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Therapists Reveal 6 Ways to Support a Couple Who Suffers a Miscarriage

Therapists Reveal 6 Ways to Support a Couple Who Suffers


A miscarriage is a tragedy for expecting couples. As a friend or family member, it can be hard to see the toll that it takes on them. It’s natural that you’ll want to do all you can to help them get through their grief, but you may not know what to do. Taking the advice of medical experts and therapists can help you with this.

Therapists advise not only grieving couples but loved ones of grieving couples because a tragedy takes a toll on friends and family as well. By following some simple advice, you can help the couple get through their grief in one piece. Here is what therapists say will help a couple who have suffered a miscarriage.

6 Ways to Help Someone Grieving a Miscarriage

So, you’re not sure how to comfort your friends? Here are some tips on compassionate ways to show them your love.

1 – Acknowledge the loss.

Many people often try to avoid talking about a miscarriage because they think it’s too hard for the couple to talk about it. While this is a noble idea, it’s not necessarily the right idea. Talking about grief is one of the best ways to get over it. Perhaps it could be that you don’t know what to say to the couple.

Not acknowledging the loss can make you seem that you don’t care how the couple is feeling. While this is probably the furthest thing from the truth, the couple is probably not thinking straight, and the couple may feel like you aren’t empathetic to the plight. A simple acknowledgment lets them know that you care about what they’re going through.

What you don’t want to do is pretend the incident didn’t happen. The couple is going through a real tragedy, and their grief is there. You don’t have to pretend to be a professional therapist – merely letting them know you’re there for them can be enough.

If you want to go a little more in-depth, or you feel that the couple needs to go a bit more in-depth, London-based psychotherapist Julia Bueno suggests saying something like, “Tell me your story. Start wherever you want.”

Not only does this let them know that you’re there for them, but it opens up the floor to allow them to express whatever they need to communicate. This leads to the next tip – listening.

2 – Listen to them.

Acknowledgment is the first step. When the couple is ready to talk, you should be prepared to listen. It could be just a few sentences they want to say, or it could be an entire speech. Either way, you should be ready to be the ears they need.

Listening doesn’t mean just “hearing” what they say. It shouldn’t be going in one ear and out the other. This means understanding their emotions, reacting to it, and being non-judgmental.

This last part – being non-judgmental – is where a lot of people go wrong. It’s not that they do it on purpose. Sometimes it can seem that you’re being helpful, and no one can blame you for that. After all, you’re not a therapist.

Avoid saying things like, “you were only X weeks along,” or “you’re young so that you can get pregnant again.” Not only is this judgmental, but it’s also insensitive. It’s like you’re telling them that their grief is unfounded.

Of course, you don’t mean any harm, but remember that the couple may not be in the most rational state of mind. They can take your comments and advice out of context and turn it into something that you didn’t mean.

After the acknowledgment, sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing. Allow the couple to do the talking, and you respond only when necessary. Just let them get their emotions out while being non-judgmental.

3 – Refer to the lost baby as a person.

This may seem simple, but it’s especially important if the baby was lost early in the pregnancy. You don’t want to refer to the baby as “it”, or “the fetus”. Remember that to the couple. Their baby was a person, not a failed project.

If the couple had a name picked out for the baby already, use it. When you talk about the baby (which may not often be because you’re listening more than talking), talk as if the baby was already a part of everyone’s life. You may even realize that the baby was a more significant part of your life than you thought.

Just make sure you don’t make unfounded speculations. For example, don’t say something like “baby Sarah would have loved the color pink,” because you don’t know that. Just keep things simple and remember that the lost baby was just that–a baby.

4 – Be prepared for erratic emotional responses.

A miscarriage can cause couples, especially the woman, to have erratic emotions and bizarre behaviors. Many times, the feelings aren’t entirely logical, but depressed people can have strange responses and reactions. Pair this with raging hormones and guilty feelings, and you have a couple that might be nuclear reactors waiting to explode.

You must understand that every couple is different, and there is no right or wrong way to react to such a tragedy. There is also no right or wrong length of time to respond to it. One couple may get over it in a week while another may take years.

It can be challenging as a friend or family member to deal with the ups and downs of an emotional couple, especially if they are expressing anger or frustration, but remember that you need to be there for them. The couple doesn’t mean to take it out on you. Intense emotions, paired with tragedy, can make people behave in ways they don’t mean to.

Another consideration is that one partner may be reacting differently than the other partner. This happens more often than you think. In this case, it’s essential to be there for the partner that’s taking the miscarriage hard.

Women can often take a miscarriage harder than men. According to Rayna Markin, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and associate professor at Villanova University, women can feel desperate, inadequate, embarrassed, or even have guilty feelings. A woman may need a lot of support to get over these feelings.

5 – Be willing to help with physical responses to grief.

The mind and body connect on a spiritual level. It makes sense that when the mind is in distress, so is the body. This can lead to a lot of physical ailments when couples are depressed over a miscarriage.

This means you must be empathetic to their emotions as well as their physical needs.

For women, they’ll already be dealing with the health-related physical ailments of the miscarriage. Their emotions can cause even more problems. These can include:

  • Loss of appetite
  • Fatigue
  • Concentration issues
  • Sleeping problems

Women’s emotions and physical ailments can be extreme compared to men. This doesn’t mean that men don’t take it hard, but women tend to take it harder.

Research now reveals that men can be in psychological distress, just like women. For men, their guilty feelings or depressed state of mind can cause some of the same adverse physical reactions that women have.

Depending on how severe their ailments are, they may need a third person to aid in their physical recovery. It could be as simple as making dinner or fetching sleep aids. Whatever they need, you should be willing to help with it.

6 – Don’t rush their grieving process.

Everyone grieves differently, so it makes sense that everyone will take a different amount of time to get over the grieving process. It doesn’t matter if the length of time doesn’t make sense to you. People must have the time they need to process and get over tragic events.

If you’re an impatient person, now is the time to work on that. If you plan to be a good friend or family member, you must be willing to deal with the couple’s grief for as long as it takes. Don’t try to rush them through it.

According to therapists and researchers, women can take up to three years to get over the emotions from a miscarriage. Men usually don’t take as long, but the relationship can be affected by negative emotions. Just be prepared to be the shoulder and ear for the long haul.

Final Thoughts on How to Support a Couple Who Suffers a Miscarriage

Losing a baby is one of the most challenging things a couple can go through. It doesn’t matter if the baby was born or not. The couple had a strong bond with their child, so losing the child can be devastating.

Being a person on the outside of the situation can be tough as well. You want to be there, but you may not know what to say or do. The advice that therapists and doctors offer in this article can get you on the right path.

Above all, remember to be empathetic, non-judgmental, and patient. You can’t put a time limit on grieving, and you can’t streamline the process. The most you can do is be a good friend or family member and be there for them the best way you can.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain 10 Red Flags You’re Dating a Narcissist

Therapists Explain 10 Red Flags You're Dating a Narcissist


If you’ve been in the dating pool for a while, you know how difficult it is to find someone who is honest, genuine, and the best fit for you. Nobody is perfect, but you want to find a love interest who can own up to his mistakes just as well as you can. How do you know if you are dating a narcissist?

There’s a big difference between loving and respecting yourself and being chronically selfish. Narcissism is a broad mental health disorder that makes people believe they are the most important being on the planet, according to therapists. Some of the signs are a grossly inflated ego, refusal to accept responsibility or blame, constant cravings for attention and praise, and disregarding other people’s feelings.

The Myth of the Vain Narcissist

This uncommon personality disorder was named for Narcissus, a character from Greek mythology. According to the story, this child of the river god and a nymph was so beautiful; he fell in love with his reflection in a water pool.

So great was his love that he pined away until he died, leaving a trail of beautiful flowers that still bear his name. Although this is a fictional story, mental health disorder is real.

Types of Narcissism

Psychologists recognize six different types of narcissism, ranging from closeted to psychopathic. This research suggests that a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) may stem from a combination of heredity and environment. While therapy can help this condition, there is no cure.

  • Seductive Narcissist: These narcissists try to win your heart to display it as a trophy.
  • Bully Narcissist: To boost their ego, the bully narcissist puts others down and steps on people to get to the top.
  • Exhibition Narcissist: There’s no guessing about this guy because he proclaims his egocentric tendencies to the world.
  • Secret Narcissist: He may not push his selfish agenda on others, but he secretly believes he is superior and entitled.
  • Toxic Narcissist: The ranges of this narcissistic personality are characterized by chronic drama and a long history of abusive relationships.
  • Psychopathic Narcissist: Not only can this narcissist break your heart, but he could also take your life. Most mass murderers are also psychopathic narcissists without remorse.

Are You Dating a Narcissist?

At first, you may not see that your new love interest has a psychological problem. However, warning signs will soon be evident if he is a narcissist. Here are ten red flags of narcissistic behavior that you shouldn’t ignore.

1. He isn’t Honest About His Marital Status

A narcissist can’t admit a failed relationship, even if he is still in it. Before you get attached to someone, be sure that he is free and not committed to somebody else. Take warning if your new love interest’s social media relationship profile says that he is separated or “it’s complicated.”

Do you want to be the third person in a cheater’s marriage? What does it say about a man or woman who is dating while still married? Regardless of the excuses, this person is lying and cheating. A selfish person doesn’t have the honesty and integrity to be part of a healthy relationship, so run while you can.

2. She Lies and Hides Things

A fulfilling relationship must be based on mutual honesty and trust. If it’s not there, then you’re headed for heartache. You can often tell if you are dating a narcissist if you are constantly catching her in lies. Often, narcissistic people will lie and stretch the truth about insignificant things, like where they bought their car or the fabulous job they had back when.

Sure, everybody has made mistakes and done things in the past that doesn’t make them proud. However, an honest person will have no qualms about being truthful about her past, where she grew up, former marriages, etc. Pay attention if she gets defensive and turns it around on you as if you have trust issues.

3. He Can’t Follow the Rules

There’s nothing wrong with individuality, but the typical narcissist expects the world to run by his rules. He has such a high opinion that he believes he is above the laws and rules of society. If you are dating a narcissist, you may see him ignoring simple laws and mandates “just because he can.”

A person who ignores laws is also apt to disregard morality. Perhaps he thinks it’s nothing to cheat on his taxes or his mate. He may think he is good enough to get away with it but refuse to let him get away with your heart.

4. His Romance is Not Genuine

When you first start dating a narcissist, one thing that gets your attention quickly is his air of romance. He knows precisely what you want to hear and uses a lot of smooth-talking to charm you. In the beginning, he may be generous with gifts and treat you like a queen.

The catch is that when he has captured your heart, the narcissist often loses interest. It’s a game of hunt and chase for him, not a seriously committed relationship. He will soon be on to the next conquest, so nip this selfish game in the bud.

These ten signs unmask an abusive narcissist.

5. She Can’t Respect Boundaries

The celebrated poet, Robert Frost, said it best when he wrote that “good fences make good neighbors.” Boundaries are essential for any relationship, be it family, friends, professional, or social. We all have lines drawn in the sand, and we show mutual respect by not crossing them.

You can often tell if you are dating a narcissist if she refuses to respect yours or anybody else’s boundaries. She may continuously push you beyond your set boundaries for her own selfish needs. If dating is this bad, what would marriage or living together be?

6. He Can’t Show Empathy

Do you have a narcissistic friend or relative who can’t put himself aside for one minute to be concerned about your problems? Therapists concur that people with NPD lack empathy skills. So if you are dating a narcissist, take a hint if he can’t relate to your feelings and tries to push your opinions aside.

This cynical personality not only can’t empathize with others, but he will often try to vie for attention by “one-upping” any of your situations or experiences. He is too busy promoting himself to think about your feelings.

7. She Uses People

How does your new love interest interact with her friends and coworkers? Is her friendship and professional relationships mutually respectful, or are they one-sided? A narcissist is always there when she needs you and is seldom seen rushing to help anyone else, not even her beau.

Does she only react with those who feed her ego and discard people who have no more energy or substance to offer her? Be assured that her intentions aren’t any different for you. Please don’t get caught in her web of selfishness.

8. He Takes No Responsibility for Past Relationships

Nobody can defend a narcissist better than himself, especially in past relationships. In many broken connections, the fault can usually be shared. Of course, this isn’t the case for those who’ve endured an abusive or cheating partner.

When you are dating a narcissist, he may fake honesty about his past relationships. If you believe his narratives, he was always the victim, and past partners were “unstable,” and single-handedly destroyed him. Be even more suspicious of him if he doesn’t want you to talk to his ex-partners to find the truth.

9. He Just Wants a Reputation

Narcissistic people spend a lot of time and energy cultivating a false image. He brags up every aspect of his life to impress others and create a bigger-than-life reputation. He usually isn’t worried about character building, because he will often do what it takes to make himself look good, even if it’s immoral.

If you are dating a narcissist, his chronic boasting should be a red flag. He invents big job titles and unbelievable salaries for every job he’s worked. You name it, he’s done it or owned it. Remember the saying that things that are too good to be true usually aren’t?

10. Your Relationship Is Chronically Unstable

Like everything in life, even the best relationships have their ups and downs. However, you shouldn’t feel like you are always on an emotional roller coaster. When you are dating a narcissist, everything will seem unbalanced.

At first, he may pretend to be all about you, then suddenly he is a ghost for days at a time. It’s easy for him to turn his feelings on and off toward you. Please resist the urge to stay in the relationship to change him, because the chances are that he or she will remain a selfish narcissist.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing a Narcissist

Unfortunately, the narcissistic person will never find someone who he loves more than himself. Consider these tell-tale signs that you are dating someone with unhealthy views of themselves, and walk away with your dignity. You deserve to have someone who will love and care for you as an equal. Meanwhile, the narcissist will be left with the only person in his life who loves him: himself.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain 6 Ways To Calm A Stressed Partner

Therapists Explain 6 Ways To Calm A Stressed Partner


Everyone can get stressed out, and it can be challenging to know what to do when your partner winds up in a stressful situation. If they have unhealthy or less-than-ideal coping mechanisms, it can be even tougher to understand how to help them.

Of course, with your heart going out to your partner, you wouldn’t want them to experience this emotional pain. But how can you help them out of that place without further exacerbating the problem?

Here’s how experts recommend six ways to calm a stressed partner.

1.    Find The Root

Where is your partner’s stress coming from? Why is it causing them to behave this way? No one ever wants to be stressed, so something is causing this to happen, says author and Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., ABPP.

Think back to your partner’s day or current life circumstances and consider what may be causing this stress. Here are some questions to help you in the process:

  • How has their day been?
  • Are their relationships with others, such as family or friends, going well?
  • Are they affected by world events?
  • Have they talked about anything stressful to you?
  • What seems to have triggered their stress?
  • Do they have patterns of becoming stressed in certain circumstances?

When you find the root of stress, you’ll be able to respond better to it and help your partner work through it.

2.    Listen To Your Partner

Unless your partner says, they genuinely don’t want to talk about the source of their stress, sometimes lending them an ear can help them feel better. Author and licensed clinical social worker Judy Ford outlines some steps to do this:

·         Step 1: Recognize Stress Symptoms

Take note of the way your partner begins to behave when stress mounts. Do they exhibit specific behaviors? They might, for example, get fidgety, snap more often, stress eat, or become withdrawn. When you see these symptoms of stress, you can make your approach.

·         Step 2: Approach

If your partner is exhibiting their stress symptoms, try to approach them with no judgment. Have compassion, kindness, and positive thinking when you go to them. Then, ask them how they feel and invite them to talk to you about it, maintaining a welcome tone of voice.

·         Step 3: Listen

When your partner talks about their stress to you, you need to genuinely and honestly listen to them. This will show your partner that you genuinely care for them. Active listening is a critical skill and can make the difference between a positive and negative response from your partner.

·         Step 4: When You Speak, Default To Comfort First

Most people who talk about their emotions will want to be comforted, not provided with solutions right away. First, offer comfort and give them physical or emotional support. Only after that should you ask if they’d like to find a way through the stressful situation with your help.

3.    Be Supportive, Always

When a partner opens up to you, you need to make sure they feel validated. They are vulnerable to you, so it’s only natural that you do your best to accommodate their emotions and show them how you appreciate their openness. Here are some tips for being supportive:

·         Being Patient

Your partner doesn’t want to be stressed out, and they certainly don’t want that stress to affect you. If they come to you and speak in a positive and productive way about something that involves you, resist the urge to default to defensiveness. Be patient and listen instead, so keep calm, recommends Whitbourne.

·         Ask How You Can Help

It’s essential to ask your partner how you can support them, says Ford. Even if you can’t directly help, ask how you can make things go more smoothly for them or how you could help them feel better. You can offer to do some extra chores, help them run an errand, give them a massage, cook them dinner. The possibilities go on and on!

·         Give Them Space If They Need It

Some people need to be alone when they’re stressed out. Don’t take it personally – it’s not about you at all; it’s about someone’s healthy need for me-time. Give your partner the personal space to do their own thing and unwind without your input, suggests Psychotherapist Edie Stark, MSc, LCSW. You’ll be surprised how supportive of action this can be to them and how much it may boost their positive thinking! Just make sure you talk about their needs for space and alone time first.

4.    Understand Insecurity Scientifically

Before you can even begin to calm down a stressed partner, you need to understand insecurity as a scientific concept. This doesn’t refer to typical “insecurity” in the commonly portrayed, obvious sense, but more to insecure attachment and insecure defensiveness. Many times, stress is the result of something partially influenced by insecurity. If you’re not careful, you can trigger an escalation of the situation by not knowing how to manage that insecurity.

According to research, a partner’s stress can spiral out of control when they protect themselves from mental distress. This can trigger immature insecure mechanisms that are important to respond to in a positive way to prevent a worsening situation. A person who is using these mechanisms may:

  • Very heavily fear abandonment.
  • Become defensive or passive-aggressive
  • Respress their feelings
  • Desire reassurance but feel invalidated by your current response.
  • Experience reality distortion
  • Feel too overwhelmed to react positively

Partners who experience severe insecurity may benefit from therapy or counseling services, and it’s worth broaching the subject with them if these harmful attachment patterns are becoming extremely prevalent in your relationship. If they happen too often, it can be toxic and cause the relationship to end.

5.    Try Working Through It Together

As a couple, you are meant to work through hurdles and problems hand-in-hand. You are meant to be there for each other through thick and thin. Coping with issues as a couple is referred to as dyadic coping, and it has substantial positive effects on the health and strength of a relationship.

This is why Assistant Professor of Communication, writer, researcher, and family relationship expert Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, Ph.D. recommends handling stress in the following ways:

·         Learn To Turn To Each Other

When you experience stress, learn to trust your partner and go to them first. Could you encourage them to do likewise? Over time, you will both get better at responding to each other’s stress and will learn to trust each other with the details of your plight naturally. Of course, be aware of emotional bandwidth, too. Communicate clearly about your emotional boundaries when turning to each other!

·         Ask Questions

Don’t be afraid to clarify your partner’s position. If there’s something you don’t understand, ask them about their perspective. Make sure you’re being non-judgmental and be clear that you’re asking because you want to understand them, not because you disbelieve them.

·         Brainstorm With Each Other

When your partner experiences stress, learn to put your heads together. Discuss options, allowing your partner to lead the discussion, and help them organize their thoughts so they can make their own independent judgments, decisions, and conclusions. Your goal is not to push your thoughts onto them, but to help your partner process their feelings and ideas.

·         Offer Your Perspective

Once you’re in brainstorming mode together, offer your perspective of the situation. You may have a less dramatic viewpoint because you’re separated from the emotions your partner is experiencing, or you might have some additional insight or unique opinion. Don’t push your partner to incorporate your perspective – show them alternative options they may not have considered.

·         Support Their Strengths

Appreciate your partner’s strengths and your strengths. See how you can cover for each other and complement each other to find the best solutions!

6.    Learn From This

The point of life is to keep improving based on life experiences. As a couple, you can both learn and grow from moments of stress and become stronger for it. If you don’t learn from the event, you and your partner may end up stuck in a cycle of stress that you never learn to handle better. Here are some ways to make sure you and your partner have learned from this episode of stress:

·         Think Of How To Better Handle This In The Future

What can you learn from this episode of stress? How can you prepare for this in the event it happens again? What triggers do you both need to be aware of? What have you learned works best for both of you, and what doesn’t work at all? When you think of these questions, you’ll be learning and growing together from experience and will be better equipped to face it next time with more positive thinking.

·         Explain Your Point Of View

If your partner’s stress led to them lashing out at you or exhibiting toxic behaviors, you need to tell them about it. After you’ve worked through the worst of the stress, open up communication regarding this with them, suggests Whitbourne. You want to talk about how their defense mechanisms hurt you or made you feel and recommend more mature or positive methods of coping for the future. Remember, don’t be accusatory – focus on explaining yourself productively and with kindness.

·         Understand Your Own Thresholds And Boundaries

Your partner’s pain can, in turn, affect your emotional energy. If you let yourself be drained instead of stepping away when you need to, you’re doing no one any favors. Ford recommends learning to gauge your stress levels, so you know when you need a break and need your support. Be sure to speak to your partner about this. Remember, it’s unreasonable for any expectations to involve a partner being there for the other at their own severe mental detriment. You can’t help each other if you start suffering, too.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways To Calm A Stressed Partner

Stress is a part of life. Your partner will end up feeling stressed out multiple times throughout their life, as will you. Learn to help your partner through their stressful times and learn to rely on them during your own. This will ultimately build your bond and make your relationship stronger!

Lifestyle

Therapists Reveal 6 Reasons Perfectionism Can Be Self-Sabotaging

Therapists Reveal 6 Reasons Perfectionism Can Be Self-Sabotaging


It’s healthy to think highly of yourself and to hold yourself to high standards. But these standards have to be reasonable and grounded in reality. Unfortunately, for many perfectionists, that’s not the case for them.

Perfectionism doesn’t sound too bad as a concept. You want the best and are willing to do whatever you can to achieve it. But many times, those perfectionist traits come with their fair share of downsides that can negatively affect you. In a cruel sense of irony, being a perfectionist can jeopardize your progress! Here’s how therapists reveal six reasons perfectionism can be self-sabotaging, and how to fix it.

1.    You Take Ages To Make A Simple Decision

There is no such thing as a perfect decision. No matter what you choose to do, there will be some downsides. If you’re a perfectionist, you might feel the need to excessively obsess over all the possible factors involved in that decision-making process.

What this does is it forces you to spend a lot of energy and time working on these choices, which can wind up burning you out, explains author and published researcher Alice Boyes, Ph.D., who has papers published in leading peer-reviewed journals around the world. She stresses that this can cause you to focus on smaller things instead of more significant priorities, which isn’t great for your energy levels. Here are some tips to get around this form of self-sabotage:

·         Focus On The Most Important Things

Let your brain zero in on only the most crucial tasks first. This focus means you’ll have less to devote to obsessing over minor decisions, and your efforts will go where they deserve to.

·         Put Yourself In Time Constraints

Need to make a decision quickly? Put yourself in a situation that forces you to make your choices in a fast manner. If you have multiple things to make decisions for, or if someone is demanding a decision by a specific deadline, you will often be more motivated to make choices faster or move on.

·         Learn To Prioritize

Use simple rules of thumb to find ways to prioritize tasks quickly. This habit can be referred to as heuristics, a process by which certain things are given priority over others based on a value such as effort, monetary influence, or fluency. This is, by nature, not a perfect decision-making method, but one known for its positive effect on efficiency, short-term goals, and finding optimal solutions without the need for lengthy consideration.

2.    You Procrastinate

Procrastination is often seen as a bad trait, but that doesn’t mean that perfectionists don’t suffer from it. But how can someone who wants to do perfectly put off their work? Well, according to the author and licensed psychotherapist and codependency expert Sharon Martin, LCSW, here are some reasons a perfectionist may procrastinate:

·         Fear

You might be terrified of being embarrassed, of failing, or of not being good enough. This fear paralyzes you, making it impossible for you to perform your work as your anxiety holds you in place. To overcome this, understand that the only way to improve is to make mistakes. If you fear failure, you are, by proxy, fearing something crucial to improvement.

·         Self-Worth

Your sense of self-worth might tie into a possible achievement from this perfectionism. Unfortunately, that means that you can become especially discouraged when you realize you may be unable to succeed and envisioned in a task. Remember, your successes do not define you as a person. Learning to be secure in your identity, not in your goals alone, is crucial.

·         High Stakes

Perfectionists often set very high goals, and the momentous task before you might make it difficult for you to know how or where to begin. Learn to temper the stakes you put in what you do. Keep things reasonable – what can you accomplish?

·         The Cycle

These factors all make you avoid your task, but avoiding your task only increases the emotions attached to those factors. This cycle means it will feel more challenging to complete the job you have the longer you procrastinate.

The common idea that procrastination is the mark of a lazy person is scientifically and psychologically inaccurate, according to research. Instead, it is the factors mentioned above that often lead to this habit putting-off your to-do list, even when you’re not a perfectionist.

3.    You Feel Like You Must Finish Every Single Task

Urgency and importance are two different things, but if you’re a perfectionist, you might struggle to choose between them. Specific tasks have more time to complete but have a much larger impact on your everyday life; these are the important but non-urgent tasks. Other jobs have a minimal window before their deadlines, but failing to complete them wouldn’t significantly affect your life; these are the urgent but unimportant tasks.

In life, you’ll often need to prioritize important things, even if there are urgent tasks around you. For perfectionists, this can be a difficult thing to wrap your head around, says Boyes. You might feel like you have to do every single thing on your to-do list, causing you to rush to finish urgent tasks, leaving less time for essential ones.

You’ll burn out from a cycle and pattern like this one. You’ll never have the energy you need for things that matter. You need to learn to prioritize what is essential and become comfortable with letting some unnecessary tasks slip by. Without that, you’ll fall victim to the same issue many perfectionists face: increased burnout rates, higher stress levels, and decreased positive thinking.

4. It’s Always All-Or-Nothing

If you’re a perfectionist, you might have a very extreme view of situations, refusing to exist on the broad spectrum between “all” and “nothing”. This is commonly referred to as “splitting”, according to Mary Mykhaylova LCSW. Here are some examples of all-or-nothing behavior:

  • If you feel that you cannot achieve perfection, you will elect not to do something at all.
  • You insist on getting “fresh starts” whenever something goes wrong, resulting in your always starting again but never actually finishing.
  • If you fail one aspect of a goal, you might give up altogether and abandon everything.
  • You rapidly swing between the extremes – on some weeks, you’re blasting through all your goals at a ridiculous rate, and on others, you can’t do anything at all.
  • Your identity can only be one extreme or the other – you’re either a failure or a success, stupid or smart, incredible or terrible… there’s no in-between.
  • Your entire self-esteem can be destroyed by one flaw or mistake as you label yourself negatively for any perceived problem.

Remember, balance is essential. You need to learn to make compromises along the spectrums of your life. If you can’t find perfection, then find something close to it. If you fail, you’re not a failure. You’re a successful person who makes mistakes, like any other human being. Learn to use these more positive thinking points!

5.    Your Mental Health Suffers

As aforementioned, perfectionists often find themselves experiencing higher levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. This downside to your mental health isn’t something that should be overlooked. Here are some aspects of mental health that can be affected by perfectionism:

·         A Harsh, Negative Inner Voice

According to an expert on perfectionism and University of British Columbia professor of psychology Paul Hewitt, Ph.D., people who are perfectionists often have a loud inner critic that always tells them they aren’t good enough and that they need to achieve perfection to finally be positive, successful people. Of course, that kind of success isn’t humanly possible, leading to issues such as depression and suicidal ideation.

·         Depression

Your mood can be dragged down significantly by that voice in your head, telling you that your perceived lack of perfection means you’re a failure. Science proves significant links between perfectionism and depression at convincingly obvious rates.

·         Burnout

Being a perfectionist is hard work, and your brain can get tired too. Think about it like exercise. If you overexert yourself, your muscles will be strained, and your body will be too exhausted to move. That can happen with mental exhaustion, too. Overworking yourself can cause your brain to become too exhausted to move, and that loss of productivity and positive thinking is very common in perfectionists.

6.    Your Relationships Are Hurt By Perfectionism

Perfectionism is commonly associated with work, but it can also affect the interactions with others. Being too much of a perfectionist can hurt those around you even more than you might expect, and it also sabotages your life. Here are some ways that this happens:

·         You Refuse Offered Assistance

Even when you need help, you might refuse it simply because you don’t think others will achieve the perfection you seek. Other people’s hands in your work might “corrupt” it, ruining the vision you have of it, says Boyes. But it’s important to remember that outside perspectives and assistance are just as capable of helping your efforts. Sometimes, you’re going to need help, and that’s okay.

· You’re Critical

You notice all the wrong things that everyone else is doing. Your high standards that you hold yourself to are ones you hold everyone else to, as well. You criticize them, nag them to abide by your high expectations, and barely notice their efforts if they don’t achieve perfection. This outcome can make you unpleasant to be around and even damage previously strong relationships, according to Martin.

·         You Have False Ideas About Relationships

As soon as you make a mistake in your relationship with someone – platonic or otherwise – you might spiral into self-loathing. According to Mykhaylova, this can result in defensive or toxic relationship behaviors that push people away. When people begin to separate themselves from you, you might then go on to blame your failure for this phenomenon, not realizing that your own self-loathing became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Final Thoughts On Some Reasons Perfectionism Can Be Self-Sabotaging And How To Fix It

Not all perfectionism is bad. It can, occasionally, be a good thing to chase after lofty goals. But the keyword here is “perfect”, and no one can truly be perfect. To expect perfection out of yourself is to expect the impossible, and no matter how positive your achievements or successes are, they will never be “perfect”. That’s not humanly possible!

If your perfectionism comes in the form of wanting to do the best you can without attaching your self-esteem to it or being unreasonable, that’s perfectly fine. But if your perfectionism involves the acts of self-sabotage talked about here, then you’re doing yourself more harm than good.

It can be not easy to unlearn perfectionism. If you’re having trouble learning to manage your expectations, or if you beat yourself up over failing to meet very high standards, you need to learn to dial down your drive for perfection. Don’t be afraid to talk to a therapist, counselor, or other relevant medical health professional to overcome this mindset.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain How to Develop Your Self-Belief in 8 Easy Steps

Therapists Explain How to Develop Your Self-Belief in 8 Easy


Self-belief, as the term suggests, means believing in yourself and your abilities. If you don’t have much self-confidence, it makes it hard to achieve your goals and maintain healthy relationships.

Low self-esteem can occur due to several reasons, such as:

  • You’re struggling with unresolved trauma or neglect.

If your parents always criticized you and didn’t reassure you very often, you probably had to work even harder to love yourself as you got older. Learning how to build self-confidence as a young adult may take time if you never knew this valuable skill as a child.

  • You are surrounding yourself with unkind people.

If you have friends who always tear you down or make snide comments, it may affect your self-belief. Not having boundaries and allowing people to walk all over you can hinder your confidence levels. Usually, people who have to put others down have low self-esteem and lack love for themselves, so try to remember that it isn’t about you. Also, make sure to distance yourself from these types of people and try to find positive friends.

  • You entertain negative self-talk.

If you continuously entertain defeating thoughts about yourself, you won’t have much confidence and may find yourself in unpleasant circumstances. Perhaps you may take jobs that only allow you to barely scrape by because you don’t feel good enough for something better. You may also get involved with relationships that invite more stress and negativity into your life.

A few poor choices can take a toll on your self-belief. If you moved to a new city for a job opportunity and it didn’t work out, for example, it may cause your self-esteem to take a nosedive. Some people take things much harder than others, so a minor setback or a poor choice can cause them to second-guess themselves in the future.

Why do you need self-belief?

To put it simply, you need confidence in yourself to achieve goals and maintain relationships with people. Low self-esteem can affect every facet of someone’s life, from their job to their relationships to lifestyle choices. If someone holds a negative view of themselves, they may use substances or get involved in dangerous lifestyles in an attempt to numb their emotions.

If you grew up in a challenging home environment where your personality didn’t get a chance to flourish, you might consider therapy to help you develop confidence. When your upbringing doesn’t give you what you need, it usually reflects in some way in your adult life. Therefore, to have a healthy self-image as you grow up, you will need support from someone such as a therapist or a close circle of friends.

Not everyone who experiences trauma or neglect as a child will have self-esteem issues. However, studies show a strong correlation between childhood trauma or abuse and low confidence levels. Having a good relationship with yourself and believing in your abilities can help you navigate life’s challenges and create a fulfilling future. We all need some level of confidence to complete tasks and tend to our responsibilities in life.

With that said, what if you struggle with self-esteem and have no idea how to develop it? Don’t worry; we have some tips you may find helpful to get you started on your journey to self-love.

Here are eight steps to developing your self-belief:

  1. Have an idea of who you’d like to become and what you want to accomplish.

If you have no clue what you wish for in life, you don’t know what qualities you need to develop in yourself or what steps you need to take. So, you first need to make a list of character traits you’d like to work on and goals you would like to set for yourself. This way, you have a clear idea of what direction to take your life in and who you see yourself becoming. Don’t put any limitations on yourself for this exercise; go all out and write down all the qualities you want in your highest self as well as your loftiest dreams.

You may not have confidence you can achieve these dreams in your present state, but put that negative thinking out of your mind for a few short seconds. Remember that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to – it just takes willpower and belief in yourself.

  1. Practice positive affirmations.

If you want to achieve a more positive relationship with yourself and grow your confidence, you’ll want to include some positive affirmations in your daily routine. Before work or school each morning, write down a few motivational phrases such as “I love myself” or “I attract beautiful things into my life.” This way, you will start the day on a positive note and set the tone for the rest of the day.

You can even write them down on some flashcards and bring them with you so you can refer to them throughout the day. We all need some encouragement, and affirmations make a great way to reset your brain and prime it for positivity.

  1. Get out of your comfort zone often.

Plenty of us get complacent after a while and don’t want to do anything to disrupt the order in our lives. However, we can’t grow unless we actively choose to experience new things and get outside our bubble sometimes. Unique experiences that may seem scary at first can help build your confidence and reveal your true potential. You can take baby steps at first, but make it a point to step outside your regular routine at least once a month.

Keeping life fresh and exciting will improve your perspective and allow you to expand your realm of possibilities.

  1. Challenge any harmful and negative thoughts that pop into your head.

Humans have thousands of thoughts every day, most of them on repeat from the previous day. So, when you have self-defeating thoughts, remember that you don’t have to believe them. Because your thoughts are fleeting, you shouldn’t put too much stock in them. Meditation can help you remove yourself from your thoughts and gain clarity if you struggle with having a monkey mind.

  1. Have a winner’s attitude.

Life boils down to our attitude about it. Because we create different realities based on our most prevalent thoughts, we all have varying experiences. If you want to have a more satisfying life, you should work on improving your attitude and seeing the silver lining whenever possible. This doesn’t come easily to everyone, but with practice, you can start having more positive experiences as your mindset shifts. If you believe wholeheartedly good things will happen, then they will because of the intentions and energy you’re putting out.

  1. Encourage yourself and others.

Treat yourself like you want to treat others because the relationship you have with yourself determines all your other relationships. Hold yourself in high regard, and practice self-love and care often. None of us has all the answers to life, so don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone walks a different path in life, so focus on the one in front of you.

No matter your circumstances, as long as you show yourself kindness and love, you can achieve anything your heart desires. If you can fill your cup, make sure to give the rest to the people around you. We all need some love and encouragement to get by, so if you have any to spare, be generous!

  1. Maintain a healthy lifestyle and practice regular self-care.

If you don’t feel good on the inside, you won’t have much energy to create a beautiful life on the outside. Confidence comes from within, so start there. Eat healthy, nourishing foods, move your body in a way you enjoy, tell yourself positive thoughts, and surround yourself with uplifting people. Also, make sure to get good-quality sleep and follow your heart when it comes to your career. If you have a good relationship with yourself, it will help build your self-belief.

  1. Distance yourself from negative people and influences.

People who complain all the time or have a negative outlook, in general, won’t help you improve in life. Try to choose positive people and influences so you can continue to develop your self-esteem. Also, avoid watching emotionally upsetting TV programs or listening to depressing music, as these will influence your mood as well.

Final thoughts on developing your self-belief

Positive self-belief comes from the choices you make and the influences you have in your life. If you want to have more confidence, make sure to feed your mind and body well, keep positive people in your circle, and have goals for yourself. The beautiful thing about life is that we can change it in a moment’s notice. We do not have to keep stuck in a mindset or place that doesn’t allow us to flourish. As long as you continue working hard on your self-belief, you’ll never feel disappointed in life.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain the Link Between Good Character and Positive Thinking

Therapists Explain the Link Between Good Character and Positive Thinking


Good character, Helen Keller once eloquently stated, often comes from facing and overcoming difficult times. It doesn’t take much to remain poised and even-tempered when life goes well. But a person’s real character shows when he’s faced with trials and tribulations. The hard days give us a chance to chisel away at our weaknesses and come out stronger in the end. Without struggles in life, we wouldn’t have much of a reason to develop ourselves.

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller

So, how does positive thinking correlate with developing excellent character? You might feel as if it all boils down to the actions you take. However, anything that manifests in reality begins first inside the mind. Negative thinking easily defeats you. But if you can look at the bright side during even the fiercest battles, you can come out victorious.

No one accomplished anything worthwhile in history without having a determined, optimistic attitude. The mind tells our bodies what to do. So if you want to achieve a better reality, you must begin with correcting any defeating thoughts that creep into your brain. Not only does thinking positively help you accomplish more, but it makes you a better person. Below, we’ll explain more about how optimism can develop your character.

Therapists explain how good character and positive thinking go hand-in-hand:

If you go about life thinking bad things will happen at every turn, then you’ll likely experience precisely that. Our minds create our realities every second, so if you feel predominantly negative thoughts, you’ll start to have more unpleasant experiences. Simply put, people who approach life more optimistically tend to attract better experiences and have better health as a result of lower mental stress.

Studies prove the correlation between positive thinking and better health, citing the following benefits:

  • Increased longevity
  • Decreased rates of depression
  • Lower levels of distress
  • Lower rates of sickness from the common cold and flu
  • Better mental and physical health overall
  • Improved cardiovascular health and a far-reduced risk of death from cardiovascular diseases
  • Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress
  • Lower anxiety and stress levels
  • Better quality sleep

As you can see, positive thinking comes with a plethora of mental and physical health benefits. If something as small as changing the way we think can impact our health so drastically, think of the vast implications, it could have on an even deeper level. Perhaps thinking differently could also make us better people and create a ripple effect on humanity as a whole. Let us explain a few ways that being positive could transform your life and give birth to a whole new you.

Positive thinking gives you the courage to face adversity.

Negative thinking doesn’t make for a very productive, fulfilling life because it stands in the way of everything you want to accomplish. It destroys your willpower and steals your joy. When you think that you’ll get through a situation no matter what, however, you tell your brain that failure isn’t an option for you. As we said earlier, a good character comes from facing challenges, but if you’ve already made up your mind that you’ve lost, then you don’t give yourself a chance to grow from the experience.

Positive thinking gives you the courage and strength to overcome anything that life throws at you. While it may take time to transform your mindset, you will start to see the effects in your life. Our brains are malleable, proven by something called neuroplasticity. We can change the operating systems in our minds anytime we want to and rewire our brains for better outcomes in life.

You start seeing others as equals rather than your competition.

 Positive thinking also promotes community, because when you change your mindset, your compassion increases as well. If you live in a negative frame of mind, you likely only think about getting by and doing what you need to survive. From a positive point of view, you begin to see the beauty of life and how everything connects on an energetic level. As a result, you’ll start to honestly care about others’ well-being instead of treating them as your competition.

Positive thoughts help reduce cortisol and stress levels in the body, making it easier to connect with and relate to others. It takes down the walls we build around ourselves for protection and instead fosters a sense of comradery. Basically, when we feel good inside, we will want to share that joy with others. This happiness can have a ripple effect on others because smiles and cheerful attitudes are contagious.

If we can use positivity to unite us instead of promoting negativity that divides us, why would we consciously choose anything except the former? Just some food for thought.

Positive thinking promotes good character because it makes you more responsible.

 When you have a negative mindset, you may tend to blame others for your problems. However, in a positive frame of mind, you know that you control your reality, and you assume responsibility for everything in your life. However, your life looks now like you’ve created it in one way or another. By thinking positively, you’ll have the willpower and drive to change anything you don’t like, and at the same token, feel gratitude for the good things.

In other words, positive people feel a sense of inner power because they know they can choose to experience something better whenever they choose. They write their story, and they don’t shift blame to anyone else. By owning up to their mistakes, they can analyze what went wrong and learn from it. When you blame others, you remain stagnant because you always have someone else to blame for your actions.

You are less likely to ruminate and will focus on solutions instead.

Negative people tend to mull over what went wrong, as studies prove. This lowers your immune system, creates unwanted stress in the mind and body, and in general, keeps you stuck. Positive people take the lessons they learned from unfortunate experiences and transform them into opportunities for the future. In other words, they remain even-minded in both good and bad experiences. They know that you can’t have light without a little darkness sometimes, and they don’t sweat the small stuff.

Focusing on solutions helps you build character because you know that nothing can bring you down for too long. You’ve made up your mind that you will overcome anything that stands in your way, and you’ve trained your brain to look for solutions. Positive thinkers make good leaders because of this personality trait as people look to them for answers to complex problems.

Unfortunately, humans focus more on negative than positive experiences because we needed to look out for threats in nature to survive. Our brains haven’t yet evolved from this primitive state to adjust to the modern world, so that is why we have to work so hard at reframing our thoughts. Below, we’ll go over a few science-backed ways to become more optimistic.

How to retrain your brain to think happy thoughts:

  • Recite positive affirmations. A lot of the way you think comes from your self-talk. If you tell yourself defeating thoughts all the time, you don’t give yourself much of a chance to witness things in a positive light. Instead, tell yourself things like, “You have what it takes to get through this.” Or, you say, “You’re a strong, capable, amazing person.” As you recite these affirmations either silently or out loud, you’ll start to notice a change in your perspective after a while.
  • Expect good things to happen. One way to trick your brain into thinking positively is to keep your attention on positive experiences. If you make it a point to re-focus more on positive events, the bad parts of life will start to take up less mental space.
  • Think of obstacles as opportunities rather than burdens. When you look at everything that happens to you as a lesson, you become empowered and shift your experience. Instead of being a victim, you see yourself as an observer of what happens to you. You apply what you’ve learned and use it to build a better, more aware version of yourself.

Final thoughts on how good character and positive thinking connect to each other

In life, we always have an amazing chance to build on our experiences, and those who practice positive thinking know this. Therefore, they use negative experiences as simply tools to expand their awareness and chalk it up as important lessons learned. They give thanks to every person and situation they come into contact with because they just view life as a never-ending school, where we advance after we learn certain things. Positive thinking builds character because it shifts your mindset from that of a victim to a powerful creator of your own destiny.

Lifestyle

Therapists Reveal 13 Reasons Couples Fall Out of Love

Therapists Reveal 13 Reasons Couples Fall Out of Love


Is your union secure, and you feel that you will never fall out of love? Don’t be so sure that you and your partner are solid. You’ve probably heard that 50 percent of all marriages in this country end in divorce.

The American Psychological Association backs up this statistic. Breaking up is hard to do, yet sadly many couples don’t make it beyond the five-year mark. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a way to tell if you and your significant other will fall out of love long before it happens?

Thankfully, there are ways to tell if your relationship will last. You can examine things like your communication skills, bedroom habits, and how often you argue as indicators if you will make it for the long haul.

Here are thirteen signs that point to a rocky relationship that might not make it to forever.

1. You Take Your Anger Out on Each Other

Did you know that when you love someone, you are more likely to take your anger out on them? The key is that you interact more with your partner than you do anyone else, so it’s only natural to take out some of your frustrations on them. A study conducted in 2014 showed that this aggression is harmful to a relationship, and it pushes your lover away rather than bringing them closer to you.

2. There’s No Gratitude

Do you appreciate it when your partner spends the whole day cleaning and making a home-cooked meal for you? You should always pay attention to the smallest of things, and make sure you thank them for their efforts. Did you know that when you take a partner for granted, you undermine your relationship?

When you forget to say how thankful you are for their efforts, then you can compromise the physical and emotional health of the relationship. Gratitude should always be a part of your love language.

3. You Try to Change Each Other

One of the easiest ways to fall out of love is when a person won’t align with your perfect idea of a mate. Did you get together with your partner in the hopes that they would become someone else? Having a long-term relationship with someone who you want to change is never going to work.

Have you ever heard the old saying that a tiger doesn’t change their stripes? It’s because they can’t change who and what they are to appease you. Sure, some natural changes occur when you’re in love, but don’t expect to make them an entirely new person to fill your needs as it won’t work.

4. You Forgive, But You Don’t Forget

Every relationship has issues that require you to ask for forgiveness. While you forgive your partner, you must also forget the matter. Now, your brain can’t forget, but you can’t bring up the previous issues every time they make you mad in the future.

When one person is keeping score of the other’s wrongdoings, it sets a negative relationship dynamic. Part of loving and forgiving your spouse means that you release the issue and don’t use it to browbeat your partner with in the future.

5. There Are Trust Issues

When there are trust issues in a union, it makes for a rocky relationship. Sure, trust is not an easy thing to build, mostly if you’ve been burnt in the past. However, you must have a little faith in the person you are with if you want to grow old together.

When the foundation of your relationship is shaky from mistrust, then you can ensure that there will be physical and emotional problems with your union. At one point, you can almost guarantee that your partner will become tired of the trust issues and walk.

6. The Relationship is Full of Secrets

Do you have secrets that you keep from your partner? When you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s no fun to keep secrets. Sadly, many secrets cause you to lie.

When a partner tells the other that you can’t handle the truth, then they are saying that they don’t trust you with everything. Secrets in a relationship are one sure way to fall out of love.

7. There is No Compromise

What fun is a relationship if you never get any say? If you pick the restaurant this week, then your partner should get to choose next time. When one person dominates the union and makes all the decisions, it’s hard for the other person to feel important. Relationships are all about give and take, and compromise is essential.

8. You’re Not on The Same Page

For a relationship to be successful, you must both be going in the same direction. While you may think that love conquers all, it doesn’t. You must agree on the fundamentals, like if you want kids, saving money, and where you will live.

It’s easy to fall out of love when your goals don’t align. The differences between you and your spouse may start as a small annoyance, but they can fester into a significant wedge if allowed.

9. You Won’t Take Any Blame

Remember, as a kid, when nothing was ever your fault? You would always point your finger at your sibling or a friend to keep from getting into trouble. Sadly, this behavior can carry on with you into adulthood, causing you all kinds of problems.

You are not perfect, and your spouse can’t expect that you will be. However, it would help if you took your share of the blame with household and relationship issues. Let’s assume that you go over your grocery budget by $500 this month.

Rather than putting all the blame on your spouse, you must also take your part in the responsibility. Even if your partner does all the grocery shopping and cooking, you still have a hand in the matter. It may be that they need help with this aspect and rely on fast food and fancy eateries to cope with a lack of time.

Since groceries and eating is something you both enjoy, you must equally take responsibility in matters such as this one. Don’t be so eager to blame shift, or it’s one of the signs that you will fall out of love.

10. There Are Unrealistic Standards

Humans make mistakes, as no one is perfect. Your spouse is doing the best they can, but they are not infallible. If you expect your partner to be 100 percent perfect all the time, then you have unrealistic expectations.

When one person has such high requirements of the other one, it’s easy to become frustrated. Your partner will think that they can never please you, and you will feel that your partner doesn’t measure up. Stop playing the judge and quit expecting perfection.

11. You See Your Partner as Inferior

Relationships, where one person elevates their worth above the other is a recipe for disaster. When you have contempt for your significant other, it’s a telltale sign that divorce is looming. Do you continuously criticize what they do, show disrespect, are defensive, and stonewall them?

These are all indications that there is a deep rift in the union. A study in 2010 found that when one party shows content for the other, then it’s the “kiss of death” in a relationship.

12. Your Emotions Share No Similarity

Everyone has different emotions, but it can complicate things when conflict arises. If one person cries when they feel rage while the other hardly sheds a tear, it can be hard to be on the same page. Your emotional ranges don’t have to be the same, but they need to complement the other one.

For instance, if one person tends to shout and call names when you’re arguing, it can make the timid person who would never say anything wrong about you feel awful. You should have emotional similarities, or the imbalance can cause you to fall out of love.

13. You Stop Going on Dates

It takes a lot of hard work to keep a relationship alive, and it’s easy to fall into old routines. Once you commit to living together, you must try hard to make sure that romance doesn’t become automatic. Most couples waste their time on mundane tasks like grocery shopping, paying bills, or working.

However, everyday life can be far from romantic or exciting. You must make a special effort to ensure that you still do all those little things to keep the spark alive. Take your partner to the movies or out to a nice dinner.

You must put as much work into your relationship to keep your spouse as you did to attract them. Yes, you must still go on dates, even if you’ve been together for 20 years.

Final Thoughts on Recognizing the Traps That Cause Couples to Fall Out of Love

Do you see things on this list that show that you are in a rocky relationship? You can alter the course of your union by making some changes now. If you can’t seem to get on the same page with your partnership, then ask a counselor to help you sort things out.

It’s easy to fall out of love when massive issues make everyday life together challenging. So, if these issues exist, then you must work hard to alter then for the sake of your relationship.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain 7 Signs You’ve Found Your Partner for Life

Therapists Explain 7 Signs You've Found Your Partner for Life


When you’ve finally found your partner for life, you’ll feel it in your bones that you no longer have to search for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Everyone deserves love, but that doesn’t mean it comes easily. Usually, we stumble upon it when we’re not looking for a relationship in the first place. Not everyone believes in soulmates, of course, but studies show that people have happier relationships when they view their partner as the only one for them.

This makes much sense because if you feel that no one else could ever compare to your sweetheart, you won’t feel the need to wonder “what if” about other potential mates. You’ll have that peaceful satisfaction of knowing that you’ve found the ultimate love in your significant other. However, we don’t always know when we’ve met the right person. Your intuition may tell you that you’ve found your ideal partner, but you might need some more affirmation than that.

Below, we’ll go over some common signs that you’ve met your partner for life so that you don’t let them slip through your fingertips!

Therapists explain seven signs you’ve met your soulmate:

  1. You feel a connection with them you’ve never had before.

Perhaps you may feel an almost otherworldly connection with them. You feel as if you’ve known your love before in previous lifetimes. When you’re not speaking to them, the silence feels comfortable instead of awkward. However, during a conversation, you feel fascinated and stimulated by what they have to say, and you don’t need to hide or hold back your thoughts or feelings. Everything fits, and it feels like the pieces of your puzzle have finally started to come together.

You feel at home in their company and could talk for hours with them about everything and nothing at all. Being physically attracted to someone naturally happens all the time, but below the surface, we all want and need a deeper connection. When you’ve found this genuine bond, you know you have your partner for life.

  1. You can see a future with them.

Soulmates usually have the same outlook or perspective on life, and may even share similar goals. When you have wildly opposing views about politics, religion, marriage, or any other significant ideologies, it makes it very difficult to make the relationship last. So, when you meet your forever partner, you will find it easy to mesh with them about important issues. Because of your compatibility, you can see a future with them, even after just a few dates.

Also, we’d like to add that having similar goals in life may help the longevity in the relationship. Not to mention, when you have the same interests, it enables you to bond in a more profound way and possibly create businesses and other pursuits together.

  1. You speak the same language.

Having a partner that understands your emotions and way of explaining things helps you feel more seen and heard in a relationship. If you continuously feel misunderstood and alienated by your partner, you probably won’t want to stick around too long. However, when you’ve met your partner for life, they will never make you feel neglected or alone. They make it a priority to ask the deep questions and listen to you intently in conversations.

You both may have the same sense of humor or perhaps a similar way of looking at the world, which gives you a connection like no other.

  1. They make you feel safe.

You no longer have to hide pieces of yourself or wish you could meet someone who understands you. In this person, you’ve found everything you need, and they make you feel safe physically, mentally, and emotionally. They talk problems out with you, listen to you when you’ve had a bad day, and protect you to the end of the Earth. When you meet your soulmate, you’ll know it based on how seriously they take the relationship.

Your partner for life will want to do everything they can to make you happy because they genuinely love and care about you. They have no desire to hurt you and would do anything in their power to give you the life you deserve. You have a sense of inner calm in the relationship, and insecurities you used to have just melted away. When you meet that person who wants to go all-in and will stand by your side through the good and evil, you know you’ve bonded with your special someone.

  1. You feel that the challenges you face make you stronger as a couple.

Upon meeting your partner for life, you’ll notice that any obstacles you face together bring you closer together as a couple. Some people tend to clash in personality or have different conflict managing styles that make it challenging to come to a solution. However, when you’ve met your soulmate, you’ll find that you meet challenges with ease and complement one another nicely.

For instance, if you want to start a business together, they might know about finance, whereas you know more about advertising and marketing. So, you come together to use your skills and create something beautiful as a couple and utilize each other’s strengths. However, your partner doesn’t criticize you for your weaknesses; they guide you gently if you need help with something.

  1. Everything works.

Of course, no relationship comes in a perfect little package of rainbows and butterflies, but in general, you don’t have too many hangups. You take care of conflict in a mature way and make sure you hear each other’s opinions without becoming overly defensive or critical. You enjoy one another’s companionship. Plus, you can’t wait to spend time together on weekends or when you get home from work. You never get tired of one another, because they feel like home to you.

You feel stronger with them than before because they’ve helped you become a better person. A healthy, beneficial relationship will always improve your life, not cause you more problems and misery. If you feel happier and more at ease with yourself and life in general upon meeting your significant other, you might have found your partner for life.

  1. Your friends and family approve of your soulmate, too.

Now, we do not want you to think that you must have your family’s approval before marrying someone, but usually, your family can tell when someone’s good for you or not. If the people closest to you have only good things to say about your partner, then it reaffirms your own feelings about him or her. They may mention how you light up when you talk about them or are in their company, or how much happier you seem.

Your significant other soon will be spending a lot of time with your loved ones, so their opinion of them does matter to some extent. You want a partner who will mesh well with the people who matter to you, so if they do, this is certainly a positive sign. Make sure you pay close attention to how your loved ones communicate and respond to your partner, and listen to them if they spot any red flags.

Sometimes, our family or friends can see potential problems in a different light than we can since they have an outside perspective.

reveal love
Here are fifteen hopelessly romantic ways to show your girlfriend some love.

Final thoughts on signs you’ve found your partner for life

Everyone wants to find that special significant someone, but how do you know when you’ve met them? Usually, if your family and friends really adore them, you connect with them on an insanely deep level, and you can look into the future and see them there, you have probably met the one. Other signs include feeling safe and peaceful in their presence, speaking a similar soul language, feeling understood and heard, and just meshing well in most areas of your life. It also helps if you hold a similar worldview and can overcome obstacles together with ease.

Not to mention, when you’ve found The One, other people will notice. They might even feel a little jealous and wonder where they can find a partner as wonderful as yours. You’ll want to show them off because you feel so enthralled with who they are as a person. Even if you don’t believe in soulmates, however, as long as you communicate well, make each other happy, and put equal effort into the relationship, you can make it work for the long haul.

Finding your partner for life will make you feel whole and complete in a way that nothing else compares, and it will likely happen when you least expect it. If you haven’t met this person, don’t worry; they might cross your path in an unlikely place, like the grocery store or the gym! Love finds us when we’re ready, so as long as you focus on making yourself happy and following your heart, it will come to you.

Lifestyle

Therapists Explain 11 Recurring Dreams Never to Ignore »

Therapists Explain 11 Recurring Dreams Never to Ignore »


What is your recurring dream trying to tell your subconscious?

Have you ever dreamed of breathlessly running down a long hallway, but you never found the door? Or, perhaps you are back in school and can’t find your classroom, and you have an overwhelming fear of being late. Psychology Today reports that 60 to 75% of adults have recurring dreams.

“A recurring dream probably merits close attention. Something wants you to pay attention.” Amy Hardie

What Messages Your Dreams Might Be Sending

Interpreting dreams has been an essential part of human history. Dream Moods explains that clay tablets depicting visions have been discovered, dating as far back as 4,000 B.C. In every phase of history, dreams contained vital information concerning the dreamers or the world around them.

Our modern psychologists believe that dreams may help people process daily experiences, particularly those that are threatening. NCBI published the results of a study on the effects of the subconscious on dreaming.

The study concluded that a person’s level of frustration or satisfaction influenced dreams and the emotional interpretation of those dreams. Those who experienced recurring dreams had more psychological defeat daily. They concluded that dreams might help people process feelings and daily experiences. The messages dreams are sending may be interpreted negatively or positively depending on a person’s state of mind.

Ten Messages Psychologists Tell You Never to Ignore

When specific dreams become more prevalent, it may be that your mind is pointing toward essential facts about your daily life. Your mind may be trying to solve a problem during sleep that you haven’t been able to resolve while you are awake.

Our dreams provide insight into our daily lives. Do not ignore these ten recurring dream themes.

1. Dreams about falling.

Psychologist Ian Wallace believes falling is a feeling of losing control over aspects of your life. You may be feeling like the responsibility is weighing heavily on you, and you have no escape. If you keep dreaming about falling, it may be time to destress.

2. Injuries, death, or losing teeth.

These themes may indicate a lack of self-esteem. Death can mean change is ahead, and you are leaving the past behind and moving forward to new things. Dream expert Patricia Garfield suggests teeth falling out may be linked to suppressed anger. When we grind our teeth or clench our jaw, this can cause us to lose teeth in a dream.

3. An embarrassing public performance or failing a test.

Many people dream bout failing an exam or embarrassing themselves in public. This type of dream indicates you are stressing out about something before you fall asleep. They man mean you can’t follow through with something meaningful. The bottom line is that you are most likely feeling anxious and worried during the day.

4. Wearing little or no clothing.

This dream is about feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Ian Wallace states that this theme may mean you are feeling vulnerable in a new relationship or at a new job. You may be fearful that people will learn about your weaknesses. If you dream about wearing pajamas to an important event, it may be a sign of insecurity about an upcoming event in your life.

5. Dreams about being chased.

Lauri Loewenberg, a dream expert, believes that recurring dreams about being chased are people’s way of trying to avoid conflict. What’s chasing you in real life may be debt, trying to work out a problem, or unfulfilled dreams that are chasing you because you haven’t worked toward achieving your goal.

6. Apocalyptic and natural disaster dreams.

If you suffer from these dreams, you are not alone. This imagery is a common theme and may mean you feel you have lost control over a personal problem. Perhaps you feel threatened about something in your life. These feelings can make you feel vulnerable when you are awake, so they should be addressed.

7. Crashing a car or technical difficulties.

Patricia Garfield explains that dreaming about your computer or phone breaking may mean you have a problem connecting emotionally to someone, or you may have relationship issues. You may be feeling unsupported in real life, and you may require some help working out your feelings.

8. Dreams about being pregnant.

Men and women can dream of being pregnant. David Bedrick, a dream psychologist, says that this may indicate that you are giving birth to new creations and ideas. If you are in the middle of an important project, and you have this dream, set goals, and work hard to bring your visions to reality.

9. Dreams about being late.

Michael Olsen, a dream expert, suggests that dreaming about being late may be an instant fear of missing out. If you are stressed out and feeling that you don’t have time for what’s essential in your life, this dream may be telling you it’s time to slow down. Set time out for the things and people in your life that you love.

10. Unfamiliar houses or rooms.

Psychotherapist, Eddie Traversa, tells us the rooms represented in our dreams represent internal conflict. These dreams may also represent internal changes. If you dream about a bathroom, you may need to declutter or clean up your emotions. Bedrooms can symbolize worries about romance.

11. Dreams About Your Partner Leaving You

Many people have experienced the scary dream about your partner leaving. Dreams are not usually literal but are a representation of thoughts and feelings. Fear of having a loved one walkout is not unusual and may represent itself in the course of our dreams.

If your partner leaving you is turning into a common theme in your dreams, you may be insecure about your relationship. There may be problems with your relationship that you need to address. Talking about those fears with your partner is a healthy way to resolve your issues.

When these types of dreams continue to be a concern and cause nightmares, this may lead to insomnia. It may be time to seek help to ensure that your mental and physical health is not being negatively affected.

You will find these fifty dream meanings intriguing.

Can Dreams Impact Your Health?

Dream research indicates that dreams may reveal signs about health. While some people believe dreams are just random thoughts swirling about in our sleep, research shows that dreams may be an indicator of physical and mental health.

Some of the research has indicated that recurring dreams may be important indicators of your health.

Dreams may be indications that you have heart disease or sleep apnea and are being generated as a nightmare as a warning sign.

  • If you wake up from recurring dreams in the early morning, this may arise from a mood disorder like anxiety or depression, which is preventing you from a healthy REM cycle during the night.
  • Vivid and bizarre dreams don’t mean anything is wrong, but they may indicate a problem with alcohol, medications, or Parkinson’s disease.
  • Consistently having bad dreams may be an issue of poor diet or a vitamin deficiency or maybe a sensory trigger from movies, music, or events you witnessed during the day.

Dreams are essential for several reasons. They mean you are sleeping deeply and experiencing REM. This level of sleep is necessary for our bodies and brains to function well. Dreams also bring to life the emotions that we feel during the day but often don’t address. They bring those emotions to light in a new way and often help heal emotional wounds.

Dreams are essentially stripping the emotion out of negative experiences by creating a new memory. This experience is healthy for us because it helps process our feelings. If we can’t handle emotions, we will be more prone to anxiety and worry. Dreams are good for our mental health.

For those who have experienced emotional trauma, or PTSD, dreams can be therapeutic. The University of California conducted a sleep study that concluded people who have experienced psychological trauma have stress hormones released. The brain can work through that event during dreams and divorce the mind from the associated emotions.

 

Final Thoughts on Using Recurring Dreams for Positive Change

Powerofpositivity.com explains how you can use dreams to make positive changes. Consider using your dreams to make reasonable changes in your life. Your dreams may be giving you clues to subconscious problems you are not addressing. They may be giving you advice about insecurities you are not able to face when you are awake.

Don’t ignore or discarding recurring dreams. Try writing down your dreams as soon as you wake up, when they are fresh in your mind. If you don’t write them down, they will be as elusive as ascending smoke from a fire. And so, they will disappear into thin air.

Look up the themes of your dreams, especially if you have recurring dreams. If you have concerns, you can talk to a dream therapist who can help you find answers to the clues your mind is telling you when you are asleep. Dreams can be the answers to mental and physical issues if you learn to interpret and understand what they are trying to say to you.

Lifestyle

Therapists Reveal How to Stay Positive When Your Partner is Irritating You

Therapists Reveal How to Stay Positive When Your Partner is


There’s something beautiful about having a partner that you’ve committed to for life. You get to spend every waking morning together and go to bed beside them at night. All that togetherness can be a bit too much for some people–sometimes ever irritating.

The cares of life can weigh heavily on your relationship, and there are times when your partner is getting on your nerves. It may not be about his or her actions. But it has everything to do with what’s going on in your life. How can you stay positive when your partner is irritating you to the point of an explosion?

Therapists work with people every day who have relationship problems. The tiniest of infractions can fester, causing arguments that last for days. Many people break-up and move on, and they don’t know what the problem was in the first place.

If your partner is getting on your nerves, you need to learn positivity in dealing with these situations. Here are some tips to help you keep from going over the edge.

•Realize Why They’re Irritating You

You’re human, so it’s only reasonable to shift the blame from one person to another. For instance, if a coworker made you upset at work today, then you may come home and take it out on your partner. Sometimes, even their heavy breathing can make you want to scream.

You must realize where your frustration is coming from, and never take it out on anyone else. Anger is the most natural emotion to show, and it’s so easy to show it to the wrong person.

•Do Not Resort to Childish Games

When someone is on your last nerve, it’s easy to want to call names, yell, or even not speak to them at all. Instead, why not effectively communicate the issue. If your partner leaves his or her dirty clothes on the floor beside the hamper rather than inside it, you can simply tell them how this is bothering you.

Never avoid speaking to them, leave angry, or make the situation worse. Act like an adult and get to the crux of the matter. Many people don’t even realize why they are getting on their partner’s nerves until the other person says something about it.

•Set Aside Time to Discuss Frustrations

One of the reasons why so many couples don’t make it is because they don’t have a good communication line. If your partner has little habits that drive you mad, you need to have an open dialogue about it. You should set aside a time each evening to talk.

Now, this time should not be reserved to point out all the wrong things that they’re doing, but it should be a time to talk about anything and everything. You need to tell them about work frustrations, problems with the kids, and the things that you both can improve on as a couple.

However, you mustn’t nitpick your partner. You don’t want to send them a text at work and tell them about the cap being off the toothpaste once again. Save all these little frustrations for discussion time. You can quickly drive them out of the door if you are constantly badgering them.

If you don’t have an active line of communication, don’t be surprised if your relationship doesn’t make it. Most conflicts can be resolved with effective communication. It helps to keep positivity in the union.

•Take Care of You

If your partner is annoying you, it might be because you haven’t had time to take care of yourself. You may tend to make mountains out of molehills when all you do is work. If you’re not getting enough sleep, meeting your deadlines, and feel like life is passing you by, then it’s easy to be aggravated by the smallest things.

Schedule a massage or a night out with your friends. With some rest and relaxation, you will be amazed at how much better you feel. The things that seem to bother you when you’re stressed out will probably be lessened when you are in a better place.

•Address an Underlying Mental Health Issue

Some things can be irritating to you because you have an underlying anxiety disorder. Did you know that anxiety can make you moody, irritable, grouchy, and a bear to be around? If you feel that you’re on edge often, it’s worth seeing a therapist.

You may have an anxiety issue that is causing you to be irritated by everything your partner does. In the spirit of positivity, you want to make sure their irritating ways aren’t only bothering you. For instance, do they drive you mad when they are crunching on potato chips or eating popcorn?

Misophonia is an anxiety-based condition that is aggravated by noise. So that chomping isn’t them being annoying, it’s your disorder kicking into overdrive. You can learn effective ways to manage this condition.

• Take a Walk

If your partner is doing something irritating, like turning the television up too loud, you may need to remove yourself from the room. The reason they may have the TV volume up so high is that they cannot hear it. While they may need hearing aids, it’s not something that you can take care of right now.

The best thing to do in this situation is to remove yourself. Go outside, take a walk, or sit on the porch and talk to one of your friends. When you take yourself away from the noise and chaos, then you will be able to refocus.

It’s not easy living with another person, and you will find that some days are worse than others. If they aren’t trying to annoy you, then just take a break. You will feel refreshed when you come back.

•Address Some Issues in the Moment

While you don’t want to be a nag, some things need to be addressed at the moment. For instance, if your partner is wearing shoes through the house, explain why this bothers you. There’s no need to wait for a specific time to talk when it’s something that you can address right now.

Rather than telling them all the reasons you’re upset, you can use science to back you up. Saying something like, “Did you know that when you wear shoes in the house, you are dragging in fecal matter and urine from dogs, not to mention all the other toxins on the ground?” You’re taking the focus off you and telling them a scientifically based reason why wearing your shoes in the house is terrible.

Plus, it’s incredibly irritating to have to clean up mud and shoe marks from the floors but blame it on science for the sense of positivity.

• Get Professional Help

Just because you’re in love with someone doesn’t mean that you will always like them. There may be times when you downright can’t stand them. If your union is worth salvaging from their irritating habits and the constant bickering, you need to see a therapist.

Therapists have a way to get to the crux of the matter and help you find effective methods for conflict resolution. Some issues are damaging to the relationship if they’re not dealt with immediately. Other situations boil and fester and put permanent wedges between people that are not repairable.

Therapy isn’t something that can fix everything, and it doesn’t work overnight. You both must commit to finding positive ways to deal with the irritations that are in your relationship.

• Learn Meditation

Meditation is a widely accepted Eastern treatment for what ails you. It helps to put the mind and body in perfect alignment as you learn to control your breathing. Did you know that you can learn simple forms of Meditation to stop a panic attack?

If you’re new to this art form, then using guided audio from the internet is easiest. However, Tibetan singing bowls are becoming increasingly popular in this country too. These bowls have a harmonious sound that brings an immediate focus and calm to your body.

Meditation helps you to rid negative energies that attach themselves to you during the day. For instance, you may have argued with a person at work, and all that negative drama is plaguing your mind when you get home. You can wash away the effects of that by simply meditating for a few minutes.

Final Thoughts on Overcoming the Irritating Parts of Your Relationship

There is no relationship without conflict and irritants. However, you must learn how to deal with these times positively for your union to last. When you look at people who’ve been married for 20 years or more, they have mastered the art of conflict resolution with their partner.