, it affects your self-esteem. If you don’t believe in yourself, then who will? It’s challenging to motivate yourself to try harder if you lack confidence in your abilities.

Identify self-defeating thoughts, and don’t allow them to crush your esteem. Be your cheerleader, and you must adopt a can-do attitude. You may be surprised at what you can accomplish.

10. Never Taking Responsibility

Are you the kind of person who will never admit blame, even when you know it’s deserved? To be successful, you must take responsibility when you drop the ball. Blaming others for your shortcomings will only hurt you in the long run.

When it comes to your personal goals, the buck stops at your doorstep. Learn to admit mistakes and learn from them. You will get more respect from others and for yourself.

11. Displays a Negative Attitude

Some people are like Eeyore, the sad-sack little donkey from the classic Pooh stories. No matter how good things are going, they will complain anyway. It’s almost like a dark storm cloud that follows them and fills the atmosphere with gloom and doom. Does that sound familiar?

Having a positive outlook is just as easy as being negative. Refuse to let a negative attitude sway you from your goals. Try to keep focused on the positive things you’ve accomplished and build on them.

12. Use Lack of Motivation as a Label

One of the worst excuses for a lack of motivation is to accept it as part of your personality. Are you going to give yourself a negative label and let your dreams fall through your fingers? It’s time to rip off that self-defeating label and bring on a new one.

Instead of accepting failure, hold yourself accountable to accomplish your plans or projects one step at a time. Do you have difficulties staying focused? Have your mate, a trusted friend, or family member be your go-to support.

13. Fear of Failure

Think of all the great American inventors throughout history, like Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, or Alexander Graham Bell. Do you think they got everything right on the first try? What would our world be like if these brilliant minds would have given up because they were afraid of failure?

Do you lack motivation because you are afraid of being labeled a failure? The only true failure would come from not trying at all. Take a lesson from successful people around the world who had their share of failures before realizing their dreams.

14. Unhealthy Lifestyle

When you don’t feel well most of the time, it stands to reason that you would lack motivation. A poor diet and a sedentary lifestyle can wreak havoc on your physical and mental well-being. It can lead to debilitating diseases or contribute to premature death.

If you want the energy and stability to realize your dreams, you need a healthy body. Talk to your primary healthcare provider about a diet and exercise regimen that is best for you. A healthy lifestyle may prolong your life so you can do more of what you’ve always wanted.

15. Lack of Patience

Today’s world is founded on instant gratification. When you go through a fast-food drive-thru, dial your phone, or log onto the Internet, you expect results. Making goals for your future doesn’t work like that.

Have you ever noticed that when you fumble through something to get it done, you never get the results you wanted? Impatience can put a damper on your goals and make you give up in frustration.

Patience is a virtue worth having, especially when it comes to being motivated. Using a timeline for your goals can help you stay focused. Keep in mind that things can always change, and you must be flexible and patient for long-term success.

Final Thoughts on Identifying a Lack of Motivation–and Striving to Overcome the Challenge

When you are determined to succeed, lack of motivation won’t be an issue. People can inspire you to some degree, but you are responsible for your hopes and dreams. Once you identify that keeping on track is an issue, you can address it head-on and overcome it. So stay motivated, work hard, and you will see the results.


Psychology Reveals How to Shed the Burden of Remorse

Psychology Reveals How to Shed the Burden of Remorse

Remorse can eat away at you after a while if you don’t confront the issues causing it.

When you live with regret, it steals your joy and keeps you from living in the present moment. We all have unpleasant past experiences and memories to contend with, but that doesn’t mean we should allow them to ruin the future. Life sometimes leads us into the valleys to teach us valuable lessons, so we can carry them to the mountaintops and build our character.

No matter how many negative experiences you’ve had, you can probably list many ways that you’ve grown from them. Of course, everyone needs time to heal from trauma or unfortunate circumstances. However, we can either grow bitter or take those lessons and become better than the people who hurt us. You might have regrets about being the cause of someone else’s pain as well, but remember that your past actions don’t define you as a person.

The beautiful thing about life is that we can always choose to experience a better reality based on our thoughts and actions in the present moment. If you want to let go of the past and leave the regret behind you, psychologists reveal a few ways to do precisely that.

Psychology reveals how to shed the burden of remorse:

First off, let’s talk about the dangers of rumination and remorse; specifically, the mental and physical health risks that can come from repeated negative thinking patterns. Emiliana Simon-Thomas, Ph.D., the science director of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, says that negative emotions such as hostility or anxiety can become detrimental when a person considers those temporary emotions as a permanent part of their personality. Having a negative outlook or disposition can worsen your health, believe it or not.

Indeed, a 2014 study published by the journal Neurology found that highly cynical people had a higher risk of developing dementia than more open, trusting people. Even when accounting for other risk factors like age, sex, lifestyle habits such as smoking, and heart health, researchers still found this to be true. Living with regret and pessimism may also harm your heart.

A 2009 study published b the journal Circulation analyzed data from nearly 100,000 women. It found that heart disease occurred more often in cynical, negative people than in more optimistic individuals. The more pessimistic women additionally had a higher risk of death during the study period than those who looked at the world with rose-colored glasses. However, just because you live with a heavy burden of remorse or negativity now doesn’t mean you can’t change it. We always hold power to adjust our attitude or way of looking at things.

As you can see, carrying around a lot of baggage can have a dangerous influence on your health. If you want to lead a more carefree, healthy life, psychologists have a few tips for you.

How to let go of remorse

 A big part of moving on from the past and letting go of regret involves forgiveness. Below, we want to outline some of the critical steps outlined by Dr. Robert Enright, Ph.D., a leading researcher in the scientific study of forgiveness. Once you have forgiven yourself or others for wrongdoing, you can start the healing process and finally put down all the weight you’ve been carrying around.

  1. Uncovering Phase

During this phase, you will become aware of the regret or pain you’ve been holding onto from past trauma or emotional wounds. You may feel anger or hatred toward yourself or others because of the pain inflicted on you during these traumatic events. This process will involve a lot of inner work, and you may experience many different intense emotions. However, once you acknowledge what you have remorse about, you can start to heal from it.

  1. Decision Phase

Now you probably realize that focusing any more of your energy on the past won’t allow you to move on from the pain and trauma. So, it would be best if you forgave yourself and others to heal the wounds and let go of the regret. This does not mean you have to forgive anyone involved in wrongdoing just yet fully, but at least entertain the possibility of forgiveness or letting go of remorse. You will want to give up any thoughts or feelings of retaliation toward anyone who caused you suffering because this will hinder the healing process.

  1. Work Phase

Now comes the actual inner work, which will help you transform your perspective and understanding of painful events. Many people have to go through this uncomfortable phase when dealing with childhood trauma to heal their scars. If you have had a lot of negative experiences in life, you might feel regret or remorse about the past because you think you missed out on good memories. Forgiveness can play a massive role in moving on from this trauma because you can put yourself in the shoes of those who inflicted pain on you.

Perhaps your parents tried their best but had their wounds they had to work through as well. When you go through the work phase, it allows you to open your eyes to the possibility that everyone deals with scars of their own, and that they may not have meant you any harm.

Opening your mind and heart to them and seeing things from their perspective marks a huge turning point in the process of letting go of remorse. This doesn’t mean you excuse their behavior, but rather, you can understand where it came from and why they hurt you.

This phase may also include reaching out to them in hopes of reconciling, although you don’t have to do this if you don’t feel comfortable. However, many people find that talking about past trauma with the injurers helps greatly in being able to leave the experiences behind them once and for all. You can also get a better idea of what was happening in their life at the time or how they were feeling, which may expand your compassion for them.

  1. Outcome/Deepening Phase

In this phase, you probably feel a great sense of relief that you left all that baggage behind. Once you’ve processed the experiences and emotions involved, you feel lighter and better able to enjoy the present and future. Perhaps you can look back at the trauma you went through and turn the pain into lessons you learned. Sometimes, we face painful and hurtful events in life to become stronger and grow from the situations at hand. By letting go of remorse and forgiving yourself and others, you may also feel a broader love and care for humanity.

After healing from severe trauma, some people even find a new purpose in life. For example, women who left abusive relationships may feel a strong urge to work as a counselor or support worker for women who suffer from domestic violence. If you can look back on those unpleasant memories and see them as a blessing because they helped you gain a new perspective, you can start to heal from whatever you go through in life.

Other steps involved in shedding remorse:

  • Employ positive thinking. While everyone needs to allow negative feelings to come to the surface when processing trauma, there comes a time when you have to make a decision. Either you allow those experiences to ruin your life and give you a negative outlook, or you can choose to take whatever you learned and spin it into something positive. A lot of the suffering we go through actually happens in our heads, not in reality. If you think about things in this way, it becomes much easier to shift your perspective and choose something different.
  • Think about the possibilities. If you don’t like what’s happened to you, don’t worry. Your story doesn’t end here, and you have so much ahead of you in life. No matter what you’ve been through, you can create a beautiful ending based on the actions you choose today. Think about all the possibilities for your life as long as you follow your heart and try to remain positive.
  • Remember that you’re human. You have regrets about something, and so does everyone else. Life can’t always happen the way we want it to, but don’t dwell on your mistakes. Learn from them, instead, and do better the next time around.

holding a grudgeFinal thoughts on shedding remorse so you can live a joyful life

Everyone deals with regret about something, but it doesn’t have to control your life. No matter what you’ve been holding onto, choose to let it go today. You’ll feel so much lighter and in better control of your emotions and thoughts if you leave the past behind you. Why dwell on negative experiences and ruin the beauty of this moment?

You can create any future you desire as long as you shed the burdens of the past and tap into the unlimited potential of the present.


Counselor Reveals 10 Tips to Help You Raise Well-adjusted Kids

Counselor Reveals 10 Tips to Help You Raise Well-adjusted Kids

Well-adjusted kids are able to control their emotions and deal with their problems without getting overly anxious. As a parent, you hope to raise kids who become well-adjusted adults. But why does this matter so much?

Children today live in a world that can be fast-paced and overwhelming. The rapid-fire pace of life can overwhelm. As a parent, you must equip your little one to not only survive–but to thrive.

10 Tips for Raising Well-adjusted Kids

Here are 10 counselors’ helpful tips to raise happy, well-adjusted children.

1 – Be a predictable parent

Predictable parenting gives a child a sense of stability. Studies found that unpredictable actions and attitudes from parents are unsettling for kids. Kids who are raised with parents who relate to their children in a peaceful, calm way promote a child’s ability to control their own emotions and actions. Create a low-stress routine for your children with predictable mealtimes, playtimes, and sleeping times. This allows your kids to understand what their day will be like and make them feel a sense of being in control. Of course, life has its unpredictable moments. That’s okay, as long as the majority of your days, weeks, and months follow a predictable routine.

2 – Be a good example to your kids

The old saying, “do as I say and not as I do” isn’t a good parenting philosophy. Your kids watch you all the time. They watch how you treat other people, handle your stress, and how you deal with your feelings. And your kids imitate your words and actions. Have you ever heard your child talk to a sibling or a friend in a bossy parental way? You cringed when you realized they sound just like you do when you correct them. Living as a good example for your kids is essential for raising well-adjusted kids. You can’t tell them one thing but do another thing. They’ll see your hypocrisy right away.

Examples of hypocrisy in parenting:

  • If you tell your kids to be kind, but you gossip about people to your kids.
  • You yell at your kids, but you tell them not to yell at their siblings.
  • You tell your kids to be patient, but then you get angry at the restaurant when your food doesn’t arrive quickly enough.
  • You tell your kids to serve others, but you always tell your neighbors you’re too busy to help them even when you’re not.

Your kids will catch on to your lack of integrity.  They will feel it’s unfair when you correct them, but then you don’t live by the same rules.

3 – Teach your kids to respect your household rules

Every household has rules. Your kids need to understand the rules of your home and to respect them by obeying them. Kids need to know their boundaries. If you’re aren’t firm on the rules, they’ll feel like they can do whatever they want. Or if you’re too strict, they’ll feel like all you care about are the rules.

Explain your rules

Explain to your child why the rule exists. “In our house, everyone does chores because we all contribute.”

Praise when they obey

When your child attempts to do a chore, be sure to give them praise even if it’s not perfectly done. “I love the way you worked so hard to put away the dishes. Great job.”

You obey the rules

If the house rules are to clean up after yourself, be sure you do it. Don’t expect your kids to do things you don’t do.

Good conscience

If your child feels bad about not doing something that’s a sign they have a working conscience. That’s a good thing.  Emphasize that although they did make a mistake, everybody makes mistakes.

4 – Discipline your children appropriately

Discipline helps your child learn to better fit into the world. Positive and effective discipline teaches kids to obey without force. When you discipline your child, you’re telling them what unacceptable behavior looks like in a loving, firm way.

Studies on raising happy children found that discipline is one of the most important roles for parents. It requires lots of time and energy. There are no shortcuts when it comes to being a parent. What parent hasn’t had to stop what they were doing to discipline your child? It’s frustrating, exhausting, and overwhelming. But parenting reaps wonderful rewards.

When you discipline your child, be firm, but kind. If you tell your child they need a time out, stand by your decision, don’t waffle when they cry or plead. Effective discipline helps your kids learn self-control and self-discipline as they grow. Be sure you maintain a good bond with your kids, they should feel your respect. Never call them names or belittle them. No shouting, yelling or lashing out at them. This will erode their trust in you.

5 – Teach your kids to be selfless when dealing with other people

Kids aren’t born thinking about others. Everyone has heard a little kid yell, “Mine!” instead of sharing their toys. Unselfishness and being others’ oriented needs to be taught. Encourage your kids to help others, to share, and to have empathy for others. Plan opportunities for your family to help in your community homeless shelter or soup kitchen or participate in a community clean up.

6 – Teach your kids problem-solving skills

Your kids need to learn how to solve their problems. Your three-year-old son may need to learn to have self-control by not screaming when his big brother wants to play with his toy, but your thirteen-year-old daughter may need to learn how to compromise during an argument with her best friend. Here are three strategies to help your kids learn how to solve their own problems.

Give your child choices

Let your younger kids choose clothing, food, or what activities they want to do. Give them a choice of ‘this or that’ rather than open-ended choices.

As they learn how to make small decisions, then you can begin to give them choices in problem-solving situations. When your younger daughter is screaming at her little brother, ask her, “What would be a better way to solve this instead of screaming at your brother grabbed your toy?”

 Teach them to not give up

Encourage them to work hard to solve their problems whether it’s how to clean up their toys or put away their clean clothes.

 Let them think

When your child asks you a question about how to do something, don’t just tell them, ask them what they would do. This forces them to think about how to solve problems.

 7 – Teach your children to be kindhearted

Praise your kids when they show kindness to people or animals. Encourage their efforts even if they aren’t received well or aren’t well thought out.  Give them pointers on what kindness looks like. Be a good model for your kids of being kind to those around you.

8 – Teach your kids gratitude

Teach your child to say thank you and show gratitude to adults or other kids. Encourage them to look for the good even in difficult situations in their life. Congratulate your child when they express gratitude. Make it a regular conversation to point out what you’re grateful. Ask them what they’re thankful for.

9 – Teach your kids good health habits

Teach your kids the value of being healthy. Eating good foods, exercise, and taking care of your body are important things for a parent to teach their kids. Set an example at home by serving healthy meals and doing family outside activities like hiking, going to the beach or to the park. Stay active with your kids in the backyard playing soccer or basketball.

10 – Teach your kids how to express their emotions

As a parent, you understand we need to feed, clothe, and educate your children. That’s the easy stuff. The more difficult thing you’ll face is training your kids to express themselves. Kids are a bundle of emotions. They express themselves through crying, angry outbursts, or fear.

It’s difficult to untangle what’s really going on when your three- year son suddenly refuses to go to bed at night because of the dark. But as hard as it is, it’s critically important that you stay engaged with your kids in spite of their messy emotions.

Being a lax parent can cause emotional and mental harm to your child. Don’t try to address every emotional outburst, pick one, and work with your child on it. Teach them better ways to communicate. Give them some simple instructions on how to express their emotions such as,  “I’m sad about….” or “I don’t like it when..” or “I get afraid when…”

Final Thoughts on Raising Well-adjusted Kids in a Fast-Paced World

Parenting well-adjusted kids take thoughtful engagement on your part. Staying consistent in your words and actions is extremely important for raising happy kids. When you live out what you ask their kids to do, they’ll follow your example. So hang in their parents. Stay strong and keep working to help your kids become happy, well-adjusted adults.


Therapist Reveals 7 Things To Consider Before Moving In With Your Partner

Therapist Reveals 7 Things To Consider Before Moving In With

Moving in with a partner is a huge and exciting step in any relationship. It can also be nerve-wracking and leave you wondering if you are truly ready to leap this milestone with your loved one.

Many couples indeed face some difficulties after moving in together. Luckily, you can circumvent a lot of these potential problems by making sure you’re on the same page and keeping certain things in mind beforehand. Here’s how a therapist reveals seven things to remember before moving in with a partner.

1.    Needs and Expectations

You might think you know your partner inside-out, and perhaps you do! Even so, it’s always a good idea to have one’s needs and expectations listed out and openly discussed. To ensure that moving in remains a positive and pleasant experience, both you and your partner need to see this is a challenge that you have to work together to overcome!

With that in mind, here are a few key topics you might want to tackle first:

·         Discuss Expectations

Research confirms that close interpersonal relationships work best when both parties are forthcoming with their wants, needs, and desires. Sit down with your partner beforehand and have an open discussion about simple things like routines (both on a daily, weekly, and monthly schedule), whether you’d rather set the table instead of preparing dinner, and what you’re looking to get out of this living situation.

·         Set Boundaries

Even when both you and your partner get very close, living in close quarters together can put a strain on even positive relationships. As a result, it’s best to listen to the experts and take the time to set down some boundaries. These can range from more obvious ones like time priorities and how much quality time you both want or need, to more straightforward questions about who’s in charge of paying for the groceries and the bills. This talk shouldn’t be a one-time discussion either – experts suggest catching up with each other on these discussions on a daily or weekly basis, so you both will stay on the same page as much as possible.

·         Figure Out Your Intention

While moving in with your partner may seem like a natural and exciting evolution in your relationship, it’s crucial to pause still and consider why you’re taking this big step. Positive thinking aside, it’s possible that you or your partner may be doing this for reasons that are rooted in fear, rather than growth. And that needs to be something you both need to look into, to avoid problems in the future.

·         Intimacy

It’s only natural to expect intimacy from your partner when you move in together – both sexual and romantic. That said, it’s crucial to discuss intimacy needs, sexual expectations, and any potential discrepancies between you and your partner’s libido in advance. This chat is so you can make sure that both of you are on the same page when it comes to intimacy needs and expectations before moving in together.

·         Determine Your End Goal

Moving in together is a significant upgrade in anyone’s relationship, but this relationship upgrade shouldn’t be an end goal in and of itself. There should be plenty of other long-term goals that you both might have or ought to discuss after achieving this exciting goal, says Widener University Human Sexuality Program assistant professor Dr. Sabitha Pillai-Friedman. For example, you would both need to decide if you would like to simply just wait and see how your relationship develops, or commit to each other permanently, or even get married!

2.    Financial Concerns

The most natural assumption would be that money is a frequent source of conflict between partners living together. A study, however, has proven that this isn’t the case. Don’t start celebrating just yet, though: the same study also showed that money problems also last longer and are often harder to resolve. This outcome is usually because both of you might disagree on just how much money should be put into those saving accounts – or if that goal is worth saving for at all.

Additionally, it bears keeping in mind that you will both have to decide who’s financially in charge of which bills as well – especially if you’re bringing along extra expenses in the form of pets and the like. As such, author, TV host, and relationship expert Andrea Syrtash recommends discussing financial issues before moving in together. Who’s paying for what? How much do you earn? Lay it all on the table!

3.    Quirks and Habits

Things that may seem adorable or cute to either of you may quickly turn into a nuisance once you find yourself dealing with it 24/7. It’s best first to discuss such things and to also reveal to each other if there’s anything else the other doesn’t know about you. After all, neither of you will be able to hide it from each other while living together!

Additionally, both of you ought to hammer out and discuss who should do which chores, and how frequently. This planning can prevent fights over household cleanliness levels, resentment towards one another, and awkward situations where some aspect of the household gets neglected – to everyone’s depriment.

4.    It Won’t Be Easy, But You’re In This Together

Frankly speaking, living together is not easy to do. So you should come to expect that things are going to go south sometimes. Even so, both you and your partner should consider each other a team trying to overcome challenges – not enemies. So with that in mind:

·         Prepare To Get On Each Other’s Nerves

When living together in the same space, it’s only inevitable that you will get irritated by your partner more often than usual. It’ll likely be in the form of little habits and quirks that annoys either of you and only when you both start living together – like leaving empty cups in the sink for days or your partner’s penchant for smelly foods. Be prepared for this to happen, and don’t let it bring you too much anxiety, says Relationship Expert Justin Lavelle.

·         Prepare For The Ugly

The most intimate method to get to know someone, warts, and all truly, is to live with them. This experience is how you’ll find out if they are neat freaks that drive you crazy, or if they’re the type to live in a pigsty without a care in the world! Both of you should hammer out as much of this as possible in advance, but you’re still going to have to mentally prepare that things can get bad or ugly as well – and you’ll have to continue living with them anyway.

·         Communicate More Than Ever

Once you start living together full time, excellent communication becomes crucial. Research proves that specific communication skills – like the ability to express emotions openly and maturely – are incredibly important if you want to be able to live together happily. This habit is especially so since there is now no room for either of you to escape to, should tempers flare and people get hurt.

5.    Chores and Responsibilities

There will continuously be things that have to be done. Either the floors must be swept, or the bathrooms scrubbed, or the garbage is taken out. Whatever it is, both you and your partner will have to figure out how to divvy up the chore list.

Ideally, you’ll want to:

  • Discuss the frequency of certain chores and responsibilities, and if there are certain chores either of you prefers or hates
  • Ask each other what household tasks needed and what rooms you’ll want to manage.
  • Create a schedule with individual responsibilities for both of you

Bear in mind that all this needn’t be set in stone if either changes your mind. Both of you need to figure out how to get the chores sorted and completed without either one of you feeling like the division of labor is uneven.

6.    There Will Be Changes

It’s naive to assume that the relationship both of you share will remain static and unchanging after such a huge, life-changing event – or even over time.

While neither of you will suddenly become different people overnight, it’s important to remember that with time comes a change in goals and aspirations. It may affect one’s disposition and behavior, and that is something that might cause clashes between both of you.

Additionally, once you move in together, both of you are going to have to contend with lifestyle adjustments, says relationship specialist J. Hope Suis. This adjustment phase is normal and expected whenever you move in with anyone. Thus, it’s a good idea to discuss things with them first.

7.    Break-Up Plans

Nobody wants to think about this, especially if you haven’t moved in yet. But it’s essential to think about how you and your partner are going to be able to pull out if living together doesn’t work.

For example, some things you’ll have to keep in mind are:

·         Finances

Melding finances together is much easier than trying to separate it later. If you share a joint account, how do you both split the money? What happens to the bills and fees?

·         Assets

Once you and your partner stop living together, you naturally will no longer be sharing belongings and assets. It’s essential to keep in mind that you will both have to figure out and decide who gets possession of what item(s) – which will only get exponentially more difficult after living together for long periods.

·         Logistics

If living together is no longer a viable solution, both of you will still need someplace to live in. Additionally, both of you will have to figure out how to move your respective belongings out later too.

It’s natural to cling on to positive thinking and hope that this is a situation that both you and your partner won’t have ever to worry about or think about. But it’s always a good idea to plan for this possibility, to make things smoother and easier should the unthinkable happen. According to relationship expert and podcast host Damona Hoffman, this can make for a more amicable split.

Final Thoughts On Some Things To Remember Before Moving In With Partner

It’s equally thrilling and frightening to move in with a partner. Making sure, first, you are on the same page and remembering certain things before the big step forward can help make the transition smoother.


Therapist Reveals 7 Steps to a Sincere Apology

Therapist Reveals 7 Steps to a Sincere Apology

Two of the most difficult words to say are “I’m sorry.” Why is it so hard for some people to admit when they’re wrong? Giving an apology is good for the soul. It’s a way for you to get the forgiveness you need and move forward in your relationship. It takes something negative and brings it into a positive light.

You’re human, and when a situation becomes intense, it’s reasonable to say and do things that you don’t really mean. You say something in the heat of the moment that you wouldn’t usually say. Sadly, you hurt others either by accident or intentionally. Thankfully, you come to your senses and realize that you must say you’re sorry for the pain that you have caused someone.

You Must Be Regretful for Your Actions

How often have you heard a mother of father tell a child to apologize when they’ve done something wrong? The child grumbles out a halfhearted, “I’m sorry,” even though they didn’t mean a word of it. These kinds of apologies won’t work for an adult.

People want to see that you regret your actions and that you can move past this moment and onto greener pastures. The goal is to restore trust and not make this person an enemy. You need to offer an apology that is not only restorative but sincere. How can you accomplish this and not come off as that child who is being forced into this situation?

Some People Aren’t Ready to Forgive

When someone is hurt, their anger takes over, and their thoughts become irrational. Think of it the same way that your anger clouded your judgment, and you said and did things that got you into this predicament in the first place. The individual you hurt might not be so eager to forgive or even hear your apology.

You learned from a child that you need to apologize, but just because you know that you’re doing the right thing doesn’t make it easier. The person you offended could be angry and may harbor resentment against you, so they may not be ready to hear what you have to say.

Since you’ve overstepped your bounds, they may wonder if what you’re saying is even the truth. They may doubt your apology and your sincerity. The key element to genuinely extending or accepting an apology is purpose.

Some may find it hard to forgive you based on what was done, and even if they do exonerate you, they won’t forget the action. You may not deserve forgiveness, but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do the right thing.

Apologizing Releases the Burden from You

Apologizing to someone releases the pain and burden from you and puts the ball in their court. If they refuse forgiveness, then it will hurt them in the long run? You did your part to release the burden of guilt from your shoulders.

If they don’t forgive you, then they allow a black cloud to hang over them. Unforgiveness is like looking through dark glasses filled with anger and bitterness. If you’re the one who needs to apologize, don’t let your pride stand in your way.

Seven Tips to Saying “I’m Sorry”

You need to right the wrong that was done as it speaks highly of your character. Did you know that there are seven tips that can help you apologize and with sincerity? Here are e, according to relationship experts.

1. Get an Approval Before You Apologize

It may sound silly to ask someone’s permission to seek forgiveness, but it’s the right thing to do. The person you wronged may not want to hear you saying I’m sorry, and they may not be at the place to move on. Some people need time and space to cool off.

You really must factor in what was done and the person who you wronged. Some people are eager to accept forgiveness and move past the deed, but others can hold grudges for years. Essentially, timing is everything. The goal is to make sure that the person you apologize to is at the place to receive it.

2. Show Sincerity That You Hurt Them

Part of asking for forgiveness is recognizing what you did was wrong and being regretful for your actions. You want to convey that you wish you could take back what you said or did to hurt them.

Try not to say use the word “if” in the apology. When you sound unsure whether you hurt them or not, then you leave things open to interpretation. You don’t want to shift any blame to the other person, but you should take responsibility for your actions in full.

3. Make Affirmative Actions for Change

Once you’ve crossed a line, it’s not always easy to go backward. For instance, if you had an affair, there’s really is no way to go back and change what you did. The only way you can move is forward.

You can explain your actions, but even if you do everything that you can to make it right, it may not be enough. Speak your peace and let the other party choose the outcome.

Let’s assume that you forgot to report tips at work, and your boss caught you. You can ask for forgiveness for your wrongdoing, but he still must fire you for theft. It doesn’t mean that you still don’t owe him an apology.

If they don’t forgive you, then it’s on them. You may be remorseful for your actions, but sometimes the deed is so severe that there is no way to recover from it. Still, it’s always a good character to make a sincere apology.

4. Make Sure They Know You Won’t Do This Again

In the scenario where you’re in trouble at work, part of reconciling with your boss is to let him know that you will never fail to report your tips again. The boss may show you mercy because you were sincere, or they may stick to company policy.

Your attitude can help predict the outcome. The person you apologize to can feel your sincerely, and your demeanor may choose whether they forgive you or not. Keep in mind that forgiveness doesn’t always mean there are no consequences for your actions.

If you apologize to a judge for going 25 miles per hour over the speed limit, he will probably still punish you. However, he may go lighter on you in the hopes that you learned your lesson and won’t do it again.

5. Give a Formal Invitation to Ask for Forgiveness

When asking for forgiveness, you must say the words “My friend, I am so sorry for what I have done. Will you please forgive me?” You may say a lot of other things as you apologize.

The most important thing is asking for their forgiveness. Don’t just assume they will extend the olive branch to you, ask, and make sure that you settle this matter.

6. Do a Follow Up Act

While your words are fitly spoken when you’ve hurt someone, you need to follow up your meeting with a consolation gift. You should send something that shows this person that you meant what you said. Things you could send include a card, flowers, email, or a special “just because” gift.

While you don’t have to spend any money or do another thing, it once again shows your sincerity and devotion to making a change. The gesture serves as a promissory note that you won’t make the same mistake twice.

7. Move on From the Past

If you have apologized for your actions and this individual has forgiven you, then it’s time to move on. Don’t dwell in the past as it can dictate your future. For instance, if you lied to your spouse and got caught, they can’t continually throw this up in your face.

When you have asked forgiveness, if they accept, then they must genuinely forgive. While forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, it does mean moving on from this event. It’s never fun to be with someone who is continuously bringing up all your wrongdoings in an argument. They may have said that they forgave you, but their actions speak so much louder than their words.

Final Thoughts: Don’t Ruin Your Apology by Making Excuses

Don’t expect things to get right back to normal. In many instances, it takes time to heal the issues even though they did accept your act of contrition. If done correctly, this event can allow your relationship to grow.

When you weather a few storms, you will have to apologize for anything you’ve done wrong. These life lessons cause you to have a deeper level of respect for people. You can truly show how much you care for someone by your willingness to make things right.

Just remember that you must stick to the facts and never make excuses for your actions. The goal of apologizing is to get forgiveness and not prove your case.

You will make many apologies in life, but with each one counts as a lesson learned about how you should act and treat people. Saying I’m sorry should come naturally if you live with integrity.


Psychology Reveals 7 Traits of a Stubborn Person

Psychology Reveals 7 Traits of a Stubborn Person

We often think of being stubborn as a negative trait, but being a little hard-headed comes in handy sometimes. It helps you stand your ground and not give in to people out of peer pressure or guilt. It does pay to compromise in certain situations, but you also have to know when to stand firm with people.

No matter how you feel about stubbornness, new research shows that this personality trait might actually help you live longer! A study by the University of California San Diego School of Medicine and the University of Rome La Sapienza sought to find a connection between certain personality traits and longevity.  Twenty-nine individuals aged 90-101 from remote rural villages in Italy participated in the study. At the conclusion of the study, the scientists confirmed that the group had better mental health overall than their younger family members aged 51-75, even though their physical health was worse.

The group had a few key traits in common, including a stubborn streak, a hearty work ethic, healthy relationships with family, an optimistic attitude, and a life close to nature. Researchers believe that being stubborn helped participants care less about what others thought of them, which in turn lowered their mental stress. This mental fortitude and unyielding disposition aided them greatly in keeping a positive outlook on life.

“We also found that this group tended to be domineering, stubborn, and needed a sense of control…” study co-author Anna Scelzo stated in a press release from UC San Diego Health,

“This tendency to control the environment suggests notable grit that is balanced by a need to adapt to changing circumstances.”

So, as you can see, being stubborn does pay off! Below, we’ll go over some of the critical traits of a stubborn person. Because having a lot of pride does come with its downsides. Thus, we will talk about some of the challenges stubborn people face as well.

“You don’t stay undefeated without being a little stubborn.” ~Andre Ward

Psychology reveals seven traits of a stubborn person:

  1. They have a strong will.

Stubborn people never hesitate to follow through with something they genuinely believe in. If they have a vision, they will accomplish their goals, come hellfire, or high water. This mental vigor pays off because you can’t reach your destination if you have fears about even leaving the driveway. In other words, having pride enables you to stay consistent with your dreams and keep the momentum going even when you reach setbacks.

Having a strong will may come from facing challenging situations in childhood. People who have a lot of struggles early on in life may have a greater appreciation for hard work and will walk the extra mile to achieve their dreams. Those who have nothing to lose and everything to gain know all too well how it feels to stare up that mountain from the very bottom. However, the climb makes the journey worth it.

Those who have unshakable willpower don’t let life stand in their way, and they don’t cave easily under pressure. This segues into our next point.

  1. Stubborn people have a lot of resilience.

Those who have a lot of pride feel that they must do everything on their own. Nothing got handed to them in life, and they know if they want something, they will have to work for it. However, no challenge intimidates or scares away a stubborn person. They have the drive and indomitable will to shape reality how they see fit.

They will work 16 hour days if they have to in order to accomplish their goals. A stubborn person may seem intimidating when you first meet them, but they don’t allow others’ opinions to ruffle their feathers. They have much larger fish to fry, so they just keep their eyes on the prize.

  1. They won’t sway their opinion just because of peer pressure.

A stubborn person won’t cave in an argument just because no one agrees with them. They’ll make their points, have evidence to back them up, and stand their ground even if no one stands with them. While some people will just go with the herd because it feels comfortable, a person with pride doesn’t let the groupthink mentality affect them.

No matter the topic, stubborn people bring a lot of fire to a discussion, expanding the minds of everyone in the room. Although, they sometimes have a difficult time admitting when they’re wrong, so it doesn’t always go both ways. Their inflexible personality can often cause disharmony in the lives of stubborn people because they don’t like to admit defeat or error.

If they can keep an open mind during discussions, it will help them greatly in both the workplace and their home life.

  1. Stubborn people have a passionate attitude about life.

Because stubborn people don’t like to back down from a challenge, they have a lot of passion and vigor for life. Nothing seems off-limits or impossible for them because of their willpower and determination to get things done. Stubborn people often excel in the following careers due to their hard-headed disposition, according to research from

  • wholesale and manufacturing sales representative
  • retail sales worker
  • management analyst
  • human resources manager
  • police officer

These jobs require a lot of social interaction, but they also cater to people who have a lot of pride in their skills and ability to accomplish a task. For these reasons, you might consider careers in these fields if you have a particular personality type.

Here are ways you can end arguments with your partner.
  1. They usually have a good work ethic.

Stubborn people have high standards for themselves and enjoy getting the job done, no matter what it might entail. They typically do better working alone because of their sometimes combative nature, but if they can tone it down a notch, working in groups doesn’t present a problem. Having pride in one’s work only becomes a problem when people trample on others or don’t consider their opinions.

So, if the person in question can learn to listen attentively to others and try to understand their perspective, they will have no trouble working in a group setting. Being stubborn can sometimes pay off when working with others because these types of people have a willingness to do tedious tasks that others may cringe at.

  1. They may resist change.

Stubborn people often have excellent resistance to change because they like to follow the status quo. Because of this inflexibility, this might just be their downfall. Life changes constantly, so it pays to have an open mind and a willingness to go with the flow. Stubborn people will have to work on their rigid way of living if they want to reach their potential truly.

  1. Stubborn people sometimes like to argue to prove a point.

Not backing down in a discussion is one thing, but having a lot of pride sometimes means instigating arguments just for the sake of it. Stubborn people have an insatiable need to be right, and they see arguing as a fun pastime. Beware if you cross a stubborn person with a lot of time on their hands because they might just start hitting you with heavy topics, like religion, politics, or gun control.

They may not mean to cause any discord, but they genuinely see discussions as a means of expanding one’s mind and seeing the world from another perspective. So, they may not realize they’re overstepping boundaries if others don’t enjoy arguing as they do. Perhaps they’d enjoy a career as a lawyer for this reason as well because a right amount of debating goes on in the courtroom.

Ways to deal with a stubborn person:

  • Walk away for a bit to breathe. Sometimes, you just need some space to cool off before you can deal with any problems. If the two of you just can’t see eye-to-eye, you might want to walk away before things get too heated. This way, you can circle back to the issue with a clear head.
  • Try to understand their side. Perhaps they’ve had to defend themselves from a young age and just don’t know how to communicate well. Try to understand where they’re coming from before writing them off as merely impossible to deal with.
  • Attempt to compromise. Stubborn people and compromise don’t usually appear in the same sentence. However, any rational, mature person would want to see things from another’s perspective. Try to arrive at a middle ground with them, as long as they seem open to discussing it.

Final thoughts on traits of a stubborn person

If you have a stubborn person in your life, you know the difficulties you face in dealing with them. They may seem argumentative and stuck in their ways, but they have their positive traits as well. Being stubborn means not backing down from challenges, having a strong work ethic, standing up for yourself, and having a lot of passion. These traits can take someone far in life as long as their hardheadedness doesn’t get the best of them.