Ways

Raising good kids is no easy feat. Children don’t come with manuals, and you must make instant decisions that affect their lives daily. Things are even more compounded when you have an ex in the picture, specifically when they are narcissistic.

Is it possible to raise a child in a split universe where one side is balanced, and the other is off-kilter? A narcissistic ex is a person that thinks of themselves first. Indeed, they will do things that will cause your children great psychological harm. Behaviors like not showing up for a visit, avoiding child support payments, and neglecting responsibilities are commonplace.

Not only did you want to sever ties with this toxic person. However,  you are forever bound to them because of your children. Walking away is hard when they’re always going to be there in some aspect.

Tips for Raising Well-Adjusted Kids

You don’t want your narcissistic ex affecting your child’s mental health. To ensure that they are well rounded and can roll with the punches, here are ten things that you may want to do.

1. Don’t Make Your Child a Pawn in a Game

It’s not uncommon for ex-lovers to be in a bitter battle over children. However, you must be the bigger person and not allow this battle to take your child’s mental stability with it. Never use your child as a pawn in this dirty game.

Many people use their children to get back at their ex without even realizing it. Some examples of this would be to say, “You can’t see your father because he hasn’t paid his child support this month.” In this instance, the mother tries to make the father look less than in the child’s eyes. She is putting negative thoughts in the kid’s head about the worth of their father.

The child will surmise that their dad didn’t want to pay for their needs, but that may not be the case. Even though all the things she said may be right, it’s never good to use the child to get back at the other party.

Your child is not a messenger, and you should never give them a message to give to the other party. In many instances, the parent who uses the child’s emotions as a vise will be the one that it comes back to bite in the end.

2. Put Your Children in Counseling

Some parenting situations are high-conflict arrangements, and your children can feel the pain of these rifts. You would be surprised how this stress can affect even the youngest child. Kids often feel guilty and like they are to blame for the way their parents act.

A narcissistic ex will make poor choices, but they can also direct their behaviors towards their children. Your kids need someone that they can talk to and a place where they are safe to say how they feel. While they love both their parents, they need that unbiased third party to help them cope.

3. Use the Court System

The court is well equipped to handle high-conflict cases where children are involved. If you find that your narcissistic ex is making everything increasingly tricky, you can ask a judge to appoint a parent coordinator.

A coordinator has training in reducing the stress of the situation, and the most important thing is that they can ease some of the angst your child feels too. An attorney is needed to help get this motion put through the court system.

4. Get a Court Ordered Custody Agreement

You may feel that to raise a well-adjusted kid, you need to work with their mother or father without the court system. While in a perfect world, that would be the case; when dealing with a narcissistic person, you need the court’s intervention.

The courts will establish a parenting plan that is fair to everyone involved. It’s best to have these guidelines because it gives you leverage should things be challenging. You can file a motion for contempt if the other party isn’t cooperating, which can be beneficial in a custody battle.

5. Never Argue with Your Ex

It’s easy to want to challenge someone who is selfish and thinking about only their needs. However, it would be best if you remembered that your children could feel your stress. Part of raising well-adjusted kids is making sure they don’t see their parents arguing.

Remember, you’re never going to win a battle of words with a narcissistic ex, and you’re just wasting your breath. Save everything for a court battle. Go by the court guidelines, and don’t let them get one over on you. Keep in mind that your children are always watching and listening to what’s going on.

6. Establish Firm Boundaries

Dealing with a narcissistic is not easy, and they love to start drama. Their goal is to turn the situation around to make you look like an unstable parent. It would help if you didn’t give them any ammunition for their battle.

Communication needs to be done in writing, like through text or email, so there is always a paper trail. You don’t want them to put words in your mouth. Text messages can be used in court, and this method of communication gives you time to think before you speak. Some people find it’s easier to say things in a text than by phone or in person.

When it comes to communication with your child, there should be set times, and someone should be listening in on the conversation. The narcissistic parent may call and try to invade your visitation time, and this is usually the case when your kid has a phone.

Always leave your emotions out of the situation when dealing with your ex, and stick to the facts. If you get emotional in your dealings, then you are feeding the narcissist’s ego.

7. Keep Records

You never know when your narcissistic ex will take you back to court. These people often forget about the best interest of the child and only want to fill their agenda. Your detailed records can help you to prove to the court what you’re dealing with from this person.

Keep a file with a communication log, any legal papers, social media messages, and texts between you, your ex, and the children. Anything that can be used to benefit your case before a judge, you should keep.

8. Watch Out for Triggers

As your child begins to age and becomes an independent person, the narcissist may have a difficult time processing the feeling that they are not needed. It’s not uncommon for a narcissist to have a flare-up as their child’s growth is a trigger for past feelings of abandonment.

Another common issue is dealing with the narcissistic ex is holiday madness. Just like anxiety and depression is stronger for some around birthdays and major holidays, the same can be said for the narcissistic person. When you learn their patterns, you can take steps to protect yourself and your children from these times of emotional upheaval.

9. Ask for a Guardian ad Litem

A Guardian ad Litem or GAL is a representative that the courts can appoint for your family. These individuals are to be the voice of the child and to express the best interests and wishes to the court. If you’re in a battle with your ex, then you need this person to advocate and support the child.

A word of caution when dealing with a GAL is that they don’t always view things the way you do. They look at things from both angles and submit a report to the court detailing the child’s wishes and what they feel is the best situation going forward. A GAL is a valuable person that can stand up in court and be an unbiased third-party working for the child.

10. Take Care of You

Make sure to spend the time to take care of your needs. How can you love and nurture your children if you’re continually using all your emotional and physical reserves to fight your narcissistic ex? A custody dispute is one of the most draining battles of your life, and you need to make sure that you don’t fall to pieces.

Don’t feel that getting a court advocate or a Guardian Ad Litem makes you weak. These people help you stay strong as they are there to assist in the battle. It would help if you had a counselor that you can talk to and clear the air about things going on in your life, and you need to take a break whenever possible.

Final Thoughts: Stay Strong for the Sake of Your Child, Despite Your Narcissistic Ex

You’re fighting to raise well-adjusted kids. Though you may not see an end to the battle in sight, there will be a day you look back on all these experiences and be glad there are over.

The narcissistic ex can make your life seem impossible, but you should stop and consider how your child feels. Your kids might feel caught in the middle of a tug-of-war, and they love both of their parents.

There’s not a person alive who is not guilty of at least one little white lie in their life. While constant deceit is a character flaw, in some instances, it’s socially acceptable to fib. However, what about significant dishonesty in a relationship?

Someone who continually tells untrue things is not trustworthy, and do you want to be in a relationship with that person? Those who deal with this person daily may have a hard time separating the fibs from the facts. Even worse is being in a relationship with an individual who lies to you and can’t be honest about anything as pathological liars don’t make suitable partners.

How do you know that your spouse isn’t truthful with you? If they don’t feel guilty and can quickly tell you any story that they can dream up, it may be hard to know if they’re honest or deceptive. Thankfully, here are ten signs that will help you determine if your partner is being trustworthy or making up stories.

10 Signs That Your Partner Might Be Guilty of Lying to You

1. They Put the Blame on Others

It’s a natural defense mechanism to blame someone else when you’re dishonest or caught doing something wrong. Anyone can be testy or even arrogant when confronted, but if you notice that they throw the question back on you or want to blame everyone under the sun, then it’s clear that this is a guilty move.

The goal is for them to keep you on the defensive so that it shifts the responsibility from them. This move helps to ease a guilty conscience. It’s childlike to point the finger at everyone else, especially when there are always for pointing right back at them.

2. Liars Have an Answer for Everything

If you’ve watched any crime investigation television, then you know that people who are in trouble often collaborate to cover themselves. When you ask your partner if they’re lying, do they have an answer for everything when you confront them?

When they quickly have an explanation for every little inquiry, then it’s possible they took the time to get their story together. Don’t be shocked if they ask you to call a buddy or even a relative to back up their claims. The more people they have on their side, the easier it is for you to ease your suspicions.

3. Lying is Not a big deal to Them

If you’re trying to decide if your partner is dishonest, you can use their character to help you. Have they lied to you before? Have they cheated, spent money frivolously, or done other things that they’ve tried to hide from you in the past?

Some people have no problem lying about anything and everything. Your partner may justify his actions because they state that they don’t want to hurt you. Remember one thing, when someone lies about the small stuff. Then they will have no problem fibbing about the big stuff too.

Often, the lies are to ease their guilty conscience and to make you feel good about the situation. If they are dishonest about essential things, staying in the relationship can be challenging as all excellent unions are built on trust.

4. They Repeat the Same Story Over and Over

Do you notice that your partner keeps repeating the same story time and again? If the tale they tell is the truth, then there’s no need to keep repeating it. Who are they trying to convince here, themselves, or you?

The book “Woman Are Crazy; Men Are Stupid” clearly defines the gender roles taken in disagreements. One detailed finding is that men tend to repeat the same story when it’s a lie. It’s a little mechanism in their brain that tells them that the more they say it, the more accurate the statement becomes.

5. They Become Overly Defensive

It’s normal to be defensive when you’re being accused of something. However, if you find that your partner becomes fidgety and won’t look you in the eye, then there’s something that isn’t adding up. Eye contact is imperative when you’re having a serious conversation.

The chances are that a person who becomes defensive is not truthful and is guilty as sin. They may get angry, start yelling, calling names, or go crazy when someone accused them of something. Remember, the best defense in life is a potent offense, and this tactic is all smoke and mirrors.

6. Liars Cover Their Tracks

Let’s assume that you think your partner is cheating on you. They will cover their tracks to keep from getting caught. They may put a lock on their phone that won’t allow you to see calls and text messages, or they can change passwords on accounts that you share.

Does your partner carry two cell phones? This is almost always a sign that something isn’t quite right unless one is a company phone. Does your partner go to the shower as soon as they get home, and have they started paying for everything in cash? These are all signs that something is amiss.

7. They’re Distant and Secretive

They say that silence is golden, but that’s not when a partner is keeping something from their other half. Some people may get defensive when they’re guilty of wrongdoing, but others become noticeably quiet. Have you noticed that your special someone is not acting like their usual self lately?

What you can’t see is an internal struggle that they’re not telling you anything about. They may refrain from speaking because they don’t know what to say. They figure that the least said is best answered.

You may notice that they avoid coming around you too. They may work late to keep from coming home and having to face you. Avoidance is a strong indication that something isn’t right.

Also, you may notice them taking their phone calls in the other room or silencing a ringtone. They don’t want to talk in front of you, so they will take their conversations outside or avoid them when they are in your presence.

8. The Details Don’t Add Up

When someone is guilty of wrongdoing, then they often forget what they’ve told you. They may change details in their story because it’s difficult for them to keep it straight. When a person tells more than one lie, then the chances of them keeping all the lies in order is next to impossible.

Since keeping it straight is hard, many won’t speak at all. However, when you do get them to talk, the details may not add up. You may notice that the name of friends, locations, or places change from the story.

Even if you comfort them at this point, they will still lie to you. You need hard evidence before you can prove that they’re deceitful.

9. He Won’t Talk About Anything Too Deep or Personal

This tip is for someone who is new in a relationship or just getting to know someone. If your dating interest wants to pursue a relationship with you, they will want to learn everything they can about your life and vice versa.

If a person thinks that you’re getting too personal and wants to back off the conversation about past loves, family, or other matters, then it’s a red flag. They may have a guilty conscience of things they’ve done in the past, and they don’t want to share these things with you.

A proper person will answer your questions in-depth, especially if they want to know you better. If they avoid your queries and change the subject, then it’s a sign that they have something to hide.

10. Your Gut Tells You That Something is Off

Lastly, you should use your intuitive side to find out if your partner is guilty. It’s a feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach that something isn’t quite right. You have these knots for a reason, and you should trust your gut.

Did you know that most people know that they’re being lied to long before they admit it? It’s normal for people to delay actions on their intuition. Individuals tolerate a lot of excuses before they finally take action. You can end the torture by just going with that gut instinct and using old fashioned confrontation.

Final Thoughts of Dealing with a Partner Guilty of Lying

Matters of the heart are often involved. If you find the right person, you won’t have all these questions and doubts about their honesty. However, just because the individual you begin dating starts out good doesn’t mean that the relationship won’t have its share of ups and downs.

Develop excellent communication skills from the beginning and learn that there should never be any secrets between the two of you. If they have done something wrong, they should be man or woman enough to come to your face and tell you what’s going on. Any relationship built on dishonestly is toxic and won’t last.

You’ve heard the saying that a couple becomes one person in a relationship. It’s even mentioned in traditional wedding vows. While you and your partner share an eternal bond, you are both individuals who still need personal space and independence. Too much togetherness can spoil the best relationships.

Humans are social beings who need contact with others. We are also biologically hardwired to seek out a mate for romance and procreation. However, that doesn’t mean we relinquish our independence and don’t crave occasional solitude.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Within every relationship, be it family, friends, or love, healthy boundaries exist. You want your person to spend time with you and to care, yet you don’t want to be smothered. Finding that golden ratio between togetherness and individuality is a labor of love.

A successful relationship depends on love, passion, empathy, and mutual respect. If either of these virtues become unbalanced, it will affect your relationship. Although spending time together is a couple is crucial, too much togetherness can breed boredom and contempt.

Healthy boundaries are not automatic, nor are they static. During your romantic journey, you and your partner will often need to re-evaluate the space you give each other. It’s especially true if you feel your individuality and independence are waning.

Loving as an Individual

How can you communicate your need for space without coming across as selfish or distant? Remember that your partner fell in love with you as an individual. If he is so wrapped up in your attention, you may soon lose your essential elements that he adored in the first place.

You’ve probably heard that you can’t love anyone else until you love yourself. It doesn’t mean that you become an arrogant narcissist. Loving yourself includes extending the same kindness, dignity, and respect to yourself as you would any other person.

Be cautious of a love interest who is consumed with you being with him. Of course, you want them to want you. However, if he starts to be resentful or aggressive when you request some space, he could be too needy or controlling for a lasting relationship.

15 Ways to Maintain Independence While in a Loving Relationship

If you are in a new relationship or an established one, you may need to reassert your independence and individuality. But how do you do it without seeming aloof or callous? Consider these 15 ways that you can bond with your mate while still maintaining freedom.

1. Maintain a Separate Social Life

When you were single, you probably had a rocking social life that included parties, vacations, and other group events. You had your circle of friends, and you knew how to have a good time. That doesn’t need to stop just because you are in a relationship.

Although spending time together in a group setting is essential for a couple, maintaining a single social time is essential. If you’re a woman, consider a standing date each week to have fun with your girlfriends. Guys might enjoy the weekly poker night or watching the big games with his buddies.

2. Go on a Date with Yourself

Everyone needs some alone time to be with their thoughts and recharge their spirits. Gently let your mate know that just because you crave some solitude doesn’t mean you don’t want to be with him or love him any less. On a positive note, spending time alone can make you appreciate your person even more.

Make a point to set aside time each day for each of you to do something alone. Maybe you are uplifted by a solo walk through the woods or by the water. Spend time journaling, planning, or just relax on the deck enjoying your own company.

You’ll both discover the meaning of absence, making the heart grow fonder. People need periodic seclusion to grow mentally and spiritually. When you spend these quiet moments alone, you’ll have more interesting things to discuss when you’re together.

3.The Solo Creative Genius

Some talents and hobbies just don’t lend themselves to group efforts. How many authors could write a novel with a bunch of other people? Unless you are in a book club, reading is pretty much a solitary activity.

Being alone can often enhance your creative powers. You needn’t shelve your hobbies and interests to stay in a relationship. While you maintain what you’ve always enjoyed, maybe you and your love can explore hobbies and interests that you can do together.

4. Sleeping Single in A King Size Bed

Today, it’s almost laughable to watch vintage movies and tv shows that portray husbands and wives sleeping in separate beds. The censors expected the audience to use their imagination as to how these make-believe couples had a houseful of children. It wasn’t until the late 60s until tv married couple shared a bed, and that was the Stevens from Bewitched.

Get the couple’s time you want in bed without sacrificing the sleep you crave snuggled on your side of the bed. Spend the first 30 minutes or so cuddling, talking, or making love, then go off to dreamland on your side. It can make your cuddling time much more meaningful.

5. Maintain Your Own Space

Virginia Wolfe understood the significance of keeping a space for yourself. Even when you share a home as a couple, you still need that special room or corner to be a welcome retreat of solitude. Whether it’s a study, art studio, or just a small reading nook in the corner of the living room, you both should have a sacred space devoted to yourselves.

6. Take A Relationship Break

Do be cautious about approaching this suggestion because it may not be received well unless the idea is presented correctly. Being together too much can be just as damaging to a relationship as staying apart can. Enjoying a little reprieve from your relationship helps you both reboot your independence and sort out your feelings.

Present the idea in a positive way, such as a minivacation for yourself. Reassure your person of your love, and you just need some alone time. Occasional breaks can often strengthen a couple’s relationship.

7. Stand up for Yourself as an Individual

Do you sometimes feel like you’ve lost sight of who you are in a relationship? Although you enjoy being identified as your lover’s person, that’s not everything you are. If you’ve relinquished control of your liberty and your right to voice your opinions and be heard, you may need to rethink the relationship.

Have frequent conversations with your mate about your dreams and what matters most to you. Take time to listen to what he wants too. When you assert your individuality and independence, you gain greater respect and closeness as a couple.

8. Recognize the Difference Between Love and Codependence

Of course, you and your beau should trust and depend on each other as needed. However, a relationship built on dependency is a slippery slope. When you are codependent, you no longer have healthy boundaries, and your individuality and independence have faded.

Discuss these issues with your partner if you feel like codependency as overtaken your relationship. If the relationship becomes toxic or abusive, it’s time to call it quits. Codependency and toxicity aren’t examples of healthy love.

9. You can still be Independent and Ask for Help

Just because you assert your independence doesn’t mean you can do everything by yourself. It’s a hallmark of a self-assured individual to know when help is needed. When a task is overwhelming for either partner, it’s ok to ask each other for a hand.

10. Encourage Your Partner to be Independent

If you want liberty for yourself, you can’t expect any less from your mate. Be your partner’s cheerleader, and you should encourage him to explore separate interests and hobbies. Let him know that you respect his need for solitude and allow him the same space you expect for yourself.

11. Prioritize Your Goals

As you enjoy solitude in your sanctuary, take mental notes of things that matter the most. Have you been true to the goals you’ve had for years, or have you pushed them aside in your relationship? Learn to prioritize your goals and see how they are working for you.

12. Independence Doesn’t Mean Unfaithful

Unless you are in a causal relationship without commitment, seeing other people is still cheating. When you are partying solo with your friends, it doesn’t give you an excuse to step out on your mate. Your individuality and independence usually foster a deeper sense of commitment from you both.

13. Take Care of Yourself

Use your alone time to pamper yourself with a massage, spa day, or a leisurely soak in the bathtub. Treat yourself to a manicure or watch that romantic movie that you’ve wanted to see, but he doesn’t. Caring for yourself releases stress and allows you to be more loving with your partner.

14. Don’t Shut Your Mate Out

When you are expressing your desire to be more independent in a relationship, be open and honest. If you seek solitude secretly, it can make your lover doubtful of your commitment. The time to discuss healthy boundaries and freedom is never in the heat of an argument.

15. Know When to Pack Up

If you are having doubts about the viability of your relationship, talk to your partner. Is he still hindering you from being your person, and you feel miserable? It’s time to pack up and move on.

Final Thoughts on Affirming Your Independence While Growing Closer to Your Partner

Two people in love form a committed relationship. It doesn’t negate each person’s individuality or freedom of expression. Once you and your partner realize these principles, they can enrich your lives as a couple for years.

Social isolation can sound like an introvert’s paradise. Unfortunately, that’s simply not the reality. Human beings are naturally social creatures. As such, even the most withdrawn individuals need social contact occasionally – and that need is even worse for extroverts!

It’s easy to feel lonely and afraid when you must separate from the rest of the world. Here are five ways to fight loneliness during social isolation.

1.    Keep Yourself Wisely Up-to-Date

Self-isolating is necessary to keep ourselves and our loved ones saved in this pandemic, but it comes with the side effect of a lack of contact. This, however, can make loneliness crippling – especially for those of us who are already surrounded by strangers. Here are a few ways to combat this:

·         Check The News During Social Isolation

No matter how much positive thinking you engage in, it is easy to feel helpless in these trying times. A recent 2020 study, however, showed that staying updated on the latest precautionary advice and health information can help with your mental resilience and functioning.

·         Connect Socially

It can be easy to feel dissociated and disconnected when you can’t check in on your loved ones, much less when the streets are empty, and you’re physically alone. Instead, do your best to check in on friends and family – either via calls, text, or only just seeing their life updates on social media.

·         Know Your Limits

With just how much information there is waiting to assault you from the moment you turn on your phone, it is easy to find yourself overwhelmed. Even worse is when most of this news is harmful. In such cases, it’s best to curate your feed and take breaks as needed.

2.    Engage Your Mind With Activities

Loneliness can be crippling if you do not occupy that space and silence – no matter who we are or when it happens. During such moments, the best way to combat it is to fill it up with activities that truly engage our mind and senses. (Mindless activities, after all, don’t serve very good distractions either.) Here are a few ideas you can try:

·         Sing Along To Music You’re Listening To

There’s something incredibly enjoyable about singing along to the radio while dancing in the kitchen or driving in the car. As it turns out, that enjoyment is now backed by science! While plenty of studies have shown that singing in a group (for example, as part of a choir) can be therapeutic, a study has also shown that these therapeutic benefits still come into play when you’re singing along to a pre-recorded song.

So turn up the volume on Spotify, or watch one of the many virtual concerts now available online and sing along!

·         Find Something That Absorbs Your Mind

With the recent pandemic, many of us are now quickly learning just how much time work eats up in our daily schedule. While taking some time to relax is a good thing, it’s best to fill up those empty time slots with absorbing activities – preferably something that can get you into a state of ‘flow.’

Studies define ‘flow’ is a mental state where you find yourself pleasurably focused and immersed in the task at hand. It can keep you occupied – and in the process, keep at bay negative thoughts and rumination. Activities like drawing, knitting, or playing games are great for this!

·         Let Fiction Take You On Adventures

There are plenty of good stories out there, be it via shows, movies, books, videos, streams, or even fanworks. If you haven’t given yourself a chance to be wholly absorbed by a good tale, now’s the best time to do it – especially since studies have shown immersing ourselves in the lives of fictional characters can net us a definite benefit! According to the study, fictional worlds and people can double as social surrogates, which can help combat loneliness during these difficult times.

·         Take An Online Or Virtual Exercise Class

In place of our usual activities and social gatherings, it’s easy to find ourselves vegetating out in front of a screen. Doubly so since all forms of entertainment and information now best come through the internet. The need to keep ourselves healthy is essential. Studies show that you can also combat loneliness if exercising is a social activity like a fitness class. Plus, the structure, social support, and group energy you will generally get from a fitness class can help you stay socially connected and grounded.

So consider taking up virtual sessions with a personal trainer, or join a live-streamed workout class. It may be just what you need!

3.    Get Your Nostalgia Going

Some may think that nostalgia is the worst thing to experience at this point. After all, is it not generally associated with being sad? Would that not make loneliness worse? As it turns out, that’s not quite the case:

·         Nostalgia Counteracts Loneliness

Studies have shown it’s easier to maintain positive thinking if you believe you have an increase in perceived social support – something that nostalgia helps with. Try backing up your photo and video collection, or organize and share them with loved ones. Reminiscing with friends and family over happy memories may just give you the social interaction you need to combat loneliness.

·         You Appreciate Them Better

When was the last time you took the time to appreciate all that you and your loved one have gone through? A little positive nostalgia makes one reflect on all the good things that have happened, and it can be helpful. Studies have shown that doing such a thing can create a greater sense of support and secureness in your relationship – which may be just what you need to combat loneliness.

·         It Reminds You Of What You Have

Nostalgia is, in a way, a form of meditation and self-reflection. And in these quiet moments, we tend to end up realizing just how we are loved in so many ways, by so many people. This can create a better appreciation of the relationships we have – and in turn, reduce our loneliness.

4.    Schedule Social Interaction From A Distance

At the end of the way, there’s no getting around it – we have to get our social interactions somehow. Thankfully, the internet has made it easier to connect to those around us virtually. Here are a few ideas to get you started on growing and expanding your online social network:

·         Contact Those You’re Close To

Nothing will ever beat meeting up in person, but studies prove that some kind of contact is better than none. Schedule a virtual meet-up via some kind of video or voice chat about doing something together – like baking cookies, playing games, or watching a movie.

Planning a daily or weekly event can give you and your loved ones something to be excited about and combats time blindness and loneliness. Even if you can’t make it a big event every time, just checking in for 10 minutes can be incredibly helpful in fending off loneliness.

·         Adapt To Online Efforts

There’s no reason to bemoan the closing of your monthly book club when it’s still being hosted online. If your usual social events and gatherings haven’t transitioned into online spaces yet, then try hosting them virtually yourself!

·         Seek Online Communities

Online communities for specific hobbies or interests have always existed – and now it’s only gotten so much easier to find and join them. And they don’t have to be just forum-based text messages, either. Live-streamed classes covering just about any hobby and subject imaginable are easily available, as are group video-calls for classes and discussions. Just start looking!

· Don’t Mindlessly Scroll Through Social Media – Interact!

It’s easy to think that just scrolling through our social media feed is enough to provide us the social interaction we need. While social media does help us stay updated on current events and the ongoings of our loved one’s lives, the only way we can truly connect with people is when we actively engage with them. Don’t simply like their posts – try leaving comments on both the post and on other people’s comments instead!

5.    Be Kind To Yourself And Others During Social Isolation

Loneliness and the negativity it spawns can be very difficult to deal with, even in the best of times. It’s understandable that you will find yourself struggling, no matter what you do to avoid it. Instead, here are a few other things to keep in mind:

·         Be Accepting Of Yourself

Trying to deny negative emotions or insisting that you shouldn’t don’t have them doesn’t help matters. In fact, they often make things worse. The best way to handle them is to acknowledge them instead. Don’t linger or cling on to them – let them come and go – feelings, after all, will change over time. If you find yourself struggling to do this, learning how to meditate may help.

·         Practice Kindness

It may be harder to do now with the pandemic, but performing random acts of kindness is still possible. Offer to buy groceries for your elderly or disabled relatives, neighbors, and friends. Check-in on your loved ones and ask about what they need. Donate and support local businesses and restaurants wherever you can. Doing your best to volunteer and help others can be a great source of purpose and connection in times of loneliness.

·         Be Compassionate

It can be hard to do so, especially when you’re struggling mentally and emotionally. But as it turns out, being an active pillar of support and encouragement might counteract your own loneliness – and the struggles that stem from it. Text or call your loved ones, or reach out to others – friends and strangers alike. If you have the time and energy for it, try sending a letter too! It may help you, in turn, more than you realize.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways To Fight Loneliness During Social Isolation

Social isolation is unpleasant, but for the time being, it is thoroughly necessary. Sadly, that does mean you’ll have to cope with potential loneliness. Still, with positive thinking and by making use of these five ways to fight loneliness during social isolation, you’ll be able to emerge just fine on the other side.

As a final note, don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family, or other loved ones if your loneliness is especially dire. You can do so through phone calls, texts, or any other method of distant communication during social isolation.

Life isn’t always easy, and it’s nice to think that you have a guardian angel watching over you. While you may hope for this in the back of your mind, it’s easy to ignore the idea. You should embrace it, instead, and look for all the signs that someone is watching over you.

When you’ve lost a loved one, some believe that the loved one can come back in the form of an angel. It can bring comfort and joy to the hardest days, and it can make you smile when you need it most.

Even if you believe in the back of your mind that angels are real, the skepticism could still be there. To push the uncertainty away and bask in the comfort that your loved one is near, look for the signs.

There are ways to know when a spirt is watching over you, but you have to know all the signs. Once you know, you’ll see the signals everywhere, and you may be able to figure out who that person is.

Ways to Know When a Guardian Angel is Watching Over You

1. You See Light Orbs

Some may believe that orbs are just a play of light or trick of the eye. Others believe that spheres indicate a spirit is nearby. The latter is because orbs are thought to be a means of transportation for souls.

Orbs can appear in real life or photographs. You may even only notice them in your peripheral vision. If you see it beside you, take comfort in the idea that it may be your loved one next to you.

2. You Sense a Presence When You Are Alone

When you feel like someone is watching you when you’re alone, it could be a spirit watching over you. Once you know that you have someone watching over you, you’ll take comfort in that feeling.

Over time, once you become more comfortable, the presence may become even more significant. You may experience chills or goosebumps on your neck, shoulders, or upper arms. Another sensation you may encounter is tingling at the crown of your head.

There are more subtle events that may occur, such as something brushing across you. You may feel like you’re getting a little hug or a pat on the back. These feelings won’t be as strong as the real thing. They’ll just be a subtle sensation.

3. You Dream About an Angel

As a way of sending you a message, a spirit will likely come to you in a dream. They do this to let you know they are nearby, but also as a way of communicating. Try to listen to and remember anything they may say in the dream, and take note of what they are doing.

They may send a message to you in a dream even if they aren’t present in it, too. If you get recurring dreams, it could be a message that they are trying to send you. Listen to those messages, because someone you love could be watching over you.

One of the reasons a spirit may communicate with you through a dream is because it’s easier. When you’re asleep, your mind is more open to new ideas and thoughts. You’ll be more likely to notice and receive the message they are sending when you are in this state.

Even if the message doesn’t mean anything right away, it could click later on, when it is necessary. Remembering your dreams can be helpful if there is a message hidden in them.

4. A Butterfly Lands on You or Remains Close to You

Studies show that butterflies symbolize the transforming of a soul or reincarnation. If one lands on you or stays close to you, it may be a loved one visiting.

5. You Suddenly Notice a Nostalgic Smell

Smells can trigger specific memories, and spirits seem to know this. Signs to watch for are unexpectedly and unexplainably smelling something that reminds you of a particular person.

You may randomly smell food that brings back memories or get a whiff of a garden from your childhood. Other scents to watch for are hints of a deceased loved one’s perfume or the smell of their home.

No matter what the scent is that you detect, if you smell it at an unexplainable time, it’s a sign. Think of who that scent reminds you of, and you’ll have an idea of who is watching over you.

There is one key indicator that the scent is from a deceased loved one who is looking out for you. This indicator is that no one else can smell it. If you are with a group of people and you smell something that no one else does, it could be a message only for you.

6. They Send You a Message Through a Song

Sometimes a deceased loved one will try to communicate with you through music. They may send the message through the beat, helping you to change your mood for the better. Or, they may send a message through the lyrics.

If you notice that a song doesn’t usually play often and is now playing regularly, pay attention. Take time to listen to the lyrics, because there may be a message in that song for you.

Sometimes multiple songs with the same theme will play one after the other. This could also be a sign your loved one is near and sending a message.

If a set of lyrics seem to be speaking right to you, this could be a good indication. Likewise, if the words apply directly to something you are going through, it could be a message.

7. You Keep Noticing Angelic Numbers

These numbers may be different to everyone, but some are universal signs. The universal numbers that indicate you have someone watching over you are 333, 1111, 777, 1234, or anything similar. This is why when a clock turns to 11:11. You are supposed to make a wish.

Other numbers to watch out for are birthdays, anniversaries, or other meaningful dates. If you see these dates appear in a random place, you may have someone watching over you. They are trying to get your attention in this way.

Sometimes, spirits can use different numbers, too, that you may not recognize at first. If, over time, you notice that you repeatedly continue to see the same set of numbers, take note of it. Chances are, it’s a sign, and the longer the repetition continues, the stronger that sign is getting.

These numbers could be symbolizing that you are taking the correct path. It might be your lost loved one’s way of guiding you positively.

8. You Come Across a White Feather in a Strange Place

A common sign that a spirit is nearby is finding a random white feather. This sign usually occurs when you are most in need of it, and it will happen in an unexpected place. It’s a spirit’s way of letting you know that they are with you and watching over you.

It could be said that the white feather represents the white wings of angels. This could be where the white feather in an unexpected place became linked to loving spirits. It’s a sign that they are your protector and that you aren’t alone.

Finding a feather in an unexpected place could also signify encouragement. It could be a sign that you shouldn’t give up, or that a struggle will soon end.

These feathers can come in all shapes and sizes, so keep your eye out. You will see one when you need it the most. Then, you’ll find comfort that a loved one is nearby and watching over you.

9. Clouds Become Specific Shapes

If you notice an angelic shape in the clouds, it’s a good indicator someone is watching over you. Other shapes that indicate a spirit is nearby are hearts, flowers, or other meaningful symbols. These same symbols may appear in other things that are easy to shape and beautiful to look at, too.

10. You Notice a Sudden Change in the Temperature

If you notice an unexpected change in temperature, it’s a sign there is a spirit nearby. You may experience a chill or a sudden warmth. Warmth is an indicator that you’ve been hugged by the spirit, which may happen in times you need reassurance.

Final Thoughts on Ways to Know When an Angel is Watching Over You

These ways to know when a guardian angel is watching over you are sure to help you see the signs. When you begin to see signs that a spirit is near, you’ll take comfort knowing you aren’t alone.

The more open you are to receiving these messages, the more likely you are to notice them. Once you begin seeing them, the messages will likely come more often, too.

Your loved ones desire to communicate with you and watch over you even after death. Keep an open mind and embrace the signs when you see them. Then, you’ll know when a guardian angel is watching over you.

You don’t always have to go on a big hiking trip or even leave the city to connect with nature. In fact, you can get a taste of the great outdoors without even having to leave your house! With the pandemic going on, many people don’t want to risk going out and getting sick, so they’ve had to get more creative with their time. The lockdown forced us to learn how to enjoy the simple things again, like connecting with nature and slowing down a little bit.

You might wonder how you can bring the outdoors inside so that you don’t have to risk exposing yourself to the virus or allergens in the air. Of course, you can’t enjoy things like hiking and adventure sports in the comfort of your living room, but you can bring the healing properties of nature into your home. Below, we’ll go over how you can still get the benefits of the outdoors without even having to step foot outside.

“In every walk with nature, one receives far more than he seeks.” – John Muir

Here are seven ways to connect with nature (without leaving your house):

1. Buy some house plants.

House plants not only look beautiful, but they have plenty of health benefits as well! Adding plants to your decor brings a slice of nature inside while helping to purify the air and boost negative ions in the environment. Negative ions, ironically, help us feel more positive and vibrant by increasing oxygen flow to the brain.

You have likely experienced this feeling while walking on the beach or through the mountains, soaking up the energy from tens of thousands of negative ions. House plants contain a smaller amount of negative ions, but still enough to boost your mood and make you feel more energetic. Here are some other benefits of house plants:

If you’ve been missing out on connecting with nature, buy a few plants, so you get the benefits of the outdoors without having to leave your home.

2. Listen to nature sounds on your phone, or buy a sound machine.

If you can’t get out to a waterfall or beach, bring those healing sounds right into your home to get similar benefits. Whether you find a relaxing video on YouTube or buy a sound machine with nature sounds, you will feel calmer and connected to Earth. Nowadays, you have dozens of options to choose from to bring the power and tranquility of nature to your ears right from your bed or couch.

Of course, it doesn’t compare to experiencing nature scenes in person, but if you don’t feel comfortable traveling to these places right now, the sounds can provide some of the same rewards.

3. Have some essential oils on hand.

Essential oils make an excellent way to connect with nature while helping you with various ailments, such as anxiety or depression. Here are some of the most popular essential oils as well as what conditions they treat:

Peppermint:

This oil can aid in conditions of the stomach, such as IBS or Crohn’s disease. It also helps with headaches and nausea.

Lavender:

Perhaps one of the most popular oils, lavender can treat mental disorders such as anxiety and depression due to the calming effect it has on the nervous system. Some researchers say it can help with sleep disorders such as insomnia as well.

Tea tree:

This oil has plenty of antibacterial and antifungal properties. It can be used to treat wounds, control dandruff, and get rid of head lice. It can also be used to treat athlete’s foot.

Bergamot:

This oil can help to relieve stress and ease chronic pain and inflammation.

Chamomile:

Used in lots of teas designed to help people fall asleep faster, chamomile can ease anxiety and stress as well as aid in sleep disorders.

Jasmine:

This oil not only smells lovely but is used in many desserts due to its sweet taste. It can be used as an antidepressant, sedative, and antiseptic.

Eucalyptus:

Eucalyptus oil can help get rid of odors from mildew as well as alleviate coughs and other symptoms of colds.

Ylang ylang:

This can help reduce tension and stress due to its light floral scent, which helps ease the mind of worries.

4. Watch movies/TV shows or read books with nature themes.

Another great way to combat cabin fever, books, and TV shows can transport you to another world far away from your living room or bed. Of course, it won’t feel quite the same as getting out in nature yourself, but sometimes viewing it on our TV or phone can provide some of the same benefits. In fact, some studies have shown that even looking at nature can boost positive emotions and improve brain function.

Since we evolved around the bountiful plant and animal life, our modern environments don’t cater to our natural instincts. Many studies have shown that people in urban environments have poorer mental health than those who reside in more rural areas. Even if you live in a bustling city, however, you can always bring nature to you in movies and books. You will probably feel more relaxed, just viewing beautiful nature scenes.

5. Spend time in your backyard.

You don’t have to travel very far to get the benefits of nature – just walk out your back door and enjoy the sound of the birds and the feel of the crisp grass beneath your feet. Sit in a lounge chair with an ice-cold glass of lemonade and just enjoy the art of being for a while. It might not compare to Mt. Everest or the Caribbean Sea, but you can still take in the wonders of nature right from your backyard.

You could even build a birdhouse if you want to attract more animal friends into your yard. Even if you don’t consider yourself particularly skilled in woodwork, a quick online search can show you how to build one yourself. Use your downtime to enjoy the little things in life, like connecting with nature at your own home.

6. Start a garden.

Many people have used this time to harvest fresh fruits and veggies, as the food supply seemed a little uncertain at the beginning of the pandemic. Since a lot of people didn’t have to go to work, they used this free time to learn how to garden so that they could become more self-sufficient.

You don’t even need a huge space to grow your produce. Some people have also used 5-gallon containers found at hardware stores to grow their plants in. Others chose to grow herbs on their windowsills or even use a kiddie pool to plant some fresh food. Work with the space you have and make sure to grow with the seasons, so you have the best chance at producing a good harvest.

You don’t need to have a green thumb to get started in gardening; with a little practice and effort, you will have a harvest in no time.

7. Decorate your home with nature scenes.

Cabin fever making you feel stir crazy? Don’t worry; you can still enjoy nature in your own home by decorating your space with beautiful wilderness scenes. Buy tapestries that have nature on them, such as trees, mountains, and rivers. You could also purchase paintings or pictures of nature, or even hang up your nature photography if that’s your thing.

Get creative with how you decorate – it doesn’t have to take a lot of time or resources to remind yourself of the wonders of nature. Even a small plant or a coffee cup with some trees on it can invoke feelings of peace and joy. Do whatever it takes to remind yourself how it feels when you walk through a forest or see mountains for the first time. Make it feel cozy and welcoming if you’ve been spending more time in your home, and that way, you’ll never want to leave!

Final thoughts on how to connect with nature from your own home

As strange as it may seem, you don’t have to travel thousands or even hundreds of miles to enjoy the great outdoors. Whether you plant a garden, sit in your backyard enjoying the nature sounds, or buy houseplants, you can still connect with nature at home. You could also purchase essential oils that will ease your mind and help you relax, or purchase paintings or photos of nature to hang up around the house.

Finally, utilize the invention of technology by listening to nature sounds on your phone or watching shows on TV about exploring the outdoors. Or you could go to your local library or download books about nature. As you can see, you have plenty of options for connecting with nature without even having to get in your car!

As the current world pandemic continues to unfold, many individuals have begun to feel a certain type of tiredness. This is known as “social isolation fatigue”. If you feel excessively exhausted at the end of each day while you’re socially isolated, you’re likely experiencing this too.

Why does this happen? There are countless different reasons. Nervousness and anxiety, stress from financial difficulties or strained relationships, and the toughness of dealing with unpredictable lack of control all contribute. Here are 6 ways to fight against social isolation fatigue.

1.    Understand And Fulfil Your Basic Needs, Then Your Wants

There’s no denying just how much social isolation has affected our normal lives and structure. In turn, we impact our mental, physical, and emotional health. In the process of trying to deal with how our lives have been upturned into a difficult mess, we can often forget to take care of ourselves.

·         Eat Healthily

Studies have shown, however, that creating a consistent routine has a strong positive effect on your health. Trying to ensure you have meals at set times can help combat time blindness while making sure we have the right nutrition we need to stay healthy and energized.

·         Stay Fit

When you’re forced to stay indoors, it can be easy to neglect one’s physical health. Considering just how intertwined our mental health is with our physical, keeping up a consistent exercise routine becomes incredibly important. Doubly so since it can help combat both fatigue and stress.

·         Learn Something New

It’s easy to forget that just like zoo animals, our brains also need to be entertained and to have enrichment. Read some books, listen to some podcasts, or try picking up a new hobby all together! This helps you keep your mind active and occupied, which may be just what you need in such a situation.

·         Reach Out For Help

Being alone can be draining, and it can make even the simplest tasks seem impossible. If you find yourself struggling in any way, ask a loved one or a neighbor for support and guidance. Don’t hesitate to contact your doctor or a hotline for advice, either – they’re there to help you.

2.    Don’t Watch News 24/7

It’s hard to keep up any sense of positive thinking when we are constantly buffeted by bad news every time we turn on our devices. It’s even worse when said news is available essentially 24/7! Here are a few ways to combat such negative effects:

·         Curate Your Feed

Choose one or two news sources you can rely on or trust, and only read headlines that are of immediate relevancy or interest to you – and no further.

·         Don’t Linger

Set a hard cap on how much time you’ll dedicate to reading or watching the news. Updating yourself twice a day and setting aside an hour for each update should be more than enough to catch up on what is happening in your community and the world at large.

·         Have A Second Filter

If you find yourself still struggling to remain unaffected, consider having a friend decide what’s important and relevant for you, and get your updates only through them. This can help ensure that you’ll only find out what you strictly need to know.

3.    Stay Socially Connected

No man is an island – and they really shouldn’t be. Humans are hardwired by evolution to be social creatures. As a result, isolating ourselves from any form of social contact can be detrimental to our mental health, and is something you’d generally want to avoid. Here are a few tips and tricks on staying in touch with the ones you love:

·         Determine Your Most Crucial Connections

There are some folks we can confidently say that we cannot live without, and it would not be an exaggeration. Considering how hard it can be to keep up social connections (especially when we start getting exhausted), it’s best to identify a specific list of people you want to keep in your life no matter what. Your counselor and therapist can be on the list, but you ideally want to avoid visiting them physically to keep everyone safe.

·         Go For Video Calls Over Voice Calls Or Texts

As it turns out, studies have shown that maintaining face-to-face social contact, even virtually, has a significant positive impact on people. Being able to see the facial expressions of our loved ones in a conversation can be more energizing and infectious than just hearing them by voice alone, after all!

·         Try And Stay Up-To-Date On Communication Tech

With just how reliant we are on communicative technology to stay connected now, there’s no excuse to refuse to learn how to use platforms like FaceTime or Zoom. Learn how to set up a stream to share your baking sessions, or figure out a way to have everyone watch a movie together!

4.    Keep Your Mind Busy

Our brains naturally crave stimulation. Without stimulation, we tend to ruminate on the negatives – which can make positive thinking difficult. So for the sake of your mental and emotional health, it’s best to keep yourself occupied with activities. Here are a few suggestions:

·         Sing Along To Music You’re Listening To

Ever noticed just how much better you feel when you’re singing along with friends or to a song on the radio? As it turns out, there’s a reason for that. Studies have shown that singing with other people, both live and recorded, is actually highly therapeutic! So consider trying to put together a virtual karaoke session, or scream your lungs out with your favorite song – it may be just what you need.

·         Find Something That Absorbs Your Mind

It’s easy to find some sort of mindless activity to do – but if it doesn’t occupy our minds, then it often isn’t capable of keeping negative thoughts at bay. Instead, studies show you’ll have to find a task that puts you in a state of flow to truly fill up space and silence – for example, playing games or learning how to knit. Then only does it act as a proper buffer against social isolation fatigue.

·         Let Fiction Take You On Adventures

Do you enjoy binge-watching your favorite shows? Do you get overly invested in fictional characters and the worlds they inhabit? As it turns out, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Studies have shown that these fictional worlds and characters can act as social surrogates – and, by extension, make us feel like we belong somewhere. And what better time to catch up on all the shows and podcasts you’ve been missing out on than right now?

5.    Practice Healthy Habits

At the end of the day, we must keep ourselves healthy – both in body and in mind. By extension, this can help us manage our emotional distress. Plus, we face the exhaustion that comes with it, especially since our emotional, physical, and mental health are all so strongly intertwined. With that in mind, here are a few suggestions you can try:

·         Take An Online Exercise Class

There is plenty of research that shows just how important exercise is for our body and mind. As it turns out, there’s another additional benefit you can obtain if you get said exercise via fitness classes – social support and structure.  Studies have shown that even if the classes are virtually conducted or live-streamed, they can still provide a sense of community that you need.

·         Do Some Meditation

Taking a moment to simply calm your mind and accept your thoughts can be incredibly helpful – especially if it’s focused on being kind and loving. As it turns out, research has shown that learning and practicing self-acceptance via meditation can also help combat social isolation fatigue.

·         Go Out In Nature

After staying cooped up in your house so long, it is inevitable that you will develop some kind of cabin fever. As you can imagine, this is not great for our sense of isolation. The best way to combat this is to go out for a walk – a fact that is backed up by research, which suggests it can help us with our perspective and mental health!

6.    Set Goals With Rewards

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless when you’re isolated and alone – especially when it seems like nothing matters anymore. Letting such a situation flood your mind and senses completely, however, doesn’t help matters – and in fact, can easily send your mental health into a spiral.

Instead, research has shown that the best way to tackle it is to give yourself manageable goals. Here are a few pointers on how to do it:

·         Be Kind To Yourself

It can be a struggle to just carry out day-to-day tasks. Even though it’s easy to beat yourself up over being unable to do them, there’s nothing wrong with rewarding yourself for doing the little things – especially if they’re all tasks you’ve been struggling to execute recently.

·         Identify What Is Immediately Accomplishable

Take some time to figure out what is immediately within your control. It can be as simple as cleaning out your closet, organizing your photo album, or learning a new recipe! This can help give you a temporary sense of purpose and accomplishment that is easy to achieve – which can be crucial for your mental health.

·         Give Yourself Short-Term Rewards

With just how many unknowns there are presently in the world, it can be incredibly reassuring to know that performing certain tasks or completing them will guarantee you some kind of reward or outcome. In a way, it helps one regain a sense of control over our environment and ourselves. Ant that can help combat learned helplessness.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways To Fight Against Social Isolation Fatigue

Social isolation fatigue can be damaging when not managed or handled correctly, potentially resulting in long-term depression, anxiety, or even trauma responses. When you think about it, it’s easy to understand why. People are struggling to get through their everyday lives alone and in new ways with all the additional stressors of a pandemic and being separated from the world.

But you don’t have to be powerless against social isolation fatigue. By using the 6 methods we’ve discussed, you’ll be able to help your mind and body adjust to the changes around you. It’s no substitute for the way things once were, but it will certainly help a lot.

The human brain is both exceptionally adaptable and resilient. Scientists have coined a term for these innate qualities of the brain: neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity can be defined as: “The brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life.” There’s an emphasis on the words ‘throughout life’ here. The reason is that most people think that brain development is stagnant after a certain age.

We now know this to be untrue.

Indeed, it is this neuroplasticity with which we are going to hone our focus abilities to their peak – regardless of age.

But we must first acknowledge that neuroplasticity is a double-edged sword. Our brains will absorb the bad just as much as the good. As such, we must do our best to eliminate the former to maximize such outstanding benefits like enhanced focus.

We’re going to define focus as ‘the ability to direct and hold our mental resources onto a task.’ That is, we direct our attention to what requires it – and hold it there until the task is complete.

This focusing ability may be the biggest differentiator between individuals who achieve what they set out to do – and those that don’t. In other words, a strong focus will almost assuredly lead to goal achievement.

Before getting into the ten scientifically-backed ways of achieving laser-like focus, let’s discuss what must first be overcome: distraction.

Understanding Distraction

“By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination.” ~ Christopher Columbus

When it comes to focusing, we must all deal with multiple distractions, all of which fall into one of two categories – internal distractions or external distractions. To truly focus requires that these disturbances be overcome or, at the very least, minimized.

Internal distractions are those that cloud the mind and stir the emotions. This inner frenzy is perhaps the biggest obstacle to doing what needs to be done. For referential purposes, here are just a few of the myriad internal distractions that we must overcome:

• Lethargy
• Laziness
• Anxiety
• Procrastination
• Fear
• Doubt
• Hesitation
• Boredom
• Impulsiveness
• Insecurity
• Low self-worth

An internal distraction is one that originates from the mind or body that has nothing to do with the task at hand.

An external distraction is one that originates in your environment, and may include:

• Chatty coworkers
• Loud noises
• IM notifications
• Cell phone notifications
• Chit-chat
• Clutter (especially around your desk)
• Kids playing
• Pets
• Poor lighting
• Music
• Email

An external distraction is one that originates from an outside stimulus that has nothing to do with the task at hand. Without recognizing and eliminating (or minimizing) these distractions, any attempts to become more focused will prove fruitless.

Now’s a good time to bring in the neuroplasticity effect.

If you remember, neuroplasticity can be thought of as a double-edged sword. In this case, distractions are one side of the sword – and focus is the other. What side of the blade are we going to choose? Also, keep in mind that once we want, it’s challenging to stop the brain’s powerful momentum!

Now, let’s get to the juicy part. Here are ten scientifically verified ways to achieve laser focus:

10 Approaches to getting Laser-Sharp Focus

“Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.” ~ Alexander Graham Bell

1. Eliminate distractions

This can not be repeated enough, which is why it’s again repeated here. We simply cannot focus optimally amidst a din of distraction.

Please make sure that you understand (really understand) this point before moving on.

In case you wanted to know the scientific ramifications of continuous distraction, consider the following findings by the London Institute of Psychiatry:

• Emails produce an “addictive, drug-like grip” on our attention.
• The average IQ loss caused by distractions is about 10 points.
• Compulsive activity tires and slows down the brain
• A study revealed an “almost complete lack of discipline” in how we handle emails and virtual communications.

Move away from that chatty coworker. Deal with any internal conflict. Put on some headphones. Pop in some earplugs. Show some restraint in how you handle emails and text messages.

Get rid of or minimize distractions, and your focus will automatically be enhanced.

2. Monotask

Almost (but not quite!) as important as eliminating distractions is doing one thing at a time.

The simple fact, which is uncomfortable to some, is that multitasking is mostly a myth. For emphasis: multitasking doesn’t exist.

Task-switching, on the other hand, does exist, and it couldn’t be any different from “multitasking.” Task-switching is precisely that: we engage and disengage our attention with multiple tasks – sometimes very quickly. We’re not handling two tasks simultaneously, ever.

If it sounds like task-switching is inefficient, that’s because it is. First, there’s a sort of attention residue that remains as we move on from a task. Per Science Direct, attention residue “refers to cognitions about a [task] that persist even though one has stopped working on [the task]… and is now working on Task B.”

The result is that we drain our cognitive resources while getting less done.

3. Say ‘No’

Look, nobody likes to say ‘no.’ But here’s the thing: every time we say ‘yes’ to something, we’re saying ‘no’ to something else.

What are we saying ‘no’ to? Possibly those things that can improve our lives. So, in a way, we’re always saying no to something. It’s our job to make sure we’re saying no to things that bring little value.

What are those things?

They usually come in the form of ‘favors.’ To make things harder, people are pretty good at making you feel bad if you turn down their pleadings of “Pretty please…”

Ask yourself what you can afford in terms of time, then give in.

4. Manage your energy, not your time

It’s so much easier to remain focused on something if we have adequate energy levels. Moreover, we perform at our best when our energy levels are high.

It only makes sense then to schedule the necessary things for when your energy peaks.

Unfortunately, we’re often in the habit of planning things using time as a barometer. The problem with traditional scheduling is that it doesn’t consider your energy capacity. This isn’t a big deal if the task is dull and monotonous. It is a big deal if the job requires some real brainpower.

5. Get proper sleep

This one needs to introduction. For proper focus, it is essential to get adequate sleep. Per the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), seven to nine eyes of shuteye not only enhances focus, but also aids in decision making, productivity, reaction time, and memory.

6. Practice meditation

Talk about something that should need no introduction. Meditation, done correctly, may just be the most useful mind and brain training there is. Quite simply, no activity hones attentional skills quite like a regular meditation practice.

In a study published in the journal Psychiatry Research, participants of two types of meditation – focused-attention (FA) and open monitoring (OM) realized improved executive attention (or ‘attentional control.’) Scientists witnessed no improvement in concentration in the relaxation-only group.

7. Drink some java

Here’s some good news for all of the coffee lovers! Meta-analysis research shows that drinking up to four cups of brewed coffee per day improves cognitive function, “particularly alertness and vigilance [and] … perception of fatigue.”

The research also found that up to 400 mg of tea per day (around 8 cups) produces similar cognitive benefits.

8. Listen to Mozart

Researchers from Stanford University found that listening to classical music enhances the attentional capacity. If this sounds familiar, you’re probably thinking of the so-called ‘Mozart Effect,’ which purports that listening to Mozart increases general intelligence.

Why classical music and not another genre? Because classical music is entirely instrumental. There are no words or lyrics to cause distraction. Moreover, since much classical music features periods of silence – known as “transition points” – it helps to keep hearers alert and attention.

9. Get some cardio

We most commonly associate exercise with physical improvements, but the effect can be mental as well. Plenty of research suggests that cardiovascular exercise (‘cardio’) increases the size of the brain’s hippocampus, the brain area involved in learning and verbal memory.

Per an article published by Harvard Medical School, exercise improves the brain both directly and indirectly. It lowers inflammation, reduces insulin resistance, and stimulates the release of growth factors known as ‘BDNF.’ It can be deduced that physical activity improves focus as well, as exercise is known to improve mood and sleep and reduce anxiety and stress indirectly.

10. Practice relaxed concentration

To reap the full benefits of focus, you must remain relaxed and at ease. Too much tension caused by over-striving isn’t conducive to concentration and will only hinder your efforts.

Allow the mind’s focus to emerge naturally from a mind and body that’s at ease, rather than constricted or tight.

10 Ways to Reduce Spam in Your Inbox

E-mail spam is an incredible time nuisance, and it can drain valuable work time when you’re always dealing with it. It’s exhausting to wade through a cluttered inbox, especially when it’s all junk. 

But, don’t accept this as an inevitable problem. There are several ways to reduce spam and clear up your inbox. To save you some hassle, check out these ten tips for reducing spam!

1. Use the Junk E-Mail Tool

Most e-mail services offer a junk mail filter, which will automatically screen incoming mail for potential spam. If it believes the e-mail to be junk, it will put it in the junk folder, and it won’t show up in your general e-mail box. 

The filter is usually pretty accurate; but, there are times it may miss something or inadvertently put a non-junk e-mail into junk. 

If you don’t have a junk mail filter, don’t open the spam. Simply delete it. Many senders use tiny pixels to track e-mails that are opened. By opening and viewing spam, you may increase the amount of future spam you receive.

2. Be Careful About Giving Out E-mail Addresses 

Don’t give your e-mail address away unless it’s absolutely necessary. Be careful about posting your e-mail address on public websites, bulletin boards, or other places where anyone can easily view it. 

Treat your e-mail address as private information. Keep in mind that every time you post your e-mail address, you increase the likelihood of receiving spam. 

3. Use a Throwaway E-mail

There will be times where an e-mail address is necessary to buy something or to participate in an event. If it’s not something you want to receive future mail from, utilize a throwaway e-mail. 

Throwaway e-mails are addresses that you don’t actively use for personal or professional use. It becomes your “junk” e-mail that you don’t often need to check. Plus, you can make more than one if you find it becoming overloaded. 

4. Use A Third-Party Anti-Spam Filter 

Anti-spam filters are great because they can save you a ton of time. Third-party anti-spam filters can screen incoming e-mails before you receive them and will only send e-mails to you that pass the spam test. 

The good news is that a lot of security suites already have built-in anti-spam filters.

And if you aren’t sure how much spam you have in your inbox, make sure you check out this inbox spam testing service.

5. Review Privacy Policies on Websites 

This is a critical way to prevent spam that is often overlooked. Before entering an email address for a website, you should review the website’s privacy policies.  

You should pay attention to the sections on “terms and conditions,” the “privacy statement,” and “terms of use.” Look to see if the website shares e-mail addresses and how they use personal information. 

6. Train Your Spam Filter 

Training your spam folder is easy enough to do; it just requires consistency. Every time you find spam in your inbox, tell your mail client it’s spam before you delete it. 

A lot of e-mail services provide “report spam” buttons, or something similar. Over time your spam filter will recognize these messages and automatically filter it as spam. 

You can also do this the other way to prevent false positives. Every once in a while, go through your junk or spam folder and report e-mails that are not spam. This will help train your filter to be more accurate. 

7. Pay Attention to Already Checked Boxes 

Pay attention to boxes that are already checked whenever you are buying something online. This is a sneaky way that companies attempt to bait you into signing up for newsletters and future e-mails. 

Sometimes these boxes also indicate that you’re permitting your e-mail address to be shared or be sold with third-parties. Make sure that those boxes always stay unchecked.

8. Don’t Buy Things From Spammers 

No matter what, don’t ever buy things from spammers. It encourages them to send you more spam, and it also puts you at risk for malware. 

Since buying things online requires entering private information, you can compromise your security and put your computer at risk for virus infections. 

9. Don’t Reply to Spam

Unless you know and trust the sender, you shouldn’t ever reply to spam. It’s not helpful, and it will only confirm that your e-mail address is active. Even if you’re replying to unsubscribe, you’re likely only going to increase the amount of spam you receive from that sender. 

You also shouldn’t ever click on a link or download a file from an e-mail you suspect is spam. This puts you at risk for malware and viruses. 

10. Change Your E-mail Address

The last way you can reduce your spam is to change your e-mail address. You should consider this only if the spam has become overwhelming and unmanageable. If you’ve given out your e-mail address a bunch and if you’ve previously replied to spam, this may be your best bet. 

However, it’s not a convenient solution, so it’s considered a last-ditch option after you’ve tried everything else. This is the most effective way to reduce your spam but will require you to inform all your contacts about the new change. 

Now You Know How to Reduce Spam

Though it’s difficult to 100 percent reduce spam, these ten tips will help you drastically limit its numbers. Controlling spam saves time and helps to keep your inbox organized for legitimate contacts and e-mails. 

Spending hours sifting through spam is a total waste of your time, and you shouldn’t put up with it. Try some of these tips and start reducing your spam today!

And if you’re interested in more than reducing your spam mail, check out some of the other great articles! We cover tons of cool topics, including marketing, advertising, and technology.

You may have heard that men and women express love differently. Affection is a common way of expressing love. You may wonder what this looks like for your guy. So, let’s take a look at the ways that a man shows affection.

How vital is affection?

Recent studies suggest that physical contact, like affectionate hugs or cuddles, increases good health and well-being in adults. Some say that affection holds a relationship together. It the best gauge of your partner’s interest level. So, what are the ways your man shows you his affection?

1. Doing activities with you.

One study found that men express their love by sharing leisure activities with their partners. If your man likes to go on ride bikes with you or walk your dog or go to the movies with you, he’s expressing his love and commitment to you. Don’t miss this expression of his affection because he’s saying that you’re the one he wants to hang out with all the time.

2. Doing household work
   

Does your man do housework? The same study found that men show their affection for their partners by pitching in on the chores. It’s their way of showing they care about you and the home you share. Maybe your guy cooks dinner every night since you work late, or he washes the laundry every week. Whatever he’s doing, it’s his way of saying he loves you.

3. Initiating affection touch and intimacy

Men express affection by initiating physical intimacy. When your man wants to touch your hair, your back, or your face, he’s saying he’s attracted to you and wants to express his attraction physically. If a guy is reluctant to have sex or acts disinterested in physical intimacy, it’s a bad sign. Some say that sex is a good gauge of how a couple is doing because of a lack of affection and intimacy means you have a platonic relationship rather than a romantic relationship. Of course, there are periods when you’re both exhausted taking care of the kids, but for the most part, intimacy should be a part of your relationship and your man should be initiating it sometimes.

4. Little gifts

Guys buy gifts to show they care. It’s their way of displaying love. When your man is interested in you, he’ll pay attention to your favorite colors, your favorite foods, or scents. He knows the stores where you like to shop. He’ll buy you small gifts. He might bring home flowers if you’ve had a tough day at work or home with the kids. Perhaps your love might even arrange a babysitter and take you out for dinner or a movie. He’ll get you jewelry or perfume. He’ll love surprising you with little gifts and watching your reaction. He’s still falling in love with you, and he shows it with small affection gifts.

5. Meet my family

A guy who doesn’t want to meet your family or friends is a guy who isn’t sticking around long. Genuine affection means meeting the people you love. Your man will make an effort to make a good impression on your folks and reach out to your little brother. He’ll invite your friends over for drinks and ask you to invite people along on your beach trip. He cares about who you care about because you’re important to him.  Never overlook this gesture, it’s a sure sign of affection for you.

6. Simple words

Some guys aren’t that great at expressing their emotions and feelings. Just saying, “I love you” may not sound that articulate, but to a man, it’s a massive step towards commitment and affection. If your guy initiates saying I love you, then he’s expressing his love for you. He wants you to know he is in love with you. He’s willing to be vulnerable because you’re that important to him.

7. Talks about the future and includes you

When your man talks about plans, including you, that’s a sure sign he’s committed. His future planning of events is an affectionate way of saying, “Let’s do life together.” Your relationship isn’t just a short-term thing to him. He may be planning to go to a movie next week, or flying to California to visit his family for the holidays or driving to the mountains to ski, but if he’s making plans using the word “we,” he’s demonstrating his affection and care for you. Take notice if he’s including you, he’s showing you he cares and wants you with him wherever he goes.

8. He listens to you

Your guy loves to listen to you. He looks in your eyes. He smiles at your excitement and the way you wrinkle your nose when you laugh. He’s all ears when it comes to what you have to say. He’ll listen to you more than to his friends or his mother. He’s attentive to you, and your words affect him because you’re his priority. He’ll take what you say to heart, even if he doesn’t act like it. You may not realize the power of your words, or that what you said made a difference until he does something that shows you he heard every word you said.  He cherishes your approval, and he listens because he cares so much about your opinions and thoughts.

9. He’s proud of your accomplishments.

Your man shows his affection by supporting you in your accomplishments and goals. If you want to do something, he encourages you and helps you work toward those goals. He’s willing to give up his time to watch you perform in the ballet or read your manuscript. He’s not competitive or jealous of you. He wants you to succeed, and he’s willing to do what it takes to help you meet your goals. He’ll be so excited about your accomplishments he’ll brag about you to others. You may need to quiet him down a bit because he’ll be your biggest cheerleader.

10. He is protective of you, and he defends you.

It’s a guy thing, but men show affection by being protective. It can be exasperating sometimes, but ti’s a sweet way to show he cares. He’ll worry about you if you’re out late and text you to see when you’ll be home. When you’re sick, he’ll be ridiculous the way he worries over you. He’s ready to jump into your ring to defend you to the end.

11. Tries to resolve conflicts

Men show their affection by working to resolve conflicts. They don’t like to have anything between the two of you. Your guy will work hard to figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it. He’ll be adamant about talking things out and be quick to own his stuff. Don’t miss this sign of affection, because it’s a sure sign he cares enough about the relationship to work hard to bring peace back.

12. He can apologize and mean it.

When your guy loves you, he is sorry when he hurts you. He is quick to admit he was in the wrong. He won’t deflect or blame you. He’ll take responsibility for what he did. He won’t whine or get moody. He’s mature and reasonable. He’s ready to be humble and admit he’s wrong.

13. He’s attentive to the details about what you.

Affectionate men notice everything about their women. Your guy pays attention to everything about you-your hair, your eyes, your ups, and downs. He’s in tune with you because you’re his priority. He wants to please you by wearing clothes you like or smelling sweet. He showers and keeps his hair neatly groomed. He’s conscientious about his weight, staying trim and in good health. You are important enough for him to work hard to remain attractive to you.

14. He loves the way you look…all the time.

Your guy is still falling in love with you every day, whether you’re having a good hair day or a bad hair day. He’s not critical of how you look without makeup or when your hair isn’t styled. He’s in love with you for who you are, and he loves the way you look all the time. He’ll compliment you on your clothing choices or your new perfume. He’s attracted to your looks, but you are more to him than just looks. He’s interested in your thoughts, your personality, and your emotions. You are a total person to him that he finds attractive.

15. He’s not afraid to be vulnerable with you.

When your guy opens up about his feelings with you, it’s a sure sign of his affection. He trusts you enough to be willing to become vulnerable with you. He isn’t ashamed to cry or say he’s sad. He’s honest when he’s disappointed or scared. He wants to open his heart to you and share intimate details of his life-his struggles, his dreams, and his disappointments. You are his primary support and guide. He looks to you for advice when he’s having a hard time.

Final Thoughts on Understanding the Ways that a Man Shows Affection to a Woman

Many guys find it hard to open their hearts, so when your guy does this, he’s here to stay, and he wants you to know it. If you see these signs, then he is a keeper!